Written for Hogwarts Challenges & Assignments, Term 13, Assignment 9 - Exobiology, Task #4: write about the beginning of something.

The Start of a Beautiful Arrangement

"Oh, my," Rita said, glancing around the diner with barely concealed distaste. "Isn't this...quaint."

The bright amber placemats and tacky turquoise booths offended her eyes. As if that wasn't bad enough, however, horribly retro chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the curtains didn't close all the way. Another woman might have found the place cute, but Rita Skeeter was far from impressed.

Gilderoy beamed at her. "It is, isn't it? The owner is a charming woman who gives me all the free food I could ever want. Not that I take her up on it often, mind you. I have to watch my figure, you know!"

Rita nodded absentmindedly. She tended to tune Gilderoy out when he got started on long tangents about himself (and when wasn't he talking about himself?).

This diner wasn't exactly where she had predicted a rich and famous author like Gilderoy Lockhart would bring her on a date, but now she understood his reasoning: the free food. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised that he was so cheap. It wasn't like he thought about anyone but himself.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I invented a new vegetable?" Gilderoy was asking when she finally tuned back in.

"Yes," she lied quickly. "It was quite riveting."

He gave her a knowing smile, his bright white teeth sparkling even in the poor lighting. "Of course I knew that it was, but it is so kind of you to agree with me, Rita, darling."

...

The food arrived (a salad for Gilderoy and a burger for Rita) with great fanfare. True to his word, Gilderoy did know the owner, a tiny dark-haired woman who pinched his cheeks and asked about his latest adventures—not that Gilderoy was keen to share much about those.

"Now, now, Alberta, dear," he said with a chuckle, "you'll have to wait until my books come out to hear all the juicy details."

Rita was disappointed by this. Apparently, she couldn't expect any "juicy details" either, and that had been the whole point of going on this sham of a romantic rendezvous.

"I buy every single one of his books!" Alberta told Rita, as if this was something to be proud of.

"How very sweet of you," she said dryly, feigning interest in her neon pink fingernails. Alberta didn't seem to pick up on the sarcasm. Rita wasn't surprised by that—she didn't come across as terribly intelligent. Rita cleared her throat as daintily as she could. "I don't suppose you serve alcohol here?"

Alberta sniffed. "I run but a humble dinner, ma'am. Enjoy your meal, Gilly, dear!" she trilled, and finally left them to their food.

Gilderoy looked after her, a fond smile on his face. "Isn't she wonderful?"

Rita, who had just taken a bite of her food, nearly choked. "Oh, yes, Gilly, just lovely."

...

"So, Gilderoy," Rita said coyly, putting what was left of her burger back onto her plate, "what do you say we go back to my place and...discuss a few things?"

Gilderoy stopped pushing lettuce around with his fork to stare at her. "Back to your place, you say?"

"Yes," Rita said through gritted teeth. She had put up with Gilderoy's incessant chatter for long enough—her head was beginning to throb. With any luck, though, she would soon be free of him. "We could avail ourselves of a little nightcap. Now, what do you think about that, Gilderoy, hmm?"

Gilderoy still seemed hesitant, though Rita couldn't quite understand why. The man liked free food, surely he liked free alcohol as well? "Well—"

"Did I mention that I have several of your books for you to sign?" Rita said, fluttering her eyelashes at him. That was a blatant lie, but Gilderoy didn't need to know that. All he needed to do was say—

"I could never turn down an autograph request, my darling Rita!" Gilderoy replied.

Rita granted him a pointy-toothed smile. The idiot had no idea what he was getting himself into. "I must confess, dear, I rather hoped that you wouldn't."

...

Once they exited the diner, a quick "Stupefy!" was all it took for Rita to incapacitate Gilderoy. She was glad that she'd had the foresight to bring an invisibility cloak—it wasn't terribly high-quality, but it would do nicely to hide her unconscious companion.

Gilderoy was heavy, though, and it took her several tries (and more than a few grunts) to be able to Apparate with him. She finally managed it, however, and ended up right on the doorstep of her flat, at which point shoving Gilderoy through the door was fairly simple.

Once inside, she located a chair in the kitchen, then proceeded to tie him up with the thick ropes that flew out of her wand. After a moment, she added a gag to his mouth as well. Now she wouldn't have to listen to his inane ramblings all the time.

She pulled up another chair and placed it mere feet from Gilderoy. Once she had pulled her lime green Quick Quotes Quill from her handbag, she pointed her wand at Gilderoy and said, "Rennervate."

Gilderoy stirred, blinking and gaping until his eyes fell on Rita.

"Mmph?" he said.

Rita grinned. "Hello, Gilderoy."

Gilderoy briefly strained against his bindings, but quickly gave up. Rita, sensing that he had something to say, flicked her wand to release the gag. "What have you—Rita, darling, if you wanted to tie me up, you need only have asked," he said silkily.

Rita rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut it, you bumbling idiot."

Gilderoy gave her a hurt look. "Now, now, Rita, there's no need for such cruelty."

...

Much to Rita's surprise, Gilderoy Lockhart was proving to be a tough nut to crack. Despite her threats, he was quite adamant that he wouldn't spill any beans.

"Tell me about Dueling with Dragons," she hissed, the tip of her wand pressed to his throat. She was referring to his latest, as-yet-unpublished book. "All I need is a little morsel I can write about."

"Your commitment to your job is quite admirable," Gilderoy said graciously, "but I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say anything. My contract is very clear about that."

"To hell with your contract!" Rita fumed. Seeing that Gilderoy wasn't going to be swayed by threats (even those involving the destruction of his admittedly good looks), she took on a sweet, sugary voice instead. "Please, Gilly, dearest, it would mean ever so much to me. You don't know how much I would appreciate it."

That tactic went over much better with her target. He wriggled into a different position before flashing her a radiant smile. "I do aim to please, you know."

"Do you?" Rita purred. At his eager nod, she let out a breathy chuckle. She should have known that flirtatious flattery would work wonders on him—she blamed the headache for not realizing it sooner. Oh, he was at her mercy now. "Admit it, Gilderoy. You're enjoying this."

"Maybe a little bit," Gilderoy admitted, following up his confession with a wink. "Now that you're being ever so darling, I see that I was a fool to underestimate you."

"We're not so different, you and I," Rita mused. Her thoughts began to swirl, and with that, a nice little proposal began to formulate. "You like the intrigue, the mystery. Well, I can catapult you to new heights."

It seemed that Gilderoy was captivated at last. His bright blue eyes watched her as she paced, giving her the impression that he was hanging on to her every word. "Go on."

"I'll write whatever you want me to say about you," Rita offered, "and in return, you give me exclusive interviews when your books come out. How does that sound?"

Gilderoy thought for a moment, and she could practically see the gears turning in his head. "Sounds delightful," he said at last.

Rita's face relaxed into a triumphant smile. This was the start of a beautiful arrangement—and it would be delightful indeed.

WC: 1,331