Hallo and welcome back!
It's safe to assume that none of this fic will be betaread so get used to my random punctuation and run on sentences.
The little Cockatoo has been acting up, er eating behaviour has been really worrisome but she is still the happy little thing she was before... Whatever could the reason be?
Like all the other sane people on this ship, Nami originally was convinced that bringing a child into this fucked up world and in their circumstances was utterly and completely irresponsible. She'd come around since, because monster she might be, she wouldn't miss Tori for the world. Played Sanji maybe better than she did, was a fine excuse for Luffy to be quiet in the afternoons and together with her equally dirty and stupid -sorry Robin- father she was teeth-rottingly cute. And even though she could already feel the next cavity, for the life of her she could not look away from the infuriatingly sweet scene in front of her.
Good for nothing Marimo lying flat on his back, while two deeply concentrated children used his chest as a table for their horrible drawing excesses. And horrible they were, Luffy's art skill just barely trumped the two-year-old's. Just barely. Robin had her ridiculously long legs folded over her husband's, back reclined against their tree, reading a book but no doubt paying very close attention to everything. This little family was the cutest shit she'd ever seen and she'd be caught dead before she'd let the Marimo know about that. Like fuck, she'd give him that satisfaction. No fucking way.
Her Lawn chair was only within earshot and in direct line because that was the only place where the sun hit her just right. Nothing more to it. Not at all.
An especially hard jap of bright yellow crayon on paper and ribcage had the idiot jolt awake under loud protests from the two wannabe artists. The little demon always did that when she was done with another piece of art, and definitely had learned that from what she probably decided to be her big brother.
"Papa look!" Tori demanded presenting her unintelligible scribbles with a proud grin on her tiny ugly face.
"The fuck is that supposed to be?" He asked like the dumbass buffoon he was but thankfully they were spared the desperate wailing by Robin chiming in. "Why, I would believe it is quite obvious, Kenshi-san?"
And instantly the quivering bottom lip stopped quivering and stretched into a grin again.
"Yes! Papa big stupid. Tori drew Sunny!" She exclaimed and at least he had the decency to nod. "Oh yeah sure, now I see it." He said before ushering the kid to show her latest masterpiece to Usopp and she ran off. It was clear which one had more brains. It took their captain about one minute of scowling before he got the fucking hint, started laughing and collected the drawing equipment from Zoro's chest and slink away.
Fascinating almost. Their first mate had always been lenient with Luffy's spontaneous bouts of idiocy, just one step behind most of the time. One shared brain cell in action, but… she was sure before Tori he would have just cursed the boy away for shit like that but it seemed like fatherhood had mellowed him out.
"You really saw Sunny in that?" He asked his wife sitting up and was greeted with her usual laughter. "In fact, I had interpreted it as a massacred seaking, but we have to encourage her."
Of fucking course. Those two really did deserve each other, didn't they? And neither of them seemed to take their jobs as the actual parents of the brat very seriously. She hadn't expected much from the meathead but Robin? Ugh. Sure her happiness seemed to be the only thing they were concerned with but for fuck's sake raising a child was more than that!
Sure they stepped in when she took too much advantage of Sanji… peeled her off Brook and Jinbei when she pretended to eat them… whisked her up when she toddled too close to the railing and sometimes even subjugated all of them to a crying fit because they would not give in to her ridiculous demands… but neither had done anything about her recent eating behaviour and that was something that responsible parents really should be worried about.
Ever since Luffy had given her that steak she'd loved steak, but recently she'd just started to refuse any and all Vegetables or fruits and it wasn't just worrying to her but also Sanji and Chopper. She even threw a fit if she got soup or pureed foods because there could be produce in there. And now instead of the balanced nutrition Sanji usually provided for all of them, she just ate more meat. Meat in all forms.
Maybe it really was time for an intervention. Went on for weeks already. With a sigh, she got up, now that the children had left the scene absolutely nothing, not the last beri on earth would be enough to make her stay back within earshot of those two.
Snatching her half-empty cocktail from the table she made towards the kitchen, but not before hollering at them to get a fucking room because fucking seriously, were they teenagers? At least from Robin, she would have expected more but at the same time… She really should know better by now… ugh, it had been her who'd gotten more lenient with the kid, god damn it! On their next crew meeting, they should revise the strict no-touching rule in all the communal parts of the ship, she had kinda slacked with that since the child's birth. Yes, that would be a good idea, and it would most certainly get a majority vote. Again.
She found Sanji slumped over the eating table, a ridiculous amount of scribbled on paper surrounding him, and a chewed up cigarette resting next to his mouth drooling on the latest piece of parchment. She wasn't quite sure if she was more disgusted by the sight or amused or worried. She knew he hadn't slept much since Tori started to refuse his meals. So maybe she should let him rest?
She definitely should, the dark circles under his eyes were unreal and a horribly stark contrast to his usually pristine exterior. Carefully she combed his blond strands out of his face and pinched the thoroughly disgusting remains of the chewed up cigarette. Disgusting as it was it really was the least she could do, dumped it in the trash and took his suit jacket to cover his shoulders. He always took such good care of them and the barbarians barely even thanked him for it. Just shovelled their food in their disgusting maws probably not even noticing all the elegant flavours. She placed a little peck on his brow, something she'd never do if he were awake lest he bled to death, the fucking dumbass.
She was just about to tiptoe out of the kitchen when she caught sight of a few papers that had fallen to the kitchen floor in his desperate brainstorming attempt, so she bent down to pick them up. What the– there was more under the bench. But different. Bright colours attacked her eyes, furious scribble instead of neat, orderly script. She reached around Sanji's shiny shoes and pulled the haphazardly stacked and glued abomination of a book from a dusty corner that she was sure someone had been supposed to clean earlier this week.
She crawled back, dusting her knees and took to inspect the godawful monster which was no doubt created by Luffy. The only thing setting the thing apart from Tori's art was the writi–
What the actual fuck?
"God damn it Luffy, get your fucking rubbery ass in here right fucking now!" She screamed from the top of her lungs completely forgetting about the chef whose peaceful slumber she had not wanted to disturb.
She smacked the self-made book in front of him before he had a chance to tell her how wonderful it was to be awakened by her sweet angelic voice. "Captain is on a veggie diet until Tori eats them again and then another fucking month." She declared.
"Fucking bastard idiot shithead," the cook seethed, completely forgetting about the presence of the sweet angel next to him.
If you want to see Luffy's masterpiece (The Boy Who Died From Vegetable - Damn it, I just realised I should have misspelt Who), you can find it on ao3
Hope you enjoyed this cute little chapter! Let me know what you thought about it and if you're nice in the comments I might tell you about the other helpful children's books Luffy drew for Tory, yes I have a list, but they won't make it in the actual fic, I just picked the one that would be easiest incorporated in a story. I might even go crayon shopping and draw the others...
Next week there won't be any chapter of any fic because I'll be busy as fuck and I don't exactly know how to upload the bulk I have... Anyone here interested in the smutty sequel to Shôganai, or nah?
Anyway, have a nice day, stay healthy!