Hey!

This is an unexpected piece that I have been tinkering with for a month or so, and I figured that today is the day I post it! So hey guys, happy Tuesday! I surprised even myself with this upload! This piece here is going to be a two shot, and honestly it has been a lot of fun to write something like this because its very different from how I normally approach this pairing, and if I may be so bold as to say - I am LIVING for it.

Hope you guys like this piece, and I hope it makes your day and week that much better. Enjoy!

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It had been going on for a while now, and while Levi could remember how it all started – he couldn't exactly say why, or recall the lineup of events that had caused it all to play out like it had.

It may have been after a bad training line up, perhaps a few meetings with Erwin that hadn't gone well; at this point he couldn't remember what had caused him to be so anxious, but he could remember that his insomnia had been notable and his stress levels had been through the roof. It had been like that for weeks on end and things were getting worse long before they showed signs of getting better. He had tried to sleep, tried to go to bed or read a book until his mind stopped tormenting him, but try as he may, nothing seemed to work. In time, his continual lack of sleep had made him irritable, nauseous, and all around miserable – but no matter how he tried to busy himself or remedy the sleepless nights with various tricks and routines that had worked for him in the past, his nights were consistently drawing out later and later until it was well past reasonable, and well past sustainable.

He remembered Petra coming into his office out of the blue one night. It had been fairly late, like two or three in the morning. She had said that she had woken up for a drink of water, and his light from under the door had grabbed her attention so she just wanted to stop in and make sure everything was okay. Apparently this wasn't the first time she had caught him staying up late like this and she was starting to get concerned.

He rolled his eyes, pointing out that for her to have 'caught him' that meant that she herself had also been staying up far too late, so she was in no position to talk, and she had given him an unamused stare and confirmed that there was a drastic difference between waking up at three am, versus not even going to bed in the first place.

He told her it was fine, that she didn't need to worry because it was just a bad cycle of insomnia he was working through, and she should go back to bed because it wasn't her problem. Even still, she had stayed, and he wasn't sure why that didn't bother him. No, if anything, he had almost welcomed her sudden arrival. Perhaps more than anything it was just nice to have a change of pace, to break up the monotonous and lonely hours, or maybe there was comfort in the knowing that she had cared enough to notice and actually check in on him. He should have sent her away, but he didn't.

When she had moved to his side, a strange and oddly serious look on her face, she had reached toward him and cautiously placed her fingertips on his chest with sudden resolve. He remembered giving her a perturbed, questioning glance because he didn't want to overreact, but her sudden contact had been unsettling and certainly not necessary – but then he had reacted, and strongly.

In the same light and careful motion, Petra had moved her hand down his chest, down his torso; her thumbs cresting over the bend of his waist until she sat down in front of him and ran her thumbs high up on the inside of his thigh with an oddly calculated, serious precision.

His breath caught in his lungs and he had grabbed her wrists immediately, his grip overly tight and no doubt painful, as he demanded in a low hiss to know what the fuck she thought she was doing, before telling her in a furious snarl that if she wanted her hands back, she'd back the hell away from him and go back to bed.

Levi didn't understand it even now, but even as he sat glaring at her, his chest heaving from a mix of surprise, embarrassment, and sheer flustered outrage as a result of her all but groping him without any sort of warning or cause, Petra…she hadn't even flinched.

Looking back now, perhaps it was her resolve and unwavering confidence that had made his own wane, and Petra had watched him in what seemed like…annoyance.

"Captain." She stated with a tone of impatience and longsuffering, and when her amber eyes locked onto his, her expression twisted with irritation, as though she were the one scolding him! Levi's eyes had widened in surprise and admitted indignance, because how the hell was he the one in the wrong here, and Petra pressed her lips together with a factual huff, "You've been up late like this for weeks on end, and I know because you're not as limber as you normally are come the time we start training. Your posture is terrible and the bags under your eyes are so pronounced now that you almost look sickly! What you need is to relax and unwind, but you're so stubborn and bull headed that you aren't allowing yourself the opportunity so it's just getting worse." When she tried to pull her hands out of his grasp, he gave a small, warning shake of his head, and Petra clicked her tongue in obvious frustration, "Look. I'm already up, and I'm sick of watching you sabotage yourself like this. I'll have you know that I read in a book that men find things like this relaxing, and that it's a good way to reduce stress levels. There's no need to get so defensive - if you won't take care of yourself, then I figured that this is the next best option because at this rate, you're going to make yourself sick and there's simply no reason for it."

When he blinked, his mouth falling open as he realized that…fuck, she was serious – almost subconsciously his grip on her hands weakened in flummoxed confusion, "Your books put you up to this? Have you ever considered that the solution to my insomnia isn't going to be found in the pages of some trashy romance novel? You shouldn't believe everything you read, Petra."

Her lip twitched at his distrustful glare, and she merely rolled her eyes, "I'll try to remember that, but for the record, that's actually coming from a psychology textbook that Erwin lent me."

He groaned at her correction, and as Petra stared at him with an intensity that showed no signs of uncertainty or embarrassment, he wasn't sure why it felt like he couldn't catch his breath. The raw determination in her gaze was evident, and even though his mind was, at least what he had thought, was completely made up, his blood was suddenly racing in his veins because it was very clear what Petra wanted to do, and some impulsive, exhausted and worn down part of his mind was perhaps…intrigued by the notion, and just maybe…willing to let her do it.

He gave a shake of his head at his warring thoughts because the entire situation reeked of trouble, and he was frustrated that he was even considering it. Gods, even if he did want it – which he wasn't willing to admit, even within his own mind – it simply wasn't worth it, even if he was exhausted. On a normal day, he would have long pushed her out of the room and locked the door because while there was nothing wrong with Petra, hell, she was absolutely gorgeous and he could certainly do worse than an attractive woman like her, the problem remained that he was her Captain and this was far from acceptable. Even still…this was not exactly a 'normal day' and he was desperate because something had to give. After two weeks of virtually no sleep, a spotty appetite and a raging headache that had plagued him relentlessly…fuck, if she was so confident and felt comfortable doing such a thing, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad to just turn a blind eye and hope that her psychology textbook hadn't been wrong.

Levi instantly shook his head after realizing that his mind and body were working against each other, and he refused to look her in the eye as he responded in an exhausted and flustered mumble, "Petra…I…I can't."

"I know." she mumbled quietly and continued with a subdued nod, "You're right of course, Captain. You're a Commanding Officer and I'm your subordinate – you can't ever do something like that because it's against the code of conduct and there'll be hell to pay if you ever crossed that line."

He gave a sigh, of relief or disappointment he wasn't sure, after hearing that she had apparently come back to her senses and he released her hands with a flick of his wrist. He almost hissed when, regardless her words of acceptance, she didn't back away, and instead languidly ran her fingers over the tops of his legs with a winding, senseless pattern that made his mind swim with sudden desire because her persistence wasn't helping.

She gave a coy smirk at the gasp that left his lips and she shrugged innocently, "That's why you won't be doing anything. You'll just be sitting in your chair, doing your work; same as always. The only one who will be 'doing' anything is just me, and that's my choice to make; assuming you aren't going to be ripping my fingers off of course, because I don't appreciate the sudden hostility when I'm just trying to help you out. Honestly I just don't understand why you're being so difficult about this. I know it's a little frowned upon, but I really think this might work. What have you got to lose? You've been miserable for weeks now and you're telling me that you won't even consider it?"

Levi wanted to tell her no; to tell her that her offer alone was more than enough but…in truth he didn't want to tell her no. Something like this, where there were no strings attached or hidden motives because he knew Petra better than that – admittedly the entire situation was becoming hard to decline because maybe it would be an effective way to help take the edge off. For a long moment he merely sat there, his mind racing as her fingers continued lightly running up and down the expanse of his thighs in silent promise and invitation. It was clear that his objections were progressively becoming more and more subdued, and eventually Petra moved a little closer, daring to gently run her thumbs down the inside of his legs ever so slightly in a way that made a fiery, intense sensation run straight up his spine. Levi grimaced when his body betrayed him and almost subconsciously, he found himself shifting lower into his chair, his legs falling open just a few inches wider from his previously rigid position, as though granting her wandering fingers a better point of access.

He had no doubt that Petra saw this subtle shift, but she hardly reacted and merely kept tracing her fingers up and down over the tops of his legs as her tone fell into something less playful. Her fingers crested just a little higher, near the dip of his pelvic bone and he couldn't help the sharp breath that made his breathing hitch as Petra continued pensively, "Besides, don't take this out of context or assume that this means something it doesn't. This isn't me trying to live out some fantasy or hold onto the hope that maybe there's something 'growing between us'. All I want is for you to take care of yourself and get some proper rest for a change, so if that means a late-night visit to your office and a sore jaw tomorrow morning, then I can live with that. It's a small price to pay to get Humanity's Strongest back on his feet again, and even if it doesn't actually help – what's the harm in trying?"

When Petra watched him curiously, as though silently telling him that it was time for him to accept her offer or for him to push her away for good, Levi pressed his lips together and scoffed, "Fuck, it seems you've already got your mind made up where it doesn't even matter what I say. Hell, just…do what you want."

His dismissive words hadn't really given her either an affirmation or rejection, but it seemed at the very least, he wouldn't be stopping her. Maybe he should have been more concise, but some part of him just didn't believe that she actually had it in her. Looking back now, fuck, he was such a damned idiot because he really should have known better.

Her actions had been perhaps fumbling at first, either due to well-guarded nervousness or sheer inexperience, but even still, it hadn't taken long for her tracing, teasing fingers to move all the way up his legs, until eventually, there was no hint of 'teasing' left to her very purposed, intentional touches that had him gasping and struggling to focus on anything that wasn't his subordinate's unexpected and daring actions. As it turned out, Petra apparently knew what she was doing, and admittedly, that had come as a surprise to him because even with the odd, not exactly stimulating start to her late-night visit, it wasn't long before his body was responding feverishly to match, as though more than willing to be baited and provoked by the young woman's skilled and whispering actions.

When she had unbuttoned his pants and struggled to work around the tight clothing of the military uniform, Levi had wordlessly shifted up in his chair, lifting off the surface ever so slightly and Petra had pulled his pants down in a single, concise action without any sign of hesitation. He couldn't deny his surprise at her rather inglorious and straightforward approach, and after seeing her hardly even blink as she worked his underwear down next, a studious and determined expression on her face as though he himself were a puzzle or conundrum needing to be solved, Levi almost shook his head in amazement because apparently Petra was more bold than he would have ever imagined.

She leaned forward up onto her knees, grabbing him with such a careful touch and stroking his skin ever so softly until he was almost fidgeting in his seat with quiet pants and sighs, because with each curl of her fingers and brush of her palm, his body was eagerly responding to her every action to the extent that for as simple and unceremonious as it all was, it was almost shocking just how much he was enjoying it.

Her golden orbs caught his for only a moment, and she leaned down even further, pulling her lips around him with a soft exhale. He had gasped outright, his hand fisting into her hair at the sudden intensity of the new sensation, and he was uncertain if he wanted to pull her off to catch his breath, or if he really just wanted to push her down even more because her hands felt great, but her mouth felt wonderful.

"Pet- Petra…" he whispered in a breathy exhale, and she paused, releasing him with a pop of her lips and she frowned.

"No good? Do you want me to stop?"

He gave a single dazed shake of his head, "No, don't stop. I just…fuck, where the hell did you learn to do this?"

She raised a single eyebrow at his wide-eyed stare and smirked, "Let's just say I really like reading, Captain."

He groaned at her response, and this time he did indulge in the sudden impulse to push her back down, for the most part allowing Petra to do as she pleased but still giving her small pushes or nudges as the sensation of her lips around him continued to wash over his body in delightful, pleasant and increasingly intense waves of ecstasy.

When it became too much, as a courtesy he had tapped her on the head, barely even able to put a single word together as his body began tensing and spasming, but Petra had merely shook her head and continued just the same as though not even bothered by the idea of him cumming in her mouth, and that strangely erotic rejection in and of itself had been the final element that had overwhelmingly pushed him over.

When he caught his breath again, pleased that Petra wasn't staring him down with some arrogant, know it all smirk, some part of him didn't even know what to say, because what the hell was there to say? Fuck, he didn't even know how he felt about it.

Well. He supposed that was only half true.

His body felt great, but his mind was still unsure and coming up short with what his next move was. He didn't know how he was supposed to respond, because it wasn't like it was a common practice for one of his subordinates to sneak into his office and do something like this, just to help him sleep of all things.

Even still, there was a pleasant warmth and contentment that ran through his spine and lower body, and as Petra sat back onto her heels and wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand with a flushed and breathless expression of her own, Levi blinked and – Petra had smiled softly at him – because he had suddenly given a large yawn of complete exhaustion.

Levi almost felt confused, because all at once an all-encompassing fatigue hit him like a land slide, and he had almost yawned for a second time. If it weren't for Petra sitting right there, he was certain he'd be able to fall asleep then and there, on his desk of all things.

"I hope you weren't offended earlier Captain - it's just even if it's your own body, I can't help but feel you would hate the mess, right?" She seemed to pause as she pressed her lips together, giving a slight smack of her lips and shaking her head pensively, "Maybe this is crossing a different sort of line all together, but to be frank you taste really salty – it could be related to your insomnia actually; being dehydrated and not taking care of yourself could very well be the culprit. I mean, it wasn't bad or anything; just an observation I guess. More than anything, I just want you to take better care of yourself Captain, you really make me worry."

Sensing that her task was completed to where her lingering simply wasn't necessary, Petra stood up from the ground and her expression fell to something suddenly serious as she moved toward the door, "Just to reiterate, this isn't about gaining your favor or anything like that. I just don't want you to think any less of me because for the record, I've never done this before, and I'd never do something like this for just anyone."

Levi was just finishing zipping his pants back up, admittedly amused by her words and he crossed his arms with a sudden smirk, "Oh? And who else would you do it for?"

She rolled her eyes and all but spat back, "None of your damn business, that's who. It's just…I trust you and I couldn't keep turning a blind eye to your suffering when I really thought I might be able to help. Don't read into it, and don't treat me as anything less than the soldier I am. This was a onetime thing, so you'd better start taking care of yourself because next time you're on your own." She moved into the doorway and paused in step, "Oh – and if anyone asks, I was never here, and I certainly didn't do anything like…that, either. I think it'll be better if we both pretend that this never happened, okay?"

Levi couldn't help the small smile pulling at his lips, because for as bold and confident as her words were, there was a distinct blush on Petra's face, and Levi was now fairly certain that she really had been just as nervous the whole time, regardless her callous and controlled exterior – she was just better at hiding it than he had expected.

"Well, fine by me."

A small silence fell between them, and eventually Levi gave an exhausted exhale as he returned her flustered stare, "Look, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say after something like this, but I suppose…maybe a thank you is in order."

At his simple acknowledgement, Petra's blush only deepened a few more shades of red and she looked back into the hallway with a bitter sort of stammer. "If…if you want to thank me, then just get some sleep already. I'll see you in the morning, Captain."

At that, she had left without another word, and not wanting to put her efforts to waste, that's exactly what he had done. Levi had returned back to his room not even five minutes later, and he had fallen asleep effortlessly for the first time in weeks.

Come the next morning, the day had gone on exactly like it always did. There were no secret glances between them, no prolonged sighs or knowing stares; no drama or gossip to sort through. In that respect, Levi had no intention of whispering a word of what had happened to even a single soul - not so much from embarrassment or a fear of backlash, but rather a sense of gratitude toward his unpredictable subordinate who had done him a rather odd, but undeniable favor.

In some ways, he figured that the whole thing would become a distant, fond memory between them that they each carried for years to come; a secret meeting that wasn't based on romance or desire, but rather trust and friendship. They wouldn't need to talk about it, wouldn't need to make it out to mean more than it was; it was, by all accounts, a memory of the past – but, admittedly, a happy memory all the same.

At least, that's what he had figured would happen, it was just…

Petra had come back.

A week or so had gone by, and while his insomnia was still plaguing him, he was at least able to rest a few hours each night – a drastic improvement from what it had been before - so when Petra showed up in his office, once again at an impossibly late hour – he was almost too surprised to speak because surely she wasn't here for that again, right? It could be something was keeping her up, some random matter of business that had only just now come to mind, and well, he supposed that was also a possibility…but if she was here for that, he was doing just fine and didn't need her scolding him to take better care of himself because he was trying, dammit!

Before he could even get a single sentence out, Petra had walked up to him and crossed her arms defiantly.

"I can do better." She had stated with such a seriousness that, like before, left him completely tongue tied and unsure of what the hell she was expecting him to say.

After a few more lines of dialogue, him confirming with her that that was great and all, but he really was fine so there was no reason for her to put them both at risk like that when she knew full well that this sort of behavior was not acceptable between a Captain and subordinate, Petra had all too easily won him over, with what at the time had sounded like a well thought out, logical explanation. Moments later, Levi had found himself panting in his chair, her hot breath over his skin as she made a point to show him that, yes, she could in fact do better – which was admittedly alarming because Levi had thought the first time had been pretty damn good.

Apparently, it seemed this sort of thing really did come in different levels, because there was no denying that the last time had been great and enough to make his toes curl from overwhelming desire, but this time she had his mind swimming in ecstasy with the way she toyed and played with him, to the extent he had to remind himself to not outright moan into the night air because he didn't want to make anyone suspicious and come knocking. At one point, she had hummed in amusement at how much he was clearly enjoying himself, a sensation that he would never forget the feeling of, and she had slapped a hand over his mouth in preparation – the pressure of her lips suddenly increasing with renewed force, and he couldn't help the low grunt that left his throat as a direct result of her teasing and purposeful actions meant to overwhelm him.

Again, he had tapped her on the head and exactly like she had before, Petra stubbornly refused his warning offer and he had to bite his lip as he came in her mouth yet again. Eventually, she sat back as they both caught their breath and gave him a serious stare, because this time she really was done. She was a perfectionist by nature, and she apologized that it took her two times to get it right instead of one, but now that she had, there was no need for her to come back like this.

Levi had accepted it, almost so overwhelmed by what he had been feeling only moments before that he could barely give a conceding nod of agreement. Some part of him thought that it was almost cruel, showing him what she could do with those lips, demonstrating how she could so easily tease and torment his body in the best of ways, just to tell him that she'd never do such things to him again. Of course, he knew that's how it always should have been, and he tried to not think about it because it really was for the best, and he knew that.

He hadn't tried to stop her when she left his office, and he had gone right back to work as though he had never been interrupted in the first place.

A month had gone by after that, not a word spoken between them about it, where it really did seem like things would finally start to settle into the past. Admittedly he had thought about it more than once, thought about her lively green orbs and the way her fingers would curl around him or press into his skin in the best of ways – but it wouldn't be right. Petra had told him that she was done, and he could and would respect her boundaries because he owed her that much but…

One night, he had unexpectedly run into her in the hallway. Like before, it was late and the halls were empty. The tension between them, a growing fire of desire and electricity, had been tangible and it didn't go unnoticed by either of them. He had smirked at the blush staining her cheeks, and he stated in a teasing whisper that it was the dead of night, so he was curious as to what a woman such as herself was doing out and about so late after curfew.

She had given an aloof shrug, confirming that a girl had her reasons, but if he must know, she had been staying up past hours to write her father a letter and she had just gotten back from putting it in the mailbox - perhaps he'd be willing to cut her some slack, where this could just be another one of their secrets.

Her words had been strangely alluring, and he wasn't sure what had made him do it, but something about the quietness of the night air, something about the mischievous glint in her eye and the smile on her full lips; seeing her like this and being reminded of the potent things she had made him feel while they were alone in his office all those nights ago, he had given her the smallest of grins and confirmed that he should be the last person to complain about her midnight escapades. With an appraising onceover and a tilt of his head, he stated that if she was going to be up for a little while longer, then she was welcome to join him in his office. If she wanted, that is.

He had walked away after that, smug at first but almost immediately chiding himself as he moved down the hall because fuck, what the hell had he been thinking? Things were finally returning back to normal between them, and instead of just letting their previous moments stay buried with the passing of time, he had to go and pull a brainless, impulsive stunt like that.

He wasn't even sure what he had been expecting Petra to say and furthermore, what was in it for her? The woman could spoil him remarkably well, there was no denying that, but practically speaking, there just wasn't much that would interest her because he wasn't in a position to return any of her efforts. And yet, regardless his concerns and his racing mind, Levi had felt such an onslaught of both relief and anticipation, because just down the hallway and following after him step for step, was Petra.

He supposed that night really had been the true start of it all, because that was almost six months ago now and Petra kept coming back to his office just the same. At this point, Levi had no intention of stopping her because is body was used to the routine, used to the constant attention, and more often than not, he craved her tender affections with a ferocity that left him aching in the event that he was away from her or traveling for an extended amount of time.

And yet…things were different than they were at first, because whereas once she had told him why she was doing it, remind him that it meant nothing and that she would never do it again - now they really didn't talk about it anymore. They never acknowledged what they were doing, or what the other was expecting outside of the sheer passion of the moment. It was always the same – he'd catch her eye during training and give her a long, expectant stare, other times she would show up of her own free will, and in some cases, if he was particularly desperate, he'd ask in front of the whole damn squad if she had any free time to help him out with his paperwork. The guys had never suspected a thing, and Petra had eventually come to realize that that was his way of confirming that he desperately needed her that night.

She'd come to his office, sometimes his room, and once he had been so aroused and wanton that he had gone to her room in the dead of night and actually woken her up. He had felt guilty as hell for being such an asshole, but she had only smiled at the apologetic, conflicted look in his eye and placed her hands across his chest, coercing him to sit down on the bed where he happily obliged and allowed her to care for his body in a way that only she could.

Like before, it was always him, and just him, but unlike before he wasn't exactly content with that. Not that he was outright complaining per say, because Petra was professional and understanding, more than happy to remain his indulgent little secret, but even still, it had been six months and he hadn't even seen her naked yet. Petra's visits always revolved around him, around his enjoyment and not her own – never her own, no, not even a single time.

Sure he had tried a few times, wanting to turn things around and let her be the focus for once; feeling endlessly frustrated that Petra worked tirelessly to get him off but never let herself be touched by him in return, but as he had slowly come to learn – there were some unspoken rules to their present arrangement, and unfortunately, he had to figure them out on his own.

Rule number one, and the most important rule of them all – they never talked about it. Ever. To talk about it was to acknowledge it, to confirm they were both knowingly breaking the rules, to confirm that their desire – whether it was purely physical or otherwise – was so strong that neither of them could ignore it or overcome it. To talk about it would bring the inevitable conversation that they needed to stop, and since neither of them wanted to stop, neither of them brought it up.

The second rule was a much more complicated, miserable rule that he was still working on understanding the ins and outs of – but this rule in summation was what he could, and couldn't do while Petra was gracing him with her affections, and he had spent months learning that balance step for step. While it was a little hazy, he learned that he could technically touch her, but the touches he was granted to were things really meant to only add to his experience, and not the other way around. He could trace his fingers down her skin, grab her ass or wrap his hands around her chest – he could do all those things if he wanted - and he frequently did - but only if the focus remained on him and he was doing it because it pleased him to do so.

He could undress her, but never all the way. He hadn't realized what she was doing at first, but she'd let him get all the way down to her bra and panties, and if he tried to go any further, she'd sit up, give him a devilish smirk and tell him that she wanted him to set the pace, to guide her hands or pull her hair, and he'd be so distracted by the intriguing offer that it wasn't until two weeks of this immaculate timing, that he realized Petra was intentionally redirecting his attention because she didn't want him to go any further than that.

She didn't want him tracing under her clothes, didn't want his fingers to focus on stimulating her body, and while he could kiss her skin, leave love bites where he pleased so long as they wouldn't be seen come the morning – a rather sound judgement call because a visible mark of that nature would bring all sorts of unwanted questions her way – Levi was admittedly perplexed that it had been six months of Petra having total and complete access to his body, but she never once wanted him to actually touch her in return. In six months, he hadn't even kissed her on the lips, even a single time.

He somewhat understood that silent boundary that remained uncrossed between them, because kissing on the lips – that was an intimate sort of thing shared between lovers, and lovers they were not.

And yet, Levi couldn't point to when, but he had realized some time ago that hell, he wanted to know what her lips would feel like, when pressed against his own. He wanted to return her touches, to hear her gasp and shake with desperation because of what he could do to her body.

He wasn't sure if it made him sensitive, or if it made him selfish, but he was tired of her lips and tired of her hands. He wanted all of her, and so often he felt as though he had none of her, even though he knew full well that he had more of her than any other man ever had before. It was a baffling concept to him, because even though he was getting off and was frequently getting tended to by Petra's skillful presence, he was more erotically frustrated now than he had ever been in his entire life, and due to the fact that they never talked about it, he couldn't even fucking tell her.

At first he had wondered if maybe she was doing it as a favor to him; maybe out of pity or obligation. What if she thought he was desperate, and was just doing it because she felt bad for him?

He could still remember that night he had questioned her about it, and he couldn't help but frown at the memory.

She had been nipping at his skin, sitting behind him as she caressed his neck with a slight press of her lips.

"Petra…" he had whispered softly, and she responded with a soft, curious hum against his skin.

"Are you…attracted to men?" he asked curiously, and Petra had paused, and he could feel her lips pull into a smile as she gave a small laugh and continued.

"To men? What do you mean?"

"Dicks." He said simply, turning his head to one side and watching her with a side glance, "Do you like dicks, or do you prefer your partners to be women? What, are you bi? Some sort of lesbian half breed? You…asexual maybe? Aromantic? What are you into? You gotta be into something, right?"

Her hands had run down his bare back, and he had given a low exhale as she reached her arms around him and began palming his abdomen with light, promising sweeps of her hands, "You're asking this sort of thing now? Where is this coming from, Captain? If it's a threesome you're after, I told you I don't do this with other people and I meant it."

He fell back into her, admittedly pleased by the underlying warning to her tone, because he liked hearing that Petra was protective of their time and that she didn't want to share it with others. Maybe she wasn't nearly as detached as she came across – a notion that pleased him greatly. He ran a hand down the side of her face as she watched him with a spark of suspicion in her amber orbs, and when he had leaned up slightly to kiss her, she gently turned her face to the side, where his lips crested over the shell of her ear instead. He smirked at her predictable behavior and gave her a testing nibble, pleased all the more when he heard her take a sharp inhale of surprise. He spoke lowly in her ear, "It's not that. You seem to enjoy getting me off, but you seem opposed to me getting you off in return. What, men don't do it for you, I suppose? I don't judge, but I am admittedly curious because after all these months one would think you'd want something a little more fulfilling than just touching me. I figured that before I started making assumptions, I should probably check if you're even attracted to men in the first place. What do you like Petra, tell me."

She pulled her head away to watch him with a knowing smirk, and she nodded toward him purposefully, "Very well, Captain. If it bothers you that much, then I'll have you know that yes, I am in fact attracted to men. Does that answer your question?"

Her words had been simple, but spoken with such pragmatism that he eventually groaned because they both knew what he was actually asking, but Petra had always been a bit of a tease, and it seemed she'd make him beg her for the answer he was truly after.

"Fine, woman." He adjusted his angle and looked at her flatly, "Me. Are you attracted to me, specifically?"

Her smirk widened and she leaned toward him, pressing her lips against the dip of his collarbone as she spoke in obvious amusement, "Hmm, I do wonder about that."

He had almost scowled at her vague words, because it was always like that; the woman was impossible to read and even after months of their secret meetings and passionate nights, their conversations were always empty and dismissive, where even after all this time, he felt as though he hadn't learned a single thing about her. If it were possible, she was almost more closed off to him when they were in a setting like this, versus when they were training or cleaning as a Squad. The sheer juxtaposition was just as frustrating as it was intriguing, and as vexing as her dismissive attitude was, Levi found he just couldn't help himself and always wanted just a little bit more.

Looking up and seeing his obvious irritation, Petra's expression warmed as she turned his head so he was again looking at her directly, "Levi, listen. You should know that I find you very attractive, okay?"

Her stare was so direct; the ever present spark in her eyes a molten, smoldering amber and he had almost moaned at her words, at the way his stomach did nervous flips and the way his blood raced in his veins after hearing that Petra apparently was attracted to him after all. Sensing her words alone had been a sudden and overwhelming turn on for him, she almost laughed, "Uh Captain, I don't mean to talk down to you but…how could you ever question that? The things we do and the time we spend together like this – how could I do any of this if I weren't attracted to you?"

Though he was aroused, though he was wanting Petra to stop teasing him and finally allow her actions to turn more serious and intentional, he couldn't help the frown that came to his face and he watched her seriously, "Because you never want me, outside of just this. If you're telling me that you are in fact attracted to me…Petra, there's so much more we could be doing. This is great, and you're great, but it's always one sided and I want you to enjoy this time too so-"

"You're my Captain."

She had cut him off completely, her voice suddenly low and cold. He knew that tone – it was the tone she used when he had pressed her too far or dug too deep. "What we're doing is risky enough but this arrangement makes it so your reputation stays clean, because by definition you haven't had any inappropriate relations with me. God forbid, but if we get discovered, the military can afford to lose me. I don't want to go anywhere of course, but those are the consequences of my selfishness and I can live with that. The Scout's can't afford to lose you though, and Erwin can't afford the Scout's to get disbanded in the event that he breaks all protocol just to protect you. This works out better for everyone, and I wish you wouldn't press me on it because I'm fine, Captain."

Levi groaned at her words, and Petra laughed at his flustered expression, "Look, I know you are worried that you're being unfair or unbalanced, but I've told you I don't see it that way. I'm content with this; I don't need you to worry about me or wonder how I'm feeling when it's all said and done or if you did enough. We're not in a relationship, there's no strings attached or efforts for you to balance out – I just happen to find you incredibly attractive, you're fun to blow off steam with, and this sort of arrangement works out because neither of us are the type to get in too deep or mistake all of this as overly personal. It's just convenient for both of us, so don't make it complicated, okay?"

She had moved to his side and leaned forward, giving him a soft, empty and meaningless kiss on the cheek, "Really Captain, don't worry about me."

Their night had ended, and Levi had almost felt like he should apologize because he knew going in that she didn't want to talk about it, and he had forced the conversation anyway.

His insistence hadn't been without consequences, either.

It wasn't that she was punishing him, but Petra had been off for the rest of the night – her actions shaky, distracted, and less confident – and to make matters worse, after that she hadn't come back to him for what seemed like the longest time. He hadn't said anything when she quietly wandered into his room almost three weeks later, but he had been so miserable and frustrated because that had been the longest she had ever made him wait for her and the nagging question of if he had actually pushed her too far had been weighing on his mind relentlessly. From then on, he hadn't pushed her, hadn't asked any questions; that night when she came back, neither of them had even said a single word.

He hadn't brought it up ever since, in fear that she'd slowly begin to back out once and for all. Even if she frustrated him, he knew full well that he didn't want that, which admittedly didn't make sense because while of course he'd miss the attention and his body would protest the loss of intimacy for months on end, strangely enough that really wasn't his major concern. He found that he enjoyed the closeness; he enjoyed having a person to bring his desire to, he enjoyed the mystery and the questions of the diplomatic and guarded Petra that had found a way to be so open and generous, while at the same time being so controlled and poised that he could never quite understand her motives.

He reasoned with himself that having even those small pieces of her was better than to lose her completely, and besides, this was every man's dream, right? He had all the fulfillment; all the time in the world with an attractive, attentive woman who never fussed about what he was or wasn't doing – hell, he had all of the fun and none of the responsibilities.

So if this was apparently the perfect arrangement like she so claimed, why was it that it wasn't enough?

Why was it so unfulfilling?

Was he truly that damned selfish, that the only real reason he wanted her, was simply because he knew he couldn't have her? Petra had been more than generous, with her time, with her touch, and yes, with her body as well. Just because he couldn't go as far as he wanted didn't mean that he couldn't go really fucking far, and considering he did none of the work of a boyfriend or significant other, she was considerably gracious to let him go even half as far as she did.

He knew that.

He knew she didn't owe him anything.

He knew he was being selfish by wanting to push her boundaries and think of ways he might be able to convince her to change her mind but…

Fuck, he just couldn't help it.

He wanted to be with her, all the way, completely. He wanted to strip her down, piece by piece until there was nothing left between them. He wanted to touch her how he wanted to touch her, not to be redirected so that he could 'protect his reputation' or some shit because they both knew it was just a fucking cop out. Erwin wouldn't kick him out, the Scout's wouldn't be disbanded, and like hell he'd let the military discharge her without a fight.

No, it wasn't that he ever wanted them to be discovered, but he knew he could work it out. It'd be a fucking hassle and Erwin would be chewing him out for weeks on end, but they'd work through it. As much as it frustrated him to admit, the fact that he knew the risks and kept going back to her just the same, the fact that she never got bored and was in her own way just as eager to spend her time with him, even if she'd outright deny it at every turn – it wasn't that they were in a committed relationship, but he wasn't ignorant to the fact that it wasn't a mere matter of convenience like Petra so claimed.

They were both being intentional – both finding ways to spend time with the other, being careful in their daily interactions to ensure that their thoughtless words or careless glances didn't exploit the other. Regardless the newness and the laughs, the frustrations and the sparks – there was no running to someone else for advice or support.

They only had each other, and yet, due to Petra's unspoken rules and her stubborn boundaries that were neither clear cut nor communicated, they didn't even have that. He wanted to have her all the way, and get off inside her, and watch her reach that high as well because he knew there was no fucking way she wasn't just as miserable as he was.

There was no denying it – he wanted the intimacy, the connection with her, and it stood to reason that perhaps some part of Petra maybe wanted it too, but was too afraid of losing him or hurting his reputation to actually take the risk. Perhaps he was reading into things, reading into her actions in such a way that was far from accurate, but that was half the problem – he had no way of knowing her thoughts because she wouldn't ever admit such a thing on her own.

And so he decided that he was done playing by her rules, because if she got to lay down ground rules, then he saw no reason why he shouldn't be allowed a few of his own and he was tired of always being left guessing. If she didn't want to communicate, that was fine, but he was going to speak his mind.

He was going to tell her.

Even if it cost him, even if he made her furious where she'd storm away and never come back again – he was going to fucking tell her all of it, and hell, she was going to listen.

...

End of Chapter

...

Yall - this piece really, really begged to be written and it nagged me for months where I just had to get it written down. (Not great for my writing process I assure you, as I am trying so hard to focus on my main piece.) But I really had this notion in my head with a Levi/Petra piece where they were intimate, and having a physical type of relationship frequently - but because of their collective approach, it isn't necessarily /bad/ but it sure isn't great either. I think it's so intriguing, this odd dynamic where Petra seems to be the one who's so pragmatic and professional, and it's just SO unexpected that Levi can't seem to wrap his mind around it.

How Petra approaches him at the very beginning, bahahhaha I laugh every time, then Levi eventually having to ask her what her sexuality is, because months into it and he still doesn't know. Poor, poor Captain, getting put through the ringer by our favorite little Hellraiser. As for future updates to get the last half of this story up, honestly I'll let inspiration guide me so I don't have a specific date in mind. As always, I appreciate the support, thoughts, and on the whole I will have my next, more normal update on Sunday. You know, business as usual :)

Thanks!

~Mid