Hello, my lovely readers! Sorry it's been so long since an update. School and life has ran me through the ringer too many times this semester. But I am happy to say that I passed two out of my three final exams in college today. I still have one to go, but I'm pretty confident in myself that I will at least pass. With that said, I now have much more free time to write. I'll be bumping back up to full time once classes end this week, but on my days off I plan to write as much as I can. The next few chapters have been replaying in my mind constantly, so I've got some great ideas for those coming. It should be getting interesting, guys. I promise.

So, in the next few chapters, if it keeps you coming back for more, there will be Santana and Skylar fighting over Logan, with Logan eventually choosing one of the two girls (relax, Santana/Logan is end game here, guys, don't worry.) Then it will play most of the rest of their senior year as a couple. I do plan on incorporating all the competition performances, including Nationals, plus Quinn's accident and, of course, PROM! Plus a few other things I'm going to write out. So, stick around, I love all of you.

PLEASE keep reading and reviewing. I love hearing what you all think. Seriously, do it.

Always be brave, guys. Until next time. ~BraveGirl13

Ch:9

Logan

Sleep must be a wonderful thing.

I wouldn't know, though, considering that I haven't slept through the night since the party last Friday. And here I am now, yawning and feeling like complete and utter crap as I walked through the always crowded halls of McKinley High School a week later, my mind thousands of miles away preoccupied by Santana's words.

"There was someone in that circle that I'm in love with. I just wish I had realized it sooner and wasn't too afraid to admit those feelings."

Letting out a sigh, I kept my legs moving forward, only allowing them to stop when I reached my locker and began to clumsily enter my combination into the lock. When I eventually succeeded, with a few choice words somewhere in the middle, I quickly checked the time before shoving whatever I'd need for my first few classes and heading in that direction.

It wasn't surprising to see Skylar waiting by the door, glancing around the hallway until her eyes settled on me and a smile graced her face, the sounding guilt that I had been feeling all week churning in my stomach.

"Good morning, sunshine. You look like hell. Did you have to study again last night?"

If by 'studying' she meant staring at the white ceiling of my room while sad and depressing music floated around me all night long as I contemplated the existence of everything, yes. "Yeah. This AP History class I have third period is supposed to be really hard."

She pulled me into the classroom and into our usual seats, where I automatically let my head fall and rest against the cool surface. Skylar eyed me over once, raising an eyebrow. "You have the highest grade in that class, why are you so worried about this test?"

Shit. "Uh, I haven't really been studying as much as I should have been when I got the guide last week. With the play-offs and the party and Glee this week, I haven't really had time to study until I get home and I just want to make sure I'm prepared. I need the best grades to get a scholarship."

The blonde nodded, still eyeing me a few times before our English teacher shuffled into the room and called everyone's attention to the front of the room to begin class. I hardly paid attention, my eyes boring into the whiteboard and rereading the words repeatedly, but my brain wasn't following. Instead, I was widely aware of Skylar's presence next to me, and how the girl had been nothing but kind to me this year, also made me happy.

My date with Skylar last weekend was my first official date since Nicole's death, and I surprised myself with how much fun I had with the other girl. In all honesty, Skylar made me feel safe and happy. Happier than I have been, at least. I could easily see myself staying with her for the remainder of the school year, and even after we graduate. I could see myself being happy and content with us…but…even as easily as I could see those things, I could easily hear Santana's words being replayed over and over in my mind.

Which brings my thoughts around full circle to the main reason as to why I wasn't able to sleep, or pay attention in any of my classes. Santana.

I was cold when I came here last year. I was full of hate and angry at the world for what had happened with Nicole, for allowing myself to let things spiral so out of control that the girl I loved ended up taking her own life.

And then I met Santana. Sure, at first, I couldn't stand her, because she was a lot like me. Angry, scared and cold. Only she was struggling with figuring herself out and accepting who she was. Maybe that's what drew me to her originally. The fact that on some level, even if they were completely different scenarios, she still understood.

And I fell for her. Hard and fast. We quickly became friends, and we both came less cold. I actually felt like some sense of normalcy has returned to my life. Eventually the kiss happened, and so did the attack and the events that followed. Those months of sitting in the hospital, going through rehab and wishing that I could just see her were hell. All that time of not knowing, of being pulled back into the constant state of self-hate killed me. Her coldness afterwards, though, was the only thing holding me back from choosing her.

It was worse than losing Nicole. I hate to say that, but it was. I had lost Nicole, was unable to see her again, to hear her voice or her laugh. But with Santana…she was here. I woke up knowing she was still safely here in Lima and chose to close herself off completely from everyone and everything.

I don't blame her for doing it. Of all the people here, I understood that with the territory of liking other girls comes hate and backlash. Hell, I had become one of those statistics of kids who had been on the receiving end of physical abuse for simply loving someone. I can't begin to even think of how scared she had to have been, imagining herself in that situation and imagining that if she were to come out, to have to deal with things like this on a daily basis everywhere she went.

So maybe she did it to protect the both of us, but I can't help but hear this voice nagging in the back of my mind that had Finn not accidentally outed her, she wouldn't have come out at all and ever admitted to herself or me, about her true feelings. How can I except to allow myself to live in constant fear of her running every time something bad happens?

That was the only thing stopping me from running to her at this very moment.

And it was killing me.

The bell ringing above my head pulled me out of my thoughts, and after a quick glance between the white board and the notebook that I had been scribbling in, I slapped it shut before Skylar could notice what I had written repeatedly throughout my incoherent notes. All over the page was different variations of the letter 'S' written in odd places. It wouldn't have startled me so much had a few of those letters begin to eventually spell out Santana's name.

"Hey, do you mind if I walk with you to your next class? I have something that I would like to discuss with you."

My head snapped up at the sound of Skylar's voice, my hands grabbing my notebook and pulling it against my chest. "Uh, yeah, sure. Just give me a second to put everything up."

Ignoring those blue eyes watching my every move, I quickly slid my English notebook in between my History book before slinging the bag over my shoulder and following Skylar out of the classroom.

"So what's so important that it warranted a walk to my math class?"

Skylar's usually confident exterior cracked slightly as she shuffled from one foot to the other as we stopped in front of my math class. "Uh, well, I may have overheard Rachel saying that you guys still need a few more members for Glee. And, uh…well, I always wanted to join, but I never had the reasoning to audition. Until I met you and, I don't know, would you find it weird or anything if I joined the club?"

Blinking a few times out of surprise, I shook my head, smiling a little. "No, I wouldn't be weirded out or anything if you wanted to join, you just never took me as a singer."

Skylar shrugged, smiling herself. "I mean, I'm not the best or anything like that, but I think I'm okay. Besides, I know how important this is for you and all the others and having enough people to complete is important and I get to spend more time with you if I make it."

Smiling a little more, and feeling slightly better, I chuckled. "Well, you are just full of surprises, aren't you? First the date last weekend and now you're wanting to join my club? Should I be worried or…?"

The blonde laughed, shaking her head. "No, but if we're being honest, helping you guys out and genuinely wanting to be on the team is not my only reason for wanting to join."

Raising an eyebrow, I leaned against the back wall, my silent response to let her know I was listening. The blonde stared at me for a few minutes before her face turned serious and she let out a sigh. "Is there something going on between you and Santana Lopez?"

Gulping slightly, I tore my eyes away from the blonde before taking a deep breath. "Uh, can I ask why you're asking me?"

"This is going to sound really bad, I mean I know we're not official or anything, but I may have exchanged a few words with Santana a few weeks ago and it's not the first time I've noticed that I'm not her favorite person."

Frowning, I crossed my arms over my chest, shaking my head. "Wait, Santana said something to you? What did she say?"

Skylar let out a sigh, the tension and annoyance radiating off the girl as she retold the encounter with the Latina, and I cringed slightly when she finished, a mumbled sorry rolling from her mouth as she glared at the ground.

"You never answered if there was something going on between you."

The ringing of the bell interrupted me as I opened my mouth, and I quickly glanced between a few of the other teenagers piling past us into my math class, my sister and Quinn saying a quick hello before trudging in last. "Uh, listen, I can and I will explain everything to you after class, okay?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, her arms crossing over herself defensively. "That's not exactly helping my worries, Logan."

Pushing all thoughts and confusion about my feelings aside, I pulled the girl into a quick hug. "I know, I'm sorry. I wish I could explain it all now, but you have a Chemistry class to get to, and Rach will kill me if I skip."

"She doesn't have to know."

"She already saw us. Please, don't freak yourself out over this, okay? I promise I will tell you everything after class. I'll meet you at your locker?"

Skylar held my gaze for a few seconds before dropping it and nodding, squeezing the hand that she had somehow managed to grab before turning and heading in the direction of the science commons. I let out a sigh of relief, stepping into class and taking my usual seat behind Quinn, ignoring the questioning looks both her and my sister were giving me.

Much like this morning's English period, my thoughts and eyes eventually drifted towards the opposite side of the room, where I noticed Santana's seat sat unoccupied. I hadn't seen the girl all day, and she was either upping her skipping game or hadn't shown up to school, again. For the third day this week.

I hadn't seen much of the Latina at all since the party this past weekend, the only time I had managed to catch a glimpse of her, besides in our shared math class, was in the crowded hall, where I would quickly turn and head in the opposite direction. I felt bad for practically avoiding the girl. In fact, it was beginning to feel a lot like last year when the girl wouldn't even acknowledge my existence after the attack. And I had no intention of feeling like that again.

Even so, I wasn't ready to just throw away that friendship, so avoiding her was out of the question. I just needed to swallow my fears and my ego and talk to the girl, right? All feelings aside, we're practically adults, we should handle these situations like adults. Right?

Wrong. Because as soon as the door flung open, and I was ripped out of my thoughts by the very girl who had been occupying them as she silently stalked her way towards the teacher's desk, handing over a folded up sheet of paper before taking her seat. My eyes followed every motion, only breaking away when she glanced over directly at me, that seeming permanent scowl softening slightly before she winked at me.

Quietly clearing my throat, I attempted not to squirm too much under the heat of her gaze as I began to feverishly scribble down whatever our math teacher was writing on the board, all while trying to cool the blush that had risen in my cheeks after Santana had winked at me.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of trying to ignore Santana's obvious staring, the bell rang and I was up and out of my seat, forgoing dumping everything into my backpack and instead choosing to just pack it all in my arms as I made my way down the hall with every intent of meeting Skylar by her locker. Or at least I was until a hand was gripping my upper arm and I was being dragged into the nearest bathroom by Santana.

"Santana, what are you-?"

"Listen, I only have a few minutes before your girlfriend comes looking for you. Let me talk. Why are you avoiding me?"

Scoffing, I pulled away from her, dropping my bag at my feet before shoving everything into it. "I'm not avoiding you. And Skylar is not my girlfriend. We've been on one date."

The Latina rolled her eyes before crossing her arms over her chest. "Whatever. And you didn't answer my question. Why are you avoiding me?"

Suddenly feeling my lack of sleep and annoyance over the whole situation, and having a few flashbacks from the last conversation I shared with this girl in the bathroom…and everything that followed afterwards…I picked up my bag, shaking my head before walking towards the bathroom door. "You really have to ask me that, Santana?"

Walking out of the bathroom, I was fully aware of the presence of the girl following me, but I opted to keep my eyes forward, heading in the direction of my previous destination before I had been kidnapped and pulled into a bathroom.

"I know, what I did at the party was stupid. I get that, but what was I supposed to do? You were cozying up with softball girl and it made me feel like shit. Literal shit, so I just went with it. It's not like it was intentional to confuse you or ruin your night or whatever the hell I did that's made you basically run in the opposite direction every time you see me. But I meant what I said. Every word of it. And I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to realize it and come to terms with it, and it sucks, yeah. I wasted a lot of my time with you by trying to ignore my feelings, but I'm ready to move past that if you are. But you have to tell me if that's what you want to do. I'll back off of Skylar, if you really don't want to be with me, but I need you hear you say it, Logan. You have to tell me if you still have feelings for me, or if you're gonna try with Skylar."

Stopping in the middle of the hallway, I bit down on my bottom lip before turning to face Santana. "I can't tell you what I want, Santana. Because I don't know what I want. After everything that we've been through? It's…god, it's all so screwed up."

"I'm sorry."

Letting out a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair, shaking my head. "Stop apologizing, Santana. Please. I'm not mad at you or anything, okay? I just need to get my bearings. I need to figure out what I want."

The girl nodded, backing up a few steps. "Okay. I, uh, guess I'll see you later in glee?"

"Yeah."

She simply nodded again, before turning and walking in the opposite direction, the crowd of students still parting like the red sea for the cheerleader. And after waiting until the blur of red and white to disappear around the corner, I eventually found myself at Skylar's locker, where the blonde was waiting patiently, fishing through the locker's contents with a look of concentration etched on her face.

"Hey, I was wondering what was taking you so long. Everything okay?"

I smiled slightly, leaning against the cool metal of the locker next to her. "Yeah, I was just caught up by something. No worries."

The blonde returned the smile, closing her locker before looping her arm through mine and leading me in the direction of the cafeteria. "So, are you going to tell me what's going between you and Santana?"

Leading the blonde through the crowded area, and bypassing our usual table were the gleeks were mixed with some of the girls on the softball team, I pulled her towards the outside area, where most kids were taking advantage of the cool, but still slightly warm weather. Once we were sat at a table far enough away from any prying eyes, and ears, I took a deep breath, meeting Skylar's gaze. "Okay. I guess I should really just start at the beginning of everything. I moved here because Rach was being bullied, and I had some…experience…with bullying, so I thought that I'd come here and put a stop to it. I did, for the most part, but it wasn't easy. But I managed to become friends with most of the glee clubbers and even the cheerios. Specifically Quinn and Santana. We all became really close after an incident involving one of the other cheerios, and with Quinn, well, that's when she became my best friend. But with Santana, well, I'm not gonna lie, I had feelings for her and we kissed. In the bathroom, but I ran away because I knew she wasn't ready to come out and I felt awful for doing it, but then my attack happened and San and I distanced ourselves from each other. We actually didn't speak to each other for months after it happened. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she shut me out. And I moved back to Chicago, until this year, when I heard the glee club didn't have enough members to compete, and I wanted to come back, so I did. To be with Rachel and my friends. Chicago doesn't exactly hold the best memories either, and when I came back, Santana and I agreed that this year we should focus on ourselves and being in our last year of high school, so we decided to just be friends."

Skylar, who had been quiet and who's face had remained emotionless throughout my entire mini speech, and I watched the blonde while chewing on my bottom lip. If this whole freaking situation hadn't been stressful or confusing before, it definitely was now. Everything was out there in the open. Save for the kiss Santana and I shared at the party, but that was a discussion for a later date.

"What about the party? She disappeared almost as soon as you did, just after she announced that she was in love with someone there. You wanna explain that?"

Letting out a sigh, I let my head rest in my hands, figuring I might as well just reveal everything. Skylar's tone was neutral, which wasn't giving away any hints as to what the girl was thinking or feeling. "I don't know what happened. One second we were playing that stupid game and then next she was staring at me saying she was in love, and I panicked and I did need air. It was getting claustrophobic in there. Santana met me outside, and she confessed that she had always had feelings for me, she was just too afraid of what those feelings meant. And after everything that's happened with her over the past few weeks, she said she felt more confident about herself and…shit, she kissed me again and told me that she planned on fighting for me. That's why I've been so freaked out this week, because I'm confused. I like you, I do. But I can't lie and say that I don't have feelings for Santana, because I do. And I think that I probably always will. I just…I'm sorry, this is so unfair to you, Sky."

Slim fingers wrapped around my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. My eyes automatically landed on Skylar's that had, much to my surprise, held a slight amount of amusement in them. "Hey, I'm not mad or anything, okay? If this is why you've been so crazy this week, you should have came and talked to me about this. Am I upset that she kissed you while we were on a date, yeah, but for the situation as a whole, not really. Emotions are complicated, and you shouldn't feel upset or anything just because you have feelings for two different people."

A good majority of the stress that had been sitting on my chest for the past week finally lifted, and for the first time in a few days, I felt as though I could finally relax. Sure, things were still overly complicated (seriously, my life could've been a freaking multi-billion dollar soap opera), but at least everything was all out there.

"Wow. I honestly did not expect you to be this cool about it. Most girls would have been pissed off and ended everything instantly."

The blonde shrugged, standing up from the table and holding a hand out from me. "Well, I'm not most girls, Logan. Come on, our friends are probably thinking you pulled me out here to murder me. They're probably worried sick."

I couldn't help the laugh that came out of my mouth, letting the girl drag me back through the cafeteria before we settled at the table still full of our friends. My sister gave me an odd look, which I returned with a silent nod, promising that I would talk to her about it later before launching into a discussion with Mike about the newest dance he was dying to show to the club, my smile growing as I heard the familiar sounds of my friends laughter over the hum of the crow of teenagers packed into a tiny room.

Rachel

"She kissed you?"

Logan nodded, bringing another spoonful of ice cream up to her mouth. "Yep."

Letting my own spoon drop back into the separate pint of vegan ice cream my sister and aunts kept in stock for me, I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest. "And then she declared her undying love for you? Right there. In front of everyone?"

My blonde sister frowned, pulling the spoon out of her mouth. "Well she didn't say it like that, nor did she scream it to the heavens or anything, Rach, but yeah, she told me she was in love with me."

The only sounds that filled my sister's bedroom, where we had decided to retreat to for our weakly sleepovers, was the sound of Logan eating her own ice cream, my thoughts to preoccupied with the new information that I had just been given. "And I am just now hearing about it?!"

Logan rolled her eyes, setting the container of ice cream on her bedside table before turning back to me. "It's not like I wanted to keep it from you, Rach. I honestly just hadn't had the time to talk to you about it, yet. With the glee clubs coming together for ladies week and then the upcoming Sectionals performance and just school in general, we were both a little busy."

Scoffing, I crossed my arms over my chest, scowling at my sister. "That is no excuse to keep something like this from me, Logan! This explains why you've seemed so tired and moody all week, but I wasn't going to pressure you to say anything because I thought you were just dealing with some personal things. I want you to come talk to me about stuff like this. We're sisters, for goodness sakes! This is what we're supposed to do! We talk about relationships and feelings and kisses!"

The blonde across from me smirked, her eyebrow raising. "Yes, because you've been oh so diligent with confessing what's brewing between you and a certain blonde, no?"

Feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, I dropped my scowl and my eyes, opting to swirl my spoon in the now soup-like consistency of my ice cream. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on, Rach. We've danced around this long enough. You have the biggest crush on Quinn and it's not like it's discreet! You practically drool around her constantly."

I let out a sigh, shaking my head as I glanced back up at my sister. "I do not drool. Just because I can appreciate Quinn does mean I drool over her."

"Ah ha! You're not denying the crush!"

"And you're trying to change the subject from yours and Santana's kiss!"

Logan groaned, flopping back on the bed. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, okay? I was too freaked out by it and stressed because of everything else. I was going to tell you, but we really have been busy. But there's nothing to talk about anyway."

"Logan, Santana Lopez just told you she was in love with you while you were on a date with another girl. And said girl just joined the New Directions. You're going to have to make a decision over which girl you want to be with, and you're not going to just deal with it all by yourself."

The blonde mumbled something incoherent, something along the lines of a whiney "I know," and I simply decided to let the topic go for now. I wasn't expecting my sister to voice her choice at this very moment, but something was telling me that her choice had already been made, and she was just too afraid to take it.

"Is it really that obvious?"

My sister lifted her head up from the bed, quirking it to the side. "Is what that obvious?"

Feeling the heat rise to my cheeks again, I tore my eyes away from hers, instead letting them roam around the room. "My, uh…crush…on Quinn. Is it really that obvious?"

"Oh. No, not really. But Q is my best friend, and you are my sister. I notice things. Like how you always brighten up a little when Q first enters the room, or how it dampens your mood when she's not there. Not to mention that smile you always give her. It's like your signature meg-watt smile but twice as mega-watt. So for me, it's painfully obvious how much you two like each other."

Letting out a very unladylike groan, I let my head hang in my hands. "Oh god, Logan. You're right. I'm head over heels for the girl. But there's no way in hell that she could possibly ever like me back."

"And why not?"

Frowning, I glanced up at my sister, ushering my hands in the air around as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe. "Uh, because she's Quinn Fabray. She's tall and beautiful and smart and perfect and I'm just…me."

My sister laughed lightly before hopping off the bed, plucking my bowl from my hands. "Are you forgetting that the Quinn you just described also is a huge nerd for Harry Potter, she even owns her own house robes and collects all the wands from the movies? Or that she does indeed own a pair of glasses that she wears around the house? Or that's incredibly sweet and she cares about you, Rach. I know she does. And if, and that's a pretty big if, she doesn't like you back or she turns you down, well…then she's an idiot on top of being a huge nerd. And by the way, I happen to think that Rachel Berry is smart, beautiful and insanely talented. Best sister ever, short stack."

Smiling softly at my sister's retreating form, I got up and followed her into the kitchen, quickly tying up my hair in a ponytail before settling onto one of the barstools at the island looking into the kitchen. Logan's back was to me as she washed whatever dishes we had dirtied over the past few hours, the sound of the running water filing the otherwise silent house.

"Sometimes I wish I had a mom. To talk about these kind of things."

Logan glanced over her shoulder, one eyebrow raising slightly. "Thanks, sis."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just…well, you have both of your biological parents in your life. What is that like?"

My sister shrugged, turning the water off before turning fully to look at me, leaning against the counter behind her. "I have no idea. I mean, Hiram hasn't always been there. At least not physically. Before we moved here, I only ever saw him during breaks or occasionally a birthday, if it was pre-planned. But, yeah, I guess it's nice having both. Why?"

Biting my bottom lip, I picked at my nails before glancing up at my sister. "Just wondering, that's all."

A few more moments of silence passed between us, and eventually Logan turned around to finish rinsing off the last few remaining dishes. "You know, as much as my mothers want to be, they're never going to replace who your mother is. And I'm sure Shelby would listen, if you ever needed to talk. Just saying."

It was my turn to raise the eyebrow as my sister moved around the kitchen, my eyes following her every movement. "Two years ago, when I called you in tears you proceeded to call Shelby every derogatory term you could think of at the time. If memory serves me correctly, I believe you said, and I quote, "I swear to whatever god she believes in, I will kick her ass up and down every street from here to New York City as many times as I need to." You were such a huge fan of her then, so what changed?"

Logan let out a sigh, leaning across the counter from me. "Look, Shelby and I talked, okay? She told me she regrets what happened between you two and she wants to make it right. Now I'm not sure if she's going to run again, Rach. I can't tell you that. But maybe you should talk to her. And if it's not something you want to peruse, then tell her no, but after what you just told me, you need to at least talk to her."

"Since when do you, of all people, believe in second chances? Especially now, with Santana?"

My sister frowned, looking down at the counter before looking back up at me. "I told myself after the attack that I would never hold any more grudges, Rach. The only thing running through my mind was what if? What if I never got to see you, or my mothers again? Or laugh at something Quinn said, or Mr. Shue's rapping? Every time I see this scar over my eye, it's a reminder that I almost didn't get to give or take any second chances. I've been close enough to death too many times to question them anymore."

She kept our eyes locked for a few minutes, her words settling between us. Damn her and her life experiences. "Okay, you have a point, but I'll make you a deal, okay? I will promise to talk to Shelby if you promise to not let what happened last year affect your decision between Skylar and Santana."

The blonde let out a sigh, her head dropping onto the counter before she lazily held out a hand for me to shake. "Deal."