"So... Merlin," Arthur tried the name on his tongue, it felt odd but not unfamiliar. "The whole being-reincarnated thing... That was a lie?"
"For you, no." Merlin looked out the window, thoughts whizzing through his mind at warpspeed. "I never lied, I merely did not correct you when you implied we were both reincarnated. I'm the same Merlin as before, albeit older and not quite as mild tempered as I was a thousand or so years ago-I never could perfect lying- so learned to I dance around it."
"A thousand years..." Arthur exhaled sharply, "how old are you now, then?"
"Let's see... you stop keeping track after the first two hundred years, but somewhere in the range of one-thousand five-hundred... give or take a decade?" Merlin chuckled at the confused and shocked expression that crossed Arthur's face.
"And all that time, you looked for me?" Arthur asked, a combination of wonder and somber etched in his face.
"Honestly, no." Merlin sighed, "After Arthur- well the king's- your- death, I just wanted to be alone for a while. I travelled the world, learned a few languages, I actually met some of the great pioneers of science and the arts. Oscar Wilde, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Rembrandt, Leo... You would have liked Leo, he was a real pleasure to be around."
"Leo?"
"DaVinci, he had a wonderful mind, and skill beyond compare. ...Actually, he even modelled a few portraits after me."
"Are you serious?!" Arthur yelled, excited.
"No, not really," Merlin laughed, his dark mood lifting somewhat. "We were good friends, though. I was the first person he showed his blueprint for his design that would later become the tank."
"You are dropping a lot of names, right now. Have any proof?" Arthur asked in amusement, checking in the rear view to see Wade still asleep.
"I was friends with Sir Tennyson once, very close, I have a book of his with a handwritten enscription to me... That was one of the nice things about back then. You could drift in and out of lives of those with such great talents and feel the smallest inkling that you had made a difference in their life.
"I remember quite well, even now... It was 1835, some time in the spring. I had taken a stroll in the botanical gardens, fallen asleep beneath a tree.
"I'm unsure how long I was asleep, but I found myself awoken by the sound of humming. He was in his mid-twenties, with a focused expression and nimble fingers- I only mention this because he was doing some kind of fidgeting with a coin with such complete focus that I found dexterous.
"He had noticed me on the other side of the tree from where he sat on the bench, but when I stood and straightened my suit he asked if I often took to sleeping in the dirt." Merlin got a reserved smile as he recounted the story, striking a hint of jealousy in Arthur. "Anyway, I asked him if he often interrogated strangers, and that made him laugh. I introduced myself as Emrys, from the beginning, when the king died I went by Emrys from that point on- at first to hide my magic and past, then because I grew accustomed to hearing the name.
"After an hour or so of polite conversation, he invited me along to a poetry reading with a few of his friends. That's what you did back then, you know, had artistic get-togethers. While I can remember their faces and poetry, their names have long since faded from my mind, since we never met after that...
"Anyhow, after the reading, everyone left and we were alone in the flat, he asked me to try my own hand at poetry. I assured him that I was terrible, but conceded that I would tell him a story instead.
"So... I told him our story. I ommited things, obviously, but it wasn't much more than was already known from the legends. He did get a new perspective, though, from someone who experienced it firsthand. He allowed me to stay in his home for a while, like a personal pet that told of my travels, though he promised to only write the King Arthur poetry.
"He expanded on these stories, took creative liberties, but some of the cores stayed the same. Like Morte D'Arthur for instance... It was hard to read, having experienced your death firsthand, but he was able to portray it well and with respect. He gave me a copy of his work once it was published, he worked hard to track me down and send it to me.
"He was a wonderful friend, but he reminded me of you, somewhat. I recieved the parcel in the mail before I moved on to Asia. I can show you the book, though you may have seen it when you were snooping before."
"I do not SNOOP!" Arthur defended, huffing.
"Sure," Merlin laughed. "You believe that, Wade?"
Wade, half awake seemed to chuff in a way that almost sounded like a laugh.
"Did you bewitch my dog to turn against me?" Arthur joked.
"The longer you're on earth, the more you can feel things and put out signals... I think it's why animals enjoy my company, kindred spirits, I suppose. But no, my magic is basically useless now in these ages of technology, especially considering I was never able to master healing magic without going into necromancy and I refuse to do so."
"Pet Semetary logic?"
"More or less, my eternal life even feels in question now, though. If your destiny has come and gone, who is to say I need to be kept alive?" Merlin muttered under his breath, Arthur not quite catching what he said.
...
The rest of the ride was fairly quiet, save for the snores of the sleeping dog and his dream twitches. Merlin was keeping something to himself, something heavy in his chest that made it hard to breathe. He didn't want to tell Arthur about it, not yet. He would find out in due time, when his memories returned.
Merlin missed the old Arthur, the one who yelled at him and smiled at him and kept him on his toes, this one felt like a ghost- coasting aimlessly along with him. This Arthur, in his husk of self, was almost content- and that is what Merlin dreaded. Yes, he would get his best friend, the love of one of his lives back, his past, his destiny- but at the cost of possibly breaking this new Arthur who had the luxury of an uneventful life.
...
After unloading the few bits in the car and taking the dog inside, Merlin held fast to Arthur's shoulder as he was going to sit on the couch.
"The supplies are at my place, if you want your memories back. I can't wave a magic wand or chant a few words for this kind of thing, it's ritual level of complexity. It will take a few hours, tops. Think about it some more before you decide to do this."
"I thought about it the whole way here, Merlin... Emrys... I can't imagine the pain you feel, have felt, being alone all this time and seeing me die. I want to know everything, so you won't be alone anymore."
Merlin teared up, wiping his eyes as his voice wavered, "Arthur, please don't do this for my sake. If this were to go bad, and you die by my hand-and not just by my negligence or lack of power- I couldn't live with myself."
"Then is there a way for me to remember without magic? Is there a way to jog my memory organically?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms to try to relieve the need to reach out and touch Merlin- hold his hand, grasp his shoulders, something to comfort him. "Like the life where I was a patient-"
"Artie-"
"Right. We had been intimate, somewhat, right? Wouldn't holding my hand or something trigger a memory?" Arthur asked, embarassed at what he was implying.
"It's possible. That's how Artie remembered, over time as he withered it reminded him of his first death, and some other past memories by proxy. It's possible, but there's no guarantee. Either way, I am not sure I am comfortable with this, Arthur. I loved him, all of the iterations of him, yes, but you aren't him... The end of his destiny proves that much."
"I thought we were all him, all King Arthur, just in different time and skin." Arthur murmured, stepping closer (as Merlin backed up instinctively), "Do you really not see them when you look at me? Do I stir nothing in you?"
Merlin's eyes kept blinking, face red as he tried in vain to look nonchalant when shaking his head side to side.
Of course he did, Merlin admonished internally, he was already falling in love again with this Arthur despite his emptiness, the little gestures and smiles that all reminded him of who he used to be. But, perhaps, the memories were what was missing from his personality. Maybe regaining them, he would be back completely.
Arthur reached out, touching Merlin's hand which was clammy with sweat. He intwined his fingers with Merlin's, leaning forward and putting his forehead against Merlin's. In this moment, so close to him, he felt overwhelming peace.
Like when they were in the boat, when he reached out and grasped his hair. That familiarity, the intimacy, the feeling of the entire world slowing for that moment was beginning to be a feeling every time they locked eyes. Something like a voice in the back of his mind told him he loved Merlin, even though he wasn't sure of it yet without his memories, but he ignored these in favor of closing his eyes and breathing Merlin in.
Merlin's eyes fluttered closed as he breathed in Arthur's scent too, missing the grit and dirt of his King's but something so similar he exhaled shakily. Different, yet so similar.
"Damn it, Arthur," Merlin exhaled in and out shallowly, the closeness too much as he unwound their hands and leaned back against the wall to cover his face. "That's not fair. You have no idea..."
Arthur got a peek at the flared pupils in Merlin's eyes and felt his face twist into a predatory grin, he could feel this pull since they met. The confusion was what restrained him, but now that he was confident in his feelings, he was ready to confront his desire headfirst.
"Uncover your face," Arthur smiled wickedly, removing the hands covering his face and was surprised to find a similarly animal expression on Merlin. "Don't hide from me."
"Arthur, forgive me for what I'm about to do." Merlin's expression turned dark.
The shock didn't have time to register as Merlin pulled Arthur's head towards him and kissed him roughly on the mouth, teeth nearly knocking, pulling himself against Arthur's frame. Arthur moaned, closing his eyes and giving in to the incomparable warmth that sunk into his bones. He wrapped his hands around Merlin's hips, squeezing harder as Merlin's mouth broke away for air to gasp.
Merlin looked very shocked and vulnerable now, second-guessing himself, "I-I don't know what came over me, I-"
"Shut up," Arthur grunted. "You talk too much."
He went in for a kiss on Merlin's neck, deeply smelling the skin when an image, seemingly from his own eyes, of Merlin sobbing in a white doctor's coat, clenching a bony hand.
"Don't leave me again, Arthur. Don't, please!"
The vision, though momentary, felt like a sledgehammer to the temple. He hissed in pain, falling to his knees. Merlin dropped to his knees, eyes welling up with tears again.
"Arthur! Is it a memory? I knew I shouldn't have- I'm," Merlin pleaded.
"Merlin, if you apologize I will hit you. Just give me a second, I'm fine. To be continued, promise."
Merlin blushed, snickering, "You need to sort out your priorities."
"Kiss to make it better?" Arthur muttered cheekily through a pained expression, to which Merlin wrinkled his nose.
"How about we rest for a bit, huh, tiger?" Merlin whispered, plopping the two of them on the couch. "Best to avoid excitement in your condition."
"This condition is best for excitement," Arthur whispered with a grin. "I know it's stupid, but it's like my body misses you. I just want to touch you, hold you... It's like it wants to make up for lost time."
"I know what you mean." Merlin smiled, leaning his head on Arthur's shoulder. "Best we to take it slow, going too quickly without the control of the ritual guarantees death rather than gives a chance for it."
"Understood." Arthur smiled, "Is it too soon to call you a boyfriend? What with you being in love with me over a thousand years and all. I kinda wanna tell the boys, knowing them they may already have a bet going."
Merlin, in an unamused grunt, did not object so Arthur proceeded to text his friends in their group chat.
From: Arthur
So, uh, I'm dating Emrys now. Just thought I should say, seeing as I know the two of you likely have a bet going.
From: Finn
Damn straight and I WIN! HA! :D 50 quid, loser.
From: Morri
To be fair, Arthur, I was only off by a week. Good luck with you two. Let us know when it is safe to drop by. Need to let the honeymoon period ramp out before we show up unannounced, hm?
From: Arthur
Easy on the shotgun, we just kissed once. I have no need to tell you details.
From: Finn
ExcUSE ME, I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING.
From: Emrys
I'm in the group chat now, uh, hi. :) We'll give you an update later, we plan on watching some movies. Feel free to drop by, if you like.
From: Finn
Oh haha ok Em ;P byeeee
A.N.
Another longer chap. I wanted to jump to the relationship part lol y'all have waited long enough