Hey, guys. It's been like ten months since I've updated. I know I apologize a lot for updating so slow, but this is my last year of college and I've been focusing on it as much as I can. Plus, I was kind of wondering how I would be writing this chapter out.

This chapter, I'm just going to apologize in advance. Some of you are probably going to hate me for the way this story-line is going. But I had it originally planned the series to go this way and I promise it will all get better in the end. I'm also going to apologize for the next few chapters, because this is the climax of this story. There's a lot of drama and heartbreak and tears and everything in between.

I've only got a few more chapters of this story left before it's officially done. But the third story of this series is also in the process of being written down, so there's adventures in college and New York and so on to look forward to.

Let me know what you guys think. Also, if any of you are confused by the name change, it's not a mistake. I am officially moving away from BraveGirl13 to CommanderRaccoon13. A new change, a few new stories, all the fun stuff. Love you all! ~CR13

Ch:15

Logan

"I can't believe I fucking taped a recorder to my underboob for absolutely nothing."

Rolling my eyes, I pulled my attention away from the television screen to see a still slightly annoyed Santana emerging from my bathroom, towel drying her hair as she plopped down on the end of my bed. "Glee club's a democracy, babe. Your sacrifice will be greatly remembered."

The Latina let out a groan before tossing the wet towel. "You're supposed to be on my side, you know."

"I am on your side. But Kurt had a point. Even with Sebastian off the Dalton team, we would still need to worry about them. If we're going to beat them, we're going to beat them because we're better than them."

I watched as the cheerleader plopped herself face down on the bed, mumbling something that I couldn't make out. For a few moments, I watched her, the only sound coming from the television playing in the background.

"I applied to Columbia. In New York."

The girl's head turned to look at me, one eyebrow raised. "What?"

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I let out a sigh. "I applied to Columbia at the beginning of the year. Before I came back to McKinley. And I got in."

The brunette sat up on the bed, a frown settling on her face. "Why are you just now telling me this?"

Shrugging, I tore my eyes away from hers to swallow past the lump in my throat and attempting to ignore the knotting of my stomach. "We weren't together when I did it. And it's always been my plan to follow Rachel to New York. But now there's you, and I don't know. It's been bothering me since before Christmas. I know I should have told you, but I've been so freaked out that we're going to end up like that couple that wants two different things and break up right before or after graduation. And I don't want that."

"I wasn't going to mention it to anyone, at least until I was sure if I wanted to take it or not, but I got a ride to the University of Louisville, with their cheerleading department."

The weight settled between us, with the unspoken decision that needed to be made hanging in the air. For her part, Santana seemed to be somewhat annoyed with the whole situation, but panic and fear was beginning to settle into my chest, so blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "I can go with you. To Louisville."

"Are you fucking crazy? You are not going to Louisville. I'm not about to ask you to give up Columbia for that."

"You're not asking me, Santana. I'm offering it."

The Latina stood from the bed, shaking her head as she started to pace the room. "No. No, you're not going to do this. You're not going to act like I'm giving you the choice, like I don't have a say in this. You deserve better than Louisville, than to be forced to go somewhere you don't want to be. I can't do that to you, Logan. I can't be the reason you'll end up regretting not going to New York later on."

"If I make the choice to go with you, then it's my choice. It doesn't have to be on you. I can still do the exact same thing I'd be doing in New York except-."

"Except you'd be miserable."

I held a staring match with my girlfriend for a few minutes, until she broke it to shake her head and grab her backpack from where it was resting against my own bag. "Face it, Logan. You and Rachel, you two aren't meant to stay in Lima. You guys are better than that."

Before she could start out the door, I quickly pushed myself off my bed and walked over to her, barely managing to catch her arm. "Things change, Santana. When I applied, I was hurt. Because of what happened last year. The attack. Us. All of it was pushing me towards making sure that I got out of this town, away from all of it. But then you changed it all. I don't have any other solid plan other than that I want to be with you, wherever you go. Why can't you understand that?"

Without a word, the cheerleader gently removed my hand from her arm before silently walking out my bedroom, leaving me to stare after her before I angrily slammed my door. Thankfully my parents weren't home, because I didn't think I had it in me to be able to explain everything that just happened.

Letting out a string of curses, I sat back down on the edge of my bed, letting my head rest in my hands as I tried not to think about what this argument meant for my future.

Logan

"You look a little worse for wear there, Mackenzie."

Glancing up from my uneaten food, I smiled slightly at the sight of the familiar blonde, straightening in my seat. "Hey. And I know I look terrible. I haven't been sleeping great the past couple of nights."

Skylar slid into the empty seat next to me, clearing her throat. "Does your sudden lack of sleep have anything to do with why you and your girlfriend haven't said anything to each other in the past two days?"

Letting out a sigh, I pushed my salad away from me and resting my arms on the top of the cafeteria table. "Is it that noticeable?"

The blonde shrugged, glancing over her shoulder. "Only because you two are practically inseparable. Everyone is talking about it, but no one has enough guts to come right out and ask if you two are good or not. I figured I'd be safe from your wrath if I asked."

"It's…complicated."

Skylar nodded, not saying anything until my sister and a few other gleeks appeared, all of them sharing their greetings as I continued stabbing at my salad with my fork, trying to ignore the feeling in my chest that everything was crumbling down around me.

"So Mr. Shue finally put the college map up in the Glee room. Has anyone put their stars in their cities yet?"

The only one who had put their star into place was my sister, who had also helped Mr. Shue with the idea of the map to begin with. Each member of the Glee club was given a star, with their initials written on it, and had been tasked with placing their star in the respective city that they would be attending college in. In Mr. Shue's words, it was supposed to represent that even though we would all be distanced from each other, we would still be a family. But I understood that my star would be placed on that map somewhere that I would be miserable either way. I had already sent in an application to Louisville, behind Santana's back. But by attending school there, I would be giving up everything that I had been working towards. But if I didn't, if I went ahead and attended Columbia, then I would risk losing Santana. But being miserable with the girl that I loved seemed a lot better than being miserable and heartbroken without her.

"I'm still waiting to hear back from my colleges before I make any decision."

Most of the other glee clubbers voiced their agreements, all except for me, who just continued to shovel and move lettuce around my bowl, fully aware of the looks everyone was giving me and sharing with each other.

"Onto a new subject…does anyone have any awesome plans for Valentine's Day?"

Feeling my lungs exhale every ounce of air I had stored, I stood up from the table, muttering out that I would meet everyone in the choir room for Glee club, ignoring the look of concern my sister was giving me and the continuous looks of pity that the others had on their faces since I had walked into Glee alone the other day.

The trek to the choir room seemed to take longer than usual, and I tightened my hand around the strap of my bag as I neared my locker. I had successfully managed to avoid Santana for the most part of the past three days, calculating when I would need to avoid the locker area since ours were just a few feet apart. But today it looked like my luck was running out as I turned the corner and noticed that Santana was rummaging through her locker.

With a slight pause, I continued on down the hallway, keeping silent as I hurried to put in my locker combination in the hopes that I wouldn't have to stay long. But the second the metal creaked open, brown eyes glanced over in my direction and I tensed, waiting for another argument to explode between the two of us. However, I didn't expect for the cheerleader's locker to close lightly before I felt the familiar presence of my girlfriend next to me. "Can we talk? Before Glee starts?"

Nodding, I quickly pulled out whatever books I would need for tomorrow before following the Latina down the hallway. Most of the student body paid no attention to us, so slipping into one of the unused classrooms was easy enough, and I was instantly reminded of the times that Santana and I had done this the year before. The thought of those conversations, and what they led to, caused me to smile.

"I took the scholarship to Louisville."

My head snapped back over to look at my girlfriend, who was watching me a worried expression on her face. "Okay. If that's what you want to do, then I'll support that."

"You can't come with me."

Letting out a sigh, I dropped by bag at my feet before walking towards the Latina. "It's an eleven-hour drive from Louisville to New York. Do you really think that this is going to work when we're that far apart?"

"No. I know it won't. I've been thinking about it all weekend, and you and I both know that neither one of us can follow the other to where we want to go. I'm not good enough for New York, you're too good to give it up."

Glancing back and forth between the cheerleader's brown eyes, that I just now noticed were glossy and red-rimmed, I felt all the breath leave my lungs as my brain processed what she had just said. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Logan…"

"No! You don't get to do this! We had one argument about it and you're willing to just throw it all away? For something as stupid as this? Why can't you just let me go with you! I can still apply to Louisville and-."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you would be happy in Louisville with me. That you wouldn't regret not going to Columbia, to New York with Rachel and Quinn. If you can do that, then you can come with me."

As I locked onto brown eyes that I had come to love so deeply, I tried to open my mouth to say something. Say anything that would prove that breaking up wasn't the only option that we had, but nothing came out. Because she was right. If I denied my acceptance to Columbia, I would regret it. I wouldn't be happy in Louisville.

"That's what I thought. I can't ask you to give up that dream."

Anger had been slowly bubbling up inside of me, my mind reacting before I could think. "You're my dream! Me and you, together!"

Silently, Santana moved away from the desk, causing me to panic slightly. This is it. This is really happening.

Shaking my head, I reached out to grab the girl's arm as she started past me, sucking in a breath while feeling the stinging of tears behind my eyes. "Please don't do this."

The cheerleader dropped her bag at our feet, reaching up to place her hands on my cheeks, tears flowing freely down her own. "Listen to me. You're going to be fine. You're going to go to New York and do great things with your sister and I will go to Louisville and everything will be fine."

My own hands reached up to grasp at her wrists shakily. "Please…"

Without a word, brown eyes were suddenly out of my view and out the door of the classroom, leaving me to stare at the space she had just vacated, listening to the sound of the bell signaling the end of the day. Silently, I slid down onto the floor, attempting to wrap my arms around my knees which I eventually accomplished, no thanks to my entire body shaking from the rush of emotions that I had just felt as silent tears slid down my face.

Losing Nicole had been hard, and had shaken me to my core. It was obvious that I wasn't the same person I was before her suicide. I had turned cold, hollow on the inside. But slowly I had pushed that darkness away as I regained myself here in Lima. As I found and fell for Santana. But now that familiar darkness was creeping up on me again, like it had been waiting in the shadows for something like this to happen so it could latch a hold of me again.

Instead of fighting it, I just let my eyes close, my fingernails digging into my bare forearms as I welcomed the empty feeling without fight. Anything to get rid of this pain. Because this was worse than losing Nicole. Worse than the pain of recovering from the attack. This was something I wouldn't be coming back from. What little piece of my heart that hadn't already been broken before was now lying shattered in front of me.

After a few moments of sitting there, when my tears had subsided enough for me to see a little clearer, I stood from the floor, picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder while I evacuated the empty room. Staying in there would only make it worse.

From inside the choir room, I could hear the chatter and laughter of the other members. Usually it would cause me to smile, and a warm feeling would fill my chest. But today, and for the foreseeable future, all I could feel was…emptiness, without a promise of recovery. It was numbing me, slowly but surely. And it was better than feeling the ache in my chest that had settled in there after the discussion with my now ex-girlfriend.

Mr. Shue was in the middle of discussing this week's assignment when I walked in, my feet dragging behind me. I didn't dare look around, just in case she was sitting in one of the chairs, but the room fell silent the second that I appeared in the doorway.

"Logan?"

My eyes snapped up from where I had been staring at the tile pieces of the floor, catching my sister's worried gaze from across the room. I nodded once to keep my sister in her seat, walking past our teacher and towards the map of the US that had been placed near the trophy case. The shaking had finally subsided as I grabbed my own piece, placing it next to my sister's in New York before turning to take the empty seat next to Quinn, slumping forward slightly.

"Logan. Is everything alright? Where's Santana?"

Taking a deep breath, I finally turned to look over towards my little sister and my best friend. "Everything is fine."

Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is…fine.