Chapter 2- Toupees and Beatdowns
When they walked into the house that they would all share for a few days, their mouths dropped. This was the kind of house that some of them could never afford back in the old world. The crew all followed each other into the kitchen and, just out of old habit, Maggie turned on the kitchen faucet not expecting any water to flow out, but when water rushed from the spigot, they all trampled over each other trying to get to the sink first. They were all crowded around the sink trying to run their hands through the water, then they froze for minute, each having the same epiphany. They all turned their heads towards the stairs, then back towards each other, then back at the stairs. After a few seconds, like a stampede, they darted towards the stairs, pushing and each other out of the way trying to make it to the holy grail of apocalypse destinations first.
The crew ridiculously tried to squeeze through the stairway entrance towards the upstairs restrooms. All of them slowly mounting each step in huge clump. Michonne, being the smartest one of the crew of brutal yet sweet misfits, was already entering the downstairs master bedroom heading towards the master en-suite. She grabbed a towel and had the shower running by the time those idiots upstairs were fighting over who goes first. The shower was fantastic. It was hot, God she never thought she would take a hot shower again. They even had a coconut bodywash, which was her favorite. She washed all the dirt and grime off of her body and washed her locs, and she was determined to stay under the spray for hours until she heard a knock on the door.
"Michonne, you forget about your kids?" Rick questioned as he shouted through the door and using the kids as an excuse to get in bathroom with her. "Judith could use a bath too, let me in!"
"I'm naked Rick, NO!" Michonne smiled because she knew saying she was naked would get him going. It was just way too easy with him.
"Just let me in, I'll close my eyes," Rick grinned with his fingers crossed, "I promise."
Michonne sighed, she was done anyway and turned the shower off, stepped out wrapping herself in a towel and opened the door to the steam-filled bathroom. Rick was holding Judith and almost dropped their daughter when he saw all that gorgeous flesh but caught her at the last minute, moving Judith back up to his hip. As Rick was in the process of dropping his daughter, Michonne's instincts took over at the same time, and on impulse, reached for Judith as she was slipping from her father's grip, her towel dropped from her body and onto the floor as she did. Rick nearly passed out, so Michonne at this point took Judith away from Rick, forgetting about her nakedness and that towel. Michonne was not shy, so Rick saw it all, especially that ass he so often stared at for long periods of time. It was too late anyway to try and cover up, so Michonne pushed Rick into the bedroom and told him to wait while she bathed Judith.
She turned back and decided to tease him a little more and stepped out of the bathroom, only slightly covered as she held Judith to her front. She began to look through the dresser drawers for something to put on, all the while with her buck-naked ass out and turned towards Rick. It took all the strength he had not to get up and lick it. She eventually handed the baby back to Rick who was now sitting on the corner of the bed, hard as a rock.
"Do you think you can hold her without dropping her Rick, while I get dressed?" Michonne asked, head tilted and watching him with amusement in her eyes but her mouth stern and tight lipped in a faux show of seriousness.
Rick gulped, then licked his lips and nodded, that was all he could do as he stared at her naked body. He kept trying to look around Judith so he could see more. Michonne put Judith in his lap and the baby slide down his legs onto the dark hardwood floor.
"RICK!" Michonne hollered startling him. He smiled slightly and chuckled nervously as he hurriedly picked a giggling Judith off the floor and placed her back in his lap.
Michonne had grabbed some leggings and a t-shirt and slipped them on. Rick, usually the southern gentleman, never once looked away from Michonne's form from the time she dropped that towel to the time she pulled up her leggings and put on her shirt. He stared at her up and down, even sideways, his blue eyes darted all over her body. His eyes were moving so fast that her whole body became a blur and he missed quite a bit because he eventually had trouble focusing. He had to shake his head a few times to concentrate and Michonne smiled as he temporarily lost his mind. Once dressed, she grabbed Judith from him, snapped him out of his stupor and told him to go get Carl. He would shower next after Judith, and Rick would go last.
"When you get out of the shower, I will help you shave that racoon off your face," said Michonne as she entered the bathroom with their daughter.
Rick nodded, took one last look at her ass in those leggings wishing she were bare like she was a few minutes ago and backed out of the room calling for Carl. On his way upstairs, he heard a knock at the front door and instinctively reached for the butt of his colt as he inched slowly towards the door. He looked through the peep hole and all he saw was blond hair in a messy bun. Rick opened the door cautiously.
"Howdy, I'm Jessie and I am with the welcome committee. Can I come in?" Jessie said way too cheery considering the dead were walking and eating people.
"Uhhh sure, I guess," Rick responded.
"Where is everyone, your wife?" Jessie inquired noticing the ring on his finger.
"I'm not married," Rick informed her.
"Girlfriend?" Jessie smiled tilting her head and playing with a stray hair outside of her updo.
"What did you say you needed?" Rick said annoyingly wanting to get back to Michonne.
"Oh, I am here to drop off a box of food and hygiene supplies that you and your group may need while you get settled. Also some diapers and baby food and applesauce for that cute baby," smiled Jessie.
"Thanks," Rick said walking to the kitchen to place it on the island.
"I can cut your hair if you want, I used to work for The Hair Club for Men so I can get you all set. In fact, your beard would make a lovely toupee," she said mesmerized and reaching to touch his face.
Rick took a step back and just stared at her like she was the biggest most clueless idiot in the world. 'What the fuck do I need with a beard toupee', he thought. 'That some sick shit. These people are whack jobs.' He literally did not know what to say to this silly little woman who stood before him. He tried to get her to leave, but she just kept talking.
"So girlfriend?" Jessie wondered again.
"Not really," he eyed her up and down. She was no Michonne, in fact she reminded him of Lori, and he gagged slightly, threw up a little in his mouth. He grimaced at the thought. She had a flat ass compared to Michonne's big juicy ba-donk-a-donk. Jessie was straight as a board with little to no muscle tone where Michonne was muscles and curves in all in the right places. He licked his lips thinking about Michonne and Jessie mistook his lip licking as him flirting with her and proceeded to lick her own lips in the most disturbing manner. She stuck her tongue so far out of her mouth that it almost touched the tip of her nose. It was gross and Rick held his head back and pursed his lips in disgust.
"Eww," Rick breathed. Jessie ignored Rick's exclamation.
"Rick, you are so strong and manly," she said as she brushed her hand up and down his forearm. It felt cold and dead. To call her vanilla would be insulting vanilla. She was so bland that she almost faded in with the wallpaper, invisible unless she started talking. Even her voice was easy to ignore, which is exactly what he wanted to do, ignore her. He knew instantly that he was NOT interested in the blond and would never be interested in her. All he wanted, all he prayed for in that moment, was for her leave. He took a step back to avoid her touch.
"I need to get back to my girlfriend and our baby now, we are giving her a bath. What a luxury am I right!" Rick grinned and placed both hands, palms up, in the air, "so excuse me please," Rick said walking toward the front door and opening it wide.
"Oh, I thought you didn't have a girlfriend?" Jessie said with wide disbelieving eyes.
"Oh, I thought you meant a girl that was a friend, not a like a girlfriend one word," Rick stuttered. He was so bad at lying.
Jessie eyed him and took a step closer when a tall man walked on the porch. He noticed Jessie's eyes go wide and she quickly stepped away from Rick. Whoever this man was, Rick owed him big time for getting her to leave him the hell alone.
"I'm Pete, the town doctor," Pete said reaching his hand out for Rick to shake, "Is my lovely wife bothering you?" Pete Smiled. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy.
"Yes," said Rick. "I was trying to bathe my baby," 'and watch Michonne's naked body,' he thought to himself.
Pete laughed, "Well come on Jessie, let's leave them alone so they can go get settled." Jessie gave Pete the most alarming scowl and then hit him on the arm and pushed him out of the open front door. Rick could have sworn he heard her say that he was gonna get it when they got home. Jessie seemed upset but he did not care, he just wanted to get back to Michonne. By the time he made it back to the Master bedroom, Michonne was drying off Judith and Rick remembered the diapers and ran to fetch one from the box that the blond lunatic just brought over.
"Carl made his way down, no thanks to you, he's in the shower now. Can you go and look upstairs and find something clean for him to put on when he gets out the shower please and find something for yourself also. And Rick, please finish the task this time, I had to call for Carl myself." Michonne said as she shook her head. "Who were you talking to at the door?"
"Another nut job," stated Rick matter-of-factly. He believed that the Alexandrians were all crack heads.
"Rick," Michonne sighed. "Please."
"Michonne, she wanted to make a toupee out of my beard hair!" Rick exclaimed all wound up.
Michonne side eyed Rick, convinced he was exaggerating. What kind of psycho would want to do some bizarre mess like that? She handed a dried Judith to her father and Rick proceeded to put the diaper on her.
"I am going to go and ask around for some baby clothes for Judith," said Michonne.
"Don't go by yourself," cautioned Rick.
"I will take Sasha or Maggie with me," replied Michonne.
"Take Darryl too, you know he ain't gonna take no bath, so he ain't doing nothing but sitting and chewing on his dirty fingernails," laughed Rick.
Michonne snickered, "He is a dirty motherfucker ain't he. Sasha has her eye on him, but she said he has to wash his nasty balls before she will give him a chance. You think he will do it?"
"I doubt it," Rick joked. "He is going for that Dirty GQ Chic look, I think. Besides, ain't no woman gonna get him to shower. I never even seen him look at a woman in that way. I thought maybe he liked men for a minute, but then look at me, if he did, he should have been trying to push all up on this," said Rick moving his hands up and down his body and making seductive eyes at Michonne.
Michonne did not know how to take that comment at first. She knew he was probably being funny but decided to tease him, so she put on a serious face, as if she thought Rick was interested in Darryl.
"And I ain't into men, I see what you are thinking Michonne," Said Rick as Michonne cut her eyes at him, he wanted to make sure that was very clear to her, he did not want any reason for her to look elsewhere.
"Ok Rick," she tried to appear doubtful but when she chuckled it gave her away. "Go find something for Carl, give Judith to whomever is clean up there and tell either Sasha or Maggie to come down. And Dirty Darryl too if is not in the shower. And make sure you get in the shower right after Carl. I do not want to come back here and you are still dirty." Michonne demanded while she pointed up and down at Rick.
Rick did as he was told. He always did what Michonne told him to do and skipped when he did it.
Both Maggie and Sasha joined Michonne and surprisingly not Darryl. He was in fact in the process of getting clean. Even using soap and shampoo! So they used the opportunity to see more of Alexandria and have some girl talk. First order of business.
"I can't believe dirty Darryl bathed?" Laughed Maggie.
"You leave my Darryl alone," said Sasha with heart eyes, "and yes, he showered. I told him if he didn't, we were not gonna be a thing and that if he wanted to get me and keep me, bathing was a non-negotiable. No dirty balls are coming near this," she pointed to her vagina, "or this," she pointed to her mouth.
Both Michonne and Maggie doubled over and howled with laughter at their friend then stopped when they heard a man scream out in pain. They ran to peep in the window of the house were the noise was coming from. They saw a blond lady beating the hell out of a rather large man. He was whimpering for her to please stop, but she kept going at him, kicking and punching. They all blinked in disbelief.
"Is that how you be doing Rick Michonne?" Maggie snickered.
"I do not beat Rick, be serious that man is getting pummeled," said Michonne.
"Does Rick beat and pummel that ass?" Sasha teased.
"You two are talking about me and Rick having sex while watching a man getting beat, you two are terrible. What if it was the other way around?" Michonne stood sternly, shaking her head at her two friends.
Both Sasha and Maggie stopped with the sex jokes and got serious. Michonne was right. This was worrying.
"Shouldn't you do something constable Michonne?" Asked Maggie somberly, wanting to sincerely stop the beatdown the man was receiving.
"I haven't got my uniform yet, so I am not officially on duty. I am still just a Rastafarian today. Let's go before they see us." Both Maggie and Sasha looked at Michonne not understanding her comment and shook their head and followed behind her. "We will tell the people in charge about this." They snuck away from the house and bumped smack dab into Aaron and another gentleman.
"Hey ladies, what are you three getting into?" Asked Aaron knowing they were up to something and loving it. He finally has some fun, rational people to hang out with.
"Nothing," all three replied at the same time eliciting a laugh from both men.
"This is my husband Eric." After exchanging pleasantries, they all started gossiping about what was going on in the Anderson household.
"I heard he was beating her," whispered Eric, "But I don't know if I believe that."
"Yeah, based on what we just saw," said Sasha, "seems it's the other way around."
"You know, I always thought he was too nice of a man to do something like that, hair club on the other hand," said Eric showing his displeasure for Jessie Anderson.
"ERIC!" Giggled Aaron.
"Well, she tells everybody how she used to work for Hair Club for Men and wants to always make some nasty ass toupee out of people's hair shavings!" Eric exclaimed rolling his eyes and smiling at his husband.
Michonne could not believe that Rick was not exaggerating. These people were weird. The only normal ones so far seemed to be Eric and Aaron.
"Ok," sighed Michonne wanting to end the gab fest, "we are actually looking for some baby clothes and possibly some clothes for fourteen-year-old boy?"
"Oh yes," said Eric, "follow us, next to the pantry there is a little room where we keep all kinds of clothes in good condition gathered from the houses and sometimes the runs that people go on for supplies."
They followed Aaron and Eric and found there was a multitude to choose from and the variety was great. They even found brand new, unused, underwear for everyone. Tags still attached. Once they gathered clothes for both the kids and the adults in the crew, they made their way back to their house, each developing an unsettled feeling as they passed the Anderson home.