I tried to write a serious story. And this is what I came up with. Hint, it is not serious in the least. Darn, I will try again with my next story. It's ten chapters and all of them are mostly done so I should be posting daily if not every other day. This, I think, would have been a fun alternative to what we saw on the show. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
Chapter 1-Don't Worry About a Thing
'How the fuck did I get here,' Rick thought as he looked down at Jessie Anderson with her arm wrapped around his, then up at her twenty owl sculptures littering her garage.' How is this even happening? How is this a thing?' He thought bewilderedly as he looked back and saw Michonne walking hand-in-hand with Spencer Monroe.
"How the fuck did I get here,' thought Michonne as she looked at the linked hands of her and Spencer Monroe. 'How is this even happening? How is this a thing,' she thought perplexed as she looked back and met Rick's baby blue gaze, then at Jessie and then curiously at the owls again.
'How the fuck did we get here,' thought Carl as he looked to his left at his idiot father and then looked to his right as his ridiculous mother and shaking his head. 'How is this even happening? How is this a thing? And what the fuck is up with those owls?'
'Gah Gah Goo Gah Gah'-baby translation-'How the fuck did we get here,' thought Judith as she was being bounced on her brothers' hip. 'How is this even happening? How is this a thing,' she thought puzzled as she looked at all three members of her family, then at the owls. She wanted one, thought the yellow owl would make a great toy.
'Why am I not with Rick?' Thought Michonne.
'Why am I not with Michonne?' Thought Rick.
They all came to the same realization at the same time trying to figure out how to get out of this mess. Even Judith knew this was a damn disaster in the making. Rick and Michonne both reflected on what lead to this rather unfortunate circumstance.
"You Ready? Asked Michonne as she patted Rick's thigh while sitting in a car in front of the Alexandra Safe Zone Gates. Michonne's touch had Rick ready for a whole lot more than entering a gate. He was ready to enter something else, he contemplated as he looked up and down Michonne's body. He wanted to make Michonne his since the prison days, the attraction was so strong between the two it was like Michonne was the magnet and Rick was the metal. He actually fell hopelessly in love with her on the road after the prison collapsed. They both were one in every way that really mattered, missing only the sexually intimate aspect of a relationship.
Rick did not know how to handle his feelings and figured he had more important things to worry about like surviving gangs of rapey men, cannibals, starvation, and lack of shelter. He really did not have time to act on any of his yearnings, so he just enjoyed the fact that she was in his life. It took Michonne a little longer to realize she loved Rick. She never considered a relationship with him at the prison. It was not until they were on the road when life was at its most precarious that she came to the conclusion. She knew she loved him when he cut the throat of a claimer with his bare teeth. She understood that she should not be turned on by that very violent scene, but my God the extent Rick went to protect his family was undeniably sexy. She realized that if she died that day, she would regret not acting on her feelings. But, like Rick, she figured it was not the time to indulge. So she put her feelings on the back burner. Both knew it was just a matter of time, they felt it in their bones. They just needed to find a safe place for their family to live. When the crew ran across Aaron, Michonne jumped at the chance. Not only would it be a safe place for the kids and for the crew, it would give her and Rick time to take their relationship to the next level. Rick was skeptical, thought the community was a trick like terminus, but Michonne wanted it and he could never tell her no.
"Yes, I'm Ready," replied Rick as the gates opened and they entered the community that would turn their lives upside down before back to right. They then held hands and with Judith on his hip and Carl by his side, they walked through the gates of their new home.
Aaron turned to the group that were all staring in awe at the community. The streets were lined with houses, actual houses, complete with parks, lakes, infirmary, pantry and who knows what else. Carol was immediately on guard. When Michonne saw the kids running around playing kickball, she was resigned to make things work for her kids. They were not getting kicked out of this place. EVER. She would need to stick close to Rick and make sure to help keep him in line. She knew he could act a fool when he wanted to. She vowed that until they got settled, where he went, she went.
"We need all your weapons, they are not allowed," said Olivia, a mousy looking lady who looked scared to death of the group.
"We are not giving you our weapons, are you crazy?" Said Rick.
"Then you can't come in," Olivia tried to say with an air of authority but fell short.
"Rick let's just give them up. See how this goes," Michonne said softly as she rubbed his arm.
"Fine," Rick gritted through his teeth.
Olivia held out a small basket for them to drop their weapons into and quickly had to leave to get a grocery cart. They had knives, guns, machetes, shives, spoons with the handle cut into a sharp point, hatchets, crossbows, arrows, and one stick of dynamite. They all stared at Darryl when he placed it in the cart in total disbelief that he walked around with that dangerous item in his pocket like it was a damn pencil.
"You could have killed us all Darryl," yelled Rick.
"Stop being dramatic Rick," screamed Darryl.
"Dramatic? You used to smoke, light damn cigarettes with that damn thing in your pocket!" Rick hollered all dramatically waving his hands in the air thus proving Darryl point. But Rick had a bigger and better argument. Fire and Dynamite do not mix, especially in close quarters with other people.
Darry rolled his eyes and mumbled pussies under his breath, but they all heard him and cut their eyes at their dirty, mangy brother.
After they all finished unloading their weapons into the cart, they turned and looked at Michonne, who convinced them all to give up their weapons, and stared at her Katana still laid across her back.
"Your sword," Olivia gulped as she nervously eyed Michonne's weapon.
"I don't have a sword," claimed Michonne who stood smiling at the weak woman in front of her.
"I see it!" Defied Olivia, head and chin up and hands on her hips.
"No you don't," said a chill Michonne as she shook her head back and forth.
The crew all smirked at her, the nerve they thought, but would never say it out loud. One of the crew coughed, "hypocrite" and it did not bother Michonne one bit. She did not even stir at the comment. Michonne just stared at Olivia in the eyes, well eyeish, Olivia kept looking down at the ground. She was no match for Michonne, hell she was no match for Michonne's pinky toe. She was not giving up her sword. She was NOT giving up the Katana that has become an extension of her own body.
"Let her keep her sword," Aaron finally told to Olivia.
"Katana," corrected Michonne. Rick rolled his eyes and reached for his colt.
"If she keeps her katana, then I keep my Colt!" Yelled Rick.
"Give me back my damn dynamite," Darryl snarled.
"NO," they all yelled at the same time, even Olivia and Aaron.
"Take your crossbow Darryl! Leave the dynamite," ordered Rick and Darryl rolled his eyes towards them all.
By the time they all took at least one weapon back, there were very few tidbits left in the cart and Olivia and Aaron decided it was not worth it to go through that all over again, so Olivia just walked off exhausted and confused with the few weapons she had left and took it as a win.
"Look," said Aaron who all of a sudden went from having a look of amusement on his face to having a look of embarrassment and shame. "You are going to meet the "leader" of Alexandra now," he said holding up quotes when he said leader, "then you will meet her husband, who is really the unofficial but official leader. She will interview you and probably film it and assign you a job and well…just play along."
Aaron was about to say something else, but then shut his mouth and walked off towards the "leaders" home and shaking his head. There were no words, he believed, to describe what they were about to experience, so he just stopped talking. They all looked at each other and found his behavior strange but marched with him towards the leaders home anyway. The Monroe home was statelier than the rest of the homes with its columns lining the front of the house. It was also much bigger. Michonne figured that was the showcase house that homebuilders used as offices. They often would pick the biggest fanciest house to office from to attract buyers. The inside was just as fancy Rick noticed when it was his turn to meet with Deanna Monroe. As he sat down, he watched the regal woman on the couch before him ready for the interrogation. She was short with a perfectly coifed shoulder length bob. She had on a business suit and kitten heels. She had a friendly smile and when she extended her hand for a shake, Rick accepted.
"You are a mountain man Rick, your job will be hunting bears," said the deranged Deanna. Now, to be fair, Ricks beard was out of control and his hair was long, so it really was not too far of a leap to come to that conclusion.
"Hunting bears?" Rick slightly yelled, "What the hell are you talking about, there ain't no bears in the Virginia Woods? Are there bears in the Virginia woods?" He asked no one in particular. "You are nuts lady!" Deanna was in fact completely nuts. The once intelligent and no nonsense non-leader did not fare well in the apocalypse and slowly slipped into insanity right before her family's eyes.
Rick stormed out of the house and walked up to Michonne. "These people are crazy! She told me hunting bears was my new damn job! How am I gonna hunt a bear when they took my weapons?"
"You have your weapon Rick," snarked Michonne. Rick smiled at her and thrust his hip towards her, "I do."
Michonne huffed and looked up in annoyance then back down at Rick, "I meant your colt Rick, you have a bear hunting weapon, gone on out there and hunt us up some dinner and a rug." She giggled.
"Don't start Michonne," said Rick curtly and rolling his eyes.
"She told me I was gonna be a Rastafarian Rick! Then she got up and started singing Don't Worry About a Thing, by Bob Marley. What. The. Fuck. But look at this place," said Michonne as she pointed all around at the community and twirled her body about at the same time. "This is a whole lot better than where we were before, so I got up and just started to sing and dance along with her. Aaron did say to play along." Michonne smirked.
"At least you get to sing and don't have to wrestle with bears," Rick grumbled. "And this craziness is your fault Michonne, you wanted this!" Rick pointed to Michonne making sure to accidently, but on purpose, point his finger right into her left breast. Twice. Michonne looked down and smirked at Rick's sexual antics.
"Show me how you danced Michonne, did you twerk?" asked Rick dead serious.
Before she could respond, Reginald Monroe jogged out of the house with his son Spencer Monroe following closely behind. They both has an apologetic look of their faces.
"Sorry about my wife, she used to run the place before she went…well before, and she still thinks she is the leader, so we indulge her. Please do not listen to her," said an exasperated Reginald.
"She offered me lady finger cookies, they were actually real walker fingers," Michonne said calmly thinking if her family got to stay, she would pretend right along with Deanna. "And I do not even want to know what that yellow liquid was in the teacup, but I understand. Not everybody stayed sane in this apocalypse," she said as she eyed Rick up and down. Rick pursed his lips and ignored what she was implying.
"How did she get walker fingers?" Reginald said nonchalantly looking at his son, as if having them was not a bizarre thing to have in one's pantry.
"Probably Aiden," Spencer said as he shrugged his shoulders. Spencer got them for her. Aiden was too smart for that. Spencer of course did not do the deed himself as he was a cowardly bitch, so he paid off someone with extra pantry items to go out and kill a walker and bring back the fingers for his mother. At no point did Spencer see the insanity of his mothers' request. That right there showed just how stupidly ignorant Spencer was. The man was a supreme idiot. He thought he was the shit around Alexandria. Most people in the community just thought he was dumb as a lump of shit. They laughed at him behind his back.
Now, the people of Alexandria, although most were way smarter than Spencer, were still not that bright. So, Dan agreed to go outside the gate and kill a walker and get the fingers. His mistake was getting the fingers BEFORE killing he walker. When he got back, the man was bitten at least ten times. Luckily, Aaron noticed and followed him home and sat with him until he passed and put him down. Otherwise, the whole community would have turned. They had a funeral for Dan, and all the Alexandrians believed he died of natural causes, including dumb Spencer, and buried him. Aaron shook his head at them all.
Rick and Michonne stood there dumbstruck looking at both men. These two were the leaders.
"Actually, we want you two to be constables since both of your backgrounds are in law. But Michonne maybe you can also be a part-time judge for disputes?" Asked Reginald.
"So you want me to arrest them then judge them?" Said a perplexed Michonne.
"That works," nodded Reginald and Michonne blew out a heavy breath and this unbelievable man who was now walking back towards his home. Spencer lingered a bit staring at Michonne with obvious lust. He stared at her up and down and Rick became agitated. Spencer noticed and then ran to catch up with his father.
Aaron caught back up to the group, who were all still reeling from meeting Crazy Deanna.
"That woman said I could be Ronald McDonald!" Blustered Abraham and the whole group snickered, even his girlfriend Rosita. Aaron laughed silently and walked them to their new homes. There were three available, but Rick was not having it.
"We are all gonna stay together for the first few nights," said Rick. We can all sleep on the floor, together."
The whole group groaned, and Rick gave them all side-eye. "For safety reasons," continued Rick. They all walked into the home they will share for the next few days.