Adam gasped, chest heaving, doubled over with his hands over his throat. His lungs were aching, burning - and yet, at the same time, he felt… okay. He felt better than he did wherever the hell they had just been, for sure. He didn't realize what the difference was until his hands moved on their own, passing up over his face, and through his hair; Only then did he realize that it was Michael controlling them once again. The relief that flooded through him was indescribable, and Michael's own relief was almost completely numbing in response. The demon inhaled, slow and steady, and let their fingers tangle into their hair as he sighed.
Then, slowly, he let them both drop back down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The demon breathed in, the burning in his lungs fading, a rush of contentment warming his chest. The relief was almost blinding, the rush of satisfaction, the gratification that came with the realization that they were connected again - from both sides, it was absolutely amazing. He pushed past his own emotions, letting Michael's consume him for a moment.
I missed you. It was almost unspoken, but the thought had risen up in both of their minds, the words lost in the whirlwind. A soft smile settled across their face, and, despite how weak it had used to make him feel before, Adam allowed it to stay. He welcomed the warmth with open eyes, the contentment that came with knowing that they were whole again; Not one person, not two people - just… them. Adam and Michael. Nothing less, nothing more, and it was perfect. It was all they ever needed, and all they'd ever need.
"Are you okay?" Michael asked after a moment, raising their arms up over their face. Adam shut their eyes, his smile not fading a bit.
"Yeah. I am now," the demon murmured in response, and their lips twitched upwards just a little bit more, another rush of warmth overtaking them; Adam grinned, only slightly, bringing their arms up to cross them under his head instead. He turned a little, looking around the room, but his gaze returned to the ceiling after a few moments. "Are you?"
"I think so," Michael admitted, quiet and honest, and Adam paused for a moment. Something was different, something had sparked up within the archangel; He could feel it, a newfound sense of determination. It wasn't like the spite he had felt before, the need to rebel, to disobey God to get back at Him for everything He had done. No, this was different, it was stronger, and there was something a little more content resting deep within the archangel, as if he had finally come to terms with himself. Or, at least, like he was getting there.
Adam's smile widened just a little bit at that, eyebrows furrowing. "Something's different," he said quietly, turning his head to the side to look toward the wall. "What is it?"
Michael was silent for a moment, but his thoughts told Adam almost everything he needed to know. He was… done. He was done playing by God's rules. He was done being just a puppet on a string, he was done being controlled, done living solely for one purpose, the purpose God had given him, the purpose that had vanished into thin air the second he had fallen.
The demon's smile split into a grin, this one lasting much longer. A rush of pride enveloped him; And he let it, he let it surround him, and he sent it right back to the archangel. Words weren't needed for either of them, to know what the other was feeling, what they were thinking, not now. The warmth, the relief, the affection, the gratitude, flickering through Michael's chest was enough, and every bit of it was returned. The separation had done nothing but pull them even closer, if that was even possible - and they loved it more than either of them could describe.
"I hope you're happy," Adam mumbled quietly, and Michael lifted their head a little bit, looking toward the ceiling, as the demon continued on, "now that you're choosing this."
Michael huffed out a soft, quiet laugh, and Adam couldn't help but follow suit with a breathless chuckle of his own, looking toward the door for a moment. He had closed and locked it behind him after he had stormed out on the Winchesters, before he had gone after Michael - and thank goodness for that, because the demon was at his weakest right then… Then again, on some level, he didn't even feel weak. He felt stronger. Even smiling, like this, even laughing along with the archangel, even displaying the warmth and the affection he held for the other, he felt strong.
"I hope you're happy," Michael mumbled softly, bringing Adam's attention back to the archangel as he listened, eyebrows furrowing together as his smile softened. "I hope that you can be. And that you will be, in the end, with whatever choices you make, too."
Adam fell silent for a moment, thinking about that. He had used to think he wasn't even capable of happiness. But that was back when the only thing he could feel was… fury, pain, and hatred. And while the pain wasn't gone - the pain of betrayal, of abandonment, it would never truly leave him, even if he ended up forgiving his brothers in the end - the fury, and the hatred… had disappeared. A small part of him would always be angry - but it had faded into the dull anger that it was supposed to be, and that blazing hatred had fizzled out completely.
Maybe he could be happy. And maybe that wasn't weak at all. It couldn't be, could it? Not as strong as Adam was feeling right now? Not as invincible as this warmth was making him feel? So maybe it wasn't too late for him. Maybe it wasn't too late to let go. Maybe it wasn't too late to hope, at the very least, that he could change, too. Hell, maybe he already was. He wanted to.
"You know, I think…" Adam trailed off, blinking, the grin on his face fading into a gentler, warmer kind of smile. "I think there might just be a chance of that, halo."
There was no response, but the pride and relief on Michael's end was nearly overwhelming.
They stayed there for a while, silent and content in their own head, simply drifting along in their own thoughts. Until, finally, someone knocked on the door; It was startling, on Michael's end, and the archangel practically jumped and jolted upright almost immediately - whereas Adam just let loose a loud, deep snarl from deep within his chest, instinctive and protective.
Michael shushed him, or attempted to, but the growl didn't fade for a while as Adam twisted their head to look toward the door, resisting every urge to spring up, throw it open, and attack whoever was standing there. But, of course, once he had calmed down enough to think at least somewhat rationally, the demon took in a breath and let it out as Michael slowly turned them around to stand up, staggering a bit - Adam managed to steady them - and looking toward the door with a frown. For a moment, the demon considered the possibility that it might be Gabriel-
Gabriel wouldn't knock, Michael told him simply, and Adam narrowed their eyes faintly in response, grumbling slightly under his breath. Okay, so that was out.
Fortunately, though, they didn't have to wonder for too long; Sam's voice drifted past the door, calling out their names quietly. "Adam, Michael-" The hunter knocked again, twice, before he continued on, "it's Sam. I just wanna talk. Please?" Adam didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed, so he settled on a mixture of both - but he did, finally, move forward to unlock the door, stumbling a bit in the process and nearly knocking the nightstand - and the untouched salad he had put on top of it - over as he moved.
Sam's face flushed in relief the second the door opened, as if he hadn't been expecting either Adam or Michael to have answered. The hunter was holding the journal he had given Adam earlier, the one the demon had abandoned in the main room along with his brothers and Castiel; For a moment, Adam only stared, mildly confused, before turning his attention back to Sam.
"Look…" The hunter cleared his throat, shifting slightly in the doorway, staring down at Adam and Michael with a faint frown written across his face. "About how we reacted about Lucifer… I know it must have been hard to hear. I'm sorry about that." Sam paused, clearing his throat, and Adam opened his mouth slightly to respond - but he thought better of it, snapping it shut again almost immediately and biting back a grimace. "We didn't, um… have the best… experiences with him. I get it, though, him… being all you had there, in- in Hell. But he is… dangerous. And I can't ignore that." Sam glanced down at the journal, mouth twisting. "Not after everything. So I understand your attachment - and I understand why you'd be pissed. You should be; You have every right to be. Both of you. I mean- Lucifer's family. And he was there for you when we weren't, too. If nothing else, I can acknowledge that. But there are things- things that he's done, that I can't forget, even then. And we have to do what we think is right. Whatever happens."
Adam stayed silent, just staring at his older half-brother. There was no anger, though, following Sam's words. No, for the first time, he actually felt something else - something sympathetic, stirring deep within his chest. Something that longed to care. And while it would have been so easy, too easy, to push that all as far down as he could, forget it, this time, he embraced it. He let it wrap around him, and he let that tiny flicker of sympathy grow, as much as it was capable of growing. He let the ache pound against his chest, he let the warmth - painful as it was, weakening as it felt, at first - spread from head to toe, until he felt like he was drowning in it. He let it pound against the walls he had built up. And he let those walls crack just enough.
Michael was silent, offering no words; But there was nothing but a steady rush of support from the archangel. Whatever he did now, whatever he said, whatever decision he made, Michael would stand by it. Whether Adam decided to try, or whether he decided to turn away again. And he wanted to - every part of him ached to turn away from his brother. Every part of him except one small, softer part. The part of him that he'd been pushing away since his Transformation. The part of him that he had longed to forget - the part of him that he might need to embrace once again if he was ever going to truly let himself be… happy. His humanity.
The demon paused, eyes trailing down to the journal in Sam's hands, and then back up to the hunter's face. His brother was watching him, quiet, waiting for a response. After a while, biting his tongue, battling internally with himself, Adam came to a decision. He pulled the door open completely and stepped back slightly, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly through his teeth. "Yeah. I get it." The demon paused, meeting Sam's surprised stare. "Really."
And he did. He really did. But he wasn't picking sides between Lucifer and Sam. He wasn't choosing the Devil over his brother. He was choosing himself, and he was choosing Michael, and he was choosing the path they were taking now, and the plans they had made, and the world that they were about to save, together, as one, the way they ought to be. But he was also acknowledging that Sam and Lucifer were a part of that world, too - so if you really think about it, Adam wasn't choosing between them. He was choosing both of them.
"Well… good." Sam paused, venturing further into the room, facing the demon and the archangel. Michael was silent, allowing them to interact, but the pride radiating from the archangel made Adam want to smile. He bit it back, though, forcing his focus back onto his older half-brother as the hunter managed to find his voice once again. "Thank you."
"I know you're trying, Sam," Adam responded simply after a few seconds, pausing slightly. Not quite hesitating - no, he knew what he wanted to say, the problem was saying it without sounding too emotional and sappy. "And I appreciate it. I do." The demon paused, looking down, tucking their hands into their pockets and clearing their throat a little bit as he continued, "and I want to start trying, too. Not for you, don't get me wrong," he warned, and Sam just nodded, completely understanding. "But… I don't know. I'm not as angry as I was." He fell silent for a moment, studying the hunter, then added, "and I don't want to be angry anymore."
"You don't have to be," Sam responded quietly, stepping forward and holding the journal out. After just a second of thought, Adam reached out to take it. "I know, I know it's hard, letting go of the past. But we can't change it, man." His brother's expression softened, holding his gaze. "What we can do is change our futures. We can choose to forgive, and make amends, and start over. And if you'd let me- if you'd let me…" Sam's eyes flickered faintly, searching the demon's face. "I want to be the brother that I should've been to you before."
Adam blinked up at him, a little quicker to respond now, despite now feeling like his chest was tightening up with each passing second, the warmth seeming to form into a lump just in the center of his throat, trying to choke him up. Still, somehow, he managed to keep his voice somewhat steady. "... I think I'd like that."
And he did. He really did.
Sam exhaled sharply, releasing somewhat of a relieved-sounding laugh - and, despite himself, Adam's lips twitched faintly, just a fraction. It was tentative, but not uncertain. He knew what he wanted, and he knew it for sure now; It was only a matter of time. Only a matter of really, truly accepting it for what it was. Being able to push past what he saw as weakness, to see it as something much more; And he had a feeling he was getting there. After so long of being so, so furious, letting go of that anger, as slow and confusing as the process may be, it felt a lot better than he ever could have imagined. But what was more shocking, than all of that, was that when Sam suddenly stepped forward, going for a hug, Adam moved forward and met him halfway, putting the journal down on the bed. Without even thinking about it, without really hesitating.
It wasn't as warming, or as safe, as the rare, meaningful hugs he and Michael shared. But it was still meaningful, in its own way, carrying its own kind of message, its own kind of warmth. Maybe he would never truly feel the same bond with Sam as he felt with Michael, but then, maybe that was okay. He could care about them both in different ways. And while he knew he would always care about the archangel over anything, and anyone, blood or not, he could still care about Sam. He could still have some kind of bond with him, impossible as it had seemed.
He wouldn't forget - but maybe he could forgive.
The demon smiled to himself, when Sam couldn't see, digging his fingers into the hunter's flannel jacket and letting his breath out in a low, somewhat content sigh. The smile widened into a grin, despite Adam's attempts to stifle it, from Michael's end - the pride, the satisfaction, the joy, it all rushed over him. And he welcomed it. For once, he genuinely, openly welcomed it.
He pulled away after a moment, content as he had been, satisfied as he had been - there were still places to go, people to meet, and they still had no idea where the hell Gabriel was and what was taking him so long, but Adam and Michael both knew they needed to get a move on. Still, he met Sam's gaze as he pulled away, allowing the smile to settle across his face for another small, fleeting second before he wiped it away again, clearing his throat and looking away. It was still hard not to think of these new emotions as weak - but he was getting there. Baby steps. And one baby step at a time.
"I've gotta get back to Dean and Cas," Sam murmured, a smile of his own lingering on his face, one of relief, of gratitude, of content. Adam only nodded slightly in agreement, raising his eyebrows. Those two, alone - not a good idea, from what the demon had seen so far. "Thank you," the hunter said suddenly, stepping toward the door. "For giving me a chance."
For only a moment, Adam didn't know what to say; But the words left his lips before he had even really thought them through. For a moment, he thought Michael was speaking - but the archangel had long retreated by then, content just to watch, silent and soft as ever, as they interacted with one another. "Thank you for wanting one."
Sam's lips twitched, and he nodded slightly in the demon's direction before he turned away and disappeared into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him with a soft click.
Michael finally rose up to take control, as Adam turned, picking the journal back up off of the bed and instead moving it to the nightstand, sliding the salad off of it and into the small trash bin beside the stand in the process. "I always knew you had it in you," the archangel murmured, and Adam rolled their eyes slightly, but even then, he couldn't even be annoyed. There was still a lingering sense of contentment, one he just couldn't quite shake. "I'm glad you're giving them a chance. And yourself a chance, to be happy." Michael softened. "You deserve it."
"I think I've had enough mushiness for one day, pal," Adam muttered good-naturedly as he looked back toward the door, then back at the journal. He was about to reach over and open it - when, abruptly, a soft whoosh echoed through the room, the papers hanging from the edges of the journal fluttering faintly, and the demon felt a distinct breeze run through his hair. He turned, slowly, more confused than anything - but that dissolved into realization when he saw Gabriel standing there, with a half-eaten Snickers bar in one hand and a long silver blade in the other, which he was all-too casually stuffing into his sleeve. "'Bout time."
Michael chided him lightly, though he gave in rather easily. "... yeah, Adam's got a point. It is about time," the archangel muttered, amused, and Gabriel squinted slightly at them with a half-bewildered, half-frustrated expression spreading across his face now. "What were you even doing, anyway?" He paused, however, as Adam thought back to the comments that the youngest archangel had made before, during the meeting, an odd look flitting across their face. "... nevermind, I'm not sure I want to know."
"Yeah, you're better off not knowing," Gabriel responded, a grin appearing on his face. Adam spared him a deadpan look, receiving a shrug from the archangel in response. "Couldn't just leave them hanging without somewhat of a… goodbye kiss. You know how it rolls," he said dismissively, waving a hand. "So, you ready to go or not? Luci's prolly already there, so, we better get a move on before he tries to do this thing without us and gets his ass in trouble."
"Good point," Adam muttered, and Michael hummed slightly in agreement. The demon looked back at the journal, and then spared one last glance toward the door before he turned away again, nodding slightly to Gabriel - and bracing himself for what was about to come - as Michael brought them a few steps closer. "Let's do this."