(I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in a long time! College life is demanding, I had to help make costumes and be a dresser for a musical called, Children of Eden; I also have been moving into a new house that was built back in 1914. I'm also on the hunt for a new job that pays me better because apparently you need money to survive in this world. Crazy, right? Anyway, my spare time has been severely reduced and I wish I could say that the updates will be flowing regularly but I can't. I can't even give you a estimation of when my next update will be. I hope you enjoy this chapter though.
Chapter 13
Shave and a Hair Cut
Less than a week after Amber's "Mother" called her, it was announced that her charges would be getting their hair cut, trimmed, or their beards trimmed or shaved. Unlike the other patients in the asylum, Amber's charges had to have eight guards in the room and the hall. That's what happens when your group happens to be considered the most dangerous of the bunch of loonies in the bin.
Of course, the day before the patients were to get their hair cut Amber happened to take a look at herself in the mirror and saw how long her hair had grown over the past few months. She'd been neglecting to get it cut because of all the insanity that had been going on.
Curiosity got the best of her and she grabbed some measuring tape from her sewing kit – she couldn't sew worth a crap but it was handy to keep around – and stood before her mirror holding the beginning of the tape against the crown of her head and marked where her hair ended. Amber took a look and nearly yelped. Twenty-two inches!
Amber gazed back at her reflection and ran her fingers through her hair in disbelief. Twenty-two inches! She had been keeping it held back in a pony-tail most of the time and the length had never occurred to her.
Amber gathered her hair together and turned so she could see her profile. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel; let down your hair!" She let her hair cascade back down over her shoulders. "Rapunzel… you're getting a haircut."
…
The next day found Amber's charges lined up against the wall, waiting outside the barber's room for their turn. Each were restrained, the Joker more so than the others.
"They're racist against clowns," he muttered.
Everyone was grumbling about having to wait standing in line. Well… everyone except Katelynn Two. She was too busy singing to really grumble or complain.
"Alright! You sir, how about a shave?
Come and visit your good friend Sweeney.
You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave!
I will have vengeance.
I will have salvation."
She was in mid-form of the next lyric when another voice joined her.
"Who sir, you sir?
No one's in the chair, Come on! Come on!
Sweeney's. Waiting. I want you bleeders."
And coming around the corner was Nurse Amber Johnson, singing with a very convincing British accent.
"You sir! Anybody!
Gentlemen now don't be shy!
Not one man, no, nor ten men.
Nor a hundred can assuage me.
I will have you!"
Katelynn Two clapped her hands giddily. "You know Sweeny Todd?!" she squealed.
As an answer, Amber grinned and changed songs. "The history of the world, my love."
Katelynn Two jumped right in.
"Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors."
"Is those below serving those up above."
"Everybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors."
"How gratifying for once to know-!"
Amber and Katelynn Two both finished together; "That those above will serve those down below!"
Katherine gave a sarcastic clap, the cuffs clinking as she did so. "Bravo," she said in a dead voice. She'd never been one for musicals in the first place. Especially one with Johnny Depp in it. She was not a Johnny Depp fan.
Jervis and Tommy on the other hand were heartily applauding. "Brava! Brava!" Jervis cheered.
The entire time though, the Joker was just staring at Amber… and staring…and staring…and staring. His lips were pursed together and his eyes were narrowed as if he were searching for something.
Amber finally noticed his staring and blinked at him a couple of times. "Can I help you?" she asked, sarcastically.
The Joker must have been really distracted because Amber had just given him a great opening for a comeback, but he didn't respond. Instead he said, "There's something different about you. But I can't put my finger on it."
Amber raised an eyebrow. Really? She got five inches of her hair cut and he couldn't tell?
"You're right. There is something different about her," Nigma mused, eyeing her as well.
Katherine didn't take his eyeing very well. "Hey! No ogling!"
"I'm not ogling!"
"Oh yes you were!"
"I was merely trying to discover what is so different about her."
Katherine sniffed haughtily and folded her arms over her chest. "Yeah, that's what you would say."
"Kathriiiiiine," The Riddler whined.
Amber shook her head. They really couldn't see that she'd had her hair cut? Phft. Men.
"Alright Crane; you're up," a guard announced. He and another guard removed him from the line and escorted him to the room.
"I'm the barber of Seviiiiiiiiiille!
Fiiiiigarooo! Fiiiigarooo! Fii-!"
"Katelynn, I'll shove that 'figaro' down your throat if you finish it!" Katherine threatened. Katelynn instantly quieted down.
"Did you change your lipstick color?" the Joker asked Amber suddenly.
"Wha? No."
"Eyeshadow?"
"No."
"Base foundation color?"
"You're a guy and you know what that's called?"
"Helloooooo!" The Joker pointed at his own make-upped face. "You think I'm an amateur or something?"
Amber merely stared at his clown painted face and the red lipstick smeared over his mouth. By the way she pursed her lips together the Joker could tell she was holding back a laugh. "Don't answer that," he growled.
"You do realize that they're going to have to wash the make-up to shave you, right?" Amber asked.
"No, Nurse Amber, I had no idea!" he answered with heavy sarcasm. It wasn't his first trip to the barber in the asylum.
"Then why put it on?"
"Why won't you tell me what you did differently today?!"
"Joker, you're next," the same guard who escorted Crane announced.
The Joker snorted and glared at Amber. "I'm not done with you," he told her and let the guards take him out of line. If his hands had been free, Amber had no doubt that the Joker would have given her the, 'I'm Watching You' sign.
Amber leaned against the wall and tried to strike up a conversation with Chelsea. "Sooo, Chelsea, I hear your therapy sessions are going really well… like being considered to be released from Arkham well."
Chelsea grinned. "Yeah. My doctor told me he saw some real improvement in me and was going to bring it up with the board to consider my release."
"That's wonderful, darling!" Jervis cried, giddily.
"Good for you," Tommy said, smiling.
"I knew you'd be the first to leave," Katherine said, moodily. She received a sharp jab in the ribs from Katlyn 1. "Ouch! I mean… I'm happy for you." She frowned at Katlyn 1 as she rubbed the sore spot.
"When will you get an answer?" Amber asked.
"Don't know."
"Nurse Amber."
Amber turned to see one of the guards standing outside of the door.
"We need you to come in with us; the Joker's being very difficult."
Amber sighed and lazily pushed herself off the wall, stomping off to the barber room.
"How long have you been here?" Edward asked Chelsea, resuming the conversation.
"Oh, six years or so."
"Well, if you get out you'll be one of the few who did without escaping, being transferred to another prison, leaving in a body bag, or-," Katherine suddenly trailed off and she stared ahead down the hall. Her blue-grey eyes widened. "Oh sweet merciful Heavens…." She murmured. "Who is that?" Everyone turned their heads to look at who she was referring to.
[*Cue song: 'You Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate*]
Walking out of the room was one of the sexiest men Katherine had ever seen. Her jaw dropped and she began to fan herself. "Oh my gaaaaah!" she squealed. Katlyn 1 raised her eyebrows at her friend, but couldn't blame her. If the man looked this good from a distance, how good did he look up close?! Where did he come from anyway?
"So much for your fan girl, Edward," Harvey Dent chuckled.
"Heh heh, heh- very funny." But Edward was feeling jealous.
Suddenly Nurse Amber appeared by the sexy man's side. She looked angry. Katherine frowned at that. "Hey! Don't be mean to that sexy beast!" she thought.
"Joker, what the heck, man! You didn't have to shave him bald!" Amber shouted at the man.
*Record scratch*
"Whaaaaaaat?!" Katherine screeched.
The Sexy Beast- I mean- The Joker- turned to face Amber, scowling. "Because he tried to wash my face paint off! Do you know how long it takes me to put this stuff on?"
"It can't take that long."
The Joker gave her a look. "Now that's just plain insulting, honey."
Katherine covered her eyes. "Eeeeew! Eeew! Eew! Eew! That's no incredibly sexy beast! The incredibly sexy beast is a lie! Ah! My eyes! My eyes! Unclean! Unclean! Oh Mr. Riddler, please forgive my unfaithful thoughts!"
The whole group was watching Katherine's freak out session with utter amusement. "And now my fan girl's back," Edward said to Harvey.
"Ugh!" Katherine slapped herself in the face. "What has been seen cannot be unseen!"
By now Amber and the Joker's attention was drawn to Katherine. "What's wrong with her?" Amber asked Crane.
"She thought the Joker was a handsome stranger. Though her words were, 'a sexy beast.' And now I must beg you to not interrupt my observation of Androphobia."
"Andrewwhat?"
"Androphobia! The fear of attraction to men!"
"This isn't exactly a case of Androphobia, doc. This is more like scarred for life."
"It buuuuuuurns!"
The sound of a throat being cleared caused Katherine to stop in mid-freak out and look up from her fetal position on the floor. The Joker stood before her with his head cocked to the side and a raised eyebrow. Katherine gazed at him in awe.
"Oh my gosh… he's like a sun god! No! Bad Katherine!" She looked up at him again and felt her jaw begin to drop. "It should be illegal to look that hot and be so criminally insane! … But … he's sooo sexy! Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him?"
"Eh, Squirt? Would you mind not staring at me like that? It's really disturbing."
Katherine's smile vanished. "Nope. Not gonna happen!"
"Run awaaaaaaaaaay!" Katherine wailed and leapt up from her spot on the floor. But her running didn't really look like running due to the fact that both her arms and legs were restrained. It resembled something more along the lines of a penguin waddle.
Harley watched Katherine's receding figure. "Huh… She does that waddle better than Mr. Cobblepot."
Of course everyone burst into laughter after that. Amber forced herself to stop laughing and wiped a tear from her eye. A thought suddenly occurred to her. "Oh no! I better catch her before a guard does and tazors her!" Amber took off after Katherine.
"Oh let her go! The pain only lasts for a few hours! HA HA HA HA HA HEE HEE HA HOO HOO HA HA HA!" The Joker's laughter dwindled down until he was quiet. He licked his lips and cocked his head to the side as he watched her run. "Really, what is different about her?" he asked aloud.
"Maybe it's new jewelry?" Edward suggested.
"She wears the same hieroglyphic necklace and the same purity ring every day! And I've seen just about every pair of earrings the girl owns and those weren't new!"
Edward and the others were silent. "You know she wears a purity ring?" Edward commented.
The Joker rolled his eyes. "Well duh! The girl wears it every freakin' day! It's never off her finger! Of course I'm gonna notice what kind of ring it is!"
"How the heck do you know what a purity ring is?" Poison Ivy asked him.
"Does it matter?! What matters right now is that there is something different about Amber today and I can't figure it out!" the Joker huffed and pouted.
"Hmmmm. I think there's something going on herrrreee," Katlyn 1 sing-songed.
"There better not be!" Harley snapped.
"There isn't, cupcake. I promise!"
"Last time you promised me something I ended up falling out a window."
"Eeeeeh. Yeah. Sweetie pie, there is nothing going on here. Truuust meeee." The Joker flashed her a winning smile.
"Oh Puddin'!" Harley squealed. She gave him a big kiss on the cheek.
…
Amber finally caught up to Katherine and was leading her back to the others when she caught sight of Dr. Arkham talking with another man in an adjoining hall. He glanced up and saw Amber. "Oh, Nurse Amber! Please come here!" he called.
"I can't, Dr. Arkham. I've got to get Katherine back with the rest of my group and-."
"It will only take a moment. Please."
"As long as it puts off seeing Mr. Giggles a little longer," Katherine muttered.
Amber sighed and walked with Katherine over to the two men. Upon seeing the man Dr. Arkham was talking with, Katherine promptly gave him a once over and nodded. "Now he's cute. Unlike a certain someone."
The man's blue eyes widened in mild surprise. "I beg your pardon?" he asked, his accent clearly British.
"I'm sorry. You'll have to excuse her, Mister….?"
"Fitz. Bernard Fitz." He extended his hand out and Amber shook it. She did have to agree with Katherine; Dr. Fitz was a cutie. Blond hair, blue-eyed, borderlining six feet tall, smooth shaven, BRITISH… yep.
"Dr. Fitz is here to supervise you and your charges for a while."
Amber's brow wrinkled. "Supervising? Am I … Am I in trouble?"
"Oh no, no, no, no, no!" Dr. Arkham hastily assured her. "He's here to merely witness and record your methods of dealing with the patients so he can report them to other asylum boards."
Dr. Fitz smiled at Amber. "Your treatment of these patients has attracted some attention, Nurse Amber. The fact that some positive results are showing in one of your patients-."
"Oh you must mean Chelsea!" Amber said with a grin.
"Er.. yes. The patient."
Amber's grin faltered a bit.
"There are also some results showing for the others patients as well in their attitudes. It's rather impressive since you're merely a nurse and not a doctor or psychiatrist."
"Watch it, buddy. I studied in psychology too," Amber thought, bitterly. She had picked up on the hidden meaning in Dr. Fitz's words. Dr. Fitz wasn't looking so hot anymore.
Apparently Katherine's opinion of Dr. Fitz had changed as well. She'd caught the insult too. Katherine narrowed her eyes at Fitz as if she were examining him. "Hm. I thought that the nurses were the ones who did all the work and the doctors just sit on their lazy butts."
Amber had to bite down on her bottom lip to keep from snickering. Dr. Arkham and Fitz were not very amused. "Uh, I believe you were on your way to somewhere?" Dr. Arkham remarked.
"Yes, I was."
As she and Katherine turned to go, Dr. Arkham furrowed his brow and called out to her again. "Uh, Nurse Amber?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Is something different about you today?"
"I got my hair cut."
"A HAIR CUT! That's what it is? Ha! I found out before the Joker! Yes!"
…
"AMBER GOT A HAIR CUT!" Katherine announced once the group was in sight.
"GAAAAH! Really? It was a haircut?!" The Joker whined.
"'Fraid so," Amber replied.
"Aaaand we've got a stuck up doctor checking out, Nurse Amber."
"Whoa-what?!" Amber yelped. "He was not checking me out!"
"Were you looking at him the entire time?"
"…No."
"See?"
"There's someone checking out Amber?" Harley repeated.
"Yep. He's cute too."
"But a complete snob. Practically insulted me to my face in front of Dr. Arkham. He's going to be observing our group and report how I attend to you guys."
"He'ssss uh, attractive?" the Joker repeated.
"Yeah. But really stuck up. Not my type at all."
"Well he sure thinks you're cute. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you out soon."
The Joker smirked. "We'll see about that."