AN: the fact that there isn't a Galeem or Dharkon tag on this site is a crime. but yeah this fic is more or less a giant shitpost and also shipfic about them so. there you go.

anyway, content warning for major character death (world of light be like that) and one suicide mention (lifeline brought up as a gag).

There comes a point in every ball of light's life where one is blessed with an epiphany of oneself: the epiphany in which they find out who they are, what it means to be them, and what they truly want to do with their life.

For Galeem, that moment came when he looked upon the entire roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and thought, "I am literally all of you." And once he had that revelation, there was nothing stopping him from telling the entire multiverse.

Galeem had always remained idle. He preferred watching over doing, as doing things required effort, which he disliked expending. Well, that, and he didn't want to dinge up his perfectly crafted feathers by mingling within the mortal realm. But either way, he bided his time within his eternal existence by watching the worlds around him. Because that's what you do when you're a ball of light who's just vibing.

Among the worlds he saw were the multiple denizens that would make up the whole of Smash. The iconic Mario, the brave Link, the stoic Samus, and the eighty plus others; he had long since kept track of them. At first they were curious spectacles, anomalies amidst the average riff-raff of the mortal realm. But many would come to blossom into heroes, legends of their own kind, and it was at that point Galeem felt kinship towards them.

He hadn't realized it at first either. He thought that feeling such a heavy connection was normal for his kind. But no one else felt the same stirring emotion he would as he looked upon Little Mac twisting his ankle because he stepped the wrong way on the sidewalk; or Pit as he would ravenously eat food straight off the floor; or even Isabelle and the exhaustion she felt, as she went about her days fueled on one hour of sleep and a shit load of caffeine.

He loved all of them.

He was all of them.

And he only truly noticed when he saw all of them side-by-side, united in what was to be the Ultimate Tournament. At which point, deep within his core, he knew exactly what he had to do: he had to show the world his true colors.

So he made an account on .

Though it was a bit difficult for him to make it. His wings were dummy thicc, and his feathers certainly weren't meant for typing on his tiny phone. But he would manage, he must. The world had to know the truth.

Eventually, LordofLight was born within the realm of Twitter, and Galeem made his very first tweet:

'Excited to see me fight myself in the upcoming #SuperSmashBrosUltimate. I wonder who will win this tournament? Perhaps it will be me, me, or even possibly, me?'

Send.

Wait.

He added a reply, 'I only jest. I am well aware none of the competitors stand any chance against me.'

There, perfect. Send.

He laid back within his realm, content with his post. Now all he had to do was wait for the world to acknowledge him, and his identity as the Ultimate Kinnie would be solidified.

So he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He turned on his phone's screen. One minute had passed.

He figured that was enough waiting.

He eagerly reopened Twitter and checked his tweet. There currently appeared to be no interactions.

'Weird,' he thought, 'Must be a bug within the app', he reasoned. He was confident that the lackluster response was purely the fault of Twitter itself. After all, it was the platform that crashed and burned upon the introduction of Minecraft Steve within the tournament. Clearly it was incapable of withstanding his brilliance either.

But just to make sure…

'Greetings, mortals of NintendoAmerica. It is I, the Lord of Light, Galeem. I come bearing the declaration that I am now one with the wondrous roster of #SuperSmashBrosUltimate. Do with this information what you will, but know that so long as Smash reigns dominant amongst the Gamers, so too, will I.'

He tried to send, but the app refused. He looked at the ending text that had been highlighted red, alongside the number '-20'. What could it possibly mean? Had he already broken the site beyond repair within his first tweet? Then again, he was hardly surprised that his presence could do such a thing, he was a supreme god. But that didn't change the fact that it was annoying.

Galeem drafted the tweet and made a new one, ' Twitter, it appears as if your platform does not work within my presence. As your platform is the greatest way for me to reach a wide audience, I command that you fix these issues promptly. Regards, Galeem.'

Send. There, it went through. Now, where was he?

Ah, right. Kinning.

He decided to take a break from his hard work tweeting and went back to his usual hobby: Stalki- I mean, watching over all of the Smashers. And, of course, kinning them. Not that kinning was an activity he had to actively partake in, as he was always in a state of kinning by default. Maybe that was why he was so partial to the idea, since it hardly took him any effort to kin.

He brushed aside his musings. Now was not the time to be thinking about himself. He had various other parts of himself to watch over now.

He peered into the mortal realm and caught sight of Link. Despite having already saved Hyrule from Calamity, he still opted to explore the whole of it with nothing on him but the clothes on his back and his sword by his side. He was currently scaling a mountain at a 90 degree angle, furiously trying to find indents within the surface to use to support his climb. Unfortunately, he tired out before he could reach the top, losing his grip on the mountainside and plummeting to what would have been his death, had Mipha's Grace not provided a cushion for him.

Galeem chuckled. How typical of Link, nay, Galeem , to attempt such a fruitless endeavor. But that adventurous and daring spirit is what made him relate to Link so much. That isn't to say he would ever attempt that climb himself; not only would it dirty up his perfect appearance, but it simply wasn't necessary considering he could, you know, fly . But despite that, he fondly looked over Link's crumpled form on the ground and thought, 'You and I are one'.

He then looked over to check on Mario. Mario had donned a lab coat and was tending to a distressed Toad, indicating that he was assuming his position as Dr. Mario. Galeem admired how Mario excelled in his various careers, but he knew that even Mario couldn't hold a candle to Galeem's expert variety kinning.

Mario appeared deep in thought, contemplating the results he held on his clipboard, before looking back up to the Toad. His eyes were filled with pity.

"W-well?" the blue Toad asked, fiddling with his fingers in anxiety, "Am I gonna be okay?"

Mario closed his eyes, "I'm sorry…" he began, "It's terminal. You only have a year left."

The Toad dropped to his knees, "No… this can't be happening! Doctor, please, isn't there a cure?!"

"I'm afraid not."

As the Toad wailed in grief at the news, Galeem felt the sorrow as well. Tragedy is inevitable, and it follows mortals especially, but even so, that didn't change the fact that he mourned for that Toad's loss of life…

Except, no he didn't. He couldn't care less about a single Toad's livelihood, and through his kinnie connection, he knew Mario gave even less of a fuck. Of course, Mario at least had the courtesy of pretending he cared, but Galeem would never be held back by such meaningless social restrictions. Were he in control of the situation, he knew damn well that had the Toad asked him for a cure, Galeem would have told him to perish. After all, it was, as Galeem delicately put it, 'Natural Selection'.

Still, even despite his different approach, Galeem still felt kinship to Mario. A shame that a part of him would move awry from his whims, however…

He went to move on to watching Samus when he felt his phone buzz. After many attempts of trying to swipe his phone screen without scratching it with his feathers, he successfully opened Twitter and saw one (1) notification.

Galeem sparkled in joy, eagerly checking his very first interaction: a reply to his tweet declaring his kinning:

'what does this even mean?'

Ah, confusion. How typical of mortals to misunderstand the intentions of Gods. He typed out his response, 'Greetings, mortal. I am aware that your puny mind is incapable of comprehending the art of kinning, but fret not! It is actually quite simple, and I will gladly explain how I, the Lord of Light, am one with the roster of #SuperSmashBrosUltimate.'

He then proceeded to write what basically amounted to an essay detailing kinning and how he kinned each and every single member of the roster within the span of a single tweet. An essay that the reader will be spared from reading, because no one deserves to have to be burdened with the knowledge of having seen Galeem's comprehensive kinlist.

After a grueling hour of writing out and editing his response, Galeem was satisfied and went to send the tweet. Unfortunately for him, the same affliction that had affected his first bugged tweet had now afflicted his response, except now the number underneath the highlighted text was '-61249'.

Galeem was taken aback by this. What was the meaning of this? Was Twitter really this broken?

Irritated at the incompetent site, he set about typing a new tweet directly to Twitter, 'Dear Twitter, I would highly recommend fixing your wretched app with haste. This is the second time I have been prevented from sharing to the world the truth of #SuperSmashBrosUltimate, and I don't appreciate you standing in my way. Either mend your issues or I shall make my way to your headquarters and fix it myself. Do not make me wait.'

However, when he went to send the tweet, he was furious to see the obnoxious highlighted text alongside a new negative number. His core grew redhot in frustration as he viciously swiped through his timeline on Twitter, to see if anyone else had this problem. He soon noticed that his timeline was empty, as he wasn't following anyone, so he elected to go into the #SuperSmashBrosUltimate hashtag to see if anyone shared his grievances.

He quickly found that the hashtag was, in fact, not filled with people complaining about Twitter, but people talking about Smash. Whether it was art, speculation, memes, or all of the above, not a single person used the hashtag of #SuperSmashBrosUltimate to rant about Twitter censoring them, and Galeem couldn't figure out why. That was, until he stumbled upon a tweet that stuck out to him like a sore thumb.

'congrats to steve for joining smash. hope he's ready to get kinned by the ultimate kinnie :)'

Galeem's core flickered, baffled at what he had just read. So there were people who were aware of him and his status. It was odd, though, that this one user would recognize his kinning without even liking his original tweet. He decided to investigate further, and what he saw on that user's profile page shocked him to his core.

The user's page was completely covered with memes and a horrendously ugly darkness aesthetic, which ran completely contradictory to his beautiful and flawless aesthetic of light. Galeem huffed, disgusted that a cretin with such horrific taste would even remotely interact with him, let alone have an account on the same app as him. He was about to report the account to Twitter for being ugly when he froze upon glancing at the profile:

'? ﾸﾏdharkon?he/him?age: lmao?embodiment of chaos and dharkness?currently kinning all of smash, might kin u too :)? ﾸﾏ'

currently kinning all of smash, might kin u too :)

currently kinning all of smash

kinning all of smash

Galeem read the profile over and over again, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. There's no way cHaOsAnDdArKnEsS really thought he kinned Smash? Could there truly be someone so delusional out there?

Whether he was right in the head or no, Galeem knew one thing: he had to right this wrong. He slid into the dark kinnie's DM's to deliver his judgment.

'Greetings, heathen. It has come to my attention that you are under the delusion that you kin the roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. I have come to inform you that you are incorrect, as there can only be one Ultimate kinnie, and that is me. Please remove all mentions of kinning the roster from your page immediately. Yours truly, Galeem.'

Almost immediately, Galeem saw Dharkon typing up a response, sending a short, 'what'.

Galeem typed back, his response coming out slowly in comparison since his giant feathers kept making typos, 'I do not feel that it is necessary for me to repeat myself. Cease your kinning immediately.'

Dharkon replied, 'bro are u for fuckin real'.

Galeem typed, 'Yes, I am real. And do not call me bro. I will not be associated with your degeneracy.'

'oh, well, in that case. i'd better change my profile i guess'

Dharkon went silent after that, presumably to correct his profile. Galeem was relieved that his words had cut through, until he saw Dharkon's new profile which was exactly the same but 'i guess i kin galeem now too' was added at the end.

Galeem was enraged, nearly slamming his feathers into his phone to type his response, 'What is the meaning of this?!'

Dharkon replied, 'i kin the roster. u kin the roster. so we kin each other then'.

'I do not and will NEVER associate with the likes of you. I would never kin someone so horrid, so PUTRID, and so laughably delusional. I will be reporting you to Twitter, post haste. Say goodbye to your kinnie days, imposter!'

'bb ur making me upset. why can't we just kin in peace? :('

'I cannot be at rest until the world knows the truth, and you are an obstacle in my path of revelation!'

'it's not that big of a deal lady, it's just kinning lmao'

Lady?!

'How DARE you deliberately misgender me! How many pieces of my identity do you intend to squander?!'

'oh shit my bad lmao i thought u were a chick'

'I am not a CHICK, I am a GOD, an ANGEL of high ORDER, and you WILL treat me with the respect I am due!'

'okay ANGEL of high ORDER, what r ur pronouns'

'He/Him.'

'rad, gotcha'

Dharkon appeared to be silent after that, before blinks of his texting showed up every now and then. Then, he sent another DM, 'u kinda cute tho ngl'.

Galeem audibly scoffed, 'The NERVE of you to flirt with me! Wretch!'

'ur right, that was pretty out of line, i'm sorry'

Galeem huffed. Even if he was a completely loathsome reprobate, at least Dharkon had the decency to apologize. At least, that's what Galeem thought, until Dharkon followed up his reply with, 'i shouldn't be flirting with myself, that's just fucked up'.

Galeem shook with anger, 'WE ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU IMBECILE!'

'but we both kin the roster'

'I kin the roster, you DON'T! You are clearly a sad little man who has delusions about himself that he WISHES were true, but aren't. You probably sit on Twitter all day, spouting out nonsense about how you kin people you likely know next to nothing about! You're absolutely despicable.'

'dude i know the roster. they're all a part of me. stop doubting my gamer knowledge'.

'Really now? Then name every single entry in which every single Smasher has appeared in.' Despite not speaking in person, Galeem gestured to himself smugly, ' I happen to know the answer because I'm not a fraud. Can't say the same for you though!'

Dharkon was silent after that, which Galeem took to be stunned silence at his ultimatum. He took pride in his take down of the imposter kinnie; the world was one step closer to seeing the light.

But Dharkon wasn't done. Galeem nearly clicked away from their DM's when he saw Dharkon typing.

And typing.

And typing.

And- oh dear Lord, he was typing a lot .

That was, until he stopped typing. And what followed was a large, comprehensive list of every single video game that featured any character from the roster. A list so large that it nearly crashed his phone.

Galeem had had enough. He nearly threw his phone at the nearest surface within his little kinnie void out of frustration, but he didn't want to have to pay for a new phone, so he restrained himself. Instead, he shut the screen off and decided to make a trip to the place he always goes when he wants to vent about something: home.

Within the span of a second, Galeem zipped back to his home at the speed of light. There he approached the giant double doors that adorned the elegant mansion his family resided in. Being a massive drama queen, he swung both doors open and immediately set about lying on the only piece of furniture in his estate: a couch bought specifically for Galeem's dramatic episodes.

Galeem splayed on the couch and sought about moping until someone showed up, but thankfully for him, it didn't take long for his family to notice him there.

Two bigger orbs of light with colored wings approached him. His mother, Saparkle, spoke first. "What's the matter, sweetie? Are you feeling okay?" she asked in that sickeningly sweet concerned mom voice.

The other orb, who was holding a newspaper and had a smoking pipe sticking out of him, shook his 'head' in disappointment. His father, Tawinkle, said, "If this is about another one of your dang vidya game characters dying, son-"

"No, father!" Galeem interrupted him, "This is much worse. Some cretin on is bullying me!" he posed dramatically, "on the internet!"

"Oh, no, honey…" his mom tried her best to convey sympathy, as she did with all of Galeem's tantrums. His dad, however, was having none of it.

"Son, it's Twitter. Whoever was bullying you's probably some loser with too much time on their hands," his father said, his soul dying as he spoke, "Can't you just block them?"

"Block him?" Galeem scoffed, "As if! If I were to block him, then he would keep spreading his vicious lies, and the world will never know the truth!"

"The truth about what?"

"The truth that..." Galeem stopped himself before he could finish. His parents weren't aware of his kinnie lifestyle, and he wasn't sure how they would take the news. The last thing he wanted right now was to get on the bad side of his parents. But he was tired of staying in the closet too…

"Well?" his father broke his train of thought, "What is it?"

"Well…" Galeem hesitated, "It's…"

"FATHER, MOTHER!" Right before Galeem had to say anything, his sister, Galitter, barged through the front doors the same way Galeem did, "I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT I AM TRANS AND THAT I LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH!"

"We know, darling," their father replied, "And we love you all the more for being who you are."

"Never stop loving yourself, darling!" their mother said, "Know that we will always be here to support you!"

Galitter glittered in happiness, not even bothering to look over Galeem before strutting back outside in her glorious trans fashion. As annoyed as he was that his sister didn't even bother checking in on him, the interaction gave him the confidence boost he needed. If his parents were loving and caring for his trans sister, then surely they would accept his kinning ways, right?

"Father… mother…" Galeem began, "There is something I must tell you."

They turned their attention back to him.

"I'm-"

"Son, we both know you're gay," his father interjected.

"And you are absolutely valid, too," his mother cooed, "Don't ever think that we wouldn't-"

"That's not what I was going to say, mother!" Galeem rudely interrupted her, before adding, "Even if I am."

"And we will always love you," his father replied.

"I… okay," Galeem turned away, "Thanks and all, but, that's not all I am."

"Then please," his mother replied, "Tell us. You will always be safe to be whoever you are in this household."

"Even if…" Galeem hesitated, "Even if I am more than one person?"

His parents looked at each other in confusion. His father replied, "Son, what do you mean by that?"

"I kin, father."

And just like that, there was dead silence between the angels.

" Who do you kin, son?"

"The entire roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate."

His father gently got up from his place next to Galeem and went over to their front doors. He then opened one of them and held it open, gesturing to Galeem.

"Father, what are you doing?"

"I want you to leave. You are no longer welcome in this house."

"Father!"

"I will NOT tolerate my son being a filthy kinnie!" his father shouted, "As of now, you are no longer my son!"

"Father, please!" Galeem pleaded, getting off his drama couch to beg, "I can't change who I am, I was born this way!"

"You weren't born kinning Mario, you degenerate! The bastard didn't even exist when you were born!" His father refuted. His mother floated by his father's side and cried into his wings. His father kept yelling, "Get your wretched kinnie nonsense OUT OF THIS HOUSEHOLD!"

"But I-"

And just like that, the doors were slammed shut on his face.

Galeem stared at the front of what used to be his home. Deep within him, he felt despair, loneliness, hopelessness. But most of all, he felt anger. Anger, that his parents would disown him for his kinnie ways. Anger, that someone on Twitter was pretending to be him. Anger, that the world still didn't know the truth.

He let the sadness within him burn away, and in place, wrath took hold of him. He opened up Twitter and immediately went into Dharkon's DM's.

'YOU!''

Dharkon immediately replied, 'yeah, me. what's up bb?'

'This is all your fault!' Galeem started ugly crying in real life as he typed, 'Had you not insisted on STEALING MY IDENTITY, I would still have a loving place to call home!'

'tf are u even talking about?'

'My parents disowned me because they found out I was kinning! ALL THANKS TO YOU! IMBECILE!'

'i don't see how it's my fault that your parents are bigoted.'

'I wouldn't have had to tell them if you weren't INCORRECTLY parading around as the ULTIMATE KINNIE, which you are NOT.'

'ok then.'

Okay then? OKAY THEN?! What kind of response was that?!

'How DARE you trivialize my struggle! Do you have any idea what it's like to face kinphobia FROM YOUR OWN PARENTS?!'

'uh, yeah? i mean, not from my parents, since they're all loving and accepting, but yeah, i kin too. i've seen kinphobia.'

Before Galeem could storm up another reply, Dharkon sent another DM, 'listen, even if ur a total asshole, ur still a part of me, and i feel bad. if u need a place to crash, u can always drop by the dhark palace and i can make a room for u or smth. hell, i can probs convince mom to adopt u too since we're the same person and all, so i guess that makes u part of the family now.'

Galeem was shaking and crying with anger, 'I will NEVER associate with you, EVER. EVER!'

'ok chill, i was only tryna be nice.'

'The only thing you could POSSIBLY do to help me is PERISH.'

Dharkon was silent for a few moments, before he began typing again.

Then Dharkon sent his DM, and Galeem was stunned.

He had sent him the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Dharkon added, 'i'm worried about u dude. u shouldn't just talk about wanting to die like that. please get help.'

Galeem threw his phone to the ground, breaking it instantly. He had had enough. Everything that he had once held dear to him in his life, his family, his identity, his phone… it was all but snatched away from him within mere moments. With nowhere left to turn, he wanted nothing more than to wail within his kinnie void, left to grieve over how unfair life has been to him.

But within Galeem, there was a more powerful emotion than the despair he felt, and that was spite. He wiped away his tears and picked up his broken phone. Looking at it fondly, he felt nostalgic, thinking about all the kinnie memories held within it. Yet still, he set the phone ablaze, and rendered it into nothing but ashes. There was no point in holding on to a tool that couldn't function, after all.

Wait a minute…

Tools…

Galeem tentatively peered into the mortal realm. There he saw the many other parts of himself going about their day as normal, as if an integral part of them hadn't had their world collapse within the span of a few hours. Even they felt distant from him, in spite of their kinship. And even with everything that had happened that day, the thought of the Smashers being distant, perhaps even separate from him…

It tore at his very soul.

That was when he realized what he must do. Now, more than ever, he needed every part of him by his side. He needed to feel validated. He needed to be whole .

And on that day, Galeem set out to do the unthinkable.

Nothing would stop him from being the Ultimate Kinnie.

Click

"Don't let a single one get away!"

As the sun set on what had been a largely uneventful day, the Smashers had all gathered themselves at the summit of a cliff overlooking a vast ocean. And hovering over the ocean with his army of Master Hands in tow, was Galeem.

"What the fuck is that?!" Ike exclaimed, knowing fully well that he'd get censored in the cinematic cut of this scene.

Galeem looked directly at the young mercenary, recounting his specific connection with him. Upon his recollection, he glowed fondly and cooed, "You…"

Ike looked around him before gesturing back to himself, "Who, me?"

Galeem's core flickered in excitement, "You shall be first."

Before Ike could ask what he meant, a Hand amidst his army was vaporized, and a beam was omitted from Galeem's core, instantly annihilating Ike.

All of the Smashers immediately brought up their weapons, the ones capable of flight nearly leaping off the ground in an assault when Shulk exclaimed, "Wait!"

They all stopped in their place, knowing fully well that Shulk knew what the future held for them. He turned to the rest of the Smashers, fear abundant in his eyes, "We can't beat him, not like this! We have to ru-" another beam cut through Shulk, vaporizing him before he could even scream.

Many of the Smashers took that as a cue to run, but some stayed on to fight the new menace. Regardless of what they did, Galeem looked over them with adoration and decreed, "Brothers of Smash! Do not fear! I, Galeem, the Holy Lord of Light, have arrived to become one with all of you!" As the rest of the Hands in his arsenal vaporized, Galeem absorbed their energy and shined brighter than ever before, "Today, we shall all be united at last!"

One miniature blackhole and a plethora of beams later, the Super Smash Brothers were no more. And on that day, when the sky fell away, Galeem solidified his identity as the Ultimate Kinnie to the entire multiverse.

Galeem looked over his World of Light. Multiple different worlds had been stitched together akin to patchwork, and spirits from beyond Smash now inhabited the bodies of puppets produced from his beloved fighters. They all roamed the World devoid of purpose, seeped of their identity as they obeyed the whims of Galeem alone. Taking it all in, Galeem only had one thought on his mind:

"I may have overextended."

He hadn't intended to involve other worlds, let alone any other mortals outside of Smash in his kinnie shenanigans. All he wanted was to gain control over the other parts of himself, but he concluded that he must have bought bootleg Master Hands back at the Divine Department Store, because he clearly lost control of them in the midst of his assault. Either that, or setting them all off at the same time was a terrible idea.

Regardless, Galeem now had the reality of his actions to accept, and accept he did. Now, he could have simply returned the worlds and spirits back to their original place while keeping hold of the Smashers, but Galeem was a generous soul. He wanted the spirits he had in his disposal to feel the joy of kinning the Smashers as much as he did, so he meticulously sorted through all of them and gave them each their own kin assignments. As they meandered around his patchwork world with nothing written on their faces but a forlorn stare, he beamed at how ingenious and kind he was to offer them such a golden opportunity.

He left his World of Light as it was too. He justified to himself that he wished for the Smashers and spirits to feel some semblance of home within his world, but in reality, he knew deep down that trying to fix the world would be a giant hassle. Galeem disliked expending effort, and so, he chose to keep the world as it was, even if it did look like a clusterfuck.

Now that he was done looking over the world, he decided to look back at his ultimate prize: the Super Smash Brothers, now in his control. Galeem never felt happier than that day; the connection he felt to each Smasher was stronger than ever before. He truly felt like he had regained the pieces of himself that he had long since been without. He stroked his feathers dotingly over each Smasher, nearly choking up as he said, "You and I are all finally one..."

Except, something was missing. Something crucial.

Galeem couldn't figure out what it was for the life of him, but even amidst his greatest achievement, something wasn't right. He wondered, was it the world that bothered him? The spirits? Was the weight of what he did finally dawning on him? Or was the satisfaction of kinning at the ultimate level only temporary? Was there truly more to life than kinning? Had he been wrong this whole time?

Oh, wait, no, it was none of that. He just found out he was missing a Smasher.

Galeem sighed in relief. Thankfully it was something that he could physically retrieve, and not something philosophical like reevaluating the meaning of his existence.

He counted over his kinnie collection again to see who he was missing. "Let's see… Mewtwo, Lucario, Greninja… yes, all the Pokemon are here. I have Game and Watch, all of the pilots… Olimar? Oh, yes, Olimar is here, good, good, Ness, Lucas, Ryu, Ken, there's Meta Knight and King Dedede-"

Galeem froze. He looked over his roster.

"Where's Kirby?"

He frantically searched through his roster.

"Where the fuck is Kirby?"

Galeem felt panic settle deep within him.

"Oh no, oh God, oh no, oh sh-"

Galeem kinned the entire roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Galeem knew everything there was to know about every single fighter on the roster. Galeem knew very well what Kirby was capable of, and he knew exactly what Kirby had done to those who get in his way. For the first time in his life, Galeem was scared out of his mind.

He felt chills trail down his wings as he shivered, "I'm… I'm not getting out of this alive, am I?"

Galeem got out of it alive, but only barely.

After having been beaten single-handedly by the pink menace, Galeem had resigned to his fate of either being another casualty on Kirby's list of eldritch Gods who dared to face him, or to be forcefully pacified and turned into a friend of Kirby's. As Kirby readied his hammer in front of Galeem's core, Galeem figured that being forcefully pacified into a Kirby friend and possibly stripped of his godhood honestly didn't sound like the worst deal right now.

But before Kirby could unleash his judgment, the sky cracked open. And in that sky peered the eye belonging to the bane of his existence: Dharkon.

As Dharkon's claws shattered the sky around him, he peered into Galeem's now defunct world, before settling his sight on the sorry image of Galeem lying helplessly on the ground while Kirby towered over him.

Staring intently over the form of his fellow kinnie, Dharkon asked, "did i come at a bad time?"

Kirby turned around and looked at Dharkon with curiosity. Not wasting a moment, Galeem condensed his wings into his core and fled for his life.

As Galeem fled, Kirby and Dharkon kept looking at each other. Looking at the chaos around him, Dharkon said, "yikes."

Galeem wasn't sure how much time had passed. He wasn't sure what was going on either, but he noticed that his aptly named World of Light was now entirely dark. Under normal circumstances, he would be absolutely livid, but right now? The ugly aesthetic was the least of his problems.

Having faced Kirby's wrath head on, Galeem learned a valuable lesson. He learned that he enjoyed living, and the best way to go from living to dying was by pissing off Kirby. Even in his weakened state in the far corner of wherever the fuck he was, Galeem was already brainstorming a variety of cakes to make so that Kirby would be even slightly merciful to him, should he encounter him again.

Oh, and don't get him wrong, he was pissed about losing all of his Smashers too. But considering his wings were now tattered sheets of metal with several feathers snapped off or bent, and his core was flickering desperately to keep alight, he knew he wasn't exactly in the right condition to be asking for too much.

Galeem huddled his wings close to his core. It was cold, so, so cold. In fact, it was almost as if the air around him was getting colder-

"hey"

Galeem darted away from the voice behind him, keeping his wings close to his core. When he saw who was behind him, he was greeted with the piercing eye of Dharkon.

Immediately, his tone grew from desperate to bitter, "What do you want, wretch? Here to flaunt your victory?"

"no, but yes"

Galeem huffed in disgust as Dharkon approached him, but Dharkon said "look, i only stopped by to check in on u. u didn't reply after i sent that lifeline and i got really worried that u actually… well…"

Galeem scoffed, "What, did you actually think I would hurt myself based off of your idiotic text alone?" He spread his wings around him, "I am not as fragile as you may think."

Dharkon eyed Galeem's tattered appearance before saying, "yes, clearly."

Annoyance slipped into Galeem's tone, "You are mocking me."

"not entirely, but u are fun to pick on, yes," Dharkon closed the empty space between the two of them, "u make it so easy."

"Get away from me, heathen!" Galeem screeched, swatting at Dharkon with his wings.

Dharkon ducked into the darkness and reappeared at Galeem's side, "ur truly unbearable, u know that?"

Galeem looked away from Dharkon, "So says the pot to the kettle."

"lmao ok."

Dharkon looked out to the chaotic, dark realm around him. He shook his head, "why'd u have to go and make a mess out of everything?" He looked back to Galeem, "do u know how badly u messed up all these worlds?"

Bitterness filled Galeem's voice, "If you have a problem with it, go fix it. I'm currently not in the state to be altering this world."

"yeah, see, here's the thing," Dharkon gestured to himself, "u see all of this?"

"Yes. I too see the ugly."

Dharkon rolled his eye, "rude, but anyway." Dharkon looked down to himself, "beings like me aren't taken kindly by mortals. they see a mass of darkness with one eye and it's on sight, really. if i were to go out there and try to mess with the world, they'd annihilate me."

"Even if you were only trying to help them?"

"right," Dharkon looked back out into the world, looking over the various Smashers in the distance fighting for their lives, "the mortals are more partial to light than darkness. it's just the way they are." Dharkon glanced at Galeem, "even if u somehow managed to make all of them hate u anyway."

Galeem huffed, "They do not hate me. They are simply needlessly afraid. If they were to understand, they would accept me as one of their own, but there appears to be some barrier in our communication."

"it's almost as if mortals dislike gods annihilating them on the spot."

"I wasn't annihilating them, I was simply acquiring them in my possession," Galeem touted, "I am one with the Brothers of Smash. It was only natural that the day would come that we should physically unite."

"u possessed them and forced them to fight each other."

"Only to find Kirby."

"and how'd that go for u?"

Galeem scoffed, "That's enough. If the purpose of this conversation is to simply ridicule me, then I suggest we end it here."

"aight, w/e u say," Dharkon moved away from Galeem, "but if u ever wanna talk, u know where to find me."

"I don't have a phone anymore."

"oh?"

"It…" Galeem winced, remembering his tantrum, "broke."

"oh. well. sucks for u then lmao." Dharkon absorbed himself into the darkness, "see u on the flip side, other me."

As Dharkon pulled himself back into the void, Galeem threw a rock at him and yelled out, "We're not the same person, wretch!"

As the rock cut through the empty air, the air returned to its normal temperature, and Galeem was alone all over again. "Good riddance," he said to himself. Although he did enjoy company and not being alone, he'd sooner rather die than be stuck with his dark imposter.

Galeem looked back out into the world he was kicked from. Unlike before, where he was perched above the world in all his radiant glory, now he was huddled in an unknown part of it, with much of his sight hindered. Even still, he could only barely see the sight of Smashers fighting against more puppet fighters within the realm of Dracula's Castle. Galeem was already in loads of physical pain, but seeing the Smashers desperately fight for their lives hurt his heart. He wanted nothing more than to join them, shield them from harm, and obliterate the menace controlling them…

Wait a minute.

Who was controlling them?

Let's see. Puppet fighters with purple eyes, Dracula's Castle, ugly dark aesthetic…

Galeem gasped.

The ugly dark aesthetic .

"Heathen! HEATHEN!" Galeem shouted into the void, banging on any physical parts of the world within his contact, "Come back this instant and explain yourself!"

Dharkon's eye peered through a hole in the darkness at a safe distance, "yea?"

"Give me back my Smashers, Heathen!"

"oh," Dharkon looked over to the Smashers in his control, and then back at Galeem, "well, no. bye."

As Dharkon hastily retreated back into the darkness, avoiding the beams of light Galeem was now angrily flinging at him. Galeem screamed, "Get back here, wretch! I'm not done with you!"

But Dharkon was clearly done with him. Galeem shook with anger, his fury burning more than the pain that he felt. He knew that in his condition, he wouldn't stand a chance against Dharkon, let alone the Smashers. Challenging him to a fight now was foolish, so in spite of his anger, Galeem elected to wait.

All he had to do was wait for the Smashers to beat him.

'Well, what do you know?' Galeem thought to himself, 'It appears as if the Smashers have beaten him.'

Galeem had joyously watched the sight of Dharkon getting the absolute crap kicked out of him by the Smashers (mostly by Kirby, if he's being completely honest). Now that Dharkon was on the verge of death, with his feathers rejuvenated and his core back to its usual shine, Galeem decided to enter the fray once again. And he did so by sending a beam of light straight at Dharkon's eye.

"well OUCH," Dharkon yelled, squinting his now partially blinded eye back at Galeem, "do u mind?"

"No, I don't mind," Galeem summoned the various Master Hand clones in his disposal to his side, "Kindly perish."

Being the ripoff he is, Dharkon summoned his Crazy Hand clones to his side and had them charge Galeem's hands. He aimed a beam of darkness at Galeem's core, but because Galeem blinded him, he missed drastically and nearly hit another round figure.

Kirby yelled in surprise, just barely dodging the beam. He then looked at Dharkon and Galeem with righteous puffball fury in his eyes. If he had knuckles, he would've cracked them.

The two Gods ceased their feud temporarily and looked back at Kirby. Kirby. Was. PISSED.

After a bout of tense silence, Dharkon hesitantly glanced at Galeem and spoke, "so, i dunno about u, but i'm not really about dying today. wanna call a truce and gtfo of here?"

Galeem responded by punching Dharkon in the eye with one of his Hands. Galeem bellowed, "I will NOT be held back by the likes of heathens nor mortals any longer! Today, history shall be marked as the day darkness was felled, and the whole of Super Smash Bros will become one with me for good! No wretch nor puffball shall stand in my way!"

That was the last thing Galeem said before being brutally annihilated by literally everyone on sight.

Being a ball of light, an angel of high order, and the self-proclaimed "Lord of Light", Galeem had spent the vast majority of his days within the confines of his kinnie void. It was a place of pure light, a place he could peer into the realms of mortals so that he could watch them for eternity. For the longest time, he never had direct contact with the mortals or any of their worlds, so there were many sensations he had never felt until this very day.

Currently, he discovered a new sensation. That sensation is what he liked to call 'wet', or perhaps even 'drenched', as he dwelled on the bottom of the ocean.

Thankfully, he was incapable of drowning, as he had no lungs. But that didn't change that everything else about being on the bottom of the ocean was absolutely miserable. Could he have just left and returned to his kinnie void with his power of teleportation? Perhaps. But he wasn't really in the mood, and he couldn't think of a more fitting place for his current mood than the absolutely lowest point of the World of Smash.

Galeem had been confident that he would win. Why would he have ever lost? He could have just blamed Dharkon, but loathe as he admits it, he knew Dharkon had absolutely nothing to do with his initial loss to Kirby. His loss was dictated purely to an oversight. Had he caught Kirby in his initial assault, there was no argument that Galeem would have won. Dharkon wouldn't have stood a chance with the Smashers in his arsenal.

He paused his thoughts as he realized something. Since when did he stop referring to the Smashers as parts of himself, and as their own entities? Were they not a part of him? Wasn't that why he did all of this to begin with?

The reality that those he deemed to be parts of himself would trash him so thoroughly sunk in, and hurt him even more so than any of the scars that had been inflicted upon his physical form. Why had they rejected him? Why had they feared him? Surely they most have known that he was an integral part of them?

He wanted to cry. He had no family, no friends, no home, his identity was lost, and his body tarnished. Where did he ever go wrong?

Galeem wallowed in self pity as he looked into the vast darkness of the ocean. The only things that stood out was the faint light at the top and odd looking branches that laid on the ground that glowed with violet light-

Wait a moment. It couldn't be?

"Dharkon," Galeem whispered, "Is that you?"

Galeem saw Dharkon's bright blue eye open amidst his mass of tendrils. He gazed at Galeem before looking away. He chuckled bitterly, "today must be special."

Galeem was tentative, but curious, "How so?"

"that's the first time you've ever called me by my name."

"Ah…"

Dharkon looked back at the ground, "we went too far, did we not?"

Galeem stayed quiet. He didn't know what to do anymore. Then, he said, "I've lost everything."

The air was quiet between the two of them before Dharkon said, "as have i."

"Nonsense. At the very least, you have a family that still loves you."

"lmao not anymore. after they found out what i did here, they disowned me for being 'problematic'."

"I… see." Galeem hesitated before saying, "You have my condolences."

"thanks."

Silence began to permeate between the two of them again. Dharkon took in a breath and paused, before looking back at Galeem, "u know, i was only kidding about kinning u, u know that right?"

"Not at all," Galeem was resentful, "It hardly appeared to be a jest."

"well it was. i just thought it was funny."

"Well it wasn't. I take my identity very seriously."

"can't deny that."

"Were you joking about kinning the roster too, then?"

"no. i genuinely kinned them back then, but now…" Dharkon weakly shrugged his tendrils, "i don't know anymore."

"I concur. It… is difficult to ascertain where to go from here, if I may be frank."

"yeah."

Galeem went to look back out into the abyss when he felt a claw tap his wing. He looked back at Dharkon, "What is it?"

"you... uh…" he nervously tapped to claws together, "you wanna watch a movie or something?"

Galeem was bemused, "Are you really asking me out on date now? "

"was there a better time to ask?" Dharkon tilted his eye, "you got anything better to do?"

"I…" Galeem stared back at Dharkon. He contemplated his options before realizing his options basically amounted to an awkward date with his sworn enemy vs eternal loneliness. And while Galeem was spiteful, he also really, really hated being alone. Besides, it's not like they had any point in fighting anymore.

"Fuck it."

"is that a yes?"

"It is, but if you get handsy I will end you."

"can't get handsy without any hands."

Galeem groaned while Dharkon laughed at his own pun, "Why do insist on being the worst?"

Dharkon playfully squinted at Galeem, "u love me."

"No I don't."

"u loooooooove me," Dharkon teased, clasping two claws together, "u wanna kiss me soooooo bad."

"What- no I don't!"

Dharkon proceeded to make a mirage of kissing noises at him, inciting Galeem to yell at him, resulting in even more mockery. The two bantered for hours and hours until they both realized being on the bottom of the ocean sucked and elected to go watch their damn movie.

And that is the story of how two Gods who kinned the entire roster of Super Smash Bros Ultimate started dating each other in the world's unhealthiest kinnie relationship.

The End.

AN: 2020 has been a weird fucking year for me. there's the obvious reasons but on a personal level, this is the year i dropped my decade-long mother 3 hyperfixation in exchange for hyperfixating on a ball of light. and now i'm here, 2020 is nearly over, and i've written 8k words of fanfiction about galeem's kinnie crimes.

the saddest part is that not i'm not even done writing about galeem, cause i have lot i want to do. so have this while i toil away in this hell i made for myself lmao. but yeah if you read through this entire mess, you're awesome and i hope the rest of 2020 treats you well.