repost for minor edits: 10/18/2020

By that evening I was feeling much better and walked into the dining hall to find Christina, Will, and Uriah. Will looked up and shouted, "There she is! She lives!"

I groan and hold my head as I sit down at the table next to Uriah, "I'm never doing that again. The day after is not worth it." They all laugh along with some people at the other tables who overheard me. I see Eric look over at me with a wink and I almost feel sick again. Just what I need is that one interested in me. But he's probably just doing it on purpose to make me feel uncomfortable for breaking his nose. So this is to be his retaliation, just making my every waking moment hell.

Uriah saw the look Eric gave me and scooted in closer, putting his arm around my waist, "I don't like him looking at you like that," he said in my ear.

I shrug and lay my head over on his shoulder, "Me neither but he's just playing mind games. I can handle myself."

"Still, maybe, this will help. I know it's not going to go anywhere," he said with a kind smile and handing me a roll off his tray.

Four walked in and saw me snuggled up to Uriah and his clenched jaw told me everything I needed to know about how he felt about this arrangement between me and Uriah. I had warned him about what was really going on but I could tell he still wanted to kill Uriah.

Christina whispered across the table, "What is Four pissed about now? He's staring daggers at you again today."

I shrug looking away, "Who knows? He always seems to be mad about something surrounding me. I wish he would find something else to get mad at."

Christina stopped mid chew, "Wait, I wonder if he likes you? I mean likes you, likes you? I mean think about it. He was your instructor and you came in first. Him showing up in your fear landscape might make it seem that he was too close to you. So he's kept his distance, but that doesn't mean he wants too." Then her eyes went wide as she put parts and pieces together that I didn't need her to put together.

I shake my head slowly trying to act innocent, "I don't know, maybe, but if this is how he acts when he likes someone I don't want him to like me."

She starts chewing her food again but still looks suspiciously at me. I finish my roll and realize I want more to eat so fix my own tray of food. We talk about other things and I try to act as normal as possible. But I see Christina keep glancing over at me like she knows something and wants to ask but can't in front of the others. I know she will eventually, but I appreciate that she is holding it back. Maybe she is becoming more Dauntless too.

She and I walk around in the pit for awhile after dinner and the guys go off to play some game with some of the other Dauntless standing around. We invariably wind up shopping for clothes because I need to get some more things that fit with work. She helps me pick out a couple more dresses and a pair of high heeled shoes that I think I might break my neck in. But once I try them on I know why she told me to get them. They give me a little more height and it feels like I have more power. Not very practical for other things but it makes since for what I'm required to do.

I tell her I want to get another ear piercing through the cartilage in the ear that Four cut during the knife throwing. There is still a scar there and I am kind of proud of it. Even though the person I stood up for turned out to not deserve it I'm still glad I did it. I was still coming to terms with things like Al's death.

Christina looked at me kind of funny and then suggested a red hoop ring to represent the blood from the cut but the way she acted I could tell she didn't want to talk about ear piercing. I was going to have to tell her some of the truth. "Maybe after that, we can go to your apartment and talk for a bit." She was sharing her apartment with Will, and I hadn't actually seen it yet. As much as I don't like Eric, his suggestion about hanging out with friends more made sense.

She threw me a look and nodded, "Yeah, I think that would be good idea. We don't have time to really talk lately. We need to catch up."

After getting my new piercing we ran up to her room and she started to grill me, "Okay tell me everything? Are you two seeing each other? What happened in your fear landscape? What do you know about him?"

I have to give her a version of the truth but I can't give her everything. It would put her in too much danger. "No, we're not seeing each other and never have been, but I've been crushing on him a lot especially during training. Yes, he showed up in THAT part of my fear landscape. It wasn't a faceless man; it was him. Now Max and Eric think he and I did have a relationship and it got him in a lot of trouble. So he's been pissed at me ever since. I don't know anything more about him than he is really freaking hot, and I have to get over him."

She looked disappointed, "Well crap, I kinda hoped you would be more adventurous than that."

I can tell her what we told Eric before so I looked away like I was embarrassed, "Well, I did kiss him, and he pushed me away. I was stupid and thought I would take a chance when I could. Eric found out about that too."

"Oh my GOD, What? When?" she was all over this new set of circumstances.

"It was about the time when Al died. Four was actually being nice to me and I just took it the wrong way. I was already upset and I thought he cared more than he did. It's all kind of blurred in there so I don't remember a lot of details. AND because I came in first it does throw a lot of things into question. But I swear I still don't know how I got first, it just happened. This is my fault not his. I keep telling Max and Eric that but they are watching us and making his life more miserable, which in turn makes my life more miserable."

"Oh, well then, it's good you and Uriah are doing this whole flirting thing. Maybe they'll lay off of Four which would help you." She said but then added, "But seriously the reason you got first is because you work harder. And you know how to stay calm in almost any situation. I've seen it even when Peter beat you nearly to death you kept getting back up and trying. That had to play into the Fear Landscapes too. I bet if you went back in there you could probably get rid of some of those other fears. Maybe take Four's name away from him." She said excitedly.

"Thanks, Christina, I didn't know how much I needed to talk this out. You're a good friend," I said and squeezed her hand. "But seriously this has to stay between us. I know you want to be honest with Will but this isn't your story. It's mine and I need you to keep it to yourself."

Christina nodded, "I get it. I'm learning that all Candor isn't a good thing sometimes, especially when you're in Dauntless."

"Okay well, speaking of Candor, I need to get to bed because I have to work tomorrow and who knows what I'll have to deal with after last night," I said and picked up my packages to leave.

"Here, let me help you with those." She said picking up a couple of things and walking out with me. "Hey before we leave remember one more thing. Stop apologizing. If they haven't gotten it by now they aren't going to get it. Just live your life and they'll eventually see the proof in front of them. If not with Uriah then with someone else. They're looking for weakness and if you're apologizing you're giving them weakness. Don't apologize to Four either he's a grown man he can deal with his own problems."

"Thanks," I said thinking over what she said. Sure she didn't have the whole story but at least she understood some of it, and that was good advice.

When Tobias snuck through my window that night he didn't wait or hesitate. Just pulled me in his arms and kissed me like he wouldn't survive if he didn't. When I pulled back and looked at him curiously, he said sheepishly, "Sorry, every time I saw Uriah's arms around you I wanted to remind you who you belonged to. I think we need for me to start acting interested if we want him to stay alive."

I rise up on my bare toes and kiss him again. "I would but I told him I would help him out until Brandy starts to notice him or this isn't working for him. Until then I'm kinda stuck between boyfriends."

He rolled his eyes, "Maybe I can find a way to help in that area. Cause I don't know that I can keep doing this much longer."

I put my hand to his cheek, "We have to be careful about this. We have a lot of things going on right now that we have to watch out for ourselves. Whatever Jeanine is up to, Divergents, and this. We can't afford to rush anything."

He nods and steps back to see that I am just in my towel again but I'm not running to get dressed. "Not that I'm complaining, but what's this about?"

I smile and step back in his arms, "I'm facing my fears. A little at a time."

"My brave woman. Let me know when I can start calling you six. Now go put something on so we can go to bed." He says smacking my behind playfully.

I go back to the bathroom and change into a t-shirt and underwear but that's all I can stand in this heat. When I came back out he had stripped down to his boxer briefs and I nearly had a heart attack. He is sitting on the edge of my bed messing with his watch waiting for me to get in bed first. When he looked up and saw my face he said, "Do you mind? It's really hot in here. I opened a couple more windows but if you need me to put on more clothes I will."

I take a deep breath, "No you're good. I was just overwhelmed. I've never seen you this…naked." I look away embarrassed at my reaction and the fact that I just want to stare at him.

He walks over to me and takes my hand, pulling me over to the bed, "You overwhelm me all the time. I'm glad I get to do that to you once in awhile." If he only knew how often he did overwhelm me. He pulls the sheet back and we get under it. That's all the cover either of us can handle at the moment.

I snuggle up in the crook of his arm and lay my head on his shoulder. My hand splays out over his bare chest. It was an interesting experience. And I just wanted to enjoy it but I needed to tell him what I'd said to Christina, so he knew what his roll should be.

"I had to tell Christina today about why Four is angry with me. I gave her the same story we told Eric about the kiss rejection and then you showing up in my fear landscape. That way if they question her she gives the same story."

He looked down at me, "You had to tell her?"

"She's smart enough to start putting things together. I thought it best to get that version of the story out there before she gets closer to the truth. If she does tell anyone then at least it's not a different version from what Eric has already heard."

He nodded and relaxed back on the pillow, "Fair enough, but the less people who know the better."

I was glad he wasn't too upset so I thought I'd jump in to something else that I did, "I got another piercing too." I set up a bit so he could see the ear that he cut with the knife. "Christina suggested the red hoop to resemble the blood next to the scar."

He took a look and mumbled a "Hmmm…"

"What?"

"I don't like being reminded of that. I hate that I hurt you."

"You were protecting me because I was protecting someone else. It's just a shame he didn't earn that protection. But I'm proud of myself for that day."

He pushed up, rolled half on top of me and gave me a quick kiss before grinning, "I'll admit that was pretty impressive of you. I think that's one of the reasons Eric keeps taunting you so much. He doesn't want to be impressed with you but he still is. And you're continuing your training and improving where you're weak has gotten some attention higher up. Max even said the other day he wished he knew you were going to keep doing this. He would've tried to recruit you into more of the military training."

"hmm…" my hands snake further around his waist, "I don't want to work with them. I couldn't deal with those two every day. But the real question is do you want to talk or kiss?"

He smiled down at me, "Mmmm…kissing is a much better idea."