Two days after...

Sam

Sam looked at his brother and then at the dog. The animal was sitting in the back of the Impala and was chewing another bite of Dean's hamburger. Dean petted the small companion behind his ear, before he continued eating. Sam looked back at his brother. "Should we talk about that?"

"'bout what?", utterly disconnected. Dean was shrugging everything off. He had acted like that ever since they had met at the bunker again. The fact that Cas was d- that Cas was gone, didn't seem to bother him at all. While Jack hat been crying, Dean had just stood by, a hand on Sam's shoulder. The younger brother had cried into his own hands, devastated that the angel was gone, but glad that his brother was still there. He had been so scared when all his calls had been left unanswered. After Eileen and Cas, he hadn't needed anything else to come undone. He still felt like shit.

"About the dog." Sam decided not to push the conversation too far.

"What is there to talk about?" Dean shrugged. "He was alone. He needed food. That's it"

The younger brother looked at the dog again. He was starting to doze off, obviously happy in the back of the car. It used to be Cas' spot. Sam cringed. Cas would never sit there again. Instead, there was another loyal being who had taken over the spot. "He is not a substitute?" Sam hadn't even thought about the statement that came out like a question. Immediately he regretted speaking up.

Dean looked at him in shock.

"Dean...", Sam started again.

"No!", the answer cut off anything that Sam wanted to say. He was unsure if the vehement 'no' was an answer to the previous question or if his brother wanted to make him shut up.

Sam stopped talking. He blinked and let his head fall against the window. "Sorry", he whispered after a while.

"I'm not like you, Sam", Dean exploded. "I do not settle for a dog when family dies." The statement felt like a punch. It took Sam a second to realize what his brother was referring to, but once he did, tears sprung to his eyes. He left the car, unable to sit with his older brother.

To his surprise, he heard another car door being pushed open. Just seconds later it fell shut again. Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath when strong fingers curled around his biceps and he was pushed into a sitting position on the hood of the car seconds after. He looked up to see Dean standing in front of him. "I'm sorry. That was a low blow. I know it's not like that." Dean breathed out.

"He is your best friend and you..."

"He died because of my anger. It was my fault." Dean almost shouted. "What do you expect me to do?"

"I don't know", Sam whispered again, looking at his brother. For a moment he felt like a boy again. Dean was supposed to have all the answers when something tragic happened. "But it's not your fault."

"It is my fault. He died to save my life." For the first time, there was pain visible in Dean's expression. "Sammy, how..."

"You would have done the same. You HAVE been doing it before. You sacrificed yourself more often than anyone else." Sam's voice trembled. "I'm glad you're still here. You hear me? I need you, Dean."

"You would be better..."

"Bullshit." Sam interrupted without missing a beat, knowing where his brother was going with this. "Bullshit", he repeated more furiously. The younger man stood up to tower over his brother. Dean was not impressed. He never was.

"I can't do it, Sam." Dean rubbed a hand over his face, looking sick. "I just can't deal with it."

Sam's shoulders dropped. All anger and frustration towards his brother gone in an instance. He understood the sentiment. "We need food for the dog", he stated, giving his brother an easy way out.

Dean

"We need food for the dog." Dean blinked at that. That sounded ridiculous after everything that had happened. They were the last men on earth for crying out loud and now they were talking about getting food for a rescue dog.

"Yes." Dean nodded before he turned around to get back into the car. He stopped in tracks when he realized that Sam had sat down on the hood again. His little brother was not okay. Dean forced himself to turn around. He wasn't able to deal with his own trauma, but he wanted to be there for his brother. So, he sat down beside him, unable to look at him. Instead, he looked at the dog, who was sitting in the front now, his head sticking out of Dean's window.

"I mean it", Sam's voice was calm. He left open for interpretation what exactly he 'meant'. Dean knew he wasn't talking about the food anymore.

"I know", Dean bumped his elbow against his brother's arm. "How are you holding up?"

Sam shrugged. Aha. That well.

"Me too", Dean admitted, before he drew his brother close in a side hug. "We'll get there and we try to get them back." It was a half promise.

"Yeah" Sam sounded broken. "Yeah, sure." For a second, he leaned a little more into the older Winchester.

"Us against God. What could possibly go wrong?" Sam mumbled and stood up.

"Damn straight. Us against this stupid sucker." Dean stood up as well. "C'mon Sammy, we've got work to do." Dean meant what he said. He would save the world and kill Chuck at all costs.

"You get your dog in the back again." Sam gave a small smile.

Dean returned the smile. It didn't really reach his eyes, but being with his brother helped. 'What about me? Would you trade me?' Dean wanted to save the world - sure; but not at all costs. Still, Sammy was off-limits. Sammy would always be off-limits.

...

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lilminion