HI warnings for mentions of self-harm and suicide implications. this chapter is very very klaine heavy so enjoy yayyy
Chapter 6
It was now mid October, and it had been about 2 months since Kurt and Blaine first met. They were now very close friends, every Friday they would drive to school together in the morning, then get coffee together at The Lima Bean after school, and they were practically inseparable at Glee Club and at school. Blaine had auditioned with Cough Syrup and Kurt had found out that Blaine had an absolutely gorgeous voice. He wanted to scream at him because afterwards Blaine tried to play it down and say "It wasn't that good" But it was that good, and Glee happily accepted Blaine as a new member.
Blaine was getting closer with the other glee members as well, but he mostly followed Kurt around like a little puppy. Kurt didn't mind, he felt like he offered Blaine some sort of sanctuary and plus, Kurt liked being near Blaine, as his crush on the boy had grown. Kurt had even noticed that Blaine was less awkward around him now, and they had become quite comfortable with each other.
But Blaine had been acting differently this past week. Kurt saw the bags under his eyes, and he noticed that Blaine didn't put extra effort into his outfit or hair, almost like he was giving up. Kurt would talk to him, try to get him to open up, but sometimes, it was as if talking to a brick wall. Kurt wanted to help the boy, and he even made sure to give him a hug every single day.
But Kurt was concerned, and his worry grew even more when he got a text from Blaine one Friday morning.
Blaine: sorry i'm not coming to school today so u don't have to pick me up
Kurt: oh okay. you good?
Blaine: yeah haha just don't feel good
Kurt honestly would've moved on and headed to school from that text, until he received another message from Blaine.
Blaine: you're a really good friend kurt btw. just always remember that, okay? thanks for everything, really, you're my best friend. never forget that.
Everything? Why would he send such a cryptic message?
Unless he… oh god.
What if he was planning on hurting himself?
Kurt couldn't shake the thought from his mind, and he knew he had to get over to Blaine's before anything bad happened. Oh god, what if Blaine was planning on hurting himself? Oh god.
Kurt had already finished getting ready, so he said goodbye to his family and left for Blaine's. Since it was a Friday, they were used to Kurt leaving earlier to pick Blaine up. So he got in his car and drove to Blaine's, going about 20 mph over the speed limit.
He had let his mind wander to dark places, and he was in tears by the time he was knocking on Blaine's door. It only took a minute, but Kurt heard some shuffling on the other side, then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.
Blaine: umm kurt
Blaine: why are u at my house? i'm not coming to school
Kurt: open the door !
Blaine: i'm not dressed
Kurt: idc open ur fucking door
Blaine: not trying to sound rude but why are you even here
Kurt rolled his eyes, "Blaine! Open the door!"
"Why?" Blaine called through the door.
"I'll explain if you open the door"
Finally, Kurt heard the lock click, and the door was opened, Blaine standing there only in a slightly oversized white t-shirt and boxers.
Oh god. Blaine in boxers. Blaine in boxers. Oh god.
No, Kurt, focus.
Kurt must've been staring because Blaine laughed, "Um, I told you I wasn't dressed. Why are you here?"
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, softly.
"Am I… yeah? Why would I-" Blaine stopped when he saw tears in Kurt's eyes. "Kurt? Are you crying?"
That was when Kurt let his sobs escape, and he broke down crying right there on Blaine's front porch.
"Hey! Hey, come here, it's okay" Blaine whispered, placing his hand on the small of Kurt's back and guiding the boy inside the house.
Blaine led Kurt, trying to control his tears, into the living room and sat with him on the couch, soothingly rubbing his hand up and down on Kurt's back.
Finally, Kurt took a few shaky breaths, calming himself, and looked up at Blaine, realizing that he didn't have gel in his hair.
"Your hair…"
Blaine's eyebrows furrowed in the cutest way possible, "Were you crying about my hair?"
Kurt let out a soft laugh, reaching over and ruffling Blaine's hair. "No Anderson, you dumbass. It actually looks much better than the gelmet. Why don't you leave it like this more often?"
Blaine smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, "Stop deflecting"
"No seriously, it's kinda hot"
"Kurt…" Blaine warned.
Kurt sighed, scooting closer to Blaine and wrapping his arms around him. Blaine hugged Kurt right back, knowing that Kurt could feel Blaine's rapid heartbeat against him. Though the boys had hugged basically everyday now, Kurt still made Blaine more nervous than any other person he knew.
"You scared the fuck out of me this morning Anderson"
"Me? Wait, why?"
"You realize that we're practically cuddling right now and you're not even wearing pants?"
Blaine's face reddened, "Kurt! Stop deflecting!"
"Your beauty is distracting me," Kurt said sarcastically.
Blaine playfully shoved Kurt off of him and stood up, "I'm gonna go put on pants and when I come back I expect you to tell me what's going on"
"Yes sir, Mr. Anderson " Kurt called to Blaine, who flipped him off while walking out of the room.
Blaine came back wearing sweatpants, and with a glass of water, handing it to Kurt.
"Awe how chivalrous" Kurt said, taking the water.
Blaine sat next to Kurt, "Talk to me and for the last time, stop deflecting"
Kurt took a deep breath, "I don't know. You've been all distant this week and you seemed super tired, and then I got that message from you this morning, and I thought about how you used to hurt yourself and I thought you were gonna do it again. I honestly don't know. I was scared and I-" Kurt's voice cracked, tears forming in his eyes, "I thought you were gonna do something bad to yourself"
Blaine's eyes widened and he wrapped his arms around Kurt, "Kurt, no no no no. I told you I stopped that a long time ago. I'm so sorry"
Kurt let the tears escape again, "I was so scared Blaine. I started having really bad thoughts and I just care about you so much"
Blaine wiped Kurt's tears away and whispered, "I care about you so much too. That message was really ominous, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated you, genuinely. It was out of nowhere though so I can see how that'd be weird, I'm sorry"
"No need to apologize Anderson, but why have you been so distant this week though?"
Blaine shrugged, "A few reasons I guess. Nothing too big… kinda. I've been really stressed and staying up basically all night doing schoolwork"
"Why else?"
"Um… My brother is coming home to visit my mom and I just for the weekend. So just tomorrow and Sunday, but still, I can't stand him half of the time"
"You have a brother?"
"Well, half-brother. We have the same dad, actually, just different moms. He likes to check up on us from time to time, ever since dad left, and I appreciate it, but he's very, very, very obnoxious. And I took today off because I wanted some time to myself, without them"
Kurt chuckled, cuddling his face into the crook of Blaine's neck, "Hm. I'm sorry, that sucks. Is there anything I can do to help? Did you want me to leave so you could be alone like you wanted?"
"No! No, I'm actually glad that you're here," Blaine traced his hand up and down along Kurt's arm "Actually, maybe you can come over Saturday and meet him? And my mom too, obviously. Maybe for dinner or something?"
Kurt smiled into Blaine's neck, "Yeah, that sounds good"
They sat on the couch in silence for a few minutes, listening to each other breathing, until Blaine shifted, so that he and Kurt were sitting up and facing each other.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked softly.
"Yeah?"
"Are you like this with all of your friends?"
Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's knee, "Like what?"
Blaine tentatively reached down and laced his hand with Kurt's, "You know what I'm talking about" he whispered.
Kurt, knowing full well what Blaine was talking about, said, "Maybe. I'm gonna need you to explain it though, just incase"
"Kurt, you're all flirty all the time. And like, we always hug and stuff, and I dunno. Maybe I'm making it all up in my head? Maybe you're like this with everybody. But that first time you came to my house, you practically made out with the bruise on my knee and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it"
Kurt guffawed, "Oh my god, that was barely even a kiss!"
"I know, but it was the first time anybody's ever even kissed me. Even though that probably doesn't even count"
Blaine's eyes flickered down to Kurt's lips, then quickly back up to his eyes.
"Blaine?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to know what a real kiss feels like?" Kurt asked, scooting closer.
Blaine swallowed, nodding slowly.
Kurt brought his hand up to cup Blaine's chin. He pulled Blaine's face to his, not touching their lips together yet but leaving them barely an inch apart. Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine's caramel swirls, and he looked more nervous than Kurt had ever seen him.
"Are you sure, Blaine?" Kurt whispered against his lips.
Blaine nodded.
"I want to hear you"
Blaine inhaled, "Y-yes please"
Kurt chuckled, "Always such a gentleman…yes please what?"
"What you said"
Kurt tsked and shook his head, "Not good enough"
"Please?"
"Say it, Blaine" Kurt demanded.
"Kiss me," Blaine whined.
Kurt leaned forward, closing the gap between their lips. Blaine felt Kurt's lips softly press against his own, before Kurt slowly pulled back, a quiet smack sound emitting from both of their lips. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, and there wasn't much passion behind it, as most first kisses go, but it was extremely intimate and to Blaine, perfect.
Kurt laughed at Blaine, frozen and wide-eyed, "That good, huh Anderson?"
Blaine responded by hurriedly moving forward and planting a kiss on Kurt's lips. Kurt put his hand on Blaine's cheek, deepening the kiss. This kiss was different than the previous one, there was a sense of urgency and passion behind it. Blaine's mouth parted a bit, and Kurt took this opportunity to slip his tongue into the boy's mouth. A moan escaped Blaine's throat as soon as their tongues touched together, and Kurt found that Blaine was surprisingly good at this for his first time. Lips still connected and moving methodically, Kurt felt the need for more, and carefully pushed Blaine so he was sitting against the couch, with Kurt on top of him, straddling him.
Things were more than heated and by now, Kurt could feel Blaine's boner in his sweatpants, and Kurt was more than sure Blaine could feel his own growing. Kurt started tracing his hands down Blaine's chest, then around to his back, pulling them even closer together, pressing their erections lightly together through their pants. At this, Blaine let his head fall back as he moaned and Kurt started placing sloppy kisses and bites across Blaine's neck. Blaine took Kurt's face in between his hands and pulled his face back up, wanting to taste his tongue more.
Quickly, Kurt pulled his lips away from Blaine, "We should stop"
Blaine looked confused, "What happened? Did I bite your tongue or something?"
"You dork Anderson," Kurt laughed and let his head fall on Blaine's shoulder, "No, you're perfect. But, I have to get to school, remember? And we can't… get carried away. You've barely just had your first kiss"
Blaine smiled and thought to himself, "He called me perfect"
"You know…" Blaine smiled as he traced a pattern on Kurts thigh, who was still straddling Blaine, "You're already gonna be late, so maybe you can just stay here for the rest of the day?"
Kurt laughed, "Oh god, I've turned you into a pervert!"
"Hey!" Blaine exclaimed, "Not what I meant. But I mean, I wouldn't mind that…"
Kurt playfully punched Blaine's shoulder, "Pervert! Horndog! I've created a monster!"
"Says the one who's sitting on top of me right now!" Blaine jokingly yelled.
"You know you love it," Kurt said, climbing off Blaine and standing up, which caused Blaine to stand up too, grabbing his wrist and pulling Kurt back for another small kiss.
"You make me feel good, Kurt"
Kurt rolled his eyes, "That's called being turned on, Anderson"
"No!" Blaine blushed, "I mean you. I'm happy when I'm with you, really. You make me feel good about myself, and it's rare that I ever feel good about myself"
Kurt smiled, "I'm glad. You deserve to feel amazing because you are amazing"
"What does this mean for us?" Blaine questioned.
Kurt rolled his eyes, "One makeout session and now you think we're boyfriends?"
"No! No, definitely not"
Kurt swallowed, "Oh"
"Oh what?"
"Nothing. We can talk about it later. I should go"
Blaine nodded and put his hand on the small of Kurt's back as he led him to the front door. He began opening the door before Kurt stopped him, grabbing Blaine by the back of the neck into a kiss.
"Have a great day hottie. See you this weekend?"
"Yes, this weekend," Blaine blushed, "Um, you too, um, hottie"
Kurt laughed, "That sounded so forced, are you sure you think I'm hot?"
"Attention seeker!"
"Says the pervert!"
Blaine shook his head and laughed, "I'm very attracted to you, and I have been since the first time I saw you. Especially your eyes"
"Aww, remember when we first met! And you were all awkward and talking about my eyes, yes! Oh, the good old days…"
"That was like 2 months ago…"
"Ugh. Shut up and let me reminisce, Anderson" Kurt said, sarcastically, "By the way, I'm very attracted to you too"
Blaine smiled, "Yeah, me too"
"You're very attracted to yourself too?"
"Oh my god! Stop making fun of me and get to school!"
"Oh now you want me to go to school?" Kurt challenged, "You were just saying that I could stay here for the rest of the day, pervert!"
Blaine laughed, "I mean, feel free to do so"
"Pervert! Again!" Kurt and Blaine laughed together. When both had calmed down, Kurt said, "I should really go now. I'm glad you're okay, Anderson. I'm looking forward to this weekend and to seeing where our friendship will lead"
Blaine raised his eyebrows, "Yup. Friendship"
Kurt wrapped Blaine into a hug, "Okay, actually goodbye now!"
Blaine opened the door for Kurt and watched him walk out towards his car, wishing that he didn't have to go and still feeling lightheaded from the events that had transpired earlier.
"Stop staring at my ass, pervert!" Kurt yelled.
"I wasn't even-"
Kurt laughed loudly while getting into his car, turning around and flipping Blaine off jokingly.
Kurt then rolled down his window and screamed,"Bye Anderson!"while backing out of Blaine's driveway.
Blaine watched the car drive away, "Bye Hummel," he whispered.
Blaine honestly had no idea what he might have done to himself if Kurt hadn't come over. Kurt took his bad thoughts away and kept him happy, that he knew. He wished he could always feel like how he felt when Kurt was around. Blaine had been telling the truth about the extra workload in school and the fact that his brother was coming into town, but he hadn't been telling the truth about how he still wanted to hurt himself. Blaine hated lying to Kurt, he really did, but he couldn't risk being sent back to therapy again.
He just couldn't. He would tell Kurt someday.
ahhh, leave a review if you want! thank you for reading! also yes we get to meet the andersons next chapter woohoo. also i wrote this late at night and barley edited so sorry if there's mistakes oops. OH also (sorry i'm annoying) if you couldn't already tell, kurt's behavior is veryyy confusing bc sometimes he'll be sweet n stuff and the next he'll be flirty and then he'll be angry, etc etc but we'll get more into that in the chapters to come but i just wanted to clarify that. anyways sorry for rambling, hope u liked it!