Hallo and welcome!

If you come here from Shôganai you're already set. If you're new and just here for some next Gen fluff, well, you won't miss much if you haven't read Shôganai, Zoro and Robin are a couple. That's basically it. There might be some references you won't get if you haven't read Shôganai but nothing too big. I think. I'll be making this up as I go.

What you can expect in this fic is exactly what you read in the summary, 9 idiots try to raise a kid into a decent human being. The POV will change around amongst the crew and the kid herself in later chapters and there will be quite substantial time skips between the chapters.

Bear in mind that I don't have children (and reading this you should easily see why I'm not fit for such a task) so I have no idea how accurate this all will be. This fic is mainly self-indulgent trash with a pinch of "I have standards maybe"

Also huge thank you to Rexica for Beta-Reading, Check out disinhibition if you haven't, don't be deterred by that OC Tag, Fi ist awesome! You can find the fic in my bookmarks on ao3.

Speaking of which, if you want to cross read this and the occasional smutty bits you might want to follow on ao3 instead, because I can link the chapters there, fanfiction doesn't allow that

They were all lounging around the outer door of the infirmary. The silence around them had an almost eerie quality now that the screeching had stopped. Just as eerie as before it had begun. Sanji wasn't as stupid as the rest of the morons. He knew what childbirth was and knew that it was supposed to be painful. They'd been absolutely sick with worry when Robin, the two doctors, and the idiot had vanished to the infirmary, and they hadn't heard a single sound. Had something gone wrong? Did they have to discard that idea of natural birth in favour of Law getting the child with his ability?

He'd been so worried about his beautiful Robin-chwan that not even sweet Nami-swan's radiant smile could appease his mind. Of all people, it had been snot-faced Usopp, quivering and shivering in fear, who'd calmed him down.

"Th-th-that's just like her, s-s-scaring us like that," he'd stammered, followed by reassuring himself that it was just a prank. He had to admit it could be something Robin would do. And honestly, since she had confirmed that cursed news article, who knew how she'd react to that amount of pain…

He'd be lying though if he said that he hadn't hoped for her to curse the idiot to high heaven, but the only cursing they had heard was from the shitty bastard himself.

Honestly, what the fuck was his problem when Robin did all the fucking work, but even he wouldn't go as far as to say that the bastard had no idea what she was going through. Obviously, he didn't know what childbirth felt like, but… Marimo had probably suffered through way more on Thriller Bark. Fuck. That damn dumbass with his penchant for self-sacrifice. Thriller Bark was one thing, but what the fuck had he been thinking, leaving his pregnant wife behind?

He picked a stalk of celery from the snack plate he'd just prepared even though he knew it was just a sorry attempt to trick his addiction, but fucking hell, he didn't deserve her. Or maybe he did, but he wouldn't be caught dead admitting that out loud… his sweet, exquisite angel in the hands of that uncouth brute!

Half an hour ago, the silence had stopped and had been replaced by a godawful wailing. And just as he'd been ready to decide that the shithead's offspring was just as annoying as he was, Chopper and Law had exited the infirmary to inform them that Robin had given birth to a healthy little baby girl, and that vile thought had been snuffed out instantly.

Of course a princess had to demand attention if it wasn't freely given!

And now that the wailing had stopped, they all sat here and waited until their newest member was finally ready to meet them, because as of now only Marimo and Smoker of all people had been allowed access. He nudged his unconscious captain with the tip of his immaculate dress shoe. Fucking idiot, served him right wanting to barge into the room like that. Beautiful Nami-swan had rightfully tossed him overboard. Robin needed rest. Obviously a girl wouldn't be born with as square a skull as her father, but even with Robin's clearly superior genes, he wouldn't put it past the girl to have gotten lost on her way out. That couldn't possibly have been easy on Robin-chwan.

"Is something wrong, Chopper?" Nami-swan asked at the weird expression on their doctor, somehow torn between sadness and unbridled happiness. An expression he hadn't noticed at first, but of course Nami-swan's observation skills were unparalleled.

"Mh, we might have a problem…" Chopper answered and was immediately leveled with a glare from Law.

"Mother and child are perfectly fine," the surgeon added, making Chopper squeak and apologize for potentially scaring them.

"Yes, yes, they are really healthy. It's just that she has his hair, so Tashigi can't take care of her."

Well fucking damn. As effortless as their crew made it look sometimes, nothing was ever easy for them, was it? Why? Why? Why, in the name of the All Blue hadn't his stupid genes gotten lost in the process?

Thanks to Nami's embargo -that unfortunately he now knew the actual reason for- it was fairly easy to forget that it was moss for brains that was Robin's partner. They never touched, never shared lingering, longing glances, and it really was only their vanishing to the Crows nest that was an indication. But now, with Robin's sweet princess… He had no doubt that she would be the most beautiful, adorable little girl they had ever met, but why did she have to have his stupid hair? It would be a constant reminder that it was the damn fucking brute that had Robin-chwan's heart!

"Fuck," Nami muttered under her breath, her angelic voice softening the impact of the word itself. "Sanji-kun, Luffy needs to wake up," she added, and he flew towards his kitchen. Of course his beautiful angel was right, there were wors- other problems that hair brought with it. When he entered, the scent of cigars was still thick in the room. He'd just missed the marine who hadn't even touched his cigars the last few days, and he had to commend the man's dedication. If one asked Chopper, this relationship between beautiful Robin and dumbass Marimo was the best thing to have happened. Marimo drank considerably less, and with the pregnancy, he had actually managed to reduce to 5 a day… damn adorable busybody…

He took the steak out of the fridge. Normally, he let it rest on the counter to give it some good flame later, but this was about Luffy, so he took the plate with the raw cut right out the kitchen to place in front of the slightly twitching captain.

They all watched in wonder and disgust as the boy slithered up to it to devour it whole like a fucking snake before his eyes snapped open, and he jumped to his feet. He was just about to try to smash into the infirmary again, but Nami spoke up. "Captain," she said, and Luffy froze. Fuck, they all knew that it was serious when they actually used his title like that.

"Tashigi-chan can't take care of the kid. She got Zoro's hair," she sighed. Tashigi-chan? He wholeheartedly agreed of course, but hearing that from Na- Na- Nami-swan and Tashigi-chan?

Ah fuck. He padded himself down at the telltale tingle of a nose bleed. He wasn't a fucking barbarian to wipe his nose on his sleeve after all. He accepted the tissue from Brook with a grateful nod under the condescending eyes of both Chopper and Usopp. Oh, what did they know… he cleared his throat. Usopp did have a girl waiting… not that he was jealous or anything. There were enough Ladies that deserved a gentleman like him every now and then.

"So what's the problem, we go to Reverse Mountain and back to East Blue. We'll meet all our friends again. It'll be fun!" Luffy laughed before throwing open the door to the infirmary to greet their newest member.

How did he always make it look so easy? The boy was a dumb rock most of the time, but other times, things were just clear, weren't they? His dream wouldn't have to suffer for this, because by now it was quite clear that finding the one piece without Robin would be impossible. Who cared if they took another break? It just meant a longer adventure, and who'd be against that?

They laughed, all of them, because sometimes their stupid as fuck captain was a real genius. When Luffy returned, he joined their laughter.

"Shishishishi, she's so ugly. Nami, you're next!"

Sweet Nami-swan rightfully whacked the boy over the head, telling him that babies weren't ugly.

He'd never seen a newborn before, but even with the Marimo's genes, there was no way that Robin-chwan's child would be anything but perfect!

When Nami returned his heart sank. His angel looked almost shaken, and Luffy sent Usopp in. Fuck, this situation really called for a cigarette, and he intensified his chewing on the celery. The child just couldn't be ugly! It couldn't, damn it!

When Usopp returned he had that same shocked, confused look as Nami and that just couldn't be? Was it because of Robin's devil fruit, or that weird as fuck monster technique of the idiot? Did she have a third arm or something? No doubt she'd be beautiful still! Just…

"Shishishishi, you're next Sanji."

Never in his life had he ever dreaded seeing one of his angels more than right this moment. If the child was really really ugly, with no trace of Robin's ethereal beauty… would he be able to hide it? He swallowed the last of his celery, it was no use. There was no way she was ugly, and he'd prove it to them!

When he pushed open the door, the enthusiastic 'Robin-chwan' got stuck in his throat. His beautiful angel, black hair wet with sweat plastered on her face, but her face had the most beautiful healthy shine he'd ever seen on her. She looked like a goddess, the perfect combination of soft and strong, and then there was that stupid gorilla next to her and… oh… oh fucking hell she was ugly. What the fuck was that even? That was no beautiful baby, no sweet child of Robin's! It was a… a whitish, scrunched up mini Marimo! Oh his greatest fears!

"Isn't she the cutest?" Robin asked, and he ripped his eyes of the abomination in her arms. That beautiful smile on her lips. He couldn't say no, could he? But he couldn't lie to his angel either! He- he… blackness crept in from all around and as undignified and weak as it had to look to the shitty swordsman, he didn't fight it and sank to the floor to the angelic choir of "fufufufufu."

Hope you enjoyed this first introduction! Let me know with a comment and or kudos. As for all my work I appreciate feedback in any form. Quick yay or a heart, that was fun in the comments? Wonderful! You don't agree think I'm full of shit? Yeah you're probably right, but try to say it politely, I'm really up for any and all interaction as long as there's basic courtesy. Constructive criticism? Always! I can't improve without that!

When's the next chapter? I don't know, I'll update Wednesday's, just because I got used to that with Shôganai, see it as a bit of a lift in the middle of the week to make it til weekend... Which Wednesday I don't know though, might be next, might be in a month, all depends on my schedule and more importantly my motivation ^^'

Also might add, this chapter is fairly long all the others that I have in store for way later are way shorter...