(I'm ooberly sorry that I haven't posted a chapter in a while, but it's basically been one thing after the other. Please forgive me!)
[Music Advice: Listen to 'Fun House' by P!nk (I suggest the clean version), and 'Trouble' by P!nk is pretty funny to listen to during the fight scene at the end of this chapter. … Oh! Did I just mention that there's a FIGHT in this chapter? *smirks evilly* Did that grab your attention?]

Chapter Eleven
Fun House

"This used to be a Fun House
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down
I'm gonna burn it down."

Amber sang to herself as she clipped on her ID badge and walkie-talkie. She paused in the middle of her song and glanced around.

Dr. Arkham usually showed up at about this time and cause her embarrassment by catching her in the act of singing. But he was nowhere in sight.

Amber grinned and continued singing.

"Oh; I'm crawling through the doggy door
My keys don't fit the lock no more
I've changed the drapes
I break the plates
I've found a new place
Let's burn this-!"

Suddenly, without warning of any kind, Amber heard the unmistakable sound of a throat being cleared. Amber winced and slowly turned around to find her suspicions confirmed. "Dr. Arkham," she acknowledged.

He nodded back to her, now becoming accustomed to Amber's quirks. "Nurse Amber." He walked on by, attending to his duties.

Amber gave a sigh of relief. At least he didn't stare at her with that shocked expression he had on a few days before. She figured that the doctor was getting used to her.

Glancing down at her watch, Amber hurried along to the patients cells. 9:30 am. Surely that wasn't too early to go take her charges to the Fitness Room and give them a little work out?

….

The Joker had Batman at his non-existent mercy. He held a knife to the vigilante's throat as he laughed uncontrollably. "Let's put a smile on that face," he cackled and moved the blade towards Batman's mouth.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUP, EVERYBODY! MORNING GLORIES!"

The Joker's dreams were torn away from him and he quickly sat up in bed. Whoever had woken him up was dead! Dead I tell you; dead!

"Gaaaah!" Katherine squawked in surprise and shock.

"IIIEEE!" Chelsea screeched, suddenly jumping in bed and falling off the mattress.

The lights flicked on above their heads and many sought to shelter themselves from the unwelcomed brightness by covering their faces with blankets or pillows.

"Bats are nocturnal!" Katelynn 2's muffled voice called out from underneath her pillow.

"BATS!" Caleb screamed and buried himself under his covers, weeping.

Amber stood at the hallway entrance, observing her charges' wake-up call reactions. She couldn't help but smile.

"Today's going to be a beautiful day."

…

Everyone stood in line facing Nurse Amber as she checked her list to see if all her charges were present. In body they were all present, but mentally… all of them were wishing they were in bed, sleeping.

The Joker hadn't stopped glowering at Amber since she had entered his line of vision. Even Harley knew better than to wake him up. The Joker woke up on his own accord. It didn't make things any better that Amber was purposefully ignoring his glares!

"That nurse is going to get in deep with me one of these days!"

"You can wipe that look off your face, Mr. Grumpy Gills," Amber said, passing by him as she paced in front of the line.

The Joker promptly stuck his tongue out at her.

"Real mature," she muttered, and directed her full attention to the list.

Crane leaned over towards the Joker with a smug, smirk on his face. "Now… who wanted her to be our nurse?"

The Joker slowly twisted his neck around to look at Crane, an undeniable thirst for blood glinted in his eyes. "You will diiiiiiiiie," he hissed.

Katlyn 1's eyes were closed and she was nodding off where she stood. The sudden jerks of her head were beginning to resemble that of a bobble head on a dashboard. She soon fell face first on the floor but didn't even wake up.

"That's one hard sleeper," Harvey said to himself.

A loud, piercing, shrill whistle filled the air and all but Katlyn 1 cringed at the sound.

Amber removed the silver whistle from her lips and smiled. "Now that I've got your attention, listen up. I'm going to set you up with an exercising partner and no, you cannot switch partners. Harley and Ivy; you'll be a team. Tommy and Jervis, Katherine and Katlyn 1, Caleb and Chelsea, Crane and Dent, and the Joker will be with Nigma. Katelynn 2 will be with me."

Amber eyed the Joker and Edward. "Maybe the two of you will learn to work together."

Nigma and the Joker looked at one another, sizing the other up. Both were sending an unspoken message; a silent declaration that a contest had been set between them. It was rather ridiculous considering both men were rather thin and not much of a body builder type but that's the thing about men. No matter how different or mentally insane they are, men will turn everything into a contest.

Katelynn 2 ran over to Amber and encircled the nurse with both arms. "Yea! We're partners!"

"Yippee," Amber replied with little enthusiasm.

Katherine dragged Katlyn 1 by the foot over to the bicycles and shook her awake.

"Wake. Up. Katlyn."

Katlyn 1 moaned and curled into herself. "Look at all the pretty ponies," she cooed, sleepily.

Katherine's eyes widened in terror and she proceeded to shake her even harder. "Katlyn! Wake! Up! You're dreaming about something other than the Riddler! Wake up!"

Katherine gave her a swat on the butt and the girl's head perked up. Katlyn's eyes were half way open as she peered around at her surroundings.

"This isn't Buckingham Palace, is it?" she asked Katherine.

"Nope."

"Bummer."

Katlyn 1 sluggishly stood to her feet and rubbed her eyes as Katherine explained what they were supposed to do. The explanation was cut short when Katlyn 1 caught sight of the exercise bicycles.

She gave a high-pitched squeal. "Oooh! Bikes! Let's race, Katherine!"

Dashing over to the equipment, she hopped onto the seat and began pedaling as fast as she could. After doing this for nearly a minute and seeing her position had not changed, she scrunched up her nose and looked at Katherine.

"This bike is broken," she whined.

Katherine only shook her head and sighed.

Harley and Ivy were sitting on a pair of chairs that required the use of their legs to lift a bar that their feet were tucked under. They were having a pleasant conversation; one that didn't involve anything about their criminal acts, Batman, the Joker, or plants.

"So you really don't think red is my color?" Harley asked.

"No; I'm just saying that you should try adding more color to your wardrobe, Harl."

"Like what?"

"Well, you could always try blue. It would really bring out your eyes. But with your skin tone you'd have to be careful with what type of blue you put on because the wrong shade could make you look pale and-."

"VROOOM! VROOOM! REEEH, REEEH!"

Both women looked away to see Katlyn 1 and Katherine on the bicycles having an imaginary race, complete with race car sound effects.

"You'll never catch me alive, coppers!" Katlyn 1 shouted.

Katherine frowned but never paused in her pedaling. "Since when am I the cops? I hate being the cops. You be the police."

"But I don't wanna!"

Ivy and Harley returned their attention to one another, shrugged, and resumed their conversation.

Over at the punching bags, Tommy and Jervis Tetch were staring at the equipment with perplexed expressions on their faces. Jervis stood with one hand stroking his beardless chin and squinted his eyes, as if staring at the punching bag would reveal an answer.

"Am I to presume that I'm supposed to strike at this contraption?" Jervis Tetch asked his cousin.

Tommy poked the black bag and looked back at Jervis. "Yep."

Jervis removed his hand from his chin and examined his fists. He wasn't exactly the best well-built man in the asylum, nor was he the most physically violent. In fact, he was one of the shortest patients in the asylum and ranked in the top ten of being the scrawniest. The Scarecrow ranked number one.

"Is there a certain way that you do this?" Jervis inquired.

"Uuuuh…," Tommy stuttered. He wasn't the person to ask about punching. Sure, he was a little muscular- just a little- but that came from push-ups, not punches!

Harvey Dent overheard their dilemma and left Crane, who was busy using the treadmill. Dent made a show of cracking his knuckles in front of the two Tetchs and sauntered over to the punching bag.

"Do you need a little lesson in fight techniques?" he asked, innocently.

"Girly slapping doesn't count as a fight, Harv!" the Joker shouted at him.

"Who asked you?" Harvey yelled back.

"Would you really help us out?" Jervis asked Dent, delightedly.

Harvey shrugged his broad shoulders. "Of course."

"Pansy!"

"Shut up, Clown!"

He was doing this for three reasons: 1) to show off in front of everyone, 2) to show off in front of Ivy, and 3) to give the Tetch boys a little more macho in their step.

Harvey moved Tommy and Jervis to a punching bag of their own and he stood in the center of them, facing both men.

"Alright, Hatter, Tommy; make a fist."

Tommy balled up his hand and held it up to show Dent; Jervis positioned his thumb to be hidden inside his hand when it closed. Harvey shook his head.

"No, no, Jervis. If you punch a guy like that the only thing that will break will be your thumb."

Jervis quickly moved his thumb into the correct position. He looked at dent and got a nod of approval.

"Now hit it!"

Jervis thrust his fist out as hard as he could. The only thing wrong about this was that he closed his eyes. His fist collided with Dent's jaw, sounding out a fleshy smack. Harvey barely moved.

Jervis and Tommy were beside themselves with fear.

"I'm terribly, terribly sorry for that Mr. Dent! I-!"

"You call that a punch?"

"W,what?"

"That barely even hurt! You gotta put more force into it! Do it again, but this time hit the bag."

"O,of course."

Jervis pulled back his fist and kept his eyes open this time as he brought it forward to the bag. The piece of equipment hardly swung from the impact. In fact, it barely quivered.

Dent rubbed his good eyelid with his right thumb. "Oh, we have so much work to do."

Meanwhile, since his exercising partner had abandoned him, Crane jogged alone on the treadmill at a brisk pace. The Joker came strolling up to him with an amused expression on his painted face. Crane ignored him by continuing to stare straight ahead at the wall.

"Oh Craney Boy; I knooow you seeee me!" the clown sing-songed.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to know, out of curiosity, how fast you can run?"

"What?" Crane asked, nervously. He looked down too late to see the Joker messing with the machine's speed control.

"Leave that alone!" crane shouted, swatting at the Joker's hand. But it was too late. The treadmill began to move faster and Crane had to pick up his pace or be thrown off.

The Joker laughed as he trotted back to the weights, leaving Crane running like an Olympic runner.

Every time Crane tried to press the button to slow the machine down, his pace would slacken and he'd nearly fall. Crane gripped the handle bars tightly, running out of steam.

"Jokeeeeeer!" he yelled.

Crane tripped out of exhaustion and his body went flying across the room. He landed in Dent's arms and the two men blinked at one another.

Dent recovered from the surprise delivery and smirked at Jervis and Tommy. "Look what the twister dropped off; a scarecrow!"

Over at the weights, the Joker and Nigma had paused in their exercising contest to watch Amber encourage Katelynn 2 in lifting weights.

"Come on Katelynn; you can lift this thing."

Katelynn 2 folded her arms and stubbornly shook her head. "Nope."

Amber smiled as she rolled her eyes. "Oh come on."

Katelynn closed her eyes and lifted her chin defiantly. "Nuh-uh!"

"Why not?"

Katelynn 2 pointed at the weight lifting machine that Amber was currently sitting on.

"That thing is bigger that my head."

"Really?" the Joker asked, raising his voice.

Amber slowly craned her neck around so she could look over her shoulder at the Joker. She narrowed her green eyes at him.

The Joker clamped a hand over his heart, feigning a love-struck fool. "Ooh! I love it when she looks at me that way."

"One of these days Nurse Amber is going to seriously harm you and when that day comes, I'll be selling tickets to the event," Nigma said with a smug grin.

"Nah, she loves me too much. Don't 'cha, sweetheart?"

Another nasty glare fired his way.

"Oooh. I definitely felt the love in that look, Joker."

The Joker snorted and turned his attention back to the young nurse.

"How about if I go first; will that work for you?" Amber asked Katelynn 2.

"Nope."

"What if I ask the Possessions people to let you have your Batman cape back just for the day?"

"BAAAAATSSSS!"

"Oh for the love of-! Who said the B-word?" Katherine yelled in annoyance as Caleb writhed on the floor. Chelsea, his partner, stepped away from him, her unease very evident.

In answer to Katherine's question, Katelynn 2 moved to point at Amber. The nurse quickly slapped her hand away and made an effort not to look in Katherine's direction.

The Joker snickered and received another death glare.

Amber lowered her voice as she spoke to Katelynn again. "So how 'bout it? Lift the weights and I'll try to get you the Ba-… that cape for one day."

Katelynn 2 put a hand to her chin, considering it. "Hmmm…okay. But you go first."

Amber smiled and lowered herself down onto the bench, eyeing the weight above her.

"No problem. Piece of cake," she thought.

In high-school Amber had been able to do this stuff in gym class without much difficulty. She had even gotten to the point of being able to lift three pounds more than what girls her size normally could carry.

Amber got a firm grip on the weight bar and readied herself for the lift.

"Alright, Katelynn; spot me."

"You're right there! Spotted you! I win!" Katelynn 2 cheered.

Amber let her arms go limp and covered her eyes as she groaned. "No, Katelynn. In gym terms it means to make sure the weights don't crush me. You have to be ready to catch them at any moment."

"Ooooh. Okay." Katelynn 2 skipped over to be at Amber's head and she waved at the nurse. "Hi-yah!"

Amber chuckled at her upside down view of Katelynn. "Hi-yah." She resumed her hold on the bar. "Ready?"

"Ready!"

Katelynn 2 watched Amber prepare to lift. The young nurse seemed to be wincing and then let out a loud, audible sigh.

Katelynn 2 cocked her head to the side. "I said I'm ready. When are you going to lift the weights?"

Nurse Amber's face reddened. "I just did," she muttered.

"But it didn't move."

"I am aware of that!"

Amber tried to lift the weights once again but ended up making her arms tremble. Dang; had high-school been that long ago?

Amber sensed movement from both sides of her head and she frowned as Nigma and the Joker peered down at her with grins on their faces.

"Having issues, buttercup?" the Joker trilled.

"Nothing like the ones you have," Amber replied without missing a beat.

The Joker suddenly dropped onto the bar, grasping it with both hands as he inched his face closer to Nurse Amber's.

"At least I can lift weights!" he snapped, face hovering uncomfortably near Amber's.

Nigma casually leaned against the body of the equipment and pretended to examine his cuticles.

"Hmm; Joker. Kinda invading some personal space there, aren't we? Though this isn't the first time this has occurred and one must begin to wonder why?"

The Joker slowly turned his head to look Nigma. The Prince of Puzzles was very fascinated with his fingernails at the moment, but there was a smirk on his lips.

"Just what-ah is that supposed to mean?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at Nigma.

"Oooh Joker… Must you act clueless?"

Again with that infuriating smirk! What was he smirking about! What could he possibly mean by-?...

The Joker's eyes popped at what the Riddler was insinuating. "You too! Listen String Bean-!"

"Would you stop straddling me!" Amber blurted out.

The Joker looked down to see that he was indeed straddling Nurse Amber. Any other time he would have used this opportunity to further tease Amber, but not when Nigma –"Stupid Nigma" – had ruined it.

The Joker quickly jumped off of the bench and Amber scrambled to her feet.

"Pervert!"

The Joker gave an exaggerated scoff and let his mouth hang in mock surprise.

"Yeeees, Joker. It would appear that there is some sort of, uh, chemistry between the two of you," Nigma purred. He might as well have sang, "Troll lololololo!"

Amber's face twisted with disgust. "Edward! Please! Don't make me hate you."

"You're already walking on thin ice, Quiz Boy."

Nigma continued smirking at the Joker. "I'm just voicing aloud what so many in this asylum have been thinking."

Amber marched right up to the Prince of Puzzles with a crazed look in her eyes that could have rivaled Victor Zsaz. "Who in the asylum? I want names!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it the best idea to divulge that information."

The Joker grabbed Nigma by the shirt. "She wants the names, pal! No, forget her! I want those names! Now you better squeal like a pig or so help me I will dye your hair purple!"

By now the scene had attracted everyone's attention. Katherine and Katlyn 1 jumped up and cried, "No, no! Not his hair! Anything but this gorgeous hair!"

Nigma gaped at the Joker. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh I would!"

Amber caught the attention of an orderlie and a guard standing outside of the gyms glass walls. They hurried inside and Amber quickly told them to keep an eye on the rest of the patients.

Grabbing both men by their shirt sleeves, Amber hauled the Joker and Nigma out into the hall. "You two need to calm down!" she hissed once they were out of the room.

"I'll be calm once I punch his lights out!" Edward snapped.

The Joker cackled. "And break all the bones in your fragile hand while you're at it!"

"That's it!" Nigma shouted and made to lunge at him when Amber shouldered her way in between the Riddler and the Joker.

"Stop it! Both of you!" She shoved them apart, a hand on each chest and glared at them. "You're acting ridiculous!"

[Cue P!nk's 'Trouble'.]

"I've had enough of this clown!" Edward yelled, glowering at the Joker over Amber's head.

"I've had enough of you too, Mr. Leprechaun!"

Nigma let out a growl and sprang at the Joker, sandwiching Amber in between the men.

"Agh!" Amber yelled. She rammed into the Joker which threw him off balance, knocking him to the floor and further enraging him. Amber tried to scramble to her feet but was pushed aside.

"Break it up!"

She jumped up and pulled on Nigma's shirt, hoping by some miracle she could pull him away. Needless to say, it didn't work. What a surprise.

….

In the Surveillance Room, three guards were watching the fight on the screens and laughing.

"Ha ha ha! Look at that!" one guard pointed at Nurse Amber as she was once again dragged back into the middle of the fight.

"Oooh! Ha ha!"

…

The Joker had Nigma in a head lock, laughing insanely while Amber tried to pry his victim away and loosen the Joker's grip at the same time. When that didn't work, she wrapped her arm around the Joker's neck and kicked the back of his knees. The clown's legs crumbled from underneath him and down he went, still holding the struggling Riddler.

"Dang it, Joker! Let go of him!"

Who the heck was playing P!nk's song 'Trouble' ?

….

The guards cheered.

"She's like going med-evil on him!"

"Go girl! Kick his butt!"

…

Amber tightened her hold and reached around for her radio. She brought it to her mouth and yelled breathlessly into the speaker.

"Back up! I need back up in the South Hall! Code Purple Question Marks!"

….

The walkie-talkie on the table next to the guards squawked to life. A voice was yelling indistinguishable words. The owner picked it up and frowned at it.

"Dude, switch that off; it's distracting," a fellow security guard told him.

The owner turned it off and went back to watching Nurse Amber attempt to restrain two dangerous, mentally unstable, criminals.

….

"Hello! Is anyone listening?"

"They must not be able to hear me over this music that started playing out of nowhere."

"I need back u-Ah!"

Amber was lifted from her feet and tossed aside by the Joker. The radio fell from her hand and skidded across the floor.

The two patients were completely ignoring Amber, their sole focus was on one another and beating the life out of each other. Amber was a mere fly that they kept swatting away.

Amber gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

"That's it!" she growled.

The music swelled with her anger.

Amber let out a battle cry worthy of Xena the Warrior Princess and launched herself at them. The Riddler and the Joker looked up just in time to see her leap in the air.

"Oh…"

"Crap…"

…

"OOOOOOH!" the guards chorused.

"It's like Saturday Night Smack Down!"

"Cheap shot! Cheap shot!"

One guard stuck his hand into a bowl full of popcorn and scooped a handful of kernels. He stuffed them into his mouth without taking his eyes off the screen. "Is that move even legal?" he asked with a mouth full of food.

"Ah; that's gotta hurt!"

"Look at that chick go!"

"You outta do something about this."

"Break up this fight; are you kiddin'? Man, we could sell tickets!"

At that moment the Head of Security, Lyle Bolton, walked in. "What's going on?" he asked, sternly.

Popcorn went flying in all directions as the group shot up from their seats and stood at attention.

"There's a disturbance, Sir, in the South Hall. We were just about to go put a stop to it!"

"Then get to it; now!"

"Yes Sir!"

…

An hour later, a bruised, battered, and disheveled Nurse Amber Johnson stood in Dr. Arkham's office. He took in her messy pony tail, her torn uniform, and bloody lip as Amber finished telling him her story of what had happened.

"But did you really find it necessary to body slam the patients and do other moves only the security guards seems to know the names of?" he asked.

Amber attempted to blow a stray strand of hair away from her face but it didn't work. She tucked it behind her ear and tried to come up with an answer.

"If the guards had responded to my call for back up I wouldn't have had to perform such drastic measures; somehow it got lost in translation."

Arkham sighed and removed his glasses to rub his eyes.

"I suppose if the patients launch a complaint against you we could plead self-defense. I won't mark you responsible for the outcome of this fight since the guards failed to respond. You may go."

"There's something else, sir."

"Yes?"

"Well, in order for me to get Katelynn 2 to participate-."

"Wait. Who?"

"Katelynn 2. Uh… Batman wannabe."

"Oh."

"In order to get her to participate in the exercising, I kinda had to promise her that … I'd ask if she could have her Batman cape for the rest of the day?"

Amber attempted to give the man her most winning smile. It was kinda marred by the bloody lip. All her teeth were intact, so that was a win.

"You want to give a patient, who suffers from delusions of being Batman, back the very thing that encourages her delusions?"

Amber's smile went down just a fraction of an inch. "I told her she could be a hero just for one day."

Dr. Arkham raised an eyebrow. "… Did you just quote a David Bowie song?" he dead panned.

Amber pressed her lips together in a thin line and nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did."

Cricket chirps would have been a welcomed sound effect if it only got rid of the awkward silence that hung in the air as nurse and doctor stared at each other.

"I … suppose it couldn't hurt too badly as long as she stays away from Caleb," Dr. Arkham finally relented.

Amber could have fist pumped the air and whooped but she simply remained still and smiled.

"Thank you, sir."

Amber turned to go.

"Oh, uh, Miss Johnson?"

"Sir?"

"Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"I watched a lot of Xena; Warrior Princess when I was younger."

Dr. Arkham couldn't even think of a response to that.

…

Amber stepped out of the office and went into the waiting room where Lyle Bolton was keeping a close eye on the two young men sitting hand cuffed to a bench. She stopped in front of them and put her hands on her hips, taking in their appearance.

The Joker's make-up was a miserably, smeared mess, his nose was bloody, the collar of his uniform was ripped, there was a hole displaying a scraped knee in his left pants leg, and he was missing his left shoe.

The Riddler's red hair was askew, his right shirt's sleeve was completely gone, his back protested every movement he made, and he held an ice pack over a black eye.

"Are you two gonna behave?" Amber asked.

"Yes, ma'am," they replied in a child-like tone.

They looked like two little boys ashamed of being scolded by their mother. The Joker completed the mental image by scuffing his toe on the floor and keeping his face directed down.

"Let's go," Amber sighed and motioned for them to stand and follow her out.

The two slowly and stiffly rose to their feet, but it wasn't fast enough for Bolton. He grabbed the back of their shirts and hoisted them up.

"Oouch!" Nigma yelped.

The Joker giggled. "Oh suck it up, Nigma," he taunted.

"I'm not a masochist like you, freak!"

Amber clapped her hands together. "Guys!"

They stopped and looked at her.

"You can argue when we get to your cells, okay?"

"Okay," they mumbled.

Bolton escorted the men to their cells along with Nurse Amber, giving them a hard shove if they limped too slowly.

Once Nigma and the Joker were in their cells, they sat on their beds, folded their arms, and glared at the wall that separated their cells from each other. If a wall could explode by glaring at it, that wall would have blown up into tiny fragments by now.

Amber purposefully walked towards the exit and paused under the doorway. "You can start now," she announced.

Nigma and the Joker's voices immediately began to taunt, tease, yell, shout, and insult each other. Amber shook her head as she left them to their petty arguing and walked back to the gym.

(Again I have to apologize for the long wait. Inspiration took a while to travel into my head. But don't worry, inspiration has struck again for the next upcoming chapter in this story! I don't know when I'll get to update it, but I can promise you that it will not take as long as it did for this chapter.
Thanks to those who sent me ideas and suggestions! They really helped!
Please leave a review!)