Hello guys, I'm back with a short levihan story. For those who read the manga, chapter 132 gave me some feels, so I decided to write something! Hope you like it.
"I can't believe the day has finally come."
Hange's voice was solemn, quiet even though it didn't have to be, the whole city was deserted after all. But somehow, she found herself unable to speak any louder. She'd taken a seat next to the bed where Erwin Smith had been put to rest, a Survey Corp cape draped around him with only his face visible. In the dim light filtering from the drawn curtains, one could have thought he was asleep, the dark green of the cape hiding the blood that had sipped through his bandages.
"When you said I was next, that I was your successor, I honestly didn't think it'd happen so soon." she whispered.
She bowed her head and raised a hand to her bandaged eye, which was hurting like crazy. They had given her some medicine to dull the pain, but there was so much that could be done when you were injured that severely.
"We didn't even have time to talk about it properly. You didn't leave me any instructions or guidelines...what am I supposed to do, Erwin?"
Her last sentence came out in a hush filled with despair. What was she supposed to do now? She had become the Commander of the Survey Corps, but what corps? Of the 200 people who had left to reconquer wall Maria, only 9 of them were still alive. The entire army had been decimated, scattered on the battlefield outside the wall or burnt to ashes. What was she even the leader of? A group of teenagers...and Levi.
As if her thoughts had summoned him, she heard a knock on the door and the man came in quietly, not looking at her. She took the opportunity to try to compose herself and turned her head away to look outside the window.
"Any news?" she asked, louder than she had been when talking to Erwin.
"We're still looking for survivors." he said, his voice sounding tired and a bit wary. "Armin still hasn't woken up."
"I see. Let's give it until midday, then if nothing new happens, we'll go to the Yeager house with Eren and Mikasa."
"Alright." she heard in the same subdued voice.
She turned around, not used to hearing this tone from the Ackerman. She was expecting him to be looking at Erwin, but instead, their eyes locked. Levi was staring at her with a weird glint in his eyes, something she'd almost never seen before...was it fear? Her heart started to pound inside her chest, had something happened?
"Levi?" she asked, starting to get up from her chair. "What's wron..."
But the man rushed ahead in a flash to kneel before her, his hands coming to grip each side of her seat. She froze.
"I thought..." he said, and this time his voice sounded wrecked. "I thought you were dead."
She was unable to move, pinned down by the raw emotions that were dancing in his grey eyes. She had never seen Levi Ackerman this expressive and now that he finally had dropped his walls, she was stunned silent.
"I heard the explosion and Erwin said..." he closed his eyes for a second, the name of his friend hurting him in ways she could only imagine. "...he said that almost all of you were caught in the blast."
She looked at him, at how his eyes were looking at each scratch on her face, to finally rest on her bandaged eye. He'd been worried about her, with good reasons, as she'd barely survived. She never really worried about him, because she knew that if one person was to come back alive from an expedition, it would always be Levi. His extraordinary abilities aside, the man was so stubborn that he would just never let anyone beat him. And she hadn't had a second to think about what was happening on his side, because Levi and Erwin were together, which was always reassuring. But she had been alone on her side of the wall, the only leader to command the troops against the Colossal titan. And the explosion, which had been devastating from where she'd stood, must have looked terrible from their point of view.
"I'm sorry." she said, her voice cracking on the last word as her throat closed up with emotion.
Levi bowed his head until it almost touched her knees and she heard the wood of her chair whine under his grip. He really looked emotionally exhausted and was restraining himself from doing something. Her body acted on its own as her hand lifted towards his head before stopping short. She had never touched him like that, with emotion, tenderness, because she knew he'd never accept such gesture. But the look he had given her just now made her ache to touch him, so she took a deep breath and put her hand on his head. She felt him freeze before the chair whined again.
"I'm sorry that I didn't come back to you right after, but I had to deal with Reiner first."
"I know." he answered darkly.
"And then I almost got eaten by the weirdest looking titan ever with a cart on its back..."
This time the wood cracked on her left and she startled as Levi suddenly lifted his head.
"What?" he asked, his voice ice cold.
"I said I was attacked by this weird four-legged titan carrying a man on its back, probably the Beast titan...but Jean saved me at the last second!" she hurriedly added when she saw his eyes fill with a burning hatred.
"I'll kill that fucking titan, along with the Beast." he said in a deadly voice.
"I don't doubt it, you're just too..." she started before the pain shot in her eye again and her hand flew to her face. "Ugh..."
"Hange!" she heard him yell and she felt him get closer to her.
"I'm fine..." she said, gritting her teeth.
"Like hell you are." he spat back, half risen.
In a matter of seconds, her whole face had gone pale and her knuckles were white from gripping the left side of her face. He cursed himself inwardly for not being able to help. They had found very little medical supplies among the dead soldiers since most of their carts had been blown to bits by the Beast titan's attacks. The medicine she had taken must have worn off and the pain in her eye flared back again.
"It's fine." she said again. "If the basement in Dr Yeager's house is still intact we may find some more medicine there. I'll have to endure it until then."
He hated this, seeing her try to swallow her pain and look strong, especially when they were alone. But he knew why she was doing it, she was trying to appear strong because of her new status. She felt herself responsible for the few lives that had escaped the battlefield, and technically she was. In a matter of seconds, and because of his own choice, Squad leader Hange Zöe had become Commander of the Survey corps. It was a hard pill to swallow for her, a bitter one for him. He wondered if somehow she resented him for that, but they didn't have time to discuss this now, especially not in front of Erwin's body.
"I'm sorry." he said quietly. "For not being there."
That made her look back at him with a slight frown on her face.
"You know we almost never are stationed together. It wasn't your fault."
He didn't know why he was saying this. He did have a perfectly good reason for not being by her side during the battle and even after. But somehow, he wished he'd been with her instead of over there, where he'd failed to keep the promise he'd made Erwin. As if she'd followed his train of thoughts, she smiled sadly.
"To be honest, I'm happy you weren't there."
"Why?" he asked, a bit curtly.
"All the people who were with me died horribly." she answered. "I watched Moblit being blasted away before falling in that well...it's hard for me to think of this right now and..."
She raised her hand again and, this time, put it on his face. He was so taken aback that he didn't even startle. Usually he would have ducked away, but right now, after what had happened, after almost losing her and in the privacy of the room, he found himself craving the touch.
"I don't think I would have been able to function properly if I'd lost you too." she finished, something soft pooling in her remaining eye and softening the lines of her face.
He looked at her for a few seconds, lost for words. He never ever really knew what to say during social interactions, only talking to state facts or throw insults. But now, more than ever before, he wished he could just talk as freely as she'd just done. Instead, he put his own hand on hers, the one still resting on his face, and slowly pressed his lips on her palm. He heard her take a shuddering breath and he looked back at her, trying to convey his emotions to her, even if he himself didn't understand them all. Something seemed to break in her and she dropped from her chair, kneeling on the floor in front of him before throwing her hands around his neck. His own arms came to embrace her before he could even think of doing something else.
"I was so scared." she whispered in a high-pitched whine. "I thought I was going to die in that well...I managed to get out but then I couldn't see properly, everything was tainted red and Moblit...they were all gone."
He held her tightly, his chest constricting at hearing the despair and fear she'd been keeping bottled.
"How am I going to do this Levi?" she asked, her face burying in his shoulder. "How am I supposed to lead when I'm this broken?"
"I'm sorry..." he said, but she cut him off.
"Don't, please don't apologize. I know you're in pain too."
He didn't have an answer to that. Just like she'd said, he was trying not to think too much of what had happened. He couldn't let himself dwell too much in his failure and choice, because he would break too and Hange needed someone right now.
"Listen." he said before pulling away so he could look at her. "You're the most qualified for this job."
"You mean out of the 7 kids left?" she scoffed before getting up.
She dusted herself as she got up and walked towards the door. He followed her outside the room into the small and darker corridor. The house and surroundings were dead silent, he couldn't even hear the whooshing of maneuver gears, which meant that nobody was around.
"Erwin chose you way before that. He knew you were the best for the job. You have to trust his decision. Besides, you've been Squad leader for a while now, how is leading 7 misfit kids and an asshole gonna be any different?"
She laughed at his words and he felt himself smile.
"I'm so happy you're alive, Levi." she said. "I feel like I can do this if you're by my side."
She turned to face him, they were standing close to one another in the narrow corridor. Even in the shadows, he could see the anguish on her face and he knew what she was going to ask before she even opened her mouth. He raised an eyebrow at her and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Where the hell do you expect me to be, idiot? I've been by your side for years, I'm not going anywhere now."
She looked at him for a moment, her eye wide, before closing the distance between them and kissing him. It was a testimony of how tired he was that he didn't see it coming. Or maybe it was that he was so comfortable with her.
Maybe it was because he didn't mind.
She had probably meant for it to be a quick kiss because she was already pulling away, but he chased her until his mouth was back on hers and he had her pressed against the opposite wall. She startled but complied, one hand coming up to grip the cloak on his back, the other to rest on the back of his head, bringing him closer. He kissed her fiercely but with care, drinking her in but not wanting to hurt her. He relished in the smell of her, a mix of dust, sweat and Hange, in the warmth of her skin, which showed she was still alive. He felt her smile against his mouth.
"What's so funny." he grunted, pressing his cheek against hers so he could get his breathing in control.
He'd never been this short of breath while not fighting. His heart was pounding like crazy inside his chest and he could hear a buzzing in his ears. This was something he wasn't used to.
"Nothing..." she said, her voice trembling slightly. "It's just you're such a softy...it's too much."
"Shut up." he said, before kissing her again.
I'm happy you're alive. he thought. You're all I have left now.
He felt her shudder beneath him and he knew she'd understood him, with that weird connection of theirs. It should scare him that she could read him like that, and more so that he didn't give a damn. She could read him all she wanted, he would follow her until the end, his or hers. Preferably his. He would do his best to keep her alive, to protect her, so that he wouldn't have to stand in front of a bed in a dark room again.
When they broke apart, he could see her eye glinting, which lifted something from his shoulders. If he could help her keep that light in her eye, they would be fine.
"We should go check on the kids." she said, her voice a raw whisper.
"Yeah." he answered in the same voice.
He lifted a hand to her eye, gently touching the bandage before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Lead the way, Commander."
She looked at him before straightening up. She was back to being a leader, the light in her eye becoming harder, sharper.
"Yeah. Let's go." she said before turning away and running down the stairs.
He followed.
He always would.