Forgotten
After nearly freezing to death and having had dreams of her childhood, Iduna was glad to still be alive and that the Trolls found her. She was still on a mission after all. "What are you doing out here, dear?" Asked Bulda worried. "It's too cold for humans." No kidding...if she didn't find this cave she would've been an icicle right now.
"I was looking for you." Said Iduna, looking at Pabbie. "I want you to make me forget Agnarr." The Trolls all gasped in shock about her request.
But it was again Bulda who talked. "But why? Did you forget what we told you? You'll marry and have two daughters..."
"Stop that!" Iduna yelled frustrated. "Stop. I don't believe anything you say! Agnarr has to marry a princess! That's what the council wants. And I know I can't stand there and let it happen." She just knew it. Seeing Agnarr with someone else would break her beyond repair. "I want to forget. We knew our charade needed to stop eventually. This secret relationship of ours meant nothing!" Liar. She was a liar. This relationship with Agnarr meant everything to her. But it's because of this that they needed to stop right now! The king and princess of Vassar will come here and maybe she'll be the one Agnarr will marry. Or he'll entertain countless princesses till he found the one. It could never be her. "Please, just let me forget!"
The Troll's looked at each other worried, but in this moment Iduna really didn't care. It's her decision after all. "Is this really what you want?" Asked Pabbie worried.
"Yes. Please." The old Troll looked into her eyes for a few seconds, before giving in.
"Okay..." Bulda and the other trolls weren't very happy about it though and started arguing. But Pabbie told them that if Iduna was sure, they shouldn't stop her. At least someone was on her side. They fell silent as Pabbie came closer to her. "I can remove the memories of him in your head, but not in your heart." Yeah, she remembered what he once said to the ice harvester that day..."It's still going to hurt, like a phantom pain but you won't know why. And if you see him it will only get worse." He warned her. She knew the risks. But this was the only choice.
"I know. It's okay, though. We both need to move on. I'm just taking the first step." A drastic step. But what else was she supposed to do? They will get hurt eventually, so not forgetting him will only delay the inevitable.
"It can be possible that your heart makes you remember if you're confronted with too many memories..." He kept warning her and Iduna tried not to roll her eyes at that.
"Agnarr won't come to my place, I'm sure. He thinks I'm gone for good. And even if, he'll back off once he sees I can't remember. This is the only way for us to have a happy ending." Iduna argued, ignoring the worried looks from the Trolls.
Pabbie sighed and took a step closer to her. "Okay...come closer." Iduna leaned down for Pabbie to put his stony hand on her forehead. She closed her eyes and already felt the changes. Something's being removed from her memories. Instead of all the memories where she hung out with her best friend, she only remembered being all alone. As soon as Pabbie was done, Iduna felt a weird pang of loss in her heart. It hurt. She's never experienced this kind of pain before.
The girl opened her eyes and looked around the group of Trolls. "What...am I doing here?" She asked, trying to remember why she left her home and was now in a cave with the Trolls she once encountered.
"You got lost." Said Pabbie with a sad voice. "We found you in time."
Iduna had no other choice but to believe him. She did remember going out of Arendelle in a hurry, but she couldn't remember the reason for it. "I see. Thanks for your help."
The old Troll nodded. "You're welcome. Now go home, before another snow storm comes."
At his words, Iduna grabbed her belongings and got on her wobbly feet. "Yeah...thank you." And with that said, she left the little cave and made her way back to Arendelle.
A few days later Lord Peterssen came to her house, to tell her the people will be asked questions, even about their past. Not good for someone trying to keep her past a secret. He reminded her to keep her secret at all cost, but when he mentioned someone called Agnarr, his voice was all but some background noises.
The pang she felt in her heart when she talked with the Trolls returned. She had no idea who this Agnarr was, but just at the mention of his name her heart beat faster. Painfully fast. As if it wanted to jump right out and go to this guy. "Iduna, are you listening?" Peterssen's question brought her back to reality.
"Yes." She answered immediately, maybe too fast. "Yes, don't worry, I'll keep my secret."
"That's not what I was asking you." He said, frowning. It was very obvious that she didn't listen to him and there only a 50/50 chance she'll guess right.
"Sorry. But don't worry, okay? Nothing bad will happen, I promise."
Peterssen sighed, but it seemed like he's letting it go. "Okay. Be careful."
"Always." She promised and followed him to the door. When he stepped out, she closed the door behind him and started pacing around her house.
Who was this Agnarr guy? Why was her heart beating so fast at the mention of a stranger's name? And why did she care so much? This was very frustrating...Though, she didn't have enough time to think about it, as someone knocked on the door. Did Peterssen forget something? But as she opened the door, she immediately saw that it wasn't Peterssen. It was another guy dressed in black and a hat pulled down to hide his eyes.
Iduna frowned at the stranger. Was this one of the guys Peterssen warned her about? Will he ask her out all kinds of things now? "We need to talk." He said in a commanding done and just waltzed into her house like it was no big deal. His tone already sparked some annoyance in her, but him just walking in was too much. That voice though...She closed the door as soon as he stepped in and when she got a closer look on his face, her heart skipped a beat. Or two. Maybe a lot more. Actually, she felt like getting a heart attack. Although she didn't know why. And then there's was this weird longing...Why would she react like that to a stranger?
"Excuse me?" Iduna glared at him, annoyed beyond believe. Not just about the fact he's behaving but also her reaction to this random guy.
He turned to and took off his head, revealing his strawberry blonde hair. And for some reason Iduna felt the need to run her fingers through this mess. Then his eyes became gentler, making her heart skip once again. "I need to talk with you."
The brunette tried to not let her emotions show on her face. "How about you tell me who you are and why you're just walking into people's houses like that?!"
The man frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"What I'm talking about? You just went into my house like you own it and I'm not okay with that obviously! Who do you think you are?!" His words visibly hurt him. He looked at her in complete shock, the hurt in his eyes was unbearable to look at. Something tugged at her heart, like she could feel his pain.
"You're kidding me...right?" He asked, there was still some hope in his voice. But she really had no idea that he was talking about.
"Do I look like I'm making jokes here?"
His expression became desperate and that tugged at her heart strings again. "You...really don't know who I am?" He asked, searching her face for something. What, she didn't know.
"No. I just told you, didn't I?" Despite the weird feelings she had and the stronger they became the longer he stayed here, he was still very annoying. He was still not telling her who on earth he was, but at the same time something in her told her she already knew him. But that couldn't be.
The man kept looking at her like this for a minute, or two. Still desperately searching for something. "Did you go to the trolls?" He asked eventually. A weird change of topic.
"You know the trolls?" She asked back, thinking back how she found a map in the castle after her lesson and went to their home. She wasn't quite sure what made her go there. In fact, she didn't remember what she's been talking about with them. Only that she was there alone, spoke with them and then returned to Arendelle. There was a big chunk of her memories missing there...How long has it been since she went there?
She didn't have time to think about it, though, as the stranger stepped closer to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Iduna, please don't tell me..."
The young woman frowned. Right, how did he even know her name? What kind of guy was he. "How do you know my name? Can you just tell me who you are?"
He looked broken now. Completely broken. And were there...tears in his eyes? Iduna felt her heart being cut in two in this instant. There was a strange longing to hold him. To...kiss him. Of course she did none of that. "I'm Agnarr." He finally said. So this was the guy Peterssen was taking about.
"Agnarr..." She mumbled, trying out how it sounded. And it sounded very familiar. Felt familiar on her tongue. But that only raised more questions.
"We're best friends..." He continued, his grip on her shoulders tightened slightly. "We've been together since we were kids. We have a relationship." Iduna frowned, not remembering any of that. One of them was definitely crazy here. "Did you go to the trolls to forget?"
She thought back to the day where she found them. Right, there was an ice harvester who wanted to forget about her husband. And she went to the trolls because...why? There was something she wanted from them. And then this snow storm happened. And she almost died out there. The next day the trolls found her and...told her to go back. There was something missing again.
Iduna was quiet the whole time, trying to put her memories in order and that seemed to confirm his suspicion. "Iduna, why did you do this?" It looked like he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. There was that pull again. The longing. The urge to whipe his tears away and calm him. "I know I've been a jerk back in the castle...and I'm sorry! I really am! But going to the trolls...I just wanted to protect you. I know I shouldn't have said what I said, but I just wanted you to stay with me."
Thinking back, she remembered being in the castle. Something was annoying her. Was it something Peterssen said? No...Agnarr said it was something he said. But she couldn't remember him being in the castle. She couldn't remember him at all.
So he was either just a crazy person, or what he said was true. That they actually knew each other since forever and that she went to the trolls to forget. But why would she do that? If these weird feelings in her heart were true as well, then why did she throw it away like that? "Why were you at the castle?" Agnarr looked like he expected this question from her, but it didn't make him look any less hurt.
"Well...I'm the prince." At that her eyes widened. She was best friends with the prince?! Had a relationship with the prince?! What kind of relationship anyway? Platonic? Romantic? Well, the was he looked at her and the way her heart hurt, she could guess it was romantic. But how on earth did she do all this? And now that she thought about it...As a citizen of Arendelle she should know the prince, but she couldn't remember anything at all. "Iduna...please give me another chance. Come with me to the castle, maybe it can help you remember."
Hope made it's way in his eyes, but..."No." In mere seconds the hope in his eyes vanished without a trace and the familiar desperation and hurt came back.
"No...?"
Iduna had to turn away from him, before her body did anything she'd regret. "Look...Whatever happened...I surely had a valid reason to forget. Whether is was for your sake, or mine...I don't know. But I surely thought it's something that had to be done."
"Iduna—"
"Please." She interrupted him harshly. "Please leave."
They both stood there for a minute —or two— in silence. Iduna just waited for him to leave, her back still turned to him. And he...Maybe he was thinking about how to convince her, what things he had to do to make her come with him and remember again. But then she heard him sigh. "Iduna..." She waited for him to continue, but it could be that he didn't know how to say it. "I'm sorry, I can't and don't want to forget." He finally said after another silent minute. "I don't want to give up on you just yet. I can't. But I'll respect your decision for now. I'll uh...give you some time. But I'll be back. Please think about it...I can't live without you, Iduna. You're my light..."
His speech brought tears into her eyes. It made her think why she chose to forget if she knew all that...And at his last words, she felt the need to tell him that he's her life, but she bit back the words. Now where did that come from? He sighed at her silence and then slowly walked towards the door. "Agnarr!" They were both surprised at her outburst. He stopped at and looked at her. There it was again. The hope. Iduna bit her lower lip to prevent herself from saying anything stupid and quickly turned away from him again. "N-nothing!"
"Okay...See you later." And with that he left her house. As soon as the door closed her legs gave away and she fell on her butt. She took a deep breath, but it felt like she couldn't get enough. As if she was unable to breath now with him gone. And why did she hold him back? Well now she had the time to think about it. It really made her curious why she decided to forget. When they were so in love...had a great relationship...But he was a prince. Surely their relationship was forbidden. Was that the reason? Because she knew she could never move on? It kinda made sense in a way. But the pain, the loss, the longing, everything was still in her heart. Even her body reacted on its own. Why couldn't they all just listen to her mind and forget?
But what was worse? Being hurt and knowing exactly why or be oblivious? She didn't know. Should she let him try to regain her memories or should she stay away like she obviously planned to do? Some big decisions needed to be made.
Just like Agnarr promised, he gave her some time to think about everything. But still, when they saw each other Iduna then she hasn't decided yet. But he came with an okay solution. "Listen...How about you come with me to the castle. Go to the places we've always been. And if it's too much for you...if you really...Don't want to remember...and don't want to stay with me...I'll accept that."
"Yeah...we can do that." And there it was again. His hope. She didn't like that at all. Really, she hated having to crush his hopes over and over again.
"Okay." Iduna saw he was trying to hold back his enthusiasm. He looked like he wanted to drag her right into the castle and do his damn best to make her remember. But that's still a thing she'll decide later that day. The walk to the castle was already engraved into her brain, so were all her favorite places inside. But something was pulling her into the library. Well, she did love it there, but there was something else. Agnarr followed her close behind and didn't say anything. He just let her do her thing.
She stopped by the statue of Nokk and activated with it the secret from to another part of the library. Where mostly books about magic and folklore and blueprints hid away from the world. Iduna remembered having found this place by accident. By...running around the library all alone? No, something was missing. She guess Agnarr must've been there with her. "So you remember the secret library." Agnarr's voice pulled her out of her thoughts. "We found it together." Just as she expected. Iduna walked through the into the secret library, Agnarr followed close behind. She remembered having spent a lot of time here. Alone. But they were all so blurry that she had no idea what she did here all this time. "We had our first kiss here." He continued, when he saw her frown. "We spent lots if time here together. Hiding our relationship from everyone..."
Iduna decided to say nothing, just take everything in. And then she walked out again. There was another important place for her. She heard Agnarr's steps right behind her, trying to catch up when she started running at some point. The brunette led them outside to a big tree. And without a second thought, she started climbing on it. Then she chose a branch high up and sat on it. It's just like the library. She remembered everything about it, but obviously not about Agnarr. Though, when she looked down to see him climbing up as well..she suddenly remembered a boy trying the same but failing. He couldn't even get to the first branch and she always laughed at him for being so bad at climbing. "You couldn't climb when you were a kid." She said, since he was close enough to hear her mumbling.
The prince looked at her in surprise, before nodding his head. "That's right. You taught me how to climb." She was already starting to remember again, but did she even want that? Once Agnarr said next to her on the same branch, she spoke again. "I was thinking..." The blonde just looked at her in silence and waited for her next words. "You're a prince. I don't think a prince is allowed to be with a commoner."
He nodded and looked away. "Yeah...that's why we kept it a secret." Just as she thought. That was the reason she forgot. For sure!
"Then you know having a secret relationship wouldn't last." Iduna caught him biting his lower lip. She was right. "That's the reason I went to the trolls then. I'm sure. Maybe you do the same. Move on."
His reaction was immediate. "No!" He practically screamed, turning back to her and gripping her shoulders. "I don't want to move on! And even if, you'd still be in my heart forever. Just like I'm still in yours. Right?" He was right. But it didn't change their situation.
"What else do you want to do then?" She asked, looking away from him. "This is better than..."
"It's not! Forgetting or moving on from my true love is not an option." Okay, she admitted it, he was extremely cute. And a dork.
"So what do you want to do?" That was still the question in the room. For Iduna there was nothing they could do. Hence her drastic decision to forget. It wasn't the best idea, though since now the memories slowly returned again...
"Whatever it takes." He said, looking at her with such a determination that said he'll sacrifice anything. "Look, if the council doesn't want this, then so what? I'm gonna be king, I can marry whoever I want, right? If there's a law for me to marry a princess then I'll change that! I can do that, right? If nothing works then...Well, if they don't want you to be my queen...then maybe I don't want to be king."
Iduna blinked at his speech. He's really gonna fight the council, bend laws and refuses to be king just for...her? This brought back more more memories of him joking around to change laws and making new ones. "Well...you wanted to annihilate meetings altogether, right?"
At that he grinned at her brightly. He was obviously beyond happy that her memories returned. "Exactly!" His grin was as bright as the sun, blinding her. Iduna's body moved on its own again. Before she even realized what she's doing, she kissed him already. She felt his surprise —just like the very first time they kissed— before hastily returning it. Agnarr was pouring all his love into this kiss and all the memories of him, all the kisses they secretly share came flooding back like a dam was broken.
When they pulled apart to breath, she saw him with different eyes. "Agnarr..." The prince tilted his head and waited for her to continue. Iduna gave him a playful glare and shoved him gently away. "You're terrible! You made me remember everything!" She teased, it wasn't very effective. Agnarr pulled her into a tight hug and told her many, many times how happy he was that she remembered and made her promises that he won't hurt her ever again and that they'll stay together forever from now on. The troll's magic wasn't very consistent when confronted with the memories...
When he was done with his rambling, he pulled back slightly. "Sadly I can't call off the ball next week...The King of Vassar and his daughter will come here."
"I see."
"I want to invite you to that ball. I'm sure Peterssen will want me to dance with her and all that...But I'll tell them that I'm not interested in her. My heart belongs to you." Would it be such a good idea for her to go to that ball? Seeing Agnarr dance with a perfect princess? "Hey, stop that." He pulled her from her thoughts immediately. Iduna looked up at his eyes, he looked angry. "I know what you're thinking. Stop that. You're better than some princess. Whatever happens, I'd only choose you."
His words warmed her heart. Gone was the pain from before. There was only warmth left.