I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
Her chest was so tight, for a moment she worried whether she could breathe. Head high, shoulders back. Her mind was still spinning. What had she been thinking? What had possessed her to come tonight? As bad as she'd imagined tonight might be, she'd never expected this. She wasn't ready, hadn't prepared herself. Inquisitive eyes and prying questions were one thing.
She wasn't ready to face him.
"What was that, darling?" Trying her best to feign indifference, she hoped no one heard the waver in her voice. Perhaps it had gone unnoticed, perhaps it had all been her imagination. Hearing something that wasn't there. After all, we're our own harshest critic. "Oh, Georg's here...?" she raised a perfectly shaped brow ever so slightly. "Well, I suppose it is the Officer's Ball..." she answered brightly with a little shrug and a brilliant smile. She'd show them. Let them think she was more than ready to face him.
Underneath her well-crafted veneer, she couldn't let them see how close she was to crumbling. Only this afternoon she'd given in to her friends. They'd finally worn her down, convincing her it was well and truly time to reclaim her rightful place with Vienna's party season already in full swing. She wished now she'd paid closer attention to tonight's event. What had she been thinking? Of course, Georg wouldn't miss the Officer's Ball.
"...wouldn't you think he'd show a little more, well, discretion…"
"Discretion?" her voice sounded as far away as her thoughts.
"Well, I wouldn't have expected him to bring her along. I mean, let's be honest, ladies, she's the bloody governess…"
She was here?!
Could this night get any worse? Her chest was starting to ache. There was a time not that long ago, when her friend's barb would have drawn a witty remark, a snide comment adding fuel to the fire of an illicit affair or some other unfolding scandal. Any other night, any other man, she would be joining in their cruel laughter. But tonight, it was taking every ounce of her strength to hold back the ball of emotion trying to force its way out. She couldn't cry. Not here.
She wasn't ready to face him. And she certainly wasn't ready to face her. Especially not here. Head high, shoulders back. This was her world. She didn't just belong here, she owned it. Vienna's glittering parties and glamourous balls were hers. Tonight, should be her successful, if somewhat delayed, relaunch into the party season. She should be dazzling the crowd, reminding them she was back to her radiant best.
"Oh, she's nothing like I imagined…"
"Who would have thought she was his type?"
Still struggling to find her voice, she arched a brow at her friend's bewildered look. Yes, who would have thought? True, she'd realised early on that the girl had caught Georg's eye, but she'd never considered her a serious threat. What makes it so nice, is he thinks he's in love with you. Her words from the governess' room came rushing back, taunting her like they had so many times since that night. Mocking her like a sick joke. Her mouth was dry. So dry, she could barely swallow. Realising she was still clutching her first glass of champagne, she took a sip. She wished she hadn't. Tepid and flat. It was difficult to swallow past the lump in her throat.
"Honestly, could he hold her any tighter? Why, their practically…"
She didn't need to turn around. She could already see how he'd be holding her. It was an image that still haunted her. Close, much too close, staring into her eyes like she was the only woman in the world, the only one he wanted. It was an image seared into her memory from the night of the party.
She should have realised then. But she'd allowed herself to be blinded. Blinded to what was in front of her, staring her in the face. After all, it was supposed to be her party. And giving up was never her thing. Besides, she'd invested far too much in Georg. Perhaps she was only now realising exactly how much. His saviour. The words left a bitter taste in her mouth. Or was it the champagne? He'd confessed at the time how unromantic a notion it was. But then, romance and passion had never been their thing. That should have been a clue. She'd been a fool, a complete...
"If he wasn't holding her so close, well..." one of her friends stood on her toes, trying to catch a glimpse. "Who knows, there might be a more obvious reason why he feels the need to marry a girl from the mountains..."
"It would make more sense..."
"Ladies..." as the word caught in Elsa's throat, the strange, strangled sound quickly grabbed everyone's attention. "That's not the reason..."
"But can you be sure, Elsa, darling?"
"I'm certain." Her sharp words drew an uneasy line under the topic. She knew Georg's reputation as well as anyone, but that had been earned years ago. The man she knew couldn't be further away from the womanising cadet and young officer. Agathe had tamed him throughout their marriage, and sadly, her death had numbed him. And, if Georg couldn't be tempted over recent years by the wiles of a worldly woman like her, he was hardly a threat to the virtue of a girl on loan from Nonnberg Abbey.
She hadn't missed the looks shared between her friends. They didn't believe her. Her thoughts drifted as the conversation turned politely, if somewhat reluctantly, back to the Paris fashion shows. She tried her best to follow the discussion, to smile at the right moments, to nod at the appropriate times. But it was difficult to concentrate. They're here. The words kept rattling through her head. She was an idiot, of course Georg would be here, and he'd hardly arrive on his own. Max's telephone call from the other day was suddenly making sense. Dearest Max had been sounding her out about tonight. She'd been so distracted, she hadn't even realised.
And now here they all were. If he was here alone, she might have a better chance of keeping things together. The last thing she needed was to be reminded of that damn governess who could light up the darkest corner of any room with her smile and a breezy sing-a-long. God knows, without even trying, she'd managed to light up Georg's dark heart.
The girl had been nothing but a constant reminder of everything she wasn't, of everything his life had been missing. It was ridiculous, but she'd always made her feel uncomfortable. It made no sense how a girl with no class, no background, no nothing, could make her feel so inadequate. It didn't matter how much bravado she mustered, at the villa, she'd always felt out of place. An intruder. And tonight, when she was supposed to be reclaiming her rightful position, she was being made to feel even more like an outsider.
At the sound of laughter, she forced a smile, clueless as to what could have been so hilarious. There wasn't anything even mildly amusing about tonight. Only the twisted irony that here they were, the three of them, reunited in the most public, humiliating of ways. Well, it was too late to change that sad fact.
Now that they were all here, she'd just have to make the best of a really bad situation...
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
"Maria...?"
As he turned her in his arms, she'd been staring into his eyes, swept away by her panicked thoughts. She hadn't heard a word he'd said. "Sorry...?" she whispered.
"I was just saying, I can get Hede to take you back to her place. That's if you'd prefer," his words were soft and tender. "Or you could both go back to my hotel suite," his eyes were filled with concern. "I'm sure you'd find it more comfortable there," he added, cocking his head to the side.
"And leave you here?" she frowned at him.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be busy..." he bent down, a stray thought turning his concerned look to a wicked half grin. "Otherwise, I'd like nothing better than joining you in my hotel suite," his words were low and seductive against her.
Here was a chance to escape. She'd been looking for a reason to run. And not only was he giving her one, it came with his full blessing. "You wouldn't mind?" she looked at him wide-eyed.
"Of course not."
"It's tempting…" she answered vaguely, turning the idea over in her head. It wasn't too late to make her escape. But she was tired of running. And the wise words of the Reverend Mother rang out loud and clear. "This might surprise you, but for once in my life, I refuse to run."
Squeezing her hand as they circled the room to the strains of "The Blue Danube", the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth grew into a chuckle. "I wouldn't blame you if you did!" Glancing around, it was obvious they were still the centre of attention. "I'd gladly run away with you," he gave her a wink.
"You need to stay," she reminded him, "and I need to face these women and their petty gossiping."
"You won't have to twist Hede's arm if you'd rather leave," he was serious again. "She hates these things as much as we do."
"Is that even possible?"
"Mmm-hmm," he nodded. "Believe me, Max will be the only one having fun tonight," he added under his breath.
"We'll have to face the world eventually," she smiled up at him. "It might as well be tonight."
"As long as you're sure."
She nodded. "We're here now, we should both stay." He gave her a final turn as the orchestra played the final notes.
"Well, the sooner I do what we came for, the sooner we can all leave," his eyes were apologetic. She smiled as he tugged at his gloves, cursing under his breath as he tried to pull them off. "Let's go find Max and Hede." His hand was on her back guiding her through the crowd.
People had still been arriving, and it seemed the crowd had almost doubled since they'd started dancing. Thankfully, she still hadn't set eyes on Baroness Schraeder, she hoped she wouldn't. While they'd been dancing, she'd only dared look at Georg, hoping it would give everyone a chance to get over their initial curiosity. How wrong she'd been. As he led her away from the couples waiting for the orchestra to begin the next waltz, it was obvious the crowd was still looking at them, still talking about them.
"I'm going to kill Max," Georg muttered under his breath. "Why else did I ask him to telephone her?"
"It's hardly his fault," she whispered, glancing sideways and seeing his jaw set tight. He hated being the centre of attention as much as she did. "You would still have to be here, and it would have been worse if I didn't make an appearance."
"Still, I wish we knew..."
She smiled to herself. More than anything, he hated surprises. Everything had to be meticulously planned and organised. She guessed that's what made him so successful, how he'd earned his medals and reputation.
Looking around the crowd, she wondered how they were ever going to find Hede and Max. She hoped Georg could see over the sea of heads. To her, it just seemed like a wall of people. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a hand in the air, waving at them. It must be Max.
"For God's sake," Georg cursed under his breath. "As if we're not drawing enough attention..."
Maria stole a quick glance towards him. His jaw had tightened, and now he was wearing a dark look. She smiled. Pity anyone who got in his way or said the wrong thing. Hede and Max weren't too far away, but it was slow going as they picked their way through the milling crowd.
She felt his hand move to her waist, encouraging her to walk in front of him. Following her close behind, his hand never left her waist. She stopped suddenly, as a man in uniform stepped in front of her, then paused to talk to someone. Georg's other hand found her waist, pulling her back against him. Feeling giddy from all the people, she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to catch her breath. But as she leaned back, all she could think of was the feel of his body. The movement of his chest, rising and falling in time to his breathing, his vice like grip on her hips, his long, powerful legs pressed against hers. She was feeling a little flushed…
"I'm sorry, darling," he whispered against her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. Quickly remembering where they were, her eyes flew open.
A nearby laugh, barely stifled, brought her thoughts hurtling back to the ballroom. She didn't dare turn in the direction it came from.
"...I hear the governess wasn't just taking care of the children..."
She could feel his body tighten against hers. He'd heard the woman as well. A hand left her waist, the other tightened protectively. Her hand covered his as she turned around towards him. His eyes had narrowed menacingly as he searched the crowd around them for the woman who'd dared to utter such a crude remark.
"Georg…" she whispered, forcing his eyes to turn immediately back to her. Without even looking, she knew the fingers on his left hand would be moving instinctively. She shook her head, squeezing his other hand tight. It wasn't worth causing a scene. She held her breath, watching his eyes eventually soften. But she could tell he was seething. Resisting the temptation to reach up and cup his cheek, a sure way to calm him, she dropped her voice even lower. "We know the truth."
Rolling his eyes, he nodded, disappointed that he'd been so ready to fight back. But she wasn't. Although she would have done anything to stop him, she loved that he was so ready to protect her and defend her reputation.
She gave him a grateful smile. Sometimes, it was better to just walk away. He tightened his hold on her waist and she turned, continuing towards Hede and Max.
It's easy to say
But it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape
She had no idea how long it had been since she'd arrived, it felt like an eternity. She needed to get out of here. Glancing towards the grand staircase at the far end of the ballroom, a handful of late guests were still arriving. Perhaps she just needed a cigarette. Any excuse to get some fresh air. She used to revel in a ballroom filled with a humming crowd. But tonight, it was suffocating.
Weeks ago, she would have basked in all this attention, but tonight it was intrusive and unwanted. In the past, before even a modest soirée, she would spend hours and days planning how she would dominate the spotlight. But tonight, she'd gone to little or no effort. Feeling lightheaded, she just wanted to escape. She had to get away from the noise, the bright lights.
"Are you alright, Elsa?"
She forced a radiant smile to the friend beside to her. "Fine!" Her response, a little too loud, a little too bright. As forced as her smile. "I'm so glad you ladies talked me into coming along," she reached out squeezing her friend's arm. Her hollow words echoed through her head, making her wonder how long much longer she'd have to keep pretending. How long would it take to get him out of her system? Out of her heart? Another day, a week perhaps, hopefully not another month.
She'd never imagined being here, being this woman. Her heart breaking for the man she'd planned to marry one day. Who would have thought she'd fallen so hard for him? She certainly hadn't. How had she let him get under her skin, steal his way into her heart? This was so unlike her. But then, Georg wasn't just any man. Dark, distant, mysterious, impossibly handsome, an allure very few women could resist. With his presence and her grace and beauty, they'd made the perfect couple. Dominating every room, the first couple on everyone's invitation list. Everyone wanted to be…
"Are you sure?"
Her thoughts were thankfully interrupted by concerned words and a hand patting her own. She looked down, realising she was still holding onto her friend's arm.
"I might go get some air," she gave her friend a reassuring squeeze. "No, no, you stay here," she insisted. "I'll be back before you've even had a chance miss me..." She quickly turned and started walking before anyone in the group could protest or join her.
After the first hurried steps, as she put some distance between her and her friends, the crowd began to blur. Their faces, the conversations, merging into the background. Head high, shoulders back. She was struggling to focus, to see her way through all the people. It was taking all her effort just to reach the staircase. Her head was spinning, her chest was tight. She had to ignore everyone, everything. She just needed some cool air, to be alone.
She just needed to escape…
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
"For God's sake, Max," Georg muttered under his breath, "I thought you said Elsa wouldn't be here."
"She's here?" Max narrowed his eyes, searching the crowd around them.
"Isn't that what I just said?"
At the sound of Georg's raised voice, Maria placed a hand on his arm. Turning, his eyes met hers, already apologising for drawing even more unwanted attention. She gave him a tiny nod. It was easy to forgive him, after all, no one had ever been so protective of her, so concerned. Despite the looks in their direction, she couldn't have felt more loved than if he wrapped his strong arms around her and held her tight.
She searched his eyes, relieved to see them eventually soften. But she knew this man too well. He was on edge tonight. His anger would continue boiling just below the surface for the rest of the evening. And it wasn't just because of the maddening crowd, the gossiping, or Baroness Schraeder being here. His beloved Austria was under threat from dark and evil forces. But that's exactly why she loved him so much. His loyalty and honour. Wishing she wasn't wearing gloves, she found herself once again wanting to reach up and touch his cheek, to gently hold his tight jaw, to ease some of his anger. Instead, she left her hand on his arm waiting patiently for the tension leave his body.
"…Georg, introduce me to this beautiful fiancé of yours."
Maria turned, following Georg's eyes as they left hers and moved to somewhere over her shoulder. Behind her, she found a very tall, dark haired man in dress uniform.
"Walther!" Georg reached across to shake the man's hand. "Let me introduce you to Fraulein Maria Rainer," his hand had returned to Maria's back. "Maria, this is my good friend, Captain Walther Krause."
Maria held out her hand. It was quickly taken, and the man, who seemed a little younger than Georg, took it and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. "It's wonderful to meet you," he looked up from her white glove and smiled.
"Walther, you remember Max Detweiler?" She noticed Georg's hand move instinctively, possessively to her waist. "And I'm not sure if you've met my sister Hede." Georg's friend nodded towards Max before reaching across and taking Hede's gloved hand and placing a kiss.
"Always a pleasure, Hede," his wide smile revealed a dimple from somewhere in the corner of his mouth. "I really hate to interrupt," his voice was soft but serious as he glanced around them, "but Georg, we should talk."
"Of course," Georg squared his shoulders, his eyes darting around the people milling nearby. "Everyone's assembled?" he demanded in a low, commanding voice. His question answered by a sharp, deferential nod.
Up until now, Maria had often seen glimpses of military Georg. During their first meeting, he'd fired orders at her and reeled off a list of commands, before blowing his whistle to assemble the children like he was marshalling the crew. Beside the lake, he'd fired insults and arguments at her, then dismissed her like one of his insubordinate crewmen. But neither of these compared to his current demeanour. Then, he'd been using well drilled instincts to hide his pain and anger. Now, she was looking at a Captain in command, a loyal soldier on war footing. It brought the enormity of the recent newspaper headlines, the dangers of the current political and military climate into sharp focus. Suddenly, the dark clouds were very real, very close to home.
Ignoring the much more pressing matters, he turned to her, his head slightly to one side. "I need to go," his voice was soft. She looked up at him wide-eyed. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear Hede and Max chatting to Georg's friend. "Will you be alright?"
She forced a smile and nodded, trying not to let the feelings of panic show.
"I'll be fine," she whispered. She was being ridiculous, he'd only be gone a short while. Before long, he'd be back by her side. For a mad moment, she wondered how Agathe ever let him go, knowing he'd be gone for months on end, knowing it may be the last time she held him, felt his touch, his lips on hers. "I'll stick close to Hede and Max," she smiled as his warm hand found hers. Once again, she wished she wasn't wearing gloves.
"I wish I didn't have to leave you, darling," he whispered.
"You need to," she answered softly, trying bravely to remind herself, as much as him, why they were there.
"Don't worry about Elsa or her friends," he lowered his voice. "Hede and Max will stay with you." She nodded.
After a quick glance to confirm the rest of their group were pre-occupied, talking politely amongst themselves, he bent down. "I love you," his hot, seductive breath against her ear sent a shiver cascading down her spine, her breath catching. "Never doubt it, never forget." His heady, musky scent was all around her. "Especially tonight, darling."
"I won't..." she murmured, struggling to think.
He gave her hand a final squeeze before straightening his shoulders and pulling them back. "Lead the way, Walther," his voice was suddenly sharp and commanding. It wasn't until he'd taken a second step away from her, that her hand finally slipped from his. Watching him weave amongst the crowd, as the distance grew between them, she missed him already. Her heart was pounding, her stomach tightening with fear. Now it was just her facing this crowd.
Her eyes were still following him when he stopped suddenly. She frowned. He turned, his eyes instantly finding hers. She held her breath, his look setting her heart racing, as he stared at her though the crowd. She'd never thought it possible to love someone so much, to need them so desperately. Walther must have said something, for he turned away and she was left to watch him disappear into the crowd.
"Don't worry about him, Maria," Hede was beside her, taking hold of her arm. "This is what Georg was born for, it's in his blood."
"I'm being silly..." Maria murmured, her eyes were still trying to catch one last glimpse of him. "I don't know how Agathe did it..."
"She was a strong woman, just like you."
"Me?" Maria turned and frowned at Hede. "Strong? I'm afraid I'm not…"
"Nonsense!" Hede cut her off. "Very few people are brave enough to tell my brother what he needs to hear."
"Oh…" She could feel her cheeks growing warm. Hede knew about that? "I really didn't…"
"Maria, he telephoned me weeks before you were even engaged. He told me," Hede smiled. "He needs you much more than you think."
"I'm not so sure…"
"Remember the man you first met?"
Maria nodded slowly, recalling the cold, distant man who used intimidation and biting sarcasm to keep everyone at a safe distance. Even the children.
"Georg needs the love of a strong woman," Hede squeezed Maria's arm again. "You're good for him," she whispered. "Perfect, in fact…"
"Thank you," Maria reached across and placed her hand over Hede's. "From you, that means so much."
"Never forget, Maria, my brother..."
"Hede!"
Maria and Hede turned to find a handsome officer in uniform walking towards them. He was still smiling in Hede's direction when he came to a breathless stop in front of them.
"I thought it was you!" he took the gloved hand she offered. "You're the last person I expected to see here."
"Josef! It's been forever!" Maria noticed Hede was blushing a little. "You're looking well."
Maria stole a look towards Max, who raised an eyebrow in her direction. It was obvious Hede and this man knew each other very well. And it was even more obvious how much they liked each other.
"Oh, I've forgotten my manners," Hede seemed unusually flustered. "I'm sure you know Max Detweiler." It seemed everyone knew Max, Maria thought to herself as she watched the man in uniform shake Max's hand enthusiastically. "And this is Georg's fiancé, Fraulein Maria Rainer." Maria held out her hand as the officer took it and kissed the back of her hand. "Maria, this is Lieutenant Josef Niewand."
"Congratulations! I'd heard the wonderful news," he smiled at her. "When is the big day?"
"Not until late January," Maria answered, deciding she very much liked Hede's friend. "We thought we should wait until after Christmas."
"With seven children, that's makes a lot of sense," Josef laughed.
"That's what I told Georg," Maria smiled, recalling Georg wanting to get married within a week of proposing.
"Hede, would you like to dance?" Josef's attention suddenly turned back to Hede.
"Oh, I really shouldn't... I..." she turned to Maria.
"Don't be silly," Maria frowned at Hede. "You two go enjoy yourselves..."
"But, Maria..."
"I'll be here, Hede," Max reminded her before turning towards the young officer. "She'd love to dance with you, Josef."
"Well, I guess that's a yes," Hede smiled at Josef as he held out his hand.
Maria watched on as they walked away towards the dance floor.
"They make a nice couple," Max whispered beside her.
"Thank you for helping me convince Hede," Maria answered softly. "It's obvious how much she likes him. I don't want her stuck here with me all night."
"How are you coping?" Max asked, his usual jovial tone turning serious. "This can be a brutal crowd."
"I'm trying to ignore all the comments and looks," she turned away from Max, but quickly looked back to him when her eyes found two women staring at her. "They're just so obvious."
"We can hardly blame them for being curious," Max shrugged. "They want to catch a glimpse of the woman who swooped in and swept the legendary Captain von Trapp off his feet..."
"Oh, I hardly..."
"Maria, the man adores you," Max chuckled. "He worships you, and don't you ever forget that."
"Thank you, Max," Maria gave him a grateful look, before her attention was quickly drawn by laughter nearby. She turned to see a group quickly look away from her.
"Ignore them," he whispered.
"I wish I could," she gave him a grim look. "I think I need some air…"
But now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
Stepping out into the large courtyard, Maria immediately felt the cool autumn air against her face. It was such a welcome relief to the stifling crowd and the suffocating atmosphere of the ballroom. In complete contrast, there were very few people outside. Small groups of men stood around the dim light thrown by lamps dotted around the extensive gardens. The ends of their cigarettes moved like bright fireflies against the dark night.
Away from the lamps, in the shadows, were the odd shaped silhouettes of couples, not wanting to be interrupted or seen while they shared precious moments alone or stole a kiss. It made her miss him more. As much as she hoped their discussions were going well, she wished Georg was here. She hoped everything was going as he hoped. The mere thought of Austrians willingly handing their homeland over the Nazis to was enough turn his mood dark and dangerous.
She shivered against the cool air.
"Do you need my jacket?" Max was already fumbling with the buttons.
"Oh, thank you, Max, but no," Maria smiled at him. "Just give me a few minutes, and..."
"Fraulein Maria!"
Maria froze. Her stomach lurched and she could feel her throat tighten. Where was Georg? She felt ill. Not here. She wasn't ready. Not for this. She couldn't turn around. Just when she'd thought this night couldn't get any worse. Perhaps she'd imagined it. But there was no mistaking that voice...
"Fancy seeing you here..."
Thank you everyone for continuing to read my new story. I've always wondered what may have happened after the night Maria returned to the villa and the Baroness left, if their paths ever crossed.
The lyrics woven throughout the chapter are from "Someone You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi.
Nothing's changed… I still don't own TSOM, and I'm still just having a lend!
"Immerse your soul in love"