Baltimore's Fireflies
Disclaimer: The series "NCIS", its characters and the inspiring song to this story don't belong to us. They belong to their rightful owners and we're just borrowing them for this story.
A/N: This is a German story a friend of mine wrote. She wanted me to translate and upload it here to share it with you and since I love translating stories... here
we are! It's inspired by Woodkid's song "Baltimore's Fireflies". I have no idea of this fandom, only watched one or two episodes, but my friend knows a lot about it. So please enjoy!
PS: Thanks to another friend of mine for reading beta!
Baltimore's Fireflies
Tony was glad he had finally closed this case. On top of it all, he had earned himself one night off in the city that had been his home for a long time. Baltimore hadn't lost any of its beauty, memories hit him at nearly every corner he passed.
McGee and Ziva had returned to D.C. early in the evening with the culprit while he and Gibbs had collected the last pieces of evidence and witnesses' testimonies. When they had finally officially called it a day and finished work it had already been past 9 p.m. and Gibbs decided that they should stay at the hotel for one night to leave early the next morning.
Tony only realized way later that his boss did it for him in first place, to share more time with him. To be precise, he only realized it when he asked him for a tour around town. After he had overcome his initial surprise, enthusiasm took hold of him and they started their walk, regardless of their tiredness and Tony talked and talked and Gibbs just listened to him, shooting him an amused glance from time to time.
The highlight of the tour clearly was the harbor. Of course Gibbs knew the USS Constellation, the first battleship of the Navy was practically mandatory. Still it was a great pleasure for him to give his local knowledge to the best.
With a mischievous glance he couldn't stop himself from testing his superior.
"And it was actually in use up until five years ago!", he claimed impudently and immediately got a response in form of one hell of a rap on the head.
"Stop telling fairytales, DiNozzo", Gibbs growled and of course he was right about it. The wooden sailing vessel had been lying in the harbor for several decades now as a museum.
"Hey, I just wanted to make sure that you're still paying attention", Tony wailed and rubbed the hurting spot on the back of his head, grinning slightly.
It was nearly midnight now. Their way back to the hotel passed a part of the harbor. At this time of day this part of the bay was quite deserted. Only the water's waves were sloshing against the harbor's wall in a constant rhythm.
Tony had the feeling that he had talked himself empty, exhaustion paid its tribute. So they kept on walking side by side in a comfortable silence.
Suddenly Gibbs stopped. Tony lifted his head and followed Gibbs' gaze out to the open water. He blinked astonishedly.
Countless fireflies were swirling over the soft waves, shimmering greenly. Without making any sound they were dancing around.
"I completely forgot how beautiful it looks", he mumbled fascinated. Slowly they kept on walking, their gaze facing the sea.
Tony's phone interrupted the silence, a short peep announcing an incoming message. He pulled the device out of his jacket's pocket. An unknown number was shown on the display. He opened the message and there was only a picture.
He froze in his movement, tried to understand what he was seeing. Coldness hit him at a stroke.
He could feel Gibbs' summoning glance on him but he didn't feel capable of giving him any information. His tongue was stuck to his suddenly dried out palate and breathing was way harder than seconds before.
"DiNozzo!", Gibbs snapped at him in a commanding way and he could only manage to say a single word.
"Abby...!"
Gibbs grabbed his hand, turned the phone around to look at the photograph.
The picture of a motionless Abby, eyes closed. She seemed to be asleep.
It would have seemed peaceful if it weren't for the barrel of a gun hovering a few inches above her temple.
Tony gave Gibbs a desperate look. This one was clenching his jaw tightly. It was the only visible sign of stress, he seemed quite calm and composed otherwise. He didn't hesitate and pulled his own phone out of his pocket. But when he had just unlocked it Tony's phone peeped once again and a text message appeared right beneath the photograph.
'Bad idea, Gibbs. Put the phone away.'
Tony's head shot upwards, he looked all around him. Damn it, they stood here for all to see. All around them there was nothing but flat concrete ground, illuminated by street lamps, but in the back there were huge boxes and containers, stacked up in the dark. Trucks, cars and cranes offered countless hiding places for their observer.
Slowly Gibbs let the phone sink. He too looked around in a tense way.
Tony couldn't shake the feeling that they had fallen right into a trap. His worry for Abby grew stronger with each second passing. Convulsively he was clutching the phone in his hand. When it suddenly started ringing he nearly dropped it, startled.
Suspiciously he answered the call.
"DiNozzo", he forced the word to come out, glad that his voice sounded calm and composed. Glancing at Gibbs he turned on the speaker. His boss' eyes were narrowed furiously, his hands were clenched to fists.
"Good evening, Agent DiNozzo", a voice echoed over the harbor quay. Unsuccessfully, Tony tried to assign the voice to a face but the man on the other end of the line sounded completely unfamiliar to him.
"Where's Abby? What are you planning to do to her?", Tony asked the questions bothering him the most. A quiet laughter was the answer.
"Oh, she's at home, sleeping safe and sound, unknowing. Don't worry about her. As long as you do what I want, nothing will happen to her."
Tony snorted. Inside he was cursing. He didn't want to do anything to endanger Abby. But he wasn't planning on letting himself get blackmailed either.
"What do you want?", Gibbs asked with so much anger in his voice, no threats were needed. Every single word told their partner in talks he was about to make a big mistake.
But the answer wasn't less threatening, the caller angrily spit out the words and it gave Tony involuntary goosebumps.
"I want nothing from YOU, Agent Gibbs and if you dare to talk to me one more time I will have a bullet be shot into Abby's head!"
Gibbs inhaled sharply some air and opened his mouth to protest and for one moment Tony feared he would dismiss the command and let all his anger out. Instead he just gave Tony a stern look, a silent demand to continue this conversation.
"Okay", he soothingly tried to pour oil on troubled waters, "then just tell me what you want."
A grim silence was the reply and he took a short glance at the display of his phone to make sure they were still connected. He could literally feel the stranger's eyes on him. He looked around uncomfortably, stared into the darkness, but of course he couldn't see anyone.
Finally the hollow voice coming out of the speaker returned.
"You can see a coiled rope right behind you at the harbor's edge. Go there, Agent DiNozzo."
Tony turned around and there really was a roll lying on the ground, less than nine feet from him. He gritted his teeth, took one last glance in the direction he assumed the caller was standing and then crossed the distance with a few quick steps. Gibbs followed him with his eyes but otherwise didn't move from where he was standing. Tony would have preferred to have him by his side but he too thought that the man should not be provoked unnecessarily. Not when this was about Abby.
He didn't know what he'd expected but it was no real surprise when he reached the rope and saw a rimfire pistol lying inside of it. Shit.
"Take it", the voice commanded in a cold manner. No, damn it, Tony would have liked to reply. But the picture of Abby with the gun pointing at her temple, kept him silent. He stared at the black pistol and couldn't convince his body to bend down. Frozen, he stood there, his thoughts running in circles. What should he do with it? What was this bastard planning and what role did he have to play in this macabre game? How could he escape this situation without anybody dying?
"What are you waiting for, Agent DiNozzo?" The other man's impatience hit him. Helplessly, he clenched his hand, still refusing to grab that gun.
"You don't really like her, do you?", the voice reached his ear and this disinterested sounding sentence sent such an intense fear through his body that he automatically bent down, getting a tight grip on the pistol. He knew all too well that his fingerprints were all over the gun's handhold now.
"Are you trying to frame me for something?", he said through gritted teeth, sounding snippy, "you wouldn't be the first one!"
The laughter sounded quite amused and he really hated that guy for his arrogant superiority. He stared at the water, fireflies were still flying above the deep black surface. He'd love to just stand like this, blocking out everything else, simply enjoying that peaceful image. But the caller wouldn't let him.
"Back to Gibbs." The other man's joyful anticipation didn't please him at all, goosebumps were all over his arms, his neck tingled nervously.
"Come and join us", Tony said excessively friendly while reluctantly turning around to do what was demanded of him, "then we can resolve this whole thing face to face!"
Once again there was this cold laughter. What would he give to get a hold of this bastard right now!
"What do you get out of provoking me, DiNozzo? Do you think it will change anything?" The voice sounded amused and disgustingly interested in the answer to this question. Tony preferred to stay silent this time.
He tightly looked into Gibbs' eyes who mutely encouraged him. He had his back, he was there, no doubt. Despite the stern situation they were facing Tony had to smile, finding strength in the mere presence of his boss. Together they would find a solution, they always did.
"Well, anyway. Shoot him."
The quiet smile froze on Tony's face.
He had misheard these words.
Surely he had misheard them, hadn't he?
He must have misheard them.
"What?", he stammered, completely unable to cope with the situation. The man's intonation was disgustingly patient as if he was explaining it to a child. "It's your choice, Agent DiNozzo. You kill Gibbs or I'll kill Abby. It's all up to you."
Tony blinked while Gibbs' face turned to stone within a second. One moment ago he had been able to read so much in these eyes and now there was just an apathetic mask and he had no idea what he was thinking.
Boss, what am I supposed to do?
He screamed the mute question again and again but he got no reply.
Abby.
Abby.
Abby.
His bat. He saw her right in front of him, slurping her beloved Caf Pow! through a big straw, he saw her scolding major mass spectrometer only to apologize the next second, saw her gesturing enthusiastically with hands and feet, saw how angry she could get if someone other than Gibbs turned off the earsplitting noise in the laboratory. She would die if he didn't do what that crazy bastard was demanding.
But he would never do that, he couldn't. Because he demanded that Tony should shoot the person he owed everything to. Starting with his job leading to the realization of who he was, what formed him as a human being. With one look Gibbs was able to express everything there was to say. The tough marine who showed his care by giving raps on the head, who was obviously only kept alive by coffee and whose door was never closed had earned all of his trust. Honestly, that unchangeable hater of computers who built boats in his basement to relax himself and who was able to sneak up on him in the most inappropriate moments was more than just a superior to him. In all these years he had become something like a father to him.
Abby. Abby or Gibbs. How could he let something happen to anyone of them? They were both part of his family, both of them irreplaceable.
He shook his head, just minimally, and suddenly the pistol in his right hand seemed to be so heavy that he had to use all of his strength not to drop it. Maybe he should just do it. He'd simply have to loosen his fingers and the gun would follow gravity.
Come on, Tony, just open your hand. Just let go.
But he didn't.
"What's your decision?", the voice ripped him out of his stiffness and everything in him told him to end this call. Everything in him wanted to ignore what would happen because of him. He didn't want to hear what his decision would cause. Because no matter what he did, someone would die.
If he just ended the call he could tell himself that none of this had ever happened, he would cover his ears with his hands, close his eyes and everything would be fine.
Come on, Tony, just end the call! End it, end it, end it!
But he didn't.
"Agent DiNozzo, what are you waiting for?"
He could hear the grin. This damned, insidious grin. His breathing was irregular and shallow, he stood there, eyes wide open, holding the gun in one hand, barrel facing the floor. In the other he held the phone, pure derision pouring out of it like deadly poison.
Maybe this was all a test. An inconceivably sick test. Maybe there was no decision to make at all. With trembling fingers he opened the gun's barrel. One single bullet was mockingly laughing at him. Not a test. Definitely. not. a. test.
He just couldn't understand it. Why were they here, how had they ended up in this situation? Who was this all about? Gibbs? Abby? Himself? It was ridiculous.
"Why?", he asked, shaking his head, he just had to have a reason. If he knew the reason he would surely be able to find a solution, a starting point, a possibility to change the caller's mind, something.
"That's none of your business." The sheer finality of the sentence erased all of his hope for a way out. That bastard didn't want to talk, he was playing by his own rules.
Tony glanced down at the pistol in his hand. He couldn't make a decision. He could neither let something happen to Abby nor was he able to shoot Gibbs, that was completely out of question.
He would rather shoot himself. The thought came into his mind out of nowhere and Tony couldn't deny that it had a certain appeal. He wouldn't make this decision and so it wouldn't be in his hands anymore.
"Tony" Gibbs seemed to be able to read his mind, of course he was, he had always been. With one quick step he was with him and grabbed his wrist, held onto it and stopped him from doing the wrong thing. "You won't save her that way."
His voice sounded soft, understanding. Yet there was still something in his eyes that nearly pulled the ground from beneath Tony's feet.
"And you know that you've got to save her", Gibbs said quietly. Tony's eyes shot wide open, he tried to free his wrist from his boss' grip but now the other man used his left hand as support, laid it on the barrel and gave him a nod. "Let go."
"No!", Tony protested harshly, for sure he wouldn't let Gibbs take the pistol as he knew that stubborn man well enough. He could see in his eyes that he would sacrifice himself for Abby and he couldn't let that happen. If his boss thought that he'd have an easy job handling him, he was wrong. Tony too had his abilities.
The phone fell to the ground, unnoticed, as he in turn grabbed Gibbs' wrist. The fighting over the gun felt like an eternity though truthfully it lasted only a few seconds; they stood in front of each other, breathing heavily, each man holding tightly onto the gun, staring at each other in an appraising manner. He hardly held back the feeling of sheer terror. The mere thought of Gibbs not being there caused his heart to frantically stumble in his chest.
"Tony...", Gibbs started with a threatening growl in his voice but Tony wouldn't let him finish.
"No, Gibbs! Forget it! I won't let go, do whatever you want!", he growled back, equally determined. He wanted to say more, wanted to state his point, but in that moment the cold voice reached his ear, coming out of the phone on the ground.
"I'll give you exactly 60 seconds, Agent DiNozzo, then one bullet will leave the barrel."
"DiNozzo." Gibbs demanded all of his attention and turned the pistol around with such strength that Tony couldn't offer any resistance, he turned it until it was facing his own chest. No! He couldn't be serious about that! In panic he opened his mouth, he could feel all color draining from his face.
Tony tried to disarm him once again but the older one didn't give him a chance. The gun was pressed tightly against a point slightly above Gibbs' heart and eyes blue as steel pinned him down.
"DiNozzo, you will hold this team together."
"Boss..." It wasn't more than a croak, he shook his head in disbelief. There was no way he could be serious about that! He couldn't breathe, this had to be a nightmare... there had to be a way to release that pistol from its deadly position!
NotGibbsNotGibbsNotGibbs!
He wasn't able to think of anything else.
"You'll take care of Abby."
A gasp left Tony's throat. "Gibbs, please...", he pleaded, shivering like a young deer, but the other man's voice stayed strong and intransigent.
"And you won't tell anyone about this. You're listening, DiNozzo? Let them search for me, but don't let them find me."
"What?!" Tony pulled at the gun, he would never let go, he couldn't let go anyway. His helplessness tore him apart on the inside. He gritted his teeth as if in pain. With his left hand he tried to loosen Gibbs' hands once again, tried to push him away using his shoulder. He left nothing unattempted, but the other one left no space. He had made his decision and there was nothing Tony could do or say to stop him. Tears gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision. A cut off mixture of an inhale, a scream and a disbelieving gasp left his mouth. He thought that he would fall to his knees, only Gibbs' determined look keeping him upright.
"And how do you imagine that?", it escaped him in a desperate way, his voice getting louder with every word, "How shall I do that?"
Gibbs smiled.
"Lie, Tony. Lie."
Once again he shook his head. He couldn't do that, he couldn't promise it, not that. How could he demand something like this from him? Blinking rapidly against the tears, he could feel that he could only lose that fight too.
"I can't do that...", his voice broke and he would have loved to close his eyes.
"Promise me", Gibbs demanded. One look in Tony's eyes seemed to be answer enough. Gibbs nodded and Tony hated how thankful he looked during that action.
Tony could feel how an index finger was calmly placed above his own trembling one. Fear of what would happen next washed everything else away. The ground beneath him was swaying, trembling, and soon he would break and fall into an endless, deep black hole.
Don't do this to me, he begged mutely though he knew that he couldn't stop it.
"Boss...", he whispered chockingly, one helpless tear leaving his eye, streaming down his cheek, and there was only one thing left to say.
"I... I love you."
"I've looked at his phone's motion profile once again." Abby's white robe was floating back and forth as she walked hectically from one monitor to another. She twisted around, messy pigtails swinging around her neck, she looked directly at Tony and her eyes bored their way into his heart. So many feelings were fighting against each other inside of them: worry, desperation, hope, fear. Dark rings stood under her eyes, the usually accurate makeup was melted after last night where she had once again fallen asleep, exhausted, during work.
"Something's strange about the route he took, Tony, but I don't know what's bothering me so much. I mean, he specifically left the hotel one more time to... to take care of Gibbs-stuff, if we only knew what he wanted to do there... but it looks like he aimlessly walked around Baltimore."
Tony nodded and stared at the screen without really seeing it. Instead he saw himself, walking around the streets with Gibbs' phone to put the others on a wrong track - aimlessly as Abby had seen correctly. As if in trance his legs had just started walking and he hadn't been able to catch one clear thought. Again and again he had heard Gibbs' voice, as if a broken record was playing it.
You won't tell anyone about this. Let them search for me, but don't let them find me.
How had he been able to demand something like that? How could he leave him alone with this pain, the blame and all the hatred? Every breath, every heartbeat, every look into the mirror made him desperate. All the tears he had cried for him he had to hide. Nobody was allowed to see him suffering though it was written all over his face.
"Are you even listening to me?", Abby wanted to know, suddenly standing right in front of Tony, staring deep into his eyes. Startled, he suppressed his thoughts into the back of his mind but she had seen it. Maybe she didn't understand it but she had seen it.
"Tony...", she whispered and tears started to stream down her cheeks, "He'll come back, you hear that?"
The memory strangled him and he held onto the tabletop right behind his back. One by one the fireflies had lost their light when he had finally been able to throw him over the edge, stones weighing down the body. Just like every feeling inside his body the lights had vanished too. Nothing had remained, except the waves losing their constant rhythm for a short moment.
"He's alive!", Abby insisted with a strong voice and held onto his shoulders, shaking him slightly. "He's alive, I... I feel it!"
Tony could see that she was lying. She also knew it, deep inside. Maybe she didn't know every little detail. But she still knew it. She just didn't want to realize it because then her world would shatter just like Tony's.
"Don't look at me that way!", she pleaded, pressed her lips together and even more tears streamed down her face. "It's... it's only been three days since he's disappeared. We're talking about Gibbs, Gibbs always returns, he can't... he just can't..."
Tony wrapped his arms around her, pulled her closer without any words. What should he say? In anger, Abby hammered her fists against Tony's chest, he held her even closer while she was burying her face in his shoulder, sobbing.
"You were there, Tony, you were in the room right next to him, why didn't he take you with him? Why didn't he say anything?"
He shook his head once again and dismissed all the words lying on his tongue. He didn't want to lie anymore. Yes, he had been there. He had been closer to Gibbs than Abby would suppose. He wanted to tell her.
But he couldn't break the last promise he had given to Gibbs. Once again this untamable anger rose inside of him. Since that night three days ago he had been angry the whole time.
Angry at himself because he hadn't able to prevent it. Angry at the caller, of course, at the person who had turned his life completely upside-down, and even angry at Abby because she was the only one that Gibbs would throw away his life for without thinking.
Gibbs.
Most importantly he was angry at him. Never before in his whole life he had hated a person more than that. How could he do this to him? He had held the pistol in his hand, his finger had been laying on the trigger. Gibbs had forced him to pull it and at the same time he had taken away his chance to surrender to the police with his last order. How had he been able to put all that blame on him and at the same time steal every chance of talking about it to someone, of getting it off his chest, of mourning? Why did he force him to live a lie for the rest of his life? How did he dare to order him to let his damn CORPSE disappear? And how did he dare to let the last words Tony would ever hear from him be 'Promise me'? Promise me! What kind of last words were that? These were no last words to give a friend for his way, they were a cursed chuckle, a prison that no person could escape. Hadn't he known how important he was to him?
Tony swallowed hard, swallowed the tears. It was unfair. It was so damn unfair.
For three nights he hadn't slept, hadn't even been able to close his eyes without seeing that image in front of him. Again and again he had asked himself the question of 'why'. Why had he ordered him not to tell the team about what had happened?
Sometime yesterday he had understood it. He had seen Abby's nervous fingers flying over the keyboard and he had suddenly understood that his own feelings of guilt wouldn't disappear when he told them. He would blame himself for the rest of his life for not preventing it. But it would destroy Abby if she knew that Gibbs had done it because of her. What he himself had done.
Should he keep it to himself because of that? To leave a glimpse of hope for her? To spare her this self-hatred Tony felt right now?
Did he really think it would be easier this way? Hadn't he himself seen often enough that the lack of knowledge was way worse than finally getting an answer, even if it was a really gruesome one?
And what Gibbs surely hadn't thought of - or then again maybe he had, fitting his bastard-like behavior - was the point that Tony had no way of putting the man behind the call in front of a court. He had to keep his silence. So he would never make a testimony.
Gibbs hadn't forbidden him to find the man and that's exactly what Tony was trying to do every single second he could miss without drawing attention. He only had a few clues and without the team's help it would take him a long time to catch him.
The bullet casing had given him a partial fingerprint of an index finger, he had also found a footprint in front of Abby's home which might lead to the second culprit. He had checked all the suspects and witnesses of their case in Baltimore one more time. He would see if there was a connection. He might have found the caller's location and the DNA smear test he had taken there would soon be ready. He was analyzing the picture that had been send to him even though connection details of the prepaid phone had been a dead-end, he would find these bastards and then... then he would call them to account without any court. Gibbs had made him a murderer already. So it didn't matter anyway, did it?
"Please talk to me, Tony... why aren't you saying anything? You know it too, don't you? You know that he's alive? Please... Tell me that he's alive..." Abby slowly left his arms, black streaks running down her cheeks to her chin. Her face seemed to be only big green eyes, begging for an answer.
"I don't know", he uttered and asked himself why his voice didn't break into a thousand little pieces while saying that sentence.
"But your heart knows the truth", she whispered pleading. She placed her hand right on the spot the bullet leaving the gun in his hand had entered Gibbs' body.
"What is your heart telling you?"
He closed his eyes. Abby's trembling hand lay warm and soft on his chest.
"My heart..."
My heart is telling me that it would give everything not to know the truth. It's telling me that it's way too much to ask of me to lie; it's telling me that the pain is unbearable, that it's turning crazy and that it wants to stop beating. Maybe it's the sadness or the guilt or the loneliness but, Abby, my heart is telling me that if it would have had a choice, a REAL choice, then it would have chosen Gibbs... and not you.
Tony opened his eyes again, met Abby's pleading gaze. The corners of his mouth lifted into a soft smile and he laid his hand on hers in a soothing manner.
"My heart is telling me that he's alive."
And her green eyes were shining, shining like fireflies above the sea.