Bus Depot. Mercenaries exit, leaving Infinite, Deux, And Cardinal, who stick together.
INFINITE
natural leader, gets their attention
All right, gang: fall in!
Deux And Cardinal immediately stand at attention.
Roll call: Infinite!
DEUX
Deux!
CARDINAL
Cardinal!
Deux And Cardinal Line Up. Infinite "inspects" them, straightening a collar here, a sleeve there. A parody of military precision.
INFINITE
One question, men: are we jerks or Mercenaries?
DEUX & CARDINAL
Sir, jerks, sir!
INFINITE
Wrong! We're Mercenaries! And tonight we got a special mission!
DEUX & CARDINAL
Sir, yes, sir!
INFINITE
Tell me, Cardinal, just what is that mission?!
CARDINAL
To get me smashed, sir!
Wrong answer.
INFINITE
'Scuse me?
CARDINAL
I want a handful of grade-A Mobian tail, sir, and I want it now!
Infinite Enlists Deux's Help Getting Cardinal back on track.
INFINITE
Deux—
DEUX
Sir!
INFINITE
—will you kindly remind this bottom-feeding waste of oxygen: what were our orders?!
DEUX
To find us some droolin' and slobberin' dogs, sir!
INFINITE
Attaboy.
To the side, Breezie, a buxom with looks and attitude to spare, carries a large suitcase. Cardinal gawks, eyes bulging.
CARDINAL
Target located, 10 meters.
INFINITE
There will be distractions.
Cardinal Approaches Breezie, laying it on thick, largely clueless about women
CARDINAL
stiff, put on
What seems to be the problem, Miss?
BREEZIE
Pardon?
CARDINAL
takes her suitcase, with effort
Let me help you with that.
BREEZIE
flattered, flirtatious
Well, someone ate his spinach today, thank you! Are you boys with the armed forces?
CARDINAL
salutes, proud
Jackal squad Mercenaries, reporting for duty.
BREEZIE
You make it sound so serious.
CARDINAL
Your protection is something I take very seriously.
INFINITE
interrupts, takes Breezie Aside, Away From Cardinal
It's a shame we have to cut this meeting so short.
Deux Holds Back Cardinal, Keeping Him From Breezie
DEUX
You see, Miss, we're on a special mission, classified as heck.
INFINITE
So you better go now—it ain't safe here.
DEUX
I'm sorry, that's all we're at liberty to say.
BREEZIE
Oh my. Well, good luck to you boys…
She gives them a weak, winking salute, then goes. Cardinal is frustrated by this missed opportunity.
CARDINAL
Darn it, I couldda had her.
INFINITE
There'll be other girls, after the dogfight.
CARDINAL
With a figure like that?
INFINITE
This town's lousy with 'em. Keep your head in the game. And the game ain't over 'til the fat lady barks.
DEUX
We ain't sending you over there a boy. You'll get yours.
INFINITE
You'll get more. 'Cause we're no ordinary, regular Mercenaries. What are we?!
DEUX
Sir, we are the jackal squad, Sir!
Infinite And Deux Launch Into Their Group's Upbeat Song Of Friendship, Hoping To Get Cardinal realigned with the mission.
INFINITE/DEUX
לנו שלוש הדבורים יש עקיצה אדירה
No response from Cardinal. Infinite And Deux Try Again.
לנו שלוש הדבורים יש עקיצה אדירה
CARDINAL
acquiesces, unenthusiastic at first
BZZZZ BZZZZ
INFINITE
ואנחנו באים מוכנים לכל דבר
שלוש דבורים
BZZZZ BZZZZ
CARDINAL
now he's getting on board
אנחנו שלושת הדבורים חיים semper fi
JACKAL SQUAD
BZZZZ BZZZZ
THICK LIKE BLOOD AND WE'RE DO OR DIE BZZZZ
BZZZZ
CAN'T YOU HEAR IT BOYS? CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT NOISE? COMIN' COMIN' COMIN' COMIN'
INFINITE
THE JACKAL SQUAD ARE FOREVER YOUNG
JACKAL SQUAD
SO WATCH YOUR BACK OR YOU MIGHT GET STUNG
INFINITE
Happy hunting, boys.
Infinite, Deux, And Cardinal Separate, Spread Across The City In Their Search. Women Appear. Odd, Quirky Women. A Flurry Of Energy. Other Mercenaries Appear, Chasing Women, hunting for the perfect date.
[WOMEN]
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
During the song, Mercenaries Direct Their Sung And Spoken Lines Out, To Unseen Women.
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot doot!
[CARDINAL]
Hey, good-lookin'
You're so outta sight
(spoken) I just had to stop and say hello...
[DEUX]
Hey, good-lookin'
Whatcha doin' tonight?
(spoken) Don't do it for me, do it for your country!
[TROIS]
Hey, good-lookin'
How's about a date?
(spoken) ¿Dónde está la biblioteca?
[QUATRE/UNO]
Hey, good-lookin'
Pick you up around eight
[UNO, spoken]
Hey!
[QUATRE, spoken]
Where you runnin' off to?
[ALL EXCEPT INFINITE]
Hey, hey, hey, good-lookin'
What's a guy to do?
Say say say, good-lookin'
Searched the whole world through
I've been looking for you
Another flurry of energy As Mercenaries Chase Unsuspecting Women Across The City
[WOMEN]
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Suddenly, stillness amidst the chaos as we focus in On Infinite's Search. He Sits On A Park Bench Next To An Odd Pup Whisper. He pushes aside the newspaper she's reading, demands her attention.
[INFINITE, spoken]
Where is he?
[WHISPER, spoken]
Who?
[INFINITE, spoken]
Your husband.
[WHISPER, spoken]
I don't have a husband.
[INFINITE, spoken]
So where's your fiancé?
[WHISPER, spoken]
I'm not engaged.
[INFINITE, spoken]
Boyfriend?
[WHISPER, spoken]
No.
[INFINITE, spoken]
Wait a minute—a pretty thing like you—no husband, no fiancé, no boyfriend. Well, if you ain't a lesbian, my name's Infinite the jackal
Hey! Hey...where ya goin'?
Whisper Rejects Him, Annoyed. She Escapes. Another Flurry Of Energy, Mercenaries Growing More Desperate. Now The City Seems Increasingly Overrun With Mercenaries Chasing Women.
[WOMEN]
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot doo!
[UNO]
Hey good-lookin'
I'm brand new in town
[CARDINAL, spoken]
So there I am at lunch with Perry Como...
[DEUX]
Hey good-lookin'
Don't go turnin' me down
[QUATRE, spoken]
And now the cancer's spreading to my liver
[CARDINAL]
Hey good-lookin'
We could have some fun
[TROIS/UNO]
Hey good-lookin'
Took my breath away
[QUATRE/DEUX]
Hey, good-lookin'
[QUATRE]
You could be the one
[DEUX]
You could make my day
[TROIS/UNO/CARDINAL/DEUX/QUATRE]
Hey,
Hey,
Hey good-lookin'
What's a guy to do?
Hey good-lookin'
What's a guy to
What's a guy to do?
Say,
Say,
[ALL EXCEPT INFINITE]
Say, good-lookin'
Searched the whole world through
I've been lookin' for
We focus again on Infinite's Search. Church Pews. A Large "Woman" Kneels, Hands Obscuring Her Face, Veiled And Dressed Conservatively For Church. Next To Her, Infinite kneels, just completing his own "prayer."
[INFINITE, spoken]
I can't believe it: it's a miracle. I prayed for you and here you are. You're everything I want in a girl.
[DRAG QUEEN, spoken]
And more.
[INFINITE, spoken]
Holy...!
[ALL EXCEPT INFINITE]
Hey, good-lookin'
Got me on my knees
Hey good-lookin'
Got me beggin' ya please
[DEUX/CARDINAL/UNO/QUATRE/TROIS]
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
Hey, good-lookin'
[DEUX]
I think I saw you at church last Sunday
I'd be the luckiest guy
You foxy little thing
Well maybe I could get your number
[CARDINAL]
Your dad attended my bar mitzvah
I'm pretty sure...hold on! Hold on!
Wait just a minute
Honey won't you
[UNO, QUATRE]
You and me, me and you
A second cousin
You and me, baby
The Kennedys, that's a fact
[UNO/QUATRE]
Baby where ya runnin' to, don't be shy
Baby where ya runnin' to? Baby all I'm askin' you is
[TROIS]
Baby
Won't you
You and me, me and you
You and me, baby
[WOMEN]
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
[CARDINAL]
Let me take you out tonight
[DEUX/CARDINAL]
Let me take you out tonight
[DEUX/CARDINAL/QUATRE/TROIS]
Let me take you out tonight
[ALL EXCEPT INFINITE]
Let me take you out!
Hey, hey, hey, good-lookin'
What's a guy to do?
What's a guy to do?
Say, say, say, good-lookin'
Searched the whole world through
Searched the whole world through
And I've been lookin' for you
Hey, hey, hey!
[MERCENARIES]
You and me, baby
I been lookin' for you
[WOMEN]
Doo doot, doot doot dah doo doot
[MERCENARIES]
Baby where ya runnin' to?
I been lookin for you
I been lookin for you
Lookin' for you
Snap!
The Mercenaries are so far unsuccessful. By the end of the number, the Diner has materialized around Infinite. His search continues.