Whats really really got me pissed off rn at 4:30 am is that time i got jumped by 3 8th graders when i was in 5th grade all because i was gay.. i remember coming home with fucking SPIT!!.. in my hair.. and my own parents nor the school i went to (Vernon Center Middle school in rockville CT) or the police (VernonPD) nobody believed me.. i actually got threated with phalonious assault by the same police officer that my mother called when she saw the spit in my hair... imagine being attacked for literally (TO YOU atleast) 0 reason.. i still remeber the diciplinary councilor Mr.Harrison pulling me into the office.. and already believing the other 3 8th graders BECAUSE THEY SAID I WAS CALLING THEM NIGGERS and the one girl a Jew?.. Im black too.. when this happened i didnt even really understand what nigger meant let alone to call anybody that... he saw the look on my face... If you have ever met me you know what i look like and what my eyebrows do when im really confused about something️.. He gave me the kind of Fear that i cant even describe.. looked me in my face and said " why are you making that face?? Its cause you know you did it.. its because you made this up.. do you even know what that means??? You know you are CAUGHT.. I wont tolerate that.. I already called home and she had some interesting things to say, she says you Lie and steal constantly..

Do you honestly think im gonna beleive you??" but at the same time Fuck him.. Im scared of what my mother is gonna do to me..how shes gonna act..or even if this is what will send her over the edge and make her kill her self..

immagine your own school not even knowing that you are black or gay they thought i was peurto rican...like are you fucking serious?? Had they ever met my darkskinned black ass father... or my mother who had JUST made the switch from snorting her crushed pills in hellokitty stationary papers.., to full on using needles and shooting her cocktails of prescription drugs right in front of me before she switched to Heroin...maybe things would have happened differently.. But MY What if's would really leave you speachless..

I even got In school suspension for it for 4 fucking days.. where they made me be a janitor.. cleaning floors and trash inside the school infront of other students... What Mr.Harrison told the teachers i did.. the way they looked at me with a level of just... i dont even know..

meanwhile my abusive druggie of a mother is smacking me in the face putting dish soap in my mouth screaming into the ear shes griped me by while high on a cocktail of prescription dilauded,oxycodone AND that weird almost Trapezoid shaped 800mgTrazadone (yes it comes that high of a dose when said patient has neuropathy, Depression, And anxiety, the bottle even at 800mg still said she was to take two before bed...not at all what happened tho) all at the same time... "if its good enough for penguins, then its good enough for you" (vividly remembering the blue colored dawn brand dishsoap bottle with a penguin covered in oil on it..) while she berated me infront of 4 of her "friends" in a group VIDEO chat on skype.. SCREAMING look at the fucking camera.. look tell them you are sorry.. I know all your fairy ass wants to do is swallow but dont you fucking dare.. Swish it around for a while and see if that cleans the filth out your mouth"..screaming decimeter's from my ear "tell them sorry"... "Are you sorry yet"*smack* "How about now?" *Smack* why are you crying?! You dont get to cry" *Smack* "Your going to learn one day Boyo" *Smack*

My Nose is slowly trickling blood and she says.. " Do you think thats gonna make me feel bad?? Tuhh you fucking deserve it.. if you can make your nose bleed you can make yourself not a fag, how about that?" Screaming and tightening the vice grip she has my ear in still "Is this fun yet? Your having a blast right?? *Smack* "This is so fucking fun right?? hehehehe" ( I can still see the look on her face as she did this.. how confident of it she was and how easily it slipped past her lips.. like it was practiced... Like i actually deserved it)...afterwards making me write in my VCMS school notebook that i used my own incentives to buy from the school store mind you..100 times "im not a racist,im not a faggot, and im sorry" to the 8th graders that literally got away with it because my parents couldnt give less of a fuck about me and what i experienced through them.. Perspective really fucking matters️

What even does it mean to be embarresed and tormented??? Being bullied over being a liar and a fag for weeks both at school and by my own mother.. (a few other kids even found out about what happened and they started to hit me at school too..)Trying to even UNDERSTAND what a faggot is? And what about being a faggot is WRONG.. and why I deserved to be one...

imagine just trying understand life itself and thinking of ways to kill yourself that wont hurt in the 5th fucking grade..

Wheres a lawyer when i need one cuz tbh the truama mentally,Physically, emotionally from just this one experience still really, really, Hurts me and i dont see my self EVER getting over this, because i remember Way more than i really want to TBH.. there's a few things that id rather die and take with me in death than admit to having happened

My favorite book ever growing up was "A child called it" by david pelzer... ive never read anything closer to my experiences as a pre-teen..never read anything closer to what i was MADE to feel, FORCED to experience, and help that was never there in the first place...

However..

Ive never loved being me more in life than i do right now.. Ive never felt more FREE in life than i did the day my mother died.. I Feel pride In the type of person that i turned out to be after Everything.. Im very caring, Still trusting and when i love someone or something, it never falters.. I love how much "effort" and "care" i provide when working, yet i still clock out and im never a bitter,Nasty, or evil person to anyone.. I could have turned out to be just horrible, or even just like her...i could have been dead already multiple times.. would have been.. And i Literally succeeded once already... Rockville General Hospital Thought i was one of those kids that got spiked with those fake synthetic drugs that was killing kids like that...but that wasnt what really happened️ bet you cant copy and paste this shit..

I REALLY dont care about pitty or being sorry...

Just watch WHO and WHAT the fuck you let happen around your kids PERIOD.. Its really all fun & games till your child commits suicide over what YOU call simple teasing and kids being kids.. the share button is right there... #SaveOurChildren