Repost for minor edits: 10/18/2020

The next morning we are assigned apartments and I was allowed to choose to live alone. Max gave me a look but shrugged his shoulder while he handed me a key. Then I signed up for ambassador training so I could get out of the compound. I felt I could make a difference outside these walls and I would have more freedom of movement.

I took my small bag of clothes up to my new apartment and realized I was right across the hall from Tobias. I looked up to see a camera in the ceiling that overlooked both of our doorways. They certainly were going to keep an eye on us while trying to see how we would react being so close. Great, I'm a freaking social experiment now. I bet Eric had a lot to do with this one.

Unpacking my few clothes in the closet I realized old habits die hard. I had lined up my clothes just like back in Abnegation. So I intentionally pulled things back out and reordered them, but that bugged me so I put them back the way I had originally put them. I cleaned the apartment up and put sheets on my bed. As I looked around though I could see how my abnegation was coming out. I was going to need to fix that. But I'd never had the opportunity to decorate anything so I had no idea where to start. For now clean and neat was the best I could do.

I had too much energy built up from the weeks of training to have a day off. I felt like I needed to be doing something. I wanted to see Tobias but that would be stupid so I decided to go back down to the pit and find someone to hang out with.

I am standing at the railing when Eric comes up beside me. "So, Stiff, how do you like your new apartment?"

I remind myself that he doesn't know that I know who lives across the hall. I shrug, "It's fine. I won't be there much with my job so it's as good as any."

He looks at me with a studying eye and I look back with wide eyed innocence. He bites down on his multiple lip piercings before saying, "Do yourself a favor. Make some more friends. It'll help you adjust."

Says the guy with no friends, I think. I give him a confused look "Why do you care?"

He puts his hand on my shoulder with the Abnegation tattoo and leans in saying overly sweetly, "I wouldn't want you to get too homesick." Then he walks away whistling. A chill runs down my spine.

Uriah steps up to the other side of me and asks, "What was that about?"

I shook my head, "No idea. But then it's Eric so…" I let my sentence drift off with a shrug.

Uriah nodded with understanding and turns when he hears Zeke call his name. "Hey, did Uriah tell you that he's living with me now?" Zeke asks me from the other side of Uriah.

Uriah turned to me, "Save me?"

I laughed, "Nope, sorry I like my little single apartment. But you're more than welcome to visit."

Zeke asked surprised, "You got a single?"

I shrug, "I'm kind of private. I like the quiet when I first wake up in the morning."

"You former stiffs gotta get over that. Four got a single as well. Where're you at?"

I give my apartment number and tell him what building and he laughs, "You're one of Fours neighbors. Well at least you won't have worry about being awake all night from parties when you have to work the next day."

I shrug, "Yeah."

Christina and Will walk up hand in hand which makes me a little uncomfortable, but I was happy for Christina. Uriah throws an arm over my shoulder as he makes a joke about making me more dauntless.

Christina looks back and says, "Let's get another tattoo."

I shake my head, "I don't want another one yet. But I'll help you pick one out."

We walk down to the pit and go to the tattoo shop Tori smiled at me as I walked in "Congratulations." she said with a smile. We both know there's more meaning to that than anyone else hears.

I smile back, "Thank you." I watch the others pick out tattoos to celebrate becoming officially dauntless but I go over and look at the earrings. Tori walks over "You want me to pierce your ears? You haven't done that yet." She is reminding me to keep up appearances.

In Abnegation there was no need to pierce ears because it would only hold jewelry that was self indulgent. Through training I didn't want to get earrings caught on something and ripped out. I nod my head, "Yeah, but I don't know what to get."

"We have starter kits. You keep them in until your ears heal then you can get new earrings. I'd go with simple silver studs. Until you get used to them they won't be in the way."

"Okay," I say and we go to the back room and I sit in the chair that she has given me tattoos in.

"So should we start calling you Seven now?" she asked smiling kindly but with a note of seriousness.

"How does everyone find out these things so fast?" I ask her while I can feel my skin turning pink.

"Because we like the unusual to a point. So that spreads quickly. Just remember to keep it under control." She punches a hole through my right earlobe but after all the stabs in my neck I barely even blink.

"I'm going to be an ambassador." I say trying to fill the quiet. When did I start feeling like silence was a bad thing?

She sighed, "You'll be right out in front of everybody. That kind of attention could be scary for a former stiff."

I know what she's getting at, "I'm Dauntless now," I state with determination.

She punches the hole in my other ear, "Good, remember that." She stands back and looks at her handy work. Then she looks at me, "I want to give you something." She steps into a side room and then comes back with a leather jacket. "It's too small for me now, but it should fit you. It was one of the last things my brother gave me. I'd like to think he's protecting you."

My eyes well up with tears and I pull the jacket on to see how it fits, "Thank you. That means a lot."

She nodded, "I like you, I don't like a lot of people, but I like you. You have real grit but it covers a soft heart. Now get out of here and spend some time with your friends."

I smile and walk out with my new earrings and jacket, and Christina walks over to me and looks me up and down, "Those are cute on you and when they heal we'll get you some hoops. Your jacket is awesome and all you need is some boots to go with that and you got a look that is bad ass."

Uriah walks over and laughs "There's a pair of studs over there that are hands giving the finger. That would be great with your new job and the new you."

I laugh and shake my head, "No but I might get them to wear around Peter."

Christina jumped and grabbed my hand, "Oh did you hear? Peter got stuck out at the wall."

My mouth dropped open, "Really? How did that happen?"

Christina shrugged, "Something about the leaders don't want to deal with him right now I think." Then with an eye roll she added, "But he is acting like he changed his mind and he wanted to be where the action is if all hell breaks loose."

"Of course he is." But I was thinking that's one less ass I have to deal with.

We go to dinner as a group but afterwards they all go to a party and I decide to go the training room to work off useless energy. I am still not happy with my performance in stage one of initiation and even though I can't go back and redo it I feel like at least I can still improve. I'm working at one of the punching bags when Tobias, oh no, by the look on his face he is Four, walks in.

I turn back away from him knowing there are camera's everywhere. As he walks past me with an angry stance I mutter, "I really am sorry."

He stops but doesn't look at me, "Why the hell was I in your fear landscape like that?"

I act embarrassed and like we haven't already talked about this, "It's not a complete secret how I feel about you but I respect that you don't see me like that. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about things. Trust me I wish I could stop. I'm trying to move on, okay, so maybe you'll get replaced, if it makes you feel any better."

I see his jaw clench and know he doesn't really want to be replaced. I do my best not to smile so I look at my feet instead.

He ground out, "I could have lost my job and my faction over that. So do what you have to do but I don't ever want to see my face in your fear landscape like that again."

"Wait, you SAW that?"

He nodded, "After I got my ass chewed I figured I needed to see what I was getting it chewed for. I watched the recording."

This time the mortification was real. I turned back to the bag and rest my forehead against it. "Again, I'm sorry." I knew somewhere Eric was going to watch this little interlude and be laughing his ass off.

He walks away and finally set up punching on a bag very far away from me. So I go back to my workout. It's very hard to keep up the pretense in front of cameras. And it's only been a day.

Then I hear him walking back to me. I turn in his direction and he shakes his head, "We worked on this. Did you forget everything I taught you? Bend your knees more and that back foot needs to be further back. You need it to stabilize yourself and to help throw your body weight into your opponent." He helps me readjust and then walks back to his own work.

When I'm finally too tired to care anymore, about training and about being so close to him without being able to touch him, I leave the training room and walk back to my apartment. I take a shower and feel the sting in my hands from hitting the bag. But I don't care, I am getting used to this life and now that I've worn myself down I just want to sleep. It's a good tired feeling.

After the shower I walk out of the bathroom in just my towel. I smile to myself because it's just a little act of rebellion in my own space with nobody else. Nobody can see me here and I have the privacy I need to learn to shed the Abnegation rules on my own. There's a mirror along one wall over a dresser and I stare into it for a long while. Noticing the changes in my body, less soft in some areas and more defined muscles. The tattoos stand out starkly against the white skin. I like the way they look.

I hear a tap at the window and jump. I look over and see Tobias on the rusty fire escape and can't help but run to the window to open it. Once it finally screeched open I asked, "What are you doing out there? If you get caught…"