This is a collection of scenes that, once again, refused to gel.

In fanon, Naruto is often overcharged etc in shops, if not refused service outright. This led me to think, what would happen if Naruto decided that since the shopkeepers were stealing from him, he should steal from them in return?

And then of course, taking it up a few notches…

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The Thief Of Konoha

Scene 1

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Naruto crept through the shadows of the Hokage Tower, his goal the large scroll that held the Jutsu he had heard about. Jutsu so awesome, so powerful, that they had to be stored where normal people wouldn't be able to find them.

He wasn't normal.

In the four years since he had been thrown out of the orphanage, Naruto had developed new skills and a set of morals that, while consistant, many would consider rather… different. Being effectively raised by the workers of the red lantern district where his (Hokage-granted) flat was, he had flourished under their tutelage. Already, he was earning money by giving prostitutes (whatever that word meant) massages to help them relax and he could do "Find the Queen" and the three-cup shuffle with the best of them.

Due to an astounding run of luck at the casino, he even held full rights to the debts owed by the last Senju (whoever that was).

And he had learned the skills of pickpocketing and burglary.

He didn't need chakra to scale a wall and he could run across the rooftops with a skill equal to any ninja but without the need for chakra enhancement. Locks were no barrier to him and he had yet to find a trap that he couldn't analyze and disassemble within a minute (Thank you Old Man Hikaze, may you rest in peace).

But he had entered the Academy the previous year and discovered that he had too much chakra. Why else would the leaf exercise have concluded so… explosively.

That being the case, he needed to search for a Jutsu he could use. He was making progress on Henge (even though the teachers refused to show him the proper handsigns) and his Kawarimi was a brute-force version (he had once swapped with a nearby tree) but there was no way on Kami's green earth that he would be able to do a normal Bunshin due to how little chakra it needed.

There had to be something he could use.

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The Hokage Tower has incredibly complex defences. ANBU patrol its corridors while seal arrays act to detect any usage of chakra and alerts the guards. The locks also have seals which mean that using any of the ninja-style lockpicking skills resulted in a directed raiton charge.

No ninja can get into the Hokage Tower undetected. In fact, there are regular missions to test the multiple layers of security, with a huge reward offered should the participant be able to penetrate them.

There is only one weakness in the defences, a weakness that no-one noticed.

All the defences are optimised against ninja.

Someone who has mastered the art of burglary without chakra can bypass them easily.

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Naruto smirked as he unrolled the scroll. The very first jutsu was the Kage Bunshin, with a warning that it had a very high Chakra cost.

Well, he had Chakra to spare.

Pulling out a small scroll and paintbrush, he took several deep breaths and then entered the light trance that a friendly forger had taught him. Without actually reading what he was transcribing, he copied it flawlessly onto the smaller scroll before rolling up the larger scroll and returning it to its hiding place. Once the ink had dried, he pocketed the smaller scroll and quickly took to the air vents to escape, leaving no sign behind that he had ever been there.

Once he got back to his flat, he would read the entire description before trying out the jutsu.

And the future changed.

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Scene 2

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Iruka raised an eyebrow as Naruto sat with a trio leaves hovering above his forehead. Barely a year ago, the blond had been abysmal at chakra control and now he could hover up to five leaves at once, placing him ahead of everyone else.

How he had improved so fast was a mystery to Iruka, expecially since he didn't know of the hundreds of Kage Bunshin that Naruto used to train in chakra control, letting him gain months of experience in less than a day.

Learning from the retired ninja who were living in the red-light area due to financial problems didn't hurt either.

Naruto hid a smirk as he felt Iruka looking at him. Between almost abusing his Kage Bunshin and the external tutors he had, he was already incredibly far ahead of the rest of the students, although he refused to show it. His Kawarimi was not only sealless, he'd stumbled across a way to apply it to things he was holding meaning that he no longer had to enter a building to steal things, he merely needed something to hold and an unobstructed line of sight over a long distance, or even simple proximity.

And it let him pull off some excellent pranks.

"Stop showing off, baka!" A voice screamed and Naruto rolled out of the way of the descending fist. Almost reflexively, he grabbed a leaf and an instant later, he was tucking a pair of panties into his pocket.

"Dammit, Haruna!" He yelled. "I was practicing! I need to practice my control!"

"Hmph." Sakura snorted as she flipped her pink hair back. "You were just trying to look better than Sasuke."

Naruto glanced across to where the aforementioned Uchiha was trying (and failing) to hover two leaves.

"As if you could be better than him." Sakura continued, then she froze as Naruto held up a very familiar pair of knickers.

"You left yourself open, Haruno." Naruto gloated as he dropped the knickers before leaping out of the way of her frenzied attack. She stomped forwards, then cried out in pain as her bare foot landed on a stone. Naruto pulled out her sandals from behind his back and dropped them.

"NARUTOOOO!" Sakura screamed in rage as the laughing blond scampered away.

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Scene 3

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Iruka stared in shock at the building in front of him. He had been told that Naruto had been given a flat of his own, but he had expected something that was peeling, leaking and decrepit, not a gleaming five-storey block with shops on the lowest level. Pride of place was given to Ichiraku's Ramen that had moved from it's previous place of business several months ago.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Hiruzen said from beside him, his expression unreadable. "He has his own staff."

"…what?"

"He has his own staff." Hiruzen repeated. "I had my ANBU do some research and they found out that Naruto has been living in this district since he was five. His staff consists mainly of those who used to sell their affections or of retired ninja who couldn't amass enough money from missions to retire comfortably."

Iruka blushed, earning an amused glance.

"Makes you wonder just what he's learning, doesn't it?" Hiruzen added.

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Scene 4

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Sasuke glared at his opponant on the other side of the ring. As it was a taijutsu match, he couldn't use his newly-perfected fireball jutsu and things like kunai and shuriken were banned.

That meant that he would have to move in close.

And Naruto would do whatever it was to steal his underwear again.

And he would sell it to the fangirls.

Again.

"I forfeit."

Naruto sighed in disappointment as Sasuke turned and walked out of the ring. The Emo was learning.

"Next opponant." Mizuki said as he pulled out a piece of paper from the box. "Hinata…? What the…?"

Naruto hid a smirk. He had placed henged clones into the box, disguised as pieces of parchment. Hinata was the only girl who didn't try to belittle him and he was going to help her.

After all, he had managed to claim the rank of Rookie of the Year and all Hinata needed was a small boost to claim Kunoichi of the Year.

Hinata meekly took her position and Naruto smiled at her, causing her to blush.

"Begin!"

Naruto leapt forwards and tackled Hinata to the ground, landing so that his lips pressed against hers. Hinata promptly fainted and brief puffs of smoke indicated that his plan was working, then he was suddenly airborn as he was thrown to one side. Rolling to his feet, he dodged a series of strikes and kicks which forced him to retreat, then it was Hinata who tackled him, pinning him so that he could not move.

An "eeep!" indicated that she had woken, found herself in an apparently intimate position and fainted again.

"Winner, Hinata." Mizuki announced with unconcealed satisfaction and Hinata stood, offering her hand to Naruto. As he used it to pull himself to his feet, he wondered what people would say if they knew that he had had his Kage Bunshin henge themselves and switch with Hinata's clothing in order to make everyone think that she could beat him and thus earn congratulations, raising her self-esteem.

Although he would have to have his clones kawarimi her clothes back onto her soon.

Hmmmm.

Actually, that would be a very interesting combat tactic.

Naruto grinned. He was so looking forwards to his next spar against that arrogant emo.

He was going to leave him totally vulnerable to his fangirls.

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Scene 5

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Naruto glared at the marking on his collar which had ruined the test for him.

A Chakra disruption seal.

It had prevented him from passing the jutsu portion of the test.

And then Mizuki had suggested to him that there was another way of passing by proving his ability to infiltrate the Hokage Tower and steal the Forbidden Scroll.

As if he couldn't recognise a setup when he saw one.

He had no choice. He was going to have to get the Old Man in on this.

Great.

That meant that he was going to have to reveal some of the secrets he had been hiding about the source of his wealth.

Great. Just frigging great.

Damn Mizuki.

Maybe he could distract the Old Man somewhat with questions about the seal on his stomach. The Old Lady had said that it was a storage seal of some sort, but what had been stored in it?

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Scene 6

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"…you are the nine-tailed fox!" Mizuki finished triumphantly and Naruto laughed at him.

Mizuki froze, trying to understand why things weren't going as he had planned.

"Oh, please." Naruto scoffed. "The fox is sealed into me by the Shiki Fuin. It's totally separate from me. I should know, the Old Man explained it to me personally."

Both Mizuki and Iruka stared at him and Naruto smirked.

"I found the seal you placed on me to disrupt my chakra, Mizuki-traitor, and now it's time for me to show you what the true rookie of the year can do."

Mizuki reached for the Fuuma Shuriken on his back, then his eyes widened as his hand encountered only empty air. Glancing round, he looked back at Naruto and gasped as he saw his weapon in Naruto's hand.

"How did you…?"

"You liked that?" Naruto smirked. "How about this. Naked in public technique!"

The Kage Bunshin that had been stealthily swapping themselves with Mizuki's clothes all dispersed, leaving the traitor totally exposed.

"That's what you did to Sasuke during the freestyle match!" Iruka gasped and Naruto nodded.

"Yep. Time for you to go down, you bastard."

Mizuki had just enough time to close his eyes before a swarm of angry Naruto's slammed him into the forest floor.