A/N: another one based off of fletcher's songs. all love breaks me every time i listen to it.

tags: angst, heartbreak, jealousy, law x bonney, past lawlu

hate the feeling, but it's all love

Luffy wants to disappear into the floor.

He feels his stomach constrict with pain as he blatantly ignores the scene beside him, instead focusing on his rum and coke. Maybe if he just pretends he doesn't see it, Law would pretend he doesn't see him. But damn it, life doesn't work so perfectly. Law manages to catch his sly glances and gives him a small smile. The fucker.

He knows Luffy's a sucker for his smiles, and he did it anyway, just to what, get under his skin? Luffy wasn't the one who broke up with him- what the hell would Law even gain by making him jealous? Unless that was just the sadist in him.

If it was, then it worked.

"Hey, Luffy," he greets in his deep, sultry voice, slightly warmed from the alcohol in his system. "How've you been?"

The younger man glares at him as best as he could, clutching his glass harder in his hands, heart hammering in his chest. "I'm doing fine," he grits. It's the worst fucking lie he's ever told, but Law rolls with it, and flashes an even bigger smile at him. Luffy begins to panic, cheeks blossoming with red, looking away. Law's partner gives him a strange look, and Luffy chews on his lower lip worriedly.

He can't help it. Law was so incredibly handsome.

"That's good," Law says, paying no attention to Luffy's inner turmoil. He never did.

Law turns to his new partner, rubbing her back affectionately. "Bonney, meet Luffy." He nods over to him. "Luffy, Bonney."

Luffy can't do this.

He downs an angry swallow of his drink and slams the glass back down on the table. "Hello Bonney," he deadpans as lifelessly as he can.

Law's looking at him weirdly, as if questioning his irritation, but fuck him, and fuck Bonney. They don't have the slightest idea what he's feeling right now. The jealousy is there, fuck is it there, but it's also the pain of having a broken heart. Everything aches down to his bones, and his mind swims with it.

Bonney swirls her drink and tilts her head in this endearing way, painted lips quirking up in a smile. "Nice to meet you too, Luffy."

Fuck, she's nice, too.

"She's also a doctor," Law practically gushes, leaning close to her to plant a kiss on her neck with that look in his eyes. He does it right in front of him, and it kinda makes Luffy wanna die. "She takes care of anyone, from kids to the elderly."

"Oh Law," she giggles, pushing him away, "stop it!"

Trying to find a fault with the woman was becoming an increasingly difficult task. Drunkenness aside, he genuinely couldn't find a reason as to why he should break up with her and get back with him. She was kind, smart, had money, and was prettier than he could ever be.

Luffy frowns. He needs another drink.

"Hey Luffy, slow down," Law murmurs, liquid trailing down his neck he's consuming so much at once, "you're gonna drink yourself sick."

Luffy sets the glass down with a shuddering inhale. "No. I need the novocaine."

Law's brows crawl to the ceiling. "You know what novocaine is?"

Yeah, you taught me, remember? Back when you were helping me study for my exams.

"Yeah," he goes with, closing his eyes and begging the memory to stay buried. But his mind doesn't listen to him, the drunken fool it was, and it rolls the clip anyway. Law had been so gentle, so patient with him despite his glaring stupidity. He helped him study that night and he ended up getting an A on the exam the next day. They had celebrated the achievement with drinks and a round or three of heated lovemaking.

Fuck.

Luffy partakes of even more of his drink, and the buzz is so good it almost numbs the heartbreak. "Yeah," he repeats. "You taught me, remember?"

Law makes a face. "I don't."

Luffy snorts ruefully. "Of course you don't."

"Luffy-"

"So," Bonney clasps her hands together, breaking the obvious tension between them, "how do you two know each other?"

Luffy looks at Law then, and Law's looking at him, as if debating what to say. Luffy knows he's blushing under his stare, but fuck, he can't help it. He gets transported back to where they first met, back when they were friends on the lower east. They had the worst kind of first impression, sharing lines of coke on the floor of some house party. But they ended up exchanging numbers that night, and when they met again, they had the best fucking sex he's ever had to date. Of course, it paled in comparison to the times they shared afterwards, but it was still special to him. It was their first time.

And then there were the memories of all the times they had together. Him just lounging on Law's couch, head in his lap as they watched mindless movies on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Laughing with their friends at some joke Luffy told, and Law would just let go, he's so relaxed, he's so at ease. The late night taxi cabs they would share coming back from a bar, drunk as fuck but cuddled into each other like they would freeze to death if they didn't do otherwise. The way they would dance in the middle of clubs— they weren't good by a long shot, but just being in each other's space was enough. Then after the song was over, Law would pull him in for a kiss, and everything would seem perfect in that moment. Everything was perfect.

Until Law broke up with him.

And Luffy, the lovestruck fool he was, was supposed to what? Just forget about the past? Is that how he was supposed to cope?

"He's an old friend," Law settles with, and a part of him passes away. Was that all that a year of shared memories constituted to?

Luffy barks out a disbelieving laugh, silently hoping the harsh sting of tears fades away from his eyes. "Let's go with that. Old friends."

Law seems to get the edge to his tone, and he narrows his eyes at him, daring him to say another word.

Bonney looks between them for a second longer. "Well, should I leave you two to catch up? You've both been looking at each other when you think the other hasn't been looking."

What did she mean, looking when the other wasn't looking? Was Law..?

No.

"Intuitive, too," Luffy slurs, tongue loosened from the alcohol. "Looks like you've found yourself a keeper."

Bonney stands, a little uncomfortable. "I'm going to go to the bathroom."

"Take your time, sweetie," Law says, gaze not leaving Luffy's for a second.

Bonney nods and scurries away, as though eager to leave them to themselves. As soon as she's out of earshot, Luffy huffs out a breath.

"Bonney, huh?"

"Luffy, I-"

"You don't have to explain yourself, you know," he says, frowning. "I don't care."

"No, that's not what I was going to say," Law defends himself. "I wanted to ask if you could keep us under wraps? I haven't told her about you and I want to keep it that way."

Something about that makes Luffy break. "So I'm a secret now?"

"In Bonney's presence, yes," Law spells it out like its elementary, "you are."

Law might as well have slapped him. How could he be so cruel, so heartless?

"Did that year mean nothing to you?" Luffy wonders, choking up on his tears that shouldn't fucking be there, damn it. "Did you ever really-"

"Stop," Law hisses. His expression hardens, and his eyes slide over to the womens' bathroom door. "I don't want to talk about this, Luffy. Listen-"

"And why the fuck should I do that?" Luffy raises his glass to his lips but Law's wrist catches his. It burns, damn does it burn where Law touches him, that touch he's so familiar with, and Luffy actually shivers as it slowly guides the alcohol back down to the table.

"Just don't talk about us," Law stresses, pleading with him through his eyes. "Please."

Luffy's weak for that golden gaze, and he knows Law knows it. So he can't help himself. Law is absolutely gorgeous. Breathtaking, striking, stunning. Nothing in the world could've stopped him from leaning forward, completely relaxed, falling back into their old routine. His lips find Law's, and it's fireworks because Law doesn't pull away.

He doesn't pull away.

He's absolutely fucking still as Luffy kisses him drunkenly, lips sliding over his, chastise in execution but vulgar in implication. His hands come to the sides of his head, almost begging as he tilts his head to kiss deeper, but Law's lips are pursed against his, and he's as still as a statue. Luffy crumbles within, and the tears finally spill over as Law finally, finally pushes him away, as though coming back to his senses. At least he has a faint red to his cheeks, and thank god it's not just Luffy. Thank god.

"You still have feelings for me," Luffy sniffles, licking his lips to taste the vestiges of Law, sucking up every little morsel he can. He wipes away his tears and stares at Law through a blurry lens. "You wouldn't let me do that if you didn't."

Law swallows thickly, looking confused, mortified, and angry all at once. "I-"

"'Old friend'?"

Luffy's stomach absolutely plummets as he turns to face Bonney, who was staring at them from a few yards away. Sadness pinches her features, hands on her wide hips, dark eyes not glaring but sharpened with jealousy.

Luffy sees Law panic in a way he never did with him. "Bonney-"

"You could've just told me he was your ex, you know," she intones as she approaches, pretty lips crumpling as tears threaten her as well. "I expected more from you, Law."

"Bonney, please believe me," Law begs as she begins to grab her things, not looking at him. "Please, there's nothing between us anymore, and he-"

"But you kissed him," Bonney points out with a shaking finger. "I fucking saw you."

Law looks between Luffy and Bonney desperately, absolutely torn. "He kissed me. I didn't want it."

Luffy remains quiet, unable to speak up lest his voice fail him. With every word that the conversation went on, he felt more and more like shit. He only gave in to a natural pull to the man, an undeniable attraction, but look where it led them. It's not fair that only he felt this helplessness, that Law had the audacity to break up with him and leave him with all this baggage.

Bonney has tears in her eyes now. "I'm going home by myself tonight."

Law reaches out to her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back, a need and despair to his actions that makes Luffy want to gag. "Let me come with you and make this right. Please."

She glares at him. "No. You two can have your fun tonight." She finally turns her glare to Luffy. "And you. Your time is over. Stay away from my boyfriend, fucking homewrecker."

Luffy's mouth falls open. "Home..?"

She storms off, followed closely by Law, who gestures wildly behind her, begging her to understand, to stay, to listen. She does none of the above, and they cause a scene as they move through the bar and to the door. Luffy watches after them, hating that he caused that, but strangely not regretting it.

He got to kiss Law.

After months.

He touches his lips thoughtfully, worry and hurt buckling his brow. Maybe he was a homewrecker, and maybe he got a little too jealous, but he didn't care, he couldn't help it. He was too hurt and too wrecked to do otherwise. When Law was looking at him, lids fluttering after being kissed, it brought him back to the times they shared together as a couple. Things were back to normal for all of three seconds.

But then Law's denial.

It hurt, it hurt so much. It brought Luffy back to reality, slapped him with the blunt force of the truth.

He was no longer with Law. He was now with Bonney.

Luffy considers drinking more, hoping to drown his jealousy in the amber liquid, but then he thinks of Law's warning for him to slow down, his hand on his wrist, and he decides against it. Fuck, he remembers when that hand used to travel up and down his back reassuringly, trail down his chest tantalizingly. How it rubbed circles into his hips and how it held his cheeks as they kissed. How that same hand did the nastiest things to him, made him scream and curl into it, crying with pleasure.

Envy hits him hard then, and tears prick at his eyes. He misses Law so much it makes him want to tear out his hair. He resents the feeling of jealousy, he resents it so much. Yet he can't help it when he looks at Bonney, the lucky bitch. She has his everything.

But when he looks at Law?

Tears fall down and catch themselves in his drink, mingling with the rum and coke. God, no one should feel like this, but here Luffy is, suffering alone at a bar, broken hearted and numb.

It's all love.

He hates the feeling, but it's all love.