PART 1: In the Beginig-Sonikku Hears the Dark Truth
One upon a time there was a dude. His name was Sonikku Hejjihogu. He liked to go fast and eat chili dogs and collect rings while going fast. Sonikku was a cool guy and everybody liked him. Except for Shadough and Dr. Eggbotnik but nobody gives a shit about them. Sonikku fites crime and saves the day with his spinning powers and his GirlFriend amiee and his gay friend talez. Sonikku loves amiee very much but his one true love is talez and they have great bromance.
One day Sonikku and talez were hugging and amiee walked by shaking her head "oh you boys she said" smiling and walking off to go see shadow who she was good-good friends with. Little did Sonikku know amiee was going to cheat on him by slepping with shadough. Only Sonikku was allowed to slepp with amiee! "hold on talez we need to go find out what amiee is doing then we will do the kissus" Sonikku and talez ranned really fast and snuck up on amiee until she was at shadough's house. "okay talez lets go in" they were doing espeonage tactics and hiding and jumping like ninjas all the way to shadough's room. There they found amiee and shadow sitting on the edge of the bed and amiee was crying. "I can't do it shadough this is wrong to Sonikku I really love him but I also love you so I have a conflict and it makes my heart hurt in unhappyness"
"it's okay bby forgit that looser Im better 4 u amiee I can do cool things and buy you stuffs and also I have a car and tons of guns so yeah" shadough hugged her and evanescence was playing in the backround. Amiee suddenly jumped up all excited-like "oh shadough you are such a kind and caring sexy hedgie also last time I was here and we did it I think I am pregnant?"
"oh no!" said shadough sadly and scarredly and happily. "i am 2 young 2 have kid and now i won't be able to hang with the guys and they won't think I'm a cool stud anymore! But that is okay amiee I will take care of our child together with u we will be grate parents"
"ill just tell Sonikku it's his kid so he won't get suspicius and he will be happy and he can take care of it" amiee planned excitedly
"lol gr8 kool kthx" says shadough
Sonikku turned to talez angrily "dammit! That amiee is a nasty hoe! She gave me herpies and now she's giving me a fake baby!? This is bullshit talez we need to stop this!"
"but how do we stop this madness Sonikku?"
"well talez first I need to dump amiee, then I need a coat hanger… but I can't let her know my plan she'll be heartbroke like padme in star wars and then die and her kid will kill me! I will pretend to like her and then I will strike!"
"okay Sonikku but we must get out of here she's going to find us and then shadough will shoot us with his many guns that he has!"
Sonikku and talez ran out just as amiee and shadough were about to kiss. As Sonikku ran tears fell from his eye and he wiped them away by telling himself that he would have to get over amiee at some point. When he got home he watched his favorite anime Narto and ate jelly doughnuts and pocky and chili dogs and practiced kissing with talez while they watched Narto and Draco Balls C. It was a great nite but then they had to get serious and plan revenge.
The next day Sonikku met up with amiee at McSonicalds over burgers and soders and fries and they talked. Sonikku pretended to love amiee. "so amiee were getting pretty serious arnt we?"
"yeah" amiee said shyly
"there's something I need to tell you" Sonikku said getting on the floor and breakdancing.
"oh SOnikku amiee cried sadlylike"
And KNUCKLES! Walked in! all cool like with a leather jacket and a cowboy hat and drinking dr pepper. "yo wassup amiee" he said putting his free arm around her and frenchkissing her check. "what you doin with this blue piece of shit baby"?"
"hey! Sonikku said "what the fuck are are you doing with my amiee!?"
"Sonikku?" Knuckles asked "amiee is my girl you wimp and I'll fight you"
"no we can't fite in McSonicalds they'll kick us out" amiee shouted informative
"shut up bitch let real men figure this out like real men!" Knuckles held up his fists implying fisticuffs
Sonikku and Knuckles fought in McSonicalds throwing tables and food at each other. Sonikku dodged every punch and kick but knuckles could also fly even though he was an echidna so holy shit what the fuck is that about. Sonikku was so fast he kicked KKnuckles in the balls while he was flying and knuckles screamed and fell in pain.
"ha! Fuck you!" Sonikku cheered.
"I don't care, amiee is a filthy hoe and she has stds anyway you can keep her trash ass!" Knuckles got up, put back on his cowboy hat and walked out but not before punching a guy's burger out of his hand in rage. Sonikku frowned for today was not entirely a win. Today Sonikku would realize how difficult life was and hard it was to be just a piece in the machine that is called society and how we fight for silly things. That night Sonikku wrote a novel after seeing his doctor to see if he had stds. He called the novel "The Never-ending struggle: how Sonikku saved the day" and it won tons of Oscars and emmies and gram crackers and he didn't have aids after all.
I wrote this a couple years ago.