Being back in the Empty was… nothing short of unnerving. Being surrounded by the darkness, the darkness that could so easily swallow him whole the second it wanted to, in many ways, it kind of hurt. Brought back many memories that he would rather have repressed; Not even memories of his own death, memories of wandering the dark, hopeless and confused and… more afraid than the angel wanted to admit. No, they brought back memories of Heaven, face to face once again with the thing that had brought him back to life, the thing that wanted to take his son, the thing that was supposed to take him the moment it decided he was… happy.
For the longest time, Castiel had honestly wished he could be. The nights he sat awake, the days he searched for someone who had never really existed, the time he spent fighting for people he wasn't sure even wanted him around anymore, he had ached for something akin to the happiness he had once felt in the presence of those he loved, the presence of the Winchesters, and Jack… and, oh, did he ache… but not for the right reasons, by any means.
The angel let his blue eyes dart around, quiet and stoic as always. He never thought he'd be here, following Lucifer and Billie through the darkness while the Devil grumbled something about everyone else 'moving locations'. His older brother, the one he so despised - or, at least, the one he was supposed to. The one he used to. He didn't really feel that way anymore - of course, he was angry. He was so, so angry, almost all the time. Angry, and hurt, and tired… but he knew exactly who he was angry with, and it just wasn't Lucifer. He could be mad at him, it would be too easy - but no, he just wasn't. Because none of it was Lucifer's fault. Nothing bad that happened was anyone's fault but Chuck's. So maybe he had been angry at his brother before, but he felt nothing toward him now. It was just kind of blank, kind of numb, kind of empty.
He had been angry when it was Belphegor, but now… well, how could he be? Belphegor wasn't even real. It had been Lucifer, all along. He'd had Jack's permission, all along…
"You're quiet." Lucifer's voice startled him for a moment, but he found himself relaxing quick enough, honestly just glad that it wasn't Jack's voice coming from the Devil. As much as he was aching to hear Jack speaking to him, it just hurt listening to Lucifer, back in Chuck's house, because every time his mouth opened, every time that voice fell from his lips, he ached for it to be the Nephilim and it just… wasn't. And he hated that reminder, every second.
"There's nothing to say," Castiel responded quietly, slowly flicking his eyes back over to his brother, reluctantly removing his gaze from the darkness. Lucifer was… almost unnaturally calm, wandering through the darkness, not even the slightest bit uncomfortable. He had to wonder how long he had been wandering - but he wasn't going to ask. His brother merely snorted at his words, not saying a word, just giving a small, understanding nod and continuing on his way, squinting slightly through the darkness and seeming to light up at whatever was ahead. In response, Castiel felt every muscle in his body go completely tense.
He wasn't sure he was prepared for what he was going to see.
The first thing he noticed was the Cage - it was hard for him not to look to it instinctively. It stood tall in the darkness, the area around it lit with carefully controlled flames, most likely for some better sense of light than they were all getting. Around the Cage crowded a few figures; Amara, he recognized, sank back against the bars, arms folded across her chest. There was a man he didn't recognize at first glance - but at second glance, it was all too easy to see that this was Jesse Turner, the Cambion boy, the Antichrist. He was shuffling a deck of cards, casual as ever. But Castiel went rigid when he saw the figure inside the Cage, the Shadow - a figure made entirely out of black goo, seemingly scanning the inside; Billie left Lucifer and Castiel to join him at once, twirling her scythe around and around.
Jesse glanced up, a grin lighting his face when he saw Lucifer - then his eyes darted to Castiel, expression fading to one of confusion, and then recognition, and then his face was blank. The angel only stared before continuing to look around, anxious and somewhat desperate now, to see the one Lucifer had promised to bring him to. He stopped walking, falling still, rigid, tense, not willing to take a step closer to the dark figure in the Cage, one that was now watching him.
"Where's Jack?" Lucifer sounded bewildered as he approached them, either not noticing nor caring that Castiel had long stopped following. It was Amara's turn to look up now, exhaustion flickering through her eyes, and she jerked her head around, toward the corner of the Cage.
"Stressing," Jesse informed them, turning his head in the direction Amara had gestured. "Yo, J!"
Castiel stayed still, and he didn't dare open his mouth, didn't say a word. He inhaled sharply, though, breath hitching, when a familiar figure finally rounded the corner of the Cage, dragging chains along with him. A familiar brown-haired, blue-eyed figure, wearing a deep, unsettled frown, eyebrows creased together and eyes narrowed down at the chains in his hands, as if they had offended him in some way. And Castiel could only stare, feeling weaker than he would have expected. You'd think seeing Jack for the first time - the real Jack - since Chuck had killed him, wouldn't make him feel on the verge of passing out, but no, he felt far too lightheaded now.
"Sorry, Jesse… I just can't figure out…" Jack looked up, gaze flicking from the chains, to Jesse, and then to Lucifer - and then those wide blue eyes trailed all the way up to Castiel, and they seemed to widen slightly in complete shock, the chains slipping from his fingertips and rattling together, clinking against one another as they crumpled into a heap. Castiel ventured a few cautious steps forward, but he couldn't seem to move himself any further than that. "... Cas?"
"Jack." Castiel felt like the word was stuck in his throat, somehow having more difficulty saying the Nephilim's name to his face than he had when Jack was alive. The angel faltered a little, running his tongue over his lips, opening his mouth slightly to speak - but he couldn't think of anything to say. All this time wishing Jack was alive, aching to have him back, and now that they were face to face again, he couldn't even begin to form the words he'd wanted to speak to him.
Jesse shot Lucifer a questioning look; The Devil moved over to join him, looking amused.
Jack spared a glance after his father, but he turned back to Castiel quick enough, stepping around the chains and approaching the angel somewhat cautiously, each step careful and deliberate. Castiel stared, but didn't move, watching him in silence as the Nephilim walked over to him, tucking his hands in his pockets and managing a small, if not somewhat hesitant smile. "It's… it's good to see you. I didn't expect…" He trailed off, looking back toward Lucifer again, before turning his gaze back to Castiel, looking confused. "When did you two…?"
The angel paused, opening his mouth slightly as he spared a glance after his older brother, shifting slightly on his feet, before he looked back down at Jack. "It's a… long story," he muttered, somewhat hesitantly, looking the Nephilim over. That was real emotion flickering in his eyes, he could tell, and it was too relieving. Jack was feeling again. Lucifer had mentioned something about Billie restoring his soul, and that he was okay now. He relaxed slightly, somewhat unaware that he had even been tense in the first place. "I'll explain everything in a moment- I just…" The angel heaved out a sigh. "Jack, I am so… I am so…"
Jack only smiled, just as soft and warm as Castiel had remembered. "It's okay, Cas." He pulled one hand out of his pocket and seemed to hesitate, just for a moment, before he moved forward and reached out to pull the angel into a hug; he accepted the embrace happily, somewhat desperately, wrapping his arms around the Nephilim and pulling him as close as he possibly could. Jack dug his fingers into the back of his trenchcoat, holding on just as tightly, pressing his face into the angel's shoulder and letting out a soft sigh.
Just as Castiel was about to close his own eyes, his gaze darted toward Lucifer and Jesse, just for a second. His brother was just watching them now, and while he expected to see something akin to jealousy written across his face, there wasn't as much as he would have thought. Of course there was still some, flickering through his eyes, but there was a tiny, barely-noticeable smile on his face as well, and that somewhat overpowered whatever negativity was there, because that smile was more genuine than anything else Lucifer could have displayed.
He furrowed his eyebrows, but said nothing, simply pulled away from Jack and offered the Nephilim a soft look blue eyes flickering over the face of the boy who he had considered his son for so long - and who he still did. The Nephilim he had been aching for, grieving over - he was there, right in front of him. And Castiel knew, to some extent, he should be happier than he was… but he didn't know why he wasn't. It still hurt - god, did it hurt, and he began to wonder if that kind of pain could ever truly be erased, even if Jack was here now.
Still, just like all the times before, he stifled it. He was kind of good at that by now - or, at least, he hoped he was. Truth be told, Castiel had never been a good liar. He panicked, most of the time, and other times he was just blank. Either way, the truth always came out in the end - but there was one person he had always been good at deceiving, one person he could lie to day and night, and one he did - and that person, ladies and gentlemen, was himself.
There was no lie Castiel couldn't make himself believe. No words he couldn't repeat to himself over and over again until it was true. And he could thank Chuck for that, thank the angels that had once stood high and mighty up above; Because to be one of them, to be in their favor, in Heaven's favor, in the Lord's favor, and to be an angel of God, one must be practiced in the ways of self-deception. After all, a true manipulator is one who can force the manipulated to manipulate themselves, and every angel in existence had fallen victim to their own self-deceit.
"Uh…" Castiel trailed off for a moment, closing his eyes and clearing his throat; It took a while to bring his mind back to the present, to focus on what was happening now. "Sam and Dean… they wanted me to tell you hi for them." He paused, blinking his eyes open, and looked back down at the Nephilim. Jack's expression had changed considerably, softening to one of sorrow, of guilt, and in response, Castiel softened just a little bit more. "They miss you, Jack."
"After what I did…" Jack trailed off and looked away, a tortured look flitting across his face; It hurt Castiel, on a physical level, to see the Nephilim so guilt-ridden, so buried under the weight of the mistakes he had made. And he hated how he could see it crushing him, chipping away at the sweet, innocent boy the angel had known so long ago… yet, part of Castiel knew he had lost that boy a long time ago. Jack swallowed, and sighed, looking back toward the others. "Well, I miss them, too." He looked back up at Castiel, his eyes soft. "And I miss you."
Castiel wanted to tell him how much he had missed him, tell him how much losing him had hurt, tell him how lost and broken and confused he had been. But there were no words to describe it, nothing he could possibly say to even begin trying to… His throat closed up the moment he even considered opening his mouth. There were no words. Not for this.
Jack stared at him for a while, eyebrows furrowing slightly. After a few moments, though, he just offered a small smile and ended up turning away, though he gestured for Castiel to follow as he wandered back over to Jesse and Lucifer. The angel hesitated, sparing a glance toward the figures in the Cage, but he took in a breath, sucked it up, and followed after the Nephilim. "Lucifer," Jack called out, and the Devil turned at once, eyebrows raising. "You haven't located Adam and Michael yet, have you?"
"We found Michael," Lucifer informed him, crossing one leg over the other. "He was with the Winchesters and this one." He nodded toward Castiel, who simply nodded in confirmation. "Adam, we're working on. Chuck had him, but evidently it seemed he either escaped or Chuck cut him loose. We can't track him."
Jesse paused, looking thoughtful. "I may be able to."
"We need you here, Jesse," Billie called to him from the Cage, and the Cambion groaned and dropped his head, chin to his chest, letting out a deep, heavy exasperated sigh. Jack wandered over and reached up, pressing a hand over the other boy's shoulder and giving a soft squeeze. Castiel furrowed his eyebrows slightly, watching them.
Lucifer blew out a sigh and rolled his eyes to the side, toward Castiel. The Devil tilted his head, glancing between him, and Jack and Jesse, before he turned and headed over to the angel. Castiel couldn't help but tense up as he neared, somewhat of a reflex at this point, but he didn't say anything as his brother approached, just spared him a brief glance before looking away again. "Not that it's any of my business, but, uh…" He lowered his voice. "You okay?"
Castiel glanced over at him, a little surprised by the display of concern. While he may not be angry with his brother, it was certainly a lot to process, the idea of the Devil not truly being the big bad villain they had always known him as - but one that was forced into the role by the man that was supposed to protect and love and care for his creations - all of them, humans and angels alike. Yes, it was hard to process. But it wasn't impossible. "Of course. I'm just…" He fell silent for a moment. "It's a lot. All of this… with Chuck… and now- it's just so much to take in, I suppose. And it's… just…"
"Overwhelming," Lucifer said knowingly, and Castiel nodded, mouth twisting slightly. "Yeah, I know it is. It's like having your entire life crash down over you, your entire existence destroyed." An odd look flitted across the Devil's face; Castiel looked over at him, eyebrows furrowing. "... sometimes I find myself wondering if the fact that I was right is a good thing." Lucifer glanced down, eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm not innocent. I'm not… free of the things I did. If anything, it just seems like more of a burden to carry. I don't even want to…" He stopped, shaking his head.
Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, waiting for him to go on; When he didn't, the angel pressed, just a little bit, quiet, soft, cautious. "Want to what?"
Lucifer glanced up, toward Jesse and Jack; Satisfied that they were occupied, he turned his attention back to Castiel, though he didn't look at him. "When I first… when Billie and Jack came to me, asking for help to fight against God, I thought- this was my chance. This is my chance at revenge, to prove that I was right all along. That God was the villain here, and I'm just a victim. And I even thought it might be a shot at justice, for what he did to me." The Devil's mouth twisted, staring ahead at nothing in particular. "But then I came to Earth, and I saw what he was doing for the… for the first time. I saw the Winchesters… I saw you… and I saw… no favorites. No… no special treatment. The humans I thought he loved so much, the angel I thought had once been his Chosen, discarded and thrown aside because he just didn't care. And then when Michael came- when Michael came…" His face seemed to crumble, but he resisted, not breaking yet, just on the verge. Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, listening. "This isn't about revenge anymore, or proving that I was right, or pretending that I was innocent… I want to be, but I'm not." Lucifer screwed his eyes shut, his voice wavering slightly. "I spent so long hating his creations. The humans. Even the angels. But now I just want it to go back to the way it used to be, because I think… I think I'm starting to hate the destruction more."
Castiel didn't know what to say. He couldn't remember a time in his life he had ever seen Lucifer so close to a breakdown - a genuine breakdown, but this was reaching the edge.
Then, with a shaky inhale and a cough, Lucifer had pulled himself together. It seemed to take quite a bit of effort, quite a bit of strain to compose himself, and even then he didn't seem able to pick up all the pieces. "Wow, I…" He cleared his throat, shaking his head vigorously. "Whew. Hit by the feels train, it seems like… didn't mean for that to happen, whoops." He huffed out a forced-sounding laugh, clapping Castiel on the back; the angel only stared, silent. He definitely couldn't ignore that, pretend like nothing had just happened, pretend like Lucifer wasn't breaking down - or at least on the edge of breaking down - over all of this. He was the last one Castiel would have expected to be acting like that; To be trying to hold it all in, stifle his own emotions, to try and remain strong and focused through all of this when he was clearly holding a terrible amount of… grief. And Castiel hadn't even had a clue. Nobody seemed to have a clue.
"I'm gonna join Billie and tar-man over here." Lucifer pulled away from him and rolled his shoulders back. Castiel didn't say anything, though he did open his mouth slightly, as if he were about to. But, he couldn't think of anything to say. This was never going to be easy, for any of them. And Castiel didn't even know where to start making any of it better - and he didn't know where to start getting Lucifer to open up to him like that again. He had caught a glimpse, a glimpse of something, someone under the surface, the bravado, the charade, the facade that Lucifer, himself was putting up for everyone. Hell, maybe even for himself.
Watching Lucifer walk away from him, Castiel understood.
Lucifer had once been an angel too. He had been the most beautiful of them. He had burned the brightest. He had been in Heaven's favor. God's favor. He had broken free of their deception, but like every angel… he was a victim of his own. He wasn't the villain - but he was his own villain. All angels, deep down, were their own villains.
He watched the Devil hesitate near the entrance to the Cage, then stiffen and duck in without another second's hesitation. He watched Jack turn his head, watching Lucifer's every move. Wondered, for a second, if he was seeing the same things. The same new person his brother had just displayed, ever so briefly. Maybe the person - the archangel - he would have been, had his potential not been so stifled, and twisted, and broken by their Father, himself.
Castiel faltered a little, looking down, and reached up to adjust the collar of his trenchcoat. And he did what Lucifer had done; He took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders back, went completely still, and relaxed. Forced the swirling storm of emotions to calm, to cease, to clear. They'd bubble back up later, and they'd be worse. But for the moment, as long as Castiel told himself he was fine, then he was fine. It was one of the perks of being an angel. And one of the many downfalls. But nobody was perfect. No creature, no being, no entity.
He made his way to Jack's side, and even managed a small smile as the Nephilim turned, blue eyes brightening at once toward the angel. And it was genuine - as genuine as it could be. He wasn't anywhere near close to recovering from the pain, but maybe it wasn't such a foreign concept. Or, at least, maybe it didn't have to be.
"So, you're sticking around for a little while?" Jack tilted his head at him and smiled, and Castiel paused, looking back up toward the Cage. Lucifer seemed to be in a heated discussion with… 'tar-man', as he had called him before, and Billie was simply circling the inside of the Cage, taking great care in studying the symbols etched into the bars. Yes, Castiel supposed he would be sticking around for a little while. At least, for as long as Lucifer was.
"I suppose so," the angel commented quietly, looking back down at Jack, and he felt something a little lighter than pain press against his chest as the Nephilim's expression lit up even further. It was definitely an odd feeling, one he had almost completely forgotten about in the swirl of despair and depression, but maybe, maybe he could begin to get used to it again.
And maybe he could start to want it again - for the right reasons, this time.