Hey everyone! Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. My schedule had been absolutely hectic. Anyway, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but once I hit 4000 words and was only halfway through I figured I should split it in half, haha. I didn't want to draw this out anymore, I wanted you to get the end, but-alas- I am apparently too long-winded. But...silver lining... you know what that means...it means the next chapter is coming really soon! Thanks for all the reviews and follows. Let me know what you think.

Something also appears to be up with the site, I've posted this chapter a few times, hopefully, it works.

Also, thanks to Simona for reading and giving me feedback on this, even though she's upset for what I did to Pony. Thank you.

Chapter 6

"Darry."

I tore my eyes away from the man in blue scrubs that was fiddling the machines that pumped life and air into my brother. For a while, I had been glad to see the man. It had been explained to me that it was his job to make everything "right." Clear Ponyboy's lungs with medications. Make sure his kidneys were healthy and working. Make sure his heart was pumping like it should. And even though the doctors told me that there was no chance, I still had hope in the beginning that something he did would work miracles and magically heal my brother. He worked silently, methodically, and professionally, but with a tender touch that was not lost on me. He answered the few questions we had with serious eyes and what I assumed was supposed to be a comforting smile, but somehow it always managed to look more like pity.

Steve stood half in the door, one shoulder and his head peeking through. His eyes flicked from the man to me as the guy slid past him. "Darry, Soda's on the phone." He swallowed thickly. "I thought…I thought you'd want to be the one to tell him."

I nodded and patted Pony on the leg. It took everything I had to stand with the intention of moving away from him. Every minute, every second that I had left with him was precious. Precious time that I couldn't get back and could never have again when it passed. This was the time I had to hold him, to watch him, to talk to him. This was the time I had to tell him that I loved him. And to tell him that I was sorry. Sorry that I was too late to be the brother, the savior, that I should have been. Sorry that I was too late to make good on the promises that I had made him and Sodapop. Every minute, every second, I wished I could turn back time and tell him everything that I hadn't before. I wished that I could turn it back and have him with me again.

"I've got to go talk to your big brother, Kiddo." Soft hair through my fingers. "He's been waiting to hear from me." His warm cheek against the back of my hand. "He loves you so much." I love you so much. The long eyelashes stayed still when my thumb traced his brow. "I'll be right back, okay? I promise." A quick kiss to his temple and then I was turning away, eyes burning. "Steve, can you stay with him?"

" 'Course." Steve patted me on the shoulder as he moved past me to the chair closest to the bed. "I got him, Darry. Go talk to Soda."

I knew I needed to get down to the phone at the nurses' desk-Soda had limited time on calls- but I didn't want to leave Pony. I wanted to ask Steve to be the one to break the news to Sodapop. I didn't know if I'd be able to say the words. I couldn't the first time.

The nurse led me from Ponyboy's room to the desk at the end of the hall. Steve, two coffees in hand, stopped and waited by the desk when he saw us. The nurse handed me the phone.

"Soda?"

"Darry?" Even with the crackling and popping that came standard with the calls from Vietnam, I could hear the barely controlled panic in Sodapop's voice. "I called the house and Two-Bit just said that you had to go to the hospital…"

The unasked questions hung in the air. What happened? Where's Pony? Tell me he's okay.

"—right?"

"What?"

"Pony's okay, right? Tim found him and he's okay and you're helping him? Please…please tell me that Darry."

I couldn't. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell him. Steve was bent over the desk, coffees forgotten as he breathed heavily. Soda wasn't quiet and I was certain Steve could hear everything being said. Then suddenly, Steve straightened and reached for the phone. He pulled it from my hand and, closing his eyes, brought it to his own ear.

"Hey, buddy. Darry needs a minute. Look, they found Pony. But not before… it ain't good, Soda. He's real bad off and… it just ain't looking good. He jumped from that old train bridge and… It's just real fucking bad."

And even though it was Steve holding the phone, I could still hear Soda wailing like he was the one standing right next to me.

And that was when we still had some hope. How would I be able to take that hope away from him? How would I be able to tell him that our little brother wasn't coming back to us…that I had decided to let him go?

XXX

Steve

Darry stood at the end of the bed and seemed to sink into himself as he stared at Pony. I wondered just when his cheekbones had gotten so prominent, his eyes so sunken and dark.

"It's alright, Darry, I've got him." I said again. For a minute I didn't think he was going to move, but then he slowly nodded and rapped his knuckles against the footboard before he reached forward and patted Pony's leg again.

His voice was gruff, and he had to clear his throat twice, but finally he rasped out, "I'll be right back little brother."

Then he hurried out the door like he thought he'd change his mind if he didn't.

I could see Darry stop just outside the door before he turned and headed down the hall to the nurse's desk. It was so quiet in the room that if I closed my eyes I could almost imagine that I could hear his footsteps fade as he passed the shower room and then the public bathroom. I could almost see him turn the corner by the chair they had sitting in the little alcove at the end of the hall. From that seat you could see for miles, and on a clear day you could see the hills over all the shitty Tulsa rooftops. Me or Two-Bit, mostly me, sometimes went to the window and looked out, sat in the chair and stared, just to get out of the small room. It's where I had been sitting when the nurse found me. They recognized us by now, and she had stopped to tell me that Sodapop was calling. If I thought hard enough, I could see Darry pass by the drinking fountain and the little cubby where they kept all the extra wheelchairs. And I knew the exact minute he'd reach the phone that was waiting for him with Soda on the other line. Forty-seven steps to the chair in the corner. One sharp left turn. Twenty-one steps to the phone at the desk. And exactly that many seconds until my best friend found out his world was ending.

I couldn't tell him. When Soda had asked how the kid was doing my throat had closed up and I hadn't been able to say a damn thing. I'd barely managed to choke out that I was getting Darry. I didn't even listen to what he was saying after that. Just put the phone down and walked away.

Darry would be there now. Picking up the phone. Hearing Soda's voice on the other end of the line… I could almost hear him wailing again. Breaking. Breaking halfway across the world. No way to get home.

"How could you do it to him, kid? Goddamn, that was stupid. So fucking stupid." I shook my head, looking at Pony. I wanted to yell and scream and demand he wake up. Grab him by the shoulders and shake the living shit out of him. I'd almost done it a time or two, too. But then the anger would fade and I'd think of the look on his face when he'd pass by the DX after Soda had been drafted and I wouldn't lift a hand to wave or even look at him. It was too hard. And I'd remember the way his face had fallen every time I'd turned him away from doing something with me and Soda, even though he tried to hide it. "I never could understand it, ya know? I thought it was always you wantin' to tag along, but, Jesus, I'll be damned if Soda didn't want you coming with us for every little thing. He can't get along without you, ya know? We can't get along without you."

I sat watching him for a minute. Watching the way the machine made his chest rise and fall. It was a natural thing, but something was off about it. His chest rose too high, lungs too full. The breath a little too long. And while I watched him my mind began to wander back over all the times Sodapop had asked him along with us. The time Soda had insisted Pony spend the day down at the DX with us so he could learn how to change the oil and rotate tires. I'd been short with him all day and even played a couple of pranks, annoyed at the fact that I couldn't get away from Sodapop's little brother even while I was at work. But even then, he'd thanked me at the end of the day.

He'd gone to the fair with us once too-Soda had insisted on that, saying how much the kid loved the fair- and it had actually been a pretty good day, right up until the sun had started to set. It'd been hot, real hot, and Sodapop practically begged us to get snow cones. Whether it was the pretty girls selling them that had attracted him or all the colors they could make the ice, I wasn't sure. But I was enjoying talking with that brunette, doing my best to channel my inner Sodapop Curtis, when the kid had asked if Evie was planning on meeting us so I could finish out the night with a nice date with my girlfriend. He'd even emphasized the word. Him and Soda were bent over laughing when she reached over and yanked my cone out of my hand before dumping it in the trash.

Then there had been the time that Two-Bit had got the bright idea to fill his bed with sugar, and when he'd went to lay down later his bed had been full of those little pissants. Two-Bit had been too afraid to fess up when Darry had yelled at Ponyboy for eating food in his bed, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna. Darry had grounded the kid for a week. But Two-Bit only made it a couple of days before he broke down and told Darry the truth.

"Hey kid, you remember that time me, you, and Soda went down to the stables to see Dally? It was right before that big show that Buck had him riding in a couple years ago? You ran out of smokes that morning and you were itching for another something awful. Sodapop had wandered away…I think he was looking for Mickey Mouse 'cause he always went looking around when we'd go, even though he never admitted it. Anyway, you were itching for a smoke, and me and ol' Dal convinced you to try some of that chewin' tobacco that all the cowboys had. Told you it tasted just like a weed. Well, you stuck a big wad right in your cheek. It wasn't two minutes and Soda came walking back only to find you bent over puking your guts up in the back of the barn and looking green as a dollar bill."

I chuckled at the memory. Soda holding him up, Pony looking so pale you'd think you could see through him. He told Sodapop he'd ate something bad. "Probably that hamburger from the concession stand. It sure tasted funny." But somehow Soda had known anyway, and he'd glared at me. I guess maybe Dal had tried the same trick on him.

I glanced at the door. Darry had been gone a little while, and I wasn't sure when he'd be back. Soda would want me to do this. I reached out and grabbed Pony's hand. Soda wouldn't get the chance to. I'd do it for Soda. And for me. I'd never even given the kid a chance. It wasn't like he was the only reason we didn't get along.

"You remember before the rumble? When was all standing around talking to Tim? I know you saw me roll my eyes when he said you was a good kid…And I know I gave you a lot of grief, but I didn't mean it. That was all stuff we would've looked back and laughed about in a couple years. They would have been stories we told our wives and kids…like the way your mom and dad used to tell us about when they was young. You always was a good kid, Ponyboy. I guess I just wanted you to know that." Slowly I breathed in. Then out. "And yeah, kid. I'll take care of Soda for you."

I had just finished patting his hand and had dropped my elbows to my knees, head hanging, when the door clicked open.

XXX

Two-Bit

"Oh. Hey, Two-Bit." Steve's words were flat and heavy, like the tires he changed down at the DX when all the air leaked out of them. "Darry is…Soda."

Steve looked from me to Pony before dropping his eyes back to the floor. "I couldn't…I couldn't tell him. Had to let Darry."

It seemed to me that was the right thing to do anyway. Darry was his brother after all.

Steve cleared his throat. "I've got to…I'm going…" he pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and waved them in the air, glancing at my hands then towards the door. "Stay with him, okay? Darry don't want him to be alone. Tell him I'll be right back."

And before I could even think of saying anything else Steve pushed past me and was out the door. He made a left towards the elevators and was gone.

"Hey Pony. Brought you something." I paused, second-guessing. Maybe Darry would be mad. Maybe I should have left well enough alone. Maybe I should've asked first. Maybe he didn't want it here, in this sad place. Maybe I should have left it folded there on the shelf, tucked away in Pony and Soda's closet. Hidden away like the rest of the happy memories of Mama Curtis.

The blue and white blanket had been hand crocheted by their mom sometime when Darry was little. Until they died it had always been on the back of the couch, folded and waiting for cool fall evenings or one of us boys to come in late at night needing a place to crash for a few hours. I'd even thrown up on it once, when I'd wandered in drunk, but she'd just clucked her tongue and washed it in the morning. And when Pony was real little, he'd wrap up in it and sit on his mom's lap. Sometimes Soda would join them, but he never could sit still for very long and he'd be squirming out before she'd finished her coffee.

"Thought you might want something from home…" I adjusted the blanket over top of the plain hospital one and pulled it up to his chin, thinking about how'd I'd seen Mama Curtis do it the same way that time Soda had been real sick, and again for Johnny when he'd first started spending nights at the house. "There, tucked away safe and sound. No more worries." I repeated the words she'd always said, swallowing away the guilty feeling that the simple lie made rise from my chest and dropped into the chair that Steve had been sitting in when I'd walked in.

"It really has been a time, ain't it Ponyboy?" I thought back to the letter I had folded in my pocket. Sometimes it made me so sick I thought I'd never look at it again, and other times I'd pull it out and read it over and over until the words were blurry and my thumbs were smudged from the ink. I tried real hard not to cry on it, though. I didn't want to ruin the page. I pulled my jacket closer around me, not sure if it was the room that was cold or just the fact that everything warm was about to be sucked out of our lives. I shivered.

"You remember back when we met Kathy? It was that day Sodapop tried making chili… it was one of the last real cold days before spring…" That day had been cold, just like it was now. The clouds had been blocking the sun and the wind was blowing so hard you could feel it seeping through the seals around the windows, and by the time I'd reached the Curtis place my hands had been red and stiff and I was shivering so hard the beer bottles I had stuffed in my coat were rattling against each other, "…and, man, something nice and warm to eat sure sounded good. By the time Darry got home the whole house was smelling like chili and those Jiffy corn muffins your dad used to always make…" I huffed a little, trying for a laugh that I just couldn't force, "Remember how your mom used to say it was the only thing your dad could cook? 'So easy, a man can do it,' she'd say. Man, she sure was something." I rubbed the worn blue yarn of the blanket between my fingers, thinking how the color was almost an exact match of her eyes, or maybe Darry's. Maybe that's why she had chosen the blue so long ago. That day I'd come over and stepped through the door, intending to reach for the blanket, but it had been gone. I'd seen Pony bury his face in it after the funeral, but I hadn't seen it since. It wasn't until I spotted it tucked away in their closet one day, mostly out of site, that I knew what had come of it.

"Anyway, Sodapop tried real hard to get the chili just right… and it was looking so damn good by the time we all sat around the table. There was butter dripping off the tops of the muffins and the chili looked just like your momma's…it was all good right up until we started eating it. You started sputtering and coughing…" I tried to mimic how his high and sort of whiny his voice had been then… "Soda it's too spicy."

I'd slapped him on the back of the head. Not hard. Just enough to let him know to keep his thoughts to himself and fake whispered, half-laughing, and loud enough for Darry to hear, "shut your mouth kid, 'fore Darry here decides to starve you. Don't you know better than complaining when someone's giving you a free meal…"

"It ain't considered free if it's from my own house," he'd mumbled, sniffing suspiciously at the chili before he forced another bite, "Soda and Darry pay for it with their jobs you lazy bum."

I shrugged and elbowed him in the ribs, still laughing a little. "Shoot, kid. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, then. That's what my mom always says when I got something to say about her 'cooking,' anyway."

That's when I'd taken a bite.

"Glory, it was so hot, I could barely swallow. And Darry looked red as a pack Marlboros, heck, even ol' Dally had tears streaming down his face." I chuckled. "Turns out not only did Sodapop not know a teaspoon from a tablespoon- and golly that many tablespoons is a lot of chili powder- but he also didn't know a green pepper from a habanero after they'd been chopped up. That dish was so spicy I swear I blinked and saw that sweet little lady that works down at the taqueria hand me a bowl of their chilate de pollo." I tried again for a smile, but it just wouldn't stick. "That was the first time he tried cooking after your parents died, remember? So, even though it was hotter than the devil hisself, we all tried to keep eating it… but I swear it was so hot it burned right through the pot. We finally gave up when Soda accidently rubbed some pepper juice onto his eye… Dally never let him forget how much he squealed like a girl after that. And then Steve pushed your chair over trying to hop up and get to the milk…"

It had been a dinner to remember, that's for sure. Ponyboy tried to keep eating, constantly pulling at the collar of his shirt and trying to wipe the sweat off his head until Steve had accidently sent him flying. Then there was Johnny… coughing and sputtering and trying not to let the constant stream of snot run down into his mouth.

"…after that Darry tossed it all into the trash, and you and me had to go down to the Dingo and grab a bunch of burgers…"

That's when I'd met Kathy. She'd been there at the register, blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail with bright blue eyes that slid from Pony's face to mine. Pony kept wiping his eyes and clearing his throat, and I guess to a stranger it looked like he'd been crying instead of trying to put out the fire in his throat. Pony had gone even redder when she'd offered him a smile and an ice cream cone.

"I don't want an ice cream, I ain't six-" Pony had started before I'd thrown my arm around his shoulders and took the cone from her.

"Now Ponyboy Curtis, what did I just tell you about turnin' down free food? A pretty girl offers you an ice cream, you take the ice cream…you dig?" I hadn't even looked at him when I took from her and shoved it at him. That ice cream had turned into a long talk with plans to meet up after her shift. Ponyboy had been occupied for as long as it took him to eat it, then he was shifting his feet, leaning on the counter, tapping his fingers, picking up the to-go bag and putting it down.

He cleared his throat and looking towards the door. The sun was going down.

"Got ants in your pants, Pony? You're more fidgety than Sodapop in school…"

"Only if you put them there, Two-Bit." He shot back and glanced at the door again. "It's getting late… What's Darry gonna say? What time is it?"

"Time for you to get a watch…" I started to chuckle but stopped when I saw him bite his lip and look down the street again. "Shoot, kid, we'll tell him the Dingo ran out of hamburgers and they had to go kill the cow…"

By the time we'd finally got home with the food, all the ice was melted in the cups, the burgers were cold, the fries soggy, and Darry was mad-and hungry-as hell. But the kid hadn't got in trouble and I'd been with Kathy ever since… And turns out the ice cream worked real good to put out that fire the chili had started too.

Pony had been there when I'd met Kathy. He'd been there when my old man had run off-going as far as swiping a pack of smokes from Steve and sitting with me while I huffed through all of them and a six pack to boot on his back porch. He'd been there that night I'd slipped on the ice and almost broke my arm outside the DX. Sure, he'd laughed with the boys when I landed on my ass, but he'd been the first to come over and help me up. Ask if I was okay in a voice low enough no one else heard. And he'd been the one to back me up when those Socs had me pinned against their car. He'd come from nowhere and jumped right on the big one's back, still in his track uniform.

He'd always been there. Always been a good buddy Always laughed at my jokes, even if they were stupid and no one else did. He was always caring too much for a greaser. Always too smart for one too.

And I'd let him down.

I wasn't there for the boy-the friend-that had always been there for me.

"I'd give anything to go back, kid." Back before their parents died. Before Johnny and Dally. Before Pony had seen no other way out other than jumping from that bridge. Before their house was so silent and cold like it was today when I'd gone to find the blanket. I wanted to go back before all of it. I tried thinking of something funny, some joke that I could tell him. He'd told me to keep telling them in his letter, but I just couldn't think of anything except the growing emptiness inside my chest, so instead, I reached under that blanket his momma had made and grabbed his hand. "I love you kid. Like a brother."

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