JackalFight

by siramay

A young Mercenary named Infinite The Jackal is set to spend his last night in Station Square with his Mercenary friends before they are deployed. Infinite and his friends plan to attend a cruel bar event called a "dogfight," which requires Merceries to bring unattractive dates who will be judged for their ugliness. Infinite encounters a cat named Big whom he brings to the dogfight

11. Hometown Hero's Ticker Tape Parade

ACT 2

An Arcade. Later The Same Night. Infinite Plays A Shooting Game. Cardinal uses the coin-operated peepshow. He slams the machine in frustration.

CARDINAL
I'm telling you, they got this thing rigged. First it stops just when she's about to take off her brassiere—now it shuts off when she's this close to losing her panties!

INFINITE
involved in the shooting game
Yeah, take it! Right between the eyes!

CARDINAL
deposits another coin
Come on, baby, it's your friend Cardinal. Don't break my heart now.

Deux Enters, Holding Two Beers. He Goes To Infinite.

INFINITE
Christ!

DEUX
Got you a beer.

INFINITE
Sonofamother!

DEUX
offering the beer
Here. Merc.

CARDINAL
to the peepshow machine
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

INFINITE
to the game
Aw, darn you, you gosh darn sonofamother! I'll blow your freakin' head off!

Deux Notices Infinite's odd, intense behavior.

DEUX
Hey, what's your problem? Pissed you got your but kicked by a cat tonight?

INFINITE
turns on Deux, suddenly charging
What you tryin' to say, you miserable pile of bones?

DEUX
Hey now, settle down.

INFINITE
gets in his face
I don't got a freakin' problem. You do!

DEUX
alpha
Hey. I'm just drinkin' a beer. He's just lookin' at breast.

CARDINAL
Trying.

DEUX
Trying. You need to stand down.

Infinite backs off.

He really got under your skin, huh.

INFINITE
convincing himself, rationalizing
What do I care? Mercenaries been throwing dogfights since they been defending the Constitution.

DEUX
That's right, shake it off.

INFINITE
it's working
My dad, your dad, all the dads!

DEUX
Attaboy!

CARDINAL
gives up on the peepshow
Darnit!

INFINITE
renewed energy and swagger
Enough with the machine. We gotta find you the real thing.

DEUX
The time has come: Dickie Cardinal, you're about to become a man.

CARDINAL
Finally.

INFINITE
to Cardinal
Tonight, you pay for it.

music beat

When we come back…they're gonna be lining up.

music beat

Anything you want, on a silver flipin' platter. That's what they promised us.

music in

You're a gosh darn Mobian Mercenary. You are un-freakin'-stoppable!

[INFINITE]
No-name schoolboy, awful green,
Trained, ordained as a mean Mercenary
Now they can't fuck with the tough, young buck
Cradlin' an M14
Da dat da da

Teach a gook to hold a gun
Serve your year and then you're done
Homeward bound and the boy gets crowned
As Cleveland's new fav'rite son

At the hometown hero's ticker tape parade
Cotton candy and lemonade

[JACKAL SQUAD]
It's a hometown hero's ticker tape parade

[INFINITE]
Can't get that at the penny arcade
Da dat da da
Dat da da dat da da da

Deux And Cardinal are on board, sharing in this fantasy, adding to it.

[JACKAL SQUAD]
Da dat da da
Dat da da, da da da

[INFINITE]
Main Street blocked all afternoon

[CARDINAL]
A band on hand with a marchin' tune

[DEUX]
Your name is wailed

[INFINITE]
The blimp's unveiled

[CARDINAL]
Your face on a big balloon

Cardinal imagines the roaring crowd. It's as if all three of them can hear it.

[JACKAL SQUAD]
Da dat da da

[DEUX]
Watchin' busty blondes compete,

[INFINITE/CARDINAL]
Ain't that sweet?

[DEUX]
Drawin' claws like cats in heat

[INFINITE & CARDINAL]
Ooo yeah

[CARDINAL]
Let 'em fight to spend the night

[DEUX]
And stain up that nice white sheet

[INFINITE & CARDINAL]
Yeah

[JACKAL SQUAD]
At the hometown hero's ticker tape parade

[INFINITE]
Tellin' tales of a brave brigade

[JACKAL SQUAD]
A hometown hero's ticker tape parade

[CARDINAL]
It's your time to shine

[DEUX/INFINITE]
Time to get laid!

That's the plan. They lead Cardinal to his fate.

[JACKAL SQUAD]
Da dat da da
Dat da da dat da da da
Da dat da da
Dat da da dat da da

We find Infinite, Deux, Cardinal, Quatre, And Trois In A Prostitute's Dingy Room. Milk Crates As Chairs. A "Sleeping" Area Hidden, Perhaps By A Bed Sheet Hung Up Like A Curtain. Uno emerges from the hidden room, having just had his turn, smug and self-satisfied.

UNO
Who's next?

Cardinal salutes.

CARDINAL
How was it?

UNO
Best she ever had.

Staci enters, donning a threadbare robe. She is tired. She's had it with servicemen tonight.

CARDINAL
formal, polite
Good evening, I'm Cardinal.

STACI
Okay, listen sweetheart, I hate to do this, but I gotta change our plans.

CARDINAL
How do you mean?

STACI
It's been a long night. A girl can only take so much, you know.

DEUX
You kidding with this?

STACI
You don't like it, there's the door.

UNO
Make 'em and break 'em, what can I say?

CARDINAL
We're Mobius best Mercenaries, Ma'am. Can't you make a little exception?

STACI
Not tonight.

CARDINAL
getting worked up
But tonight's all I got. I can't go over there a—a—

Deux Gives Cardinal A Private Word Of Encouragement. Then Cardinal Turns Back To Staci.

I'm gonna do it if it kills me.

STACI
Not with me, you ain't.

INFINITE
intervenes
Let's go, Cardinal, we'll find you one who will.

CARDINAL
I'm ready now! C'mon, it's not fair: we got money, we got plenty.

Cardinal Crowds Staci, in her face.

It's no big deal, just one more—

STACI
Watch it, peanut.

Now, Cardinal grabs her.

Hey!

Cardinal is determined, unwilling to fail in front of his friends.

CARDINAL
You give it out all the time, no problem. So, what, you think you can just jerk me around—

STACI
Listen you little piece of—

CARDINAL
I'm not a little anything!

INFINITE
Cardinal—

STACI
Get your paws off—

INFINITE
Hey!

DEUX
He asked you nice—

INFINITE
pulls Cardinal off her
ENOUGH!

STACI
Okay. Okay.

to Cardinal

Just you. Fifty bucks.

DEUX
to Cardinal, fraternal
You take your time now.

CARDINAL
Semper Fi, Do or Die.

Cardinal Follows Staci To The Bed Area. She Closes The Makeshift Curtain For Privacy. Deux Turns To Infinite, who is clearly shaken, angry.

DEUX
He's gotta learn. That's how it's done. My dad, your dad, all the dads.

[DEUX]
A hero don't get soft
A hero don't retreat
He's gonna get his way
'Cause he won't accept defeat
Guys like me and you,
We're heroes through and through

[TROIS, QUATRE & UNO]
Dat da da
Dat da da
Dat da da
Dat da da
Oh

[JACKAL SQUAD]
Semper Fi
Do or Die!

[DEUX]
You're a goddamn hero

Infinite grabs his jacket, fed up.

Hey, where you goin'?! Infinite!

Infinite runs off, leaves.

[TROIS, QUATRE & UNO]
Can't you hear it, boys?

[DEUX]
You're a goddamn hero

[TROIS, QUATRE & UNO]
Can't you hear it
Comin', comin', comin', comin'

A triumphant Cardinal reemerges from behind the curtain. Mission accomplished.

[CARDINAL]
I'm a goddamn hero!

As the song progresses, the mercenaries will move beyond the confines of the prostitute's den and into the street. They own the night.

[ALL EXCEPT INFINITE & CARDINAL]
Comin' comin' comin'

[ALL EXCEPT INFINITE]
At the hometown hero's ticker tape parade
No confetti for the boys who stayed
Hometown hero's ticker tape parade

You win a war,
You pick a wife,
You get respect
Your whole damn life

You're a hometown hero
Who gets a mother fuckin' ticker tape parade!

Da dat da da
Dat da da da da da

The song ends with the mercenaries triumphant and ready for anything, terrifyingly fearless.