Amanda stared at the vastness in front of her in wonder. She had wasted so many years of her life afraid of it and for what? She had never seen such beauty. She watched as the stars danced before her, the planets small at first become bigger. It was the smoothest ride she had ever been on and slowly, Amanda found that she loved space travel.
But for all of the wonder that she saw, she could feel little by little the hope she had at finding her family losing steam. Space was huge. How could they ever hope to find such a small ship?
She propped her chin with one hand and touched her tablet with the other. She pressed some commands into the tablet and it beeped in error. Her sister's tablet was either off or her sister disabled the location application, which she never did when they were off-planet.
She sighed then yawned, tired. She felt the day fall on her but she wouldn't admit it.
After throwing up Lario's shoes for the third time, Amanda was led on board the starship they would use to find her family. She watched in admiration how all the cleanly dressed cadets ran around her, getting the ship ready to go out.
And there she was, an embarrassing mess. She could feel Sarek's disapproval.
Not that he ever looked at her. He didn't even glance her way.
Which was fine by her, the less interaction with him the better. She would never live down the embarrassment.
As soon as Amanda was led to her quarters, she took a twenty minute shower. When she finished, she stepped out, looked at herself in the mirror then stepped back in, deciding to take another twenty minute shower. She didn't feel clean but if she did any more scrubbing she would rub her skin raw. She brushed her teeth so many times she lost count
She somehow made her way to the closest cafeteria near her quarters and sat next to a window, realizing that they had left the spaceport near Earth and she didn't even realize it.
It wasn't like taking a shuttle on Earth. She didn't feel the push and pull of gravity or the metal ship around her. She didn't feel anything at all. It was like she hadn't left Earth.
She very much enjoyed space travel.
At the moment, she watched the large window in front of her, the stars and planets going by in a dizzying speed.
She looked down at her tablet again, trying the same combination for her mother's tablet.
No luck.
She groaned, hitting the table with an open palm in frustration. "Come on guys! Give me a little clue as to where you are!"
"The ship's crew is trying that, Amanda. You should rest."
She looked towards the familiar voice. The only other person in the room other than her.
"Lario," she sighed, turning back to the tablet.
"You're going to break that thing," he pointed to her necklace in her hand.
She didn't realize she was fidgeting with it, running the key-charm back and forth on the gold chain it rested on. A nervous habit, she was sure.
She let it go and ran her fingers through her hair. "I can't help it."
He walked towards her, posture as straight as ever, hands behind his back. He blended in perfectly with the rest of the crew. Like he belonged there like the rest of them. He belonged here, she thought. "I had a hell of a time finding you, I thought you'd stay in your quarters."
She cleared her throat. "Any more pacing in that room and I was sure I'd burn a hole in the floor."
He sat across from her in the table she occupied, a small electric light burned in the middle between them. "You need to rest."
"I'm fine." She tried the tablet again. Before she could finish the sequence Lario pulled the tablet towards him, out of her reach.
"When was the last time you ate, Amanda?"
As if in response, her stomach growled. She placed her hand on it, praying he didn't hear it. "I'm not hungry." She nodded towards the tablet. "Give it back."
"You need to eat and sleep. It's two in the morning back in San Francisco, when was the last time you slept?"
Had it been that amount of time? Had she really learned about her family's disappearance ten hours ago? Every second they didn't know where they were, was a second her family could be –
She couldn't finish.
"I'm trying to find their position with the tablets they have. Those –monsters might have taken out the ship's mapping and location capabilities but I might find them using their personal devices." It sounded logical, at least, in her head. The first idea that popped into her head when she learned that the location capabilities of the shuttle had been disabled.
After flying into almost hysterics, Amanda was led to her own private quarters to allow her some private time. The room was small but a blessing. She found that she could cry as loud and as long as she wanted without fear of being looked at as weak.
Not that she cared what anyone thought, she had to find her family, period.
Whatever it took.
"Please give it back, Lario."
Somewhat defeated, the cadet gave her back her device. She saw him move from the table from the corner of her eye.
She tried again, this time her father's but to no avail.
"So what does Starfleet say? Now that the shuttle shut down all of it's locating and mapping capabilities?" She didn't look up from her device. The words "Device not found" flashed in front of her.
"They received word from them, a temporary malfunction."
Amanda scoffed. "Temporary malfunction my a-"
"Amanda."
She slammed her first into the table looking up at him. "Why don't they believe me? Why? Why am I so damn hard to believe?"
"The Ambassador believes you. He is a powerful ally to have."
She watched him as he crossed the distance between them a steaming bowl on a plate with a spoon in his hands. He set it down in front of her with a cup of water. "Eat."
She looked at the soup he placed in front of her. It looked delicious.
Slowly, she began to eat, the hot liquid cooling the knot inside her chest.
Once she finished, she smiled, guilty. "Thanks. Where did you get it?"
He pointed to the bar on the other side of the empty room. "Starfleet always has a bowl of soup for those who wake up in the middle of the night hungry."
"Good to know," she admitted.
Sighing she looked at her device, two percent battery life remained. "Perfect."
"Amanda, go to sleep. Everyone is trying to best to find them incognito, mind you. If Starfleet finds out they are defying orders and listening to Sarek, there will be hell to pay."
Amanda sat back in her chair. "Why do we have to act alone? I don't get it."
"The Heads of Starfleet are stubborn," Lario chuckled deeply. "They will take it incredibly personal if they find out we're listening to the Ambassador and not them."
"At least someone is using their brain."
She picked up the device in her hands again and before she could lift it to her face, Lario put his hand on the screen and placed it forcefully on the table. "What if we were to find your family in the next couple of hours and you've had no sleep? What use will you be to them?"
Amanda swallowed. "Adrenaline-"
"Go. To. Sleep."
Amanda sighed rubbing her temples. She was exhausted. She looked at her device and saw that it powered down on its own. She laughed to herself. It seemed that it was tired too. "Traitor," she said to it.
"Come on," Lario said as he stood from the table. "I'm exhausted too."
Amanda got up slowly, feeling the exhaustion throughout her entire body. "Fine, you win." She reached for the tablet but stumbled on her own feet. She fell forward towards Lario and he caught her instantly. She was more tired than she thought.
It was then that she felt it. The immense frustration at her situation, the weight of the day – it was too much.
"James," she whispered using his first name. "What if we don't find them? What if they're-" She choked back a sob. No, she wouldn't do this.
"Hey, hey," he shushed quietly, wrapping his arms around her. She desperately needed a hug. "Amanda, we'll find them."
"What if we can't?"
He made her look at him. "We will find them."
She nodded, despite the gnawing feeling that it would be impossible. She needed to believe it, needed someone to say it out loud.
She felt his cool breath on her cheek. "We will, I promise."
She caught his eyes drift quickly to her lips.
Amanda blinked. When did they get this close?
She felt his hand on the back of her neck, soft but forceful and pulled her into a kiss.
His lips caught hers and he didn't let go.
And she didn't pull away.
At first.
She needed a net. Something – someone to catch her when her world was spinning off its axis. She needed someone to hold onto while she feared the worst for her family. She needed to feel warm comfort in the worst moment of her life.
Lario whom she had known for weeks had been her friend, a true friend despite his role in her life. He was her friend.
Friend.
Which is why the kiss felt so wrong. She felt nothing for the young cadet.
She pulled away, looking at his eyes. His eyes held so much emotion, she could tell he felt more towards her than she did for him. She was at a loss for words.
She turned towards the door and froze.
There stood the last person she expected to see.
Sarek.
"Miss Grayson," his voice sent chills through her. "I was recently informed that there was no further update. I would advise that you get your rest."
She watched his stoic face. It gave no trace of emotion but she could feel it. She could feel his heartbreak. Her own heart seemed to break in her chest. What was wrong with her? "Ambassador-"
"Tomorrow might be a long day for you, Miss Grayson."
She stepped towards him, unsure of herself. What must he think of her? "Sarek, it's not –"
"Good night, Miss Grayson." He turned to the man behind her. "Cadet."
"Ambassador." The deep voice said behind her.
Sarek turned at the door and left the room and down the hall.
Amanda felt a familiar hole in her chest, like she had been shot with an arrow. What must he be feeling? To watch the woman he confessed his love to not long ago in the arms of another man? She could only imagine what it was like.
It was heartbreaking.
Amanda grabbed her tablet from the table, ready to run. "Sarek, wait!"
She felt Lario's hand grab her wrist, making her turn toward him. "What's going on between the two of you?" He touched her cheek. "You're crying."
She touched her own cheek. Yes, the moisture was there, it hadn't been there before, not before he caught them-
She pulled her arm away and sprinted towards the automatic doors. The doors wooshed before her and she bolted to the left, the way he had gone. She continued to run until she came to another hallway. There were three different ways he could have gone.
And with that, Amanda leaned against the wall, at a loss of what to do.
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