Be Alright
A Haikyuu! FanFiction: OiKage breakup Fic with a little KageHina at the end, based on the song "Be Alright" by, Dean Lewis.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Haikyuu! or the lyrics used from the song.
Kageyama walked into the dark apartment, setting his bag down at the door with a frown. The faint scent of cigarettes filled the room and there was a chill that prickled along his skin as he slipped off his coat, like a window was open. He knew that his boyfriend must be home, he should be off work now and though he might not seem like it to others, Oikawa was responsible. He would never leave the window open when he wasn't in the apartment.
"I'm home," he called out. "Did Bokuto and Kuroo come over? I can still smell the smoke."
Kneeling down, he untied his right shoe then his left before he heard the soft footfalls of someone approaching. Looking up from the ground, he saw Oikawa wearing sweats and a loose t-shirt. Though the light was dim, Kageyama could see the glimmer of tears in his boyfriend's sad eyes. When their eyes met Oikawa looked away and Kageyama could tell there was something he was trying to hide.
Furrowing his brows, Kageyama stood up. "Tōru?" he asked, reaching out for his hand to find his skin was cold to the touch before Oikawa pulled it away, folding his arms over his stomach as he looked away.
Kageyama watched Oikawa, concerned, and wondered what was on his mind. Everything had been fine this morning when Oikawa had left for work. He had given him a kiss goodbye and said that he would see him tonight, knowing with their conflicting schedules they wouldn't see each other until late that evening. But now, something just wasn't right.
"Tobio...I made a dumb mistake." He began to tremble as he held back a fresh wave of tears and his voice broke. "The cigarettes on the counter aren't from Kuroo and Bokuto… They are from Iwaizumi…" Kageyama looked up, surprised to hear him mention his friend's name, and watched, stunned, as he could feel the color draining from his face.
Time seemed to stand still in that moment as Kageyama took everything in. The guarded way that Oikawa held himself, the rumpled appearance of his hair and clothes. Iwaizumi was always friendly with Oikawa but it was nothing out of the ordinary and he had never spent time alone with him before, so why would he suddenly come to see him on a night that he knew Kageyama was working a double shift?
His heart raced and he felt like the breath was sucked out of him as Oikawa looked back up at him and the guilt and sadness on his face made his stomach feel like lead. "Why was Iwaizumi here…" But he didn't have to ask. They both knew what had happened, it was very clear.
"Tobio you have to listen, I didn't mean to. It just…"
"Just what?" Both of them were surprised with how calm his voice remained. Kageyama didn't yell, he didn't glare or throw anything, he just simply looked down at the man he loved, feeling empty inside.
"I'm so sorry." Oikawa put a hand over his face as his shoulders started shaking more. Kageyama wanted to feel bad, he wanted to comfort him and talk about what happened, but he couldn't. He couldn't handle any of this right now. So instead, he grabbed his jacket and walked back out the door, not bothering to tie his shoes back up as he walked down the hall, ignoring Oikawa calling out to him from the doorway.
Sitting at the table in Sugawara's living room, Kageyama held a beer in one hand and his phone in the other, staring down as he let yet another one of Oikawa's calls go to voicemail. He closed his eyes, and let his head fall back as another aching pain filled his chest at the memory of what had happened just a few hours ago.
He opened his eyes as he felt the cushion shift and Sugawara joined him on the couch. Watching Kageyama with a worried expression, he sighed. "Kageyama, I know you love him, but it's over."
Kageyama could feel his expression harden as he clenched his fist. "But why? I don't understand why Iwaizumi would… why Tōru would..." He couldn't finish his sentence as his voice caught in his throat. He could feel his eyes starting to sting because he refused to let the tears fall.
"It doesn't matter, put the phone away." He reached over, taking the phone gently out of Kageyama's hand, and set it face down on the coffee table in front of them. "It's never easy to walk away."
"I don't want to just walk away," Kageyama countered, feeling his frustration growing and his hands begin to shake. "Why did this have to happen...I trusted him. Tōru, he was…"
"Let him go." Sugawara spoke softly as he reached out, putting his hand on Kageyama's leg gently. "It'll be alright."
At those words Kageyama felt himself break and everything that he had been holding back overflowed. Setting the beer on the coffee table, the tears finally began to fall as he folded over and let it all out with heart-wrenching sobs as his friend put an arm around his shoulders and quietly comforted him.
The next morning, as Kageyama made his way back to the apartment, he found himself looking back at all the messages Oikawa had sent yesterday. After what had happened he found himself questioning everything. He knew it wasn't right but it was messing with his head.
When he entered the apartment he found Oikawa sitting in the living room waiting for him. His emotions were so conflicted. On one hand, he just wanted to yell and scream, just be furious at Oikawa for what he had done. But on the other hand, he just felt too drained to dredge up those kinds of emotions. He didn't want things to end, he didn't want their past to be deleted and just be gone.
"Tobio, you're back." Oikawa's voice was weak as he looked up and met his boyfriend's eyes.
"I'm back," Kageyama replied as he slipped off his coat and shoes before making his way over, kneeling in front of Oikawa and watching his face as they both seemed unable to speak. Kageyama's eyes searched Oikawa's face as if he would be able to read it and understand everything if he just looked hard enough. But no matter how hard he tried he got no answers.
When the silence became too much to bear a few tears slipped down Oikawa's cheeks as he looked away. Kageyama reached up, his long fingers gently caressing Oikawa's cheek and his thumb wiping away the tear. That was when he knew. He could tell that Oikawa was moving on. He wasn't crying because he had hurt Kageyama, even though he felt awful. He was crying because he knew deep down that their relationship wasn't what he wanted anymore.
"I'm sorry," Oikawa whispered. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I… I didn't mean to betray you."
With a frustrated sigh, Kageyama pulled his hand away and stood up. "It's not the fact that you kissed him yesterday, it's…" He stumbled over his words feeling the hurt and frustration turn to anger as his mind and heart fought to make sense of the emotions that were running through him. "It's the feeling of betrayal that I just can't seem to shake."
Oikawa looked down, knowing he deserved the anger that Kageyama was expressing and feeling horrible for what he had done, even if part of him had a hard time regretting what he had done. He truly hadn't meant to hurt Kageyama in the process.
"So what happens now?" Oikawa's voice was soft, not sure if he was prepared for what the answer would be, even if in the end he was okay with it.
Sticking his hands in his pockets, Kageyama glared at the floor. Everything he knew led him to only one conclusion. "I should walk away." But despite his words his heart hammered painfully in his chest. But I just wanna stay.
They decided it was best to end things, and Kageyama had moved his stuff out of the apartment that afternoon. A few of his friends had come to help, and after everything, they could tell that he needed to go out and forget his troubles.
Sitting at the bar in a pub owned by one of his friends, the owner handed him a drink before leaning over the counter to pat his shoulder sympathetically. "I know you love him, but it's over man," Tanaka said, squeezing his shoulder in a friendly manner.
"I didn't want it to end…" Kageyama looked down at his phone on the counter, the lock screen a picture of him with his arms around Oikawa as they both smiled, Oikawa making a silly face and holding up two fingers to make a victory sign.
"It doesn't matter!" Nishinoya said bluntly as he reached over and took the phone, putting it in his own pocket. "Let's just put the phone away."
Annoyed, he reached to take the phone back but found his hand stopped as Asahi grabbed his wrist gently restricting him. The brunette looked at him with soft eyes and a sympathetic smile before releasing his grip. "It's never easy to walk away."
Sugawara hummed in agreement from behind Kageyama as he put an arm around him, reaching his other hand up to gently stroke Kageyama's hair. "I know I said this already, but just let him go. It'll be okay." It was only then that Kageyama realized that he had tears staining his cheeks and that his shoulders were starting to shake as he resisted the urge to sob. Sugawara wrapped both arms around him in a comforting hug. "It's gonna hurt for a bit of time."
"It will," Tanaka agreed. "So bottoms up! Let's forget tonight!" he tried to cheer in hopes of helping to lift their friends' spirits, even just a little.
"You'll find another and you'll be just fine," Asahi encouraged as Tanaka poured fresh drinks for the five of them.
"Let him go," Sugawara whispered, squeezing Kageyama one last time before he let go and took his seat on his left.
Kageyama downed his drink in one go, determined that he would not remember tonight, just like Tanaka had suggested. He just wanted to forget everything and wash away all these horrible emotions in a pit of liquor, until he felt nothing at all.
But nothing heals the past like time.
Kageyama had a long road ahead of him, and only time would heal the wounds he was left with. Everything felt so empty without Oikawa around. It was hard to find meaning anymore. He went to work, came home, slept; nothing in his routine really changed but his life was so colorless and dark. His new apartment felt lifeless, and though his friends were there for him, he couldn't seem to shake away the grief that surrounded him.
People kept telling him that he would move on, they would say "They can't steal the love you're born to find." But in those first few months Kageyama had a hard time seeing how any of that could be true. He couldn't picture himself with anyone but Oikawa, he had loved Oikawa for so long that his existence had seemed to revolve around him. And now that he was gone, Kageyama didn't know what the meaning of his existence was.
But nothing heals the past like time, and after the first few months, he finally started to feel like some of his life was returning to him. Like coming up from under the water after holding his breath for too long, he woke up one day and suddenly he was breathing again. The breathing was hard, and painful, but he was no longer drowning. And the longer that he held his head above water the easier it got.
By the time six months had passed, he felt like things were finally turning around. He could walk past their old apartment without feeling like his stomach was turning to lead. And he could laugh with his friends sincerely. Sometimes he would even go for days without thinking about Oikawa and what they'd had.
And they can't steal the love you're born to find.
Kageyama was walking down the street, heading home early from work. It had been a good but long day and he was looking forward to going home and relaxing when he saw something that made him stop in his tracks. Coming out of a cafe across the street he saw Oikawa and his heart tightened a little. It had been months since he had last seen him and he had forgotten how hurt and angry it made him.
He watched as Oikawa turned back and smiled at a second man coming out of the cafe holding a bag of food in his hands and he felt his gut twist even more as Iwaizumi joined Oikawa and put an arm around him.
Kageyama looked away, shaking his head, and closed his eyes, trying to refocus. He wouldn't let this ruin all the progress he had made. He tried to focus on all the things his friends had said to him over the past six months that had helped him get to where he was now.
I know you love him but it's over.
It doesn't matter, put the phone away.
It's never easy to walk away.
Let him go.
It'll be okay.
Kageyama took a deep breath as he felt the peace of mind start to return to him and his head came back up out of the water allowing him to breath again.
It's gonna hurt for a bit of time.
So bottoms up let's forget tonight.
You'll find another and you'll be just fine.
Let him go.
It'll be alright.
"Look out!" a voice called, startling him out of his thoughts suddenly. When he looked over to see where the sound had come from, he only had time to register that a bicyclist was barreling towards him out of control before both the bike and rider slammed into him, sending them both into the flowers and bushes outside the corner shop where he had been standing.
"Ow! What the hell you dumbass! Watch what you are doing!" Kageyama groaned. Looking over at the bush next to him, he got a glimpse of a small man with bright orange hair tangled up among the branches. With scratches all over his face and arms, and leaves in his hair he somehow still managed a sheepish grin.
"So sorry!" He looked over at Kageyama with concern. "Are you alright?"
It'll be alright.
Kageyama's world exploded into color and a warmth engulfed him that he hadn't felt in a long time. He didn't know what it was about this stranger that made him feel this way but suddenly his heart was pumping and everything around them seemed so bright.
"Yeah… No thanks to you," he grumbled, trying to hide his embarrassment as the pair climbed out of the bushes, both dusting off the leaves and dirt that covered them. A crowd was starting to gather as pedestrians who saw the accident came to make sure they were not seriously injured.
"I said I was sorry, didn't I?" the man said with almost a pout as he walked over to inspect his bike. It didn't look good and the damage was enough that he wouldn't be riding the bike any time soon. "Aww man… this is going to cost a fortune." He sighed.
Kageyama looked over the bike with its bent frame and mangled front tire and had to wince a little. "You are probably better off just getting a new bike."
The orange haired man's shoulders slumped forward as he frowned at the offending hunk of metal, contemplating the ramifications of the accident. Finally, after a moment, he let out a puff of air and stood up straighter. "It'll be alright." He smiled, looking back at Kageyama who tried his best not to look completely bewildered at how bright his smile was. "Sorry again for any trouble I caused you."
He watched him, fascinated, for a long moment. He wasn't sure how long he was standing there just staring intently down at him. Something about him was just so comforting, which made no sense. This little ball of hot air had run him over with his bike, sending him flying into bushes. This would normally cause him to be furious but he was calm.
"Hey? Are you okay? You didn't hit your head did you?" the man asked, sounding almost panicked. "Do we need to call an ambulance? Ah, I am so sorry!"
Then Kageyama laughed. Truely, deeply laughed and something that had been locked up inside him was set free at that moment. "I'm fine," he reassured the fussing man to get him to calm down. "It'll be alright."
And he smiled to himself because he knew it was true. It'll be alright.