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"Being someone's first love may be great, but getting to be their last is perfect"

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Chapter 4

"And then there was, what was her name?" Archer asked, taking a sip of ice tea.

"Lisa." Trip murmured into the rim of his own glass. He felt the eyes of all the occupants of the room on him. Along with Archer, there was T'Pol, and Al'Lin, an ambassador they had picked up on an assignment. The ambassador's ship had had engine trouble on her way home, and was unfixable. Enterprise had been ordered to take her home since they were the closest Federation ship to her.

"I apologize, Commander. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable." Al'Lin said, taking a delicate bite from her fork. "In my culture, it is perfectly acceptable to discuss sexual partners with others." Trip gulped uncomfortably.

Yup, he knew that it was perfectly normal to her. They had just spent the last fifteen minutes discussing the ambassador's sex life. In her culture, individuals were expected to essentially 'sow their wild oats', before settling down. It was expected that each person would have up to fifty sexual partners before deciding to choose one to start a family with. Al'Lin was approaching this time in her life, and that was why she was heading back to her home planet. Of course, this discussion had led to her curiously asking about the habits of the other species at the table. Archer had been more than willing to fill her in on Trip's past experiences, which had culminated in this uncomfortable moment. "That's okay. I'm just not used to people outright asking." He finally replied, feeling his face flush. Archer raised his eyebrows quietly at him. Okay fine, there had been plenty of times over the years that they had outright talked about it, but not in a situation like this.

"For most humans, the average number of sexual partners is seven." Archer said, answering the earlier question that Al'Lin had asked, which had begun the litany he had started. It was Al'Lin's turn to look surprised.

"Only seven? Especially at your ages? In my culture, someone at Commander Tucker's age would have had at least 35 already." Trip said nothing, feeling more and more embarrassed as this conversation continued. Why had he been picked on in this conversation? A gentleman never kissed and told. And he knew for a fact a few stories about Archer that could have them talking for much longer. "When was your first sexual encounter, commander?" the ambassador asked nonchalantly. Trip nearly choked on his bite of food that he had attempted to swallow down.

"Um…" he sputtered out. "um, my first girlfriend was when I was fifteen. But we didn't do anythin' other than hold hands. And that only lasted a few weeks before we broke up. Not even sure we can count that as a relationship." Al'Lin looked confused.

"You, do not have sexual encounters in every relationship you have?" Both Archer and Trip shook their heads while T'Pol, who had stayed silent until this time, took a sip of her tea.

"Um, no, not necessarily. Especially when humans are young." Archer said, scratching the back of his head. "Um, the average age for one becoming… um… sexually active, is seventeen on Earth." Al'Lin's confusion seemed to clear.

"Ah, and that is when the two of you began to be sexually active?" She looked between the two men curiously.

"Um, you know, about…" both men muttered, looking at anything except another person in the room. Al'Lin seemed to accept this answer, for now, and they sat in silence for the first time in twenty-five minutes. That silence did not last long however, as she turned towards T'Pol.

"And you? I have heard that Vulcans' sex life is mostly shrouded in mystery." T'Pol looked slightly startled at this question, but placed her fork down calmly next to her plate.

"We do not discuss it with others." She explained, as though that would be the last of the discussion. She did not seem to comprehend that the ambassador would not give up that easily.

"The men in the room have answered in your presence. It would only be fair for you to reciprocate." T'Pol contemplated this quickly, not wanting to answer, but also knowing that if she did not, the ambassador was more likely to prod into the aspects of her life that she did not wish to discuss. Finally, she dipped her chin slightly.

"Very well. What would you like to know?" Al'Lin seemed shocked that T'Pol had agreed to this inquiry, and had to take a moment to think about what she wanted to ask.

"How many partners do Vulcans have over a life time?"

'oh boy.' Trip thought. That's a doozy to start with. He glanced quickly at T'Pol, who seemed to be mulling over her answer.

"Vulcans generally have one, a bond mate. In childhood, our parents choose our future mate. When Vulcans reach adulthood, we then go through a ceremony to bond us permanently with our mate." Al'Lin lifted an eyebrow in surprise.

"One mate? And you, your mate is on Vulcan?" T'Pol took a calm sip of her ice tea while Al'Lin watched her with interest. Trip had taken a deep breath at the question.

"We were married. It did not work out." Before the ambassador could push for more, T'Pol continued, "It is not usual in Vulcan culture to divorce. However; when a bond cannot form between the intended, the marriage is nullified."

"And this marriage mate, was your only sexual partner?" Al'Lin asked, seeming to be more and more intrigued as the conversation continued. Trip was feeling woozier from her conversation with T'Pol than he had been when he was on the other side of the conversation. He knew fully well that he had been T'Pol's first, and only sexual partner. He knew that she wouldn't be comfortable exposing that information to a perfect stranger.

"No. We never knew each other in that way." T'Pol simply answered, her cheeks gaining a slight green tinge to them as she spoke.

"I do not understand. Who is the one sexual partner you have had, then?" Al'Lin leaned forward. Apparently, this was an entertaining conversation for her. T'Pol remained silent, but cast a glance at Trip that clearly said, 'help me.' He cleared his throat.

"Um, so tell us more about ya're culture. How long have ya been warp capable?" Al'Lin pulled back, looking disappointed.

'Whew." Trip thought to himself. 'that was a close one. But somehow I don't think that's the end of it.'

"Yes, we have been space travelling for three hundred years…."

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"Sorry that was so uncomfortable for ya." Trip said, pulling on a clean shirt. "hell, it was uncomfortable for me too." T'Pol did not reply, but busied herself with rearranging the contents of the table in the room, although it did not need to be rearranged. He pushed himself off the bed, and walked over to her, grabbing her hands. "Hey, are ya okay?" T'Pol pulled her hands free of his, and walked around him.

"I am fine" She answered, her back to him.

"The hell ya are." He grabbed her shoulders gently, and pulled on them, attempting to turn her back around to him. "What's goin on?" She looked suddenly shy, and removed herself from his grip. She sat down on the bed gently. He resisted the urge to follow her, knowing that she was about to reveal something to him that she was going to do in her own time. He waited patiently, taking a seat in chair at the desk.

"How many sexual partners have you had?" She asked in a small voice. He was taken aback at that question.

"What?" T'Pol looked up at him earnestly. Trip ran a thumb over his mouth, thinking. What was this all about? Did Al'Lin's line of questioning make T'Pol feel insecure or somethin? He didn't want to answer this question, but she was still staring at him like that. 'damn', he thought, and took a deep breath.

"I wanna say it's around 8. But I mean, I didn't count em or anythin" T'Pol closed her eyes, taking a shuttering breath. "But I mean, lots of em happened before I met ya. They don't mean nothin." He winced, that sounded dumb, even to him.

"And the first?" She asked, her eyes still closed. Why was she asking these questions? He knew that each answer was a stab of pain to her. Maybe it was because Vulcans only have one mate over a life time. He didn't have to think about others touchin her. Sure, she had gotten married to another man, but he knew that they hadn't done anythin other than touchin fingers. She had told him that much herself.

"I was eighteen." He whispered. "she was my first serious girlfriend. At the time, I thought that she'd be the one I got married to." He chuckled. "and well, obviously, that did not work out." He had thought he loved that girlfriend. They had been dating for six months at the point they took the next step. He felt more for this woman than he had ever felt for any one before. But, compared to what he felt for T'Pol, it was a grain of love. All his relationships compared to T'Pol felt like child's love.

"And the others?" She asked.

"Why do you want to know this?" He was starting to feel ill telling her all of this. "What good is it tellin you all of this?" T'Pol only looked at him, with a stare that was devoid of emotion, or thought it looked like. He sighed. "Look, I'm not given' ya details about every single woman I've been with. They were almost all women I had feelin's for, and they all didn't work out. That's all that matters." Her eyes darkened.

"Vulcans only have one partner over their life time. Sexual partners are never discussed."

"Yeah, well I'm guessin that ya didn't tell Koss about your first sexual partner." He jabbed, his temperature rising. T'Pol stood up from the bed quickly. "If ya had not made me fall in love with ya, ya wouldn't have to be worried about my other sexual partners!" Trip now also stood, feeling his anger reaching dangerously high levels.

"Perhaps I should have followed my culture more closely." She answered coolly, and turned on her heels, making her way to the door.

"T'Pol." He reached a hand out, feeling the anger drain from his body. But she had already exited his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He was a dumb ass, he concluded, plopping down on the chair he had abandoned.

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T'Pol kneeled over her meditation candle, attempting to concentrate. Her thoughts drifted towards Trip unbidden. It was the first night in months that they had not shared a room, and it was disquieting to her. Al'Lin's line of questioning had bothered her more than she liked to admit. Sighing with defeat, she opened her eyes, and blew out her candle. It was not as though she did not know that he had had several sexual partners. Humans were known to satisfy their carnal desires. Trip was an impressive specimen, and she knew that women were interested in him sexually, as she had seen on Enterprise. She was unsure why hearing this information out loud was more disturbing to her than simply knowing the information. She pushed herself off the floor. Perhaps it was because he was her first sexual partner, that she had not pictured him with any other woman. She could not picture him with any other sexual partner, although the images forming in her mind were growing more disturbing. Images of Trip laying in the arms of faceless women were forming in her mind. She had hoped that meditation would suppress these images, but it had only made her focus on these images in more detail. She could now see the caresses, hear the murmured words of arousal and love. She shook her head as though trying to dispose of the images and sounds, and made her way to the sink in her bathroom. She splashed the water on her face, taking a shaky breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. She had to pull herself together. A Vulcan should not be experiencing this turmoil. She shook her head again, and took a deep breath. Perhaps a few hours of sleep would do her some good.

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It was late, and Trip found himself in the mess hall, slouched over a half-eaten piece of pie. Sleep seemed to be evading him. After an hour and a half struggle, he had given in. He blearily ran a hand over his face. He was such a dumb ass. He should have just answered T'Pol's questions instead of taking that jab at her. He knew it was a sensitive topic. She had abandoned much of her own culture just to be with him, and here he was, throwing it back in her face. But why did she want to know so much detail? She knew that she hadn't been his first, why did she need to know more than that? The door to the mess hall opened, and Al'Lin stepped in. She did a cursory look around the room, and spotting the commander, made her way to his table.

"May I?" She asked, gesturing to a seat across from him.

"Be my guest." He motioned to the chair. "But I can't say that I'll be good company right now." The ambassador sat down, putting her elbows on the table, and putting her hands together touching her mouth.

"I am sorry that my questioning caused such a problem." She said, looking slightly amused at Trip's reaction of lifting his head in shock. "It appears that my questions caused a rift between you and T'Pol." She placed her hands on the table now, her fingers splayed in front her. "she is your mate, is she not?"

"How…?" Trip began. Al'Lin waved a hand dismissively.

"When I was questioning the two of you about your sexual partners, I could sense tension. I'm afraid I did not pick up what that tension meant until it was too late." She said.

"Eh. It's okay. We should've talked about it earlier anyway." He pushed the plate of dessert aside. "We've never really had time to talk about it. Ya know, we got together in a series of strange events." Al'Lin raised an eyebrow

"Didn't have time, or did not make time?" She questioned, causing Trip to flush. He held up his hands defensively.

"Alright, ya caught me. It's just, in human culture, we don't really talk about past partners with the current one. Unless we're talkin' about disease or somethin." In fact, he felt embarrassed just talking about it with the ambassador now.

"I do not pretend to understand your aversion to talking about sex. Sexual pleasure and activity is something to be enjoyed and shared." Just as Trip was about to roll his eyes, she continued, "however; I am beginning to come to an understanding that your species views it differently. I believe that you should attempt to do the same with T'Pol."

"Hey, now!" He said quickly, holding out a hand. "I would say that I understand a lot about her culture! I learned about their marriage culture, and about their mating rituals, and all that!" Being accused of not understanding T'Pol's culture was cutting too deep for him. He had taken the time to understand the bond between the two of them, and even why T'Pol had gone through with the marriage that she did not want to. And here was a stranger that knew nothing of their relationship accusing him of not trying to understand T'Pol's view point. No one on the ship knew her better than he did.

"I am not saying that you do not understand her well. I am saying that you must attempt to look at this situation from her side. She has only been with you, and gave all of herself to you. It is likely that she views herself and you as one. Sharing any part of you will feel strange, especially because of her culture. If she had married a Vulcan, then she and he would have been their only sexual partner. That is what she was brought up to believe. She may have accepted this part of your life outwardly, but learning about it in more detail may have brought up issues she did not realize existed." Trip nodded slowly, absorbing what she had said.

"Ya're right. I should talk to her. But I'm dead tired." He said, standing slowly.

"Have a good night, commander." Al'Lin said, watching Trip leave the mess hall, stumbling a bit in his tiredness.

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He was surprised to see someone already in his bed when he made it back to his quarters. 'Guess she couldn't sleep without my presence either.' He thought. She must have snuck in a few minutes after he had left for the mess hall. She appeared to be in deep sleep, clutching his sheets tightly in her hands. He sighed. There was no reason to wake her now. He would talk to her in the morning about this. He opened his closet and pulled out an extra pillow and a few blankets. He would sleep on the floor next to the bed for now, just so he wouldn't wake her by crawling into bed next to her. His eyes closed slowly, drifting into the darkness that is sleep.

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When he awoke, it felt like mere minutes. He could tell he was not on the floor any longer, as what was beneath him was softer than the floor. He could also feel the warmth of T'Pol's body next to his. He did not remember moving from the floor to the bed during the night, but he knew he must have. He cracked his eyes open slowly, afraid of what he might find. T'Pol was already awake, looking at him with gentle eyes. She brushed some of his hair aside when she realized he was now awake. He turned his body towards her. "Hey." He said gently. Whatever tension that had divided them the day before was now gone. He felt so at ease in her presence. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"I apologize also. I became emotional." T'Pol replied softly. "I did not expect the ambassador's inquiry to influence me."

"Me either." Trip admitted. He sighed, bracing himself to admit something that he knew was extremely personal. "For humans, talkin' about previous sexual partners is kinda taboo. We prefer to focus on the person we're currently with." T'Pol did not break eye contact with him, although he could see the wheels turning in her head. "And honestly, I don't even think about em. I know that ya might not believe that, but I don't."

"You do not, relish in those memories?" she asked, her tone colored by worry. Trip had to hold back a chuckle.

"Is that what ya think humans do? Relish in sexual fantasies all the time?" T'Pol lifted an eyebrow. "Okay, okay. Ya caught me. But, no, I don't relish in those memories. Just the ones with ya." T'Pol did not look convinced. He propped himself up on an elbow. "Let me think of another way to put this." He scrunched up his nose in concentration. "Every other relationship I've ever had pales compared to this one. And makes me realize that I didn't really love those others like I thought I did. I didn't know what love was until I fell in love with ya." He cringed. That sounded cheesy. T'Pol seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Trip…" she began.

"I just want ya to know that even though ya're not my first, ya're my last. And to me, that's all that matters." T'Pol finally seemed to understand, and pulled herself closer to his side.

"I do believe that these culture differences will be an issue of discussion for a long time." She said. Trip kissed the top of her head.

"I've known that since the day I fell in love with ya T'Pol. I would rather have these misunderstandings with ya than have none-with any other woman."

"Agreed." T'Pol replied, causing Trip to grin ear to ear.

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The senior staff could not lie and say they were not happy to see the ambassador go. Although she had improved on asking people very personal questions, she had made many uncomfortable along the way. Archer, Trip, and T'Pol lead the way to the transport that would take her to the surface. "I apologize for prodding you in our first meeting. I was unaware of the culture of your species. I was simply curious." T'Pol tipped her head.

"I accept your apology. I would however, caution against such prodding in the future." She remarked. Trip bit his lip to prevent himself from grinning. Al'Lin held her hand out to Trip, which he took. She leaned in slightly.

"I do hope my intrusion did not detriment your relationship." She whispered to him. He pulled back, and shook his head.

"It was great to meet you, ambassador. Thank ya for ya're insight." And winked. Al'Lin dipped her head, and gave her hand to Archer before departing. Archer turned to the two of them after the door had closed.

"What was that all about?" he questioned, raising both of his eyebrows.

"Nothin', captain. But if we ever meet her species again, ya can answer the sex questions." Trip replied, and sauntered away, leaving a very confused Archer behind him.

A/N: Of all the fanfiction I've read, they don't really talk about Trip's sexual past. I was curious about how that would go, and this was formed out of that curiosity. Anyway, let me know what you all thought!