Based on an incredibly silly Twitter exchange between me and someone else about an hour ago. Railed this off in half an hour. Hope y'all enjoy.
It was a hot summer day in Tazmily, the kind of day where you shut the blinds and hid in the dark lest you wanted your shirt to permanently stick to your back. And that's exactly where we found our intrepid family on this day in particular.
"Jumping Jupiter, it's hot out," Lucia moaned. She and Kumatora were in as little clothing as possible without it being weird.
"Speak for yourselves," Claus said snobbishly. He was pretty hot too, but substantially less so thanks to his robot side's cooling system. He was playing some sort of fighting game, and losing badly.
"Get bent," Kumatora muttered.
"Well, actually, I can't get bent. My mechanical parts are made of a super-strong alloy, see, and-"
"Luciaaaaaaaaa," Kumatora moaned, raising her arm about three inches up, attempting to point at the blonde who was now spread-eagle on the living room floor. "Get the Allen wrench and show Poindexter here what we do to nerds in this house."
"Wait, Kuma," Lucia said, "I thought I was Poindexter."
"She's right," Claus added. "She's Poindexter."
"I didn't ask for your input, Mr. Peabody," his sister shot back. He raised his arms in a surrender-esque motion. "Whatever. Like I care."
"God of shit, it's too hot to exist, much less so with you two nerds going at it," Kumatora whined. "Lucia, can you go to the store for cold things?"
"Cold...things?"
"Cold things."
"Such as...?"
Kumatora waved her arm lazily. "I don't fuckin' know, like, things you eat when you're hot?"
"Like, watermelon?"
"Yeah, that works."
"Watermelon. Got it. Anything else?"
"Yeah, actually," Claus piped up. "Can you get me a soft drink?"
Silence except for the loud whirring of the shop fan blasting in the living room. A dog barked in the distance.
"Excuse moi?" Lucia said.
"It's hot out today, and I would could really go for a soft drink."
Kumatora turned her head slowly towards him.
"You McFucking what?"
"You heard me."
"Okay, and what kind of..." Kumatora's face physically strained. "...soft drink would you like?"
"Oh, you know," he said nonchalantly, "one of those brands."
Lucia looked at her brother like he'd started speaking in tongues.
"One of those brands."
"Yes."
"Of...soft drink."
"Yes."
"Could you...possibly be more specific?"
He shrugged. "I dunno, like, General Issue Soft Drink?"
Lucia's mind started to break. "General...Issue...Soft...Drink?"
"Yeah, that's what they gave us in the force."
"Do you remember what it tasted like? At all?"
"Hmm..." Claus looked thoughtful for a minute. "Fizzy." Kumatora looked like she was about to dispatch him with a ball peen hammer.
"I know where you sleep at night, Claus!"
"That's not a threat, I know where you sleep, too!"
"Look," Lucia said, way to tired to argue about this, "I'm just going to go to the store, grab us a 24 pack of something, and we're all gonna like it."
"Sounds good," Kumatora said, relieved the conversation was over.
"Thanks, sis," Claus said, going back to his video game.
About half an hour later, Lucas returned with a 24 pack of cola, and a green can of something.
"Cola, and for my blockhead brother, I present to you one General Issue Soft Drink."
Kumatora whistled. "Wow, I'm surprised they still have it after the Cleansing!"
"I am too," Claus said. Producing a can opener attachment on his arm, he cut the top right off the can. Kumatora looked like she was about to have an aneurysm, then forgot to care. Claus took a long pull, burped wholeheartedly, and smiled. "Ahhh, just as I remember!"
"Can I...can I try?" Kumatora asked, inquisitive.
"Sure!"
She took a sip, made a face, and yelled at the top of her lungs, "IT'S SELTZER WATER!"