Halo

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A/N-thank you very much for the kind reviews on the last chapter. I listened to the Taylor Swift Song-This is Me Trying-while I read this. It just reminded me of Ben. I don't know why.

Chapter Nineteen-Back to D'Qar

D'Qar was a planet located in the Ileenium system on the edge of the galaxy's Mid Rim and Outer Rim Territories, relatively close to Naboo and Crait. An obscure world far from the main space lanes, its remoteness had made D'Qar the perfect hiding place for the Resistance base, and it was with a heavy heart that they began to make preparations to leave it, knowing that retaliation from the First Order was imminent after destroying Starkiller. When the Millennium Falcon and Dameron's borrowed X-wing returned back to camp, they found it was already dismantled.

Kylo hastily climbed out of the X-wing, and as soon as his boots hit the ground, he was off running toward the Falcon. BB-8 rolled after him, doing his best to keep up, but was soon outdistanced by Kylo's longer strides. The Falcon's ramp was already down when Kylo reached his father's ship, and Han and the others were in the process of descending. Finn was carrying a comatose Rose, while Chewie did the same with Rey. Kylo acknowledged the former stormtrooper with a subtle nod of his head. No words were spoken between them as Finn returned his gesture in kind, before heading off to the medical bay with Rose.

Kylo didn't even bother greeting his father, his whole focus was on Rey. Like Rose, she was still unconscious. He stopped Chewie, impatiently motioning for the tall Wookie to give up his precious cargo. He wanted to be the one to carry her. Chewie let out a small whine as he reluctantly gave up possession of Rey to Kylo, murmuring in Shyriiwook for him to be careful. Kylo barely heard him as he adjusted Rey in his arms so she would be as comfortable as possible. Her brunette hair had unravelled from its three-bun style. Waves of brown hair that refracted the sun's gentle light framed her face, penetrating the smooth layers. As he carried her to the medical bay Kylo became fascinated by the freckles on her face- light, delicate, they sprinkled softly on her pale cheeks.

"Keep an eye on him for me." Han said in a low voice to Chewie as his watchful gaze landed on Leia, who was swiftly approaching them.

"You mean keep him out of trouble." Chewie responded in his own language.

"That too." Han gave his old friend a wry smile and a pat on the back.

Chewie shook his head and he let out another soft growl as he slowly followed in Kylo's wake. Han stood with his hands on his hips as he waited for his wife to join him. He was tense, his jaw working as he tried to keep his bitter feelings under control.

"Don't look at me like that, Han." Leia warned as soon as she joined him. Her abundant hair was wound into a complicated braid around the back of her head, she was wrapped in a grey cape that highlighted the silver strands framing her face.

"Why would you give the order to attack the base when you knew we were still inside?" Han demanded.

"You made it out." Leia answered as she subtly inspected him for any signs of injury.

"By the skin of our teeth." Han scowled.

"I had every faith that you would." Leia's brown eyes were warm as she regarded him with affection.

"Please, tell me you aren't really that hard?" Han's bitterness seeped out despite his best efforts to conceal it.

The light in Leia's eyes dimmed. "You knew it was going to be a tight schedule, Han. You were informed of the risks; you still chose to go."

"So, your own family are expendable as long as it furthers your cause and you get the results you wanted." Han snapped at her.

"That's not fair and you know it." Leia didn't hide the pain in her voice at his cruel accusation. "You have no right to judge me."

"Yet you are so good at judging others." Han countered roughly as he stared her down. He was about to say more when they were interrupted by the arrival of Poe Dameron. He frowned, turning his angry glare onto the reckless Resistance pilot. "You fired on the conduit too early. Why?" He questioned sharply.

Dameron had the grace to look uncomfortable. He averted his gaze, not quite able to look Han in the eyes. Leia's face registered confusion as she regarded her mentee with a troubled frown. "Poe?" She asked. "Is this true?"

Poe swallowed thickly before answering. "I saw an opportunity so I took it. You would have done the same, General."

"Don't you dare presume to tell me what I would or wouldn't do, Dameron." Leia snapped. "You're demoted."

"What?" Poe spluttered. "We took down a superweapon! You start an attack. You follow it through."

"Poe, get your head out of your cockpit. There are things you cannot solve by jumping in an X-wing and blowing something up." She cried in frustration. "I need you to learn that." She turned away from him, but he caught her arm to stop her. Leia gave him an imperious stare and he quickly let go.

"You should be congratulating me and the others. We were all heroes on that mission." Poe said defensively.

"One mistake and you could have all been dead heroes." Leia argued. "Your penchant for taking unnecessary risks is going to get us all killed someday unless you learn some restraint."

Feeling humiliated from his public dressing down, Poe's lips thinned as he turned on his heel and marched away. Leia watched him leave with a weary sigh, before glancing at Han. "Don't say it." She muttered.

"So, how's your replacement son working out for you?" Han said sarcastically.

Pain flashed in Leia's eyes. "How dare you say that to me! Poe isn't- "

Han cut her off with an impatient gesture with his forefinger. "The truth can sometimes hurt, sweetheart. I'm going to check on Ben. When you can find some time away from your busy schedule, perhaps you can do the same." He said as he walked away.

Han found Kylo on the Raddus-an MC85 Star Cruiser that served as the flagship for the Resistance-in the temporarily relocated medical bay. He was slumped in the doorway, leaning against the wall of Rey's small cubicle. He looked tired and on the verge of collapsing. His only company was the little astromech-BB-8.

"How's the kid?" Han asked huskily as he peered into the cubicle. Rey was hooked up to various monitors. Her dirty clothes had been discarded and she had been cleaned up by the medical droids. She was now covered just by a thin gown.

Kylo shrugged wearily as he trained his eyes on Rey. "Harter said she'll wake up in an hour…. maybe, two."

Han raised his eyebrows. "You spoke to Harter?" Harter Kalonia was a human female who served as a doctor with the New Republic and later the Resistance. She was also a Resistance officer holding the military rank of Major and was one of Leia's oldest friends. "How did that go?"

"She was professional, like always." Kylo murmured. He was still looking at Rey, his intense gaze lingering on her lovely face.

"You should get some rest. I can sit with the kid until she wakes up." Han offered gruffly.

"No, I want to be here when Rey wakes up." Kylo forced his face to relax.

Han nodded as he settled down next to his son. "But that doesn't stop your old man from keeping you company though, does it?"

Kylo's facial expression showed his surprise and his gratitude. "Thanks." He mumbled; his voice strained as if he wasn't used to expressing the sentiment.

The two men remained silent for a while as they listened to the quiet beeps of the machines monitoring Rey's vital signs. The small cubicle was sterile and devoid of any creature comfort. There was no decoration and smelled of some strong bleach. Rey lay on the cot, eyes closed, her breathing matching the beeping of the machines that surrounded the bed, the only indications of her heartbeat.

"You know you're going to have to tell her the truth about who you really are." Han ventured after some time had passed. "There's no hiding it anymore and its better coming from you."

Kylo tensed, his handsome face showcasing his misery. His gaze turned brooding as he met Han's sympathetic gaze. "I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."

"You do." Han said reassuringly as he reached out and touched Kylo's cheek affectionately.

"Dad!" Kylo's chin quivered slightly as his fear of rejection shone bright in his dark eyes.

"I know, son." Han replied with a half-smile. He jerked his head in Rey's direction. Her eyes were open. She was awake. "I'll leave you to it." He patted Kylo gently on the shoulder before taking his leave.

Kylo's facial expression sank faster than a stone on a pond, his skin became icy and pale as white itself. Was he even breathing? He wasn't sure his lungs were even functioning anymore. He had faced many terrifying situations in his life, but nothing compared to how terrifying it was to face Rey and reveal the truth about himself. Every thought in his mind was silenced into denial and grief. He wanted to put it off for a while, forever if he could.

"Ben?" Rey said hoarsely. "Where am I?"

"On board the Raddus. You're safe." He managed to choke out.

"You came back for me." She responded with unrestrained delight.

"I'll always come back." Kylo answered fervently.

Pearl shaped tears rolled down Rey's cheeks from her wide luminous eyes. She blessed him with the sweetest smile and it made him feel more like a fraud than ever. In his despair, Kylo wondered if he would ever see that smile directed at him again once he trusted her with the truth. As much as he wanted to put off the inevitable, he knew he was running out of time, Han was right, he owed Rey the truth, no matter what it cost him.

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.