Halo

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A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter.

Chapter Thirty-Five-A Time for Reflection

Han stared at Kylo for a while with a raised eyebrow. He was sitting tensely on the bench seat next to the Dejarik table, his back slightly arched and his eyes staring bleakly at the floor. "Ben, are you okay?" Han asked cautiously. His son had been this way ever since they had escaped Ahch-to. Rey had sat with Kylo for a while, holding his hand in hers until she had been forced to leave him to help an impatient Chewie fix the damage to BB-8's dome head.

"Yeah, fine," Kylo murmured absently, his eyes shifting to his father.

"Ben, look at me properly." Han shook him slightly.

"Don't do that." Kylo growled, his eyes changing to black instantly.

"Hey, cool that temper of yours." Han warned him irritably as he sat down heavily beside him. "I'm just trying to help, son."

"Sorry." Kylo mumbled apologetically as his cheeks flushed with shame. He was used to internalizing his feelings to the point that when they did come rising to the surface, he lashed out. It was a bad habit he was trying to break. Rey, being privy to the dark thoughts floating around his head about Luke's sacrifice, had known not to press him, instead just sitting with him in silent support, knowing that holding his hand was enough. Han, in his new role as involved parent, was still on a steep learning curve when it came to dealing with his son's erratic moods.

Han let out a weary sigh. "You're gonna have to help me out here, son. Its obvious something's troubling you. I was hoping you would open up to the kid, but if you can't…then…you can open up to me." He offered gruffly as he sat back in his seat, watching Kylo carefully.

"Rey already knows what's going on in my head." Kylo felt extremely awkward discussing such personal things with his father. Their relationship had never been that way. If he struggled expressing himself, Han was even worse. They had that in common. Among other things.

"I'm not that hard to talk to, am I?" Han huffed indignantly when his son was slow to respond to his offer.

Kylo gave a very Han-like shrug. "It's not you, its me." He replied with a weak smile.

"That's something you say when you're about to break up with someone." Han quipped.

"I wouldn't know." Kylo deadpanned.

Han laughed, his familiar lopsided grin taking over his face. "Okay, forget the emotional stuff. I'll leave that to the kid, let's talk about something much more interesting."

"Such as?" Kylo asked obliviously.

A wicked glint lit up Han's eyes as he punched Kylo lightly on the shoulder. His tactic had worked, even if quite not in the way he had expected, his son was out of the doldrums now. "Women."

Kylo groaned and covered his face with his hand. "No."

"Yes." Han leaned closer, dropping his voice to almost a whisper. "So, Ben, when are you gonna kiss her?"

Kylo felt the tips of his turn red with embarrassment. "Who?" He muttered, annoyed that he had fallen into his father's trap.

"Well I'm not talking about the damn droid-though I notice you've got a bit of droidmance going on with BB-8-I mean Rey." Han accidentally raised his voice again in exasperation. Unfortunately, it happened at the exact moment that Rey made her entrance.

"What about me?" She asked curiously as she caught the tail end of their conversation.

Han's grin widened while Kylo's cheeks were suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose, the blooming colour warming his pale skin. He couldn't summon the courage to look at her he was so mortified. "I have to…um…yeah….BB-8…I promised to check on him." He scarpered so fast that Rey was left staring after him in confusion.

"Is it something I said?"

"Not you, kid. That was all on me." Han chuckled.

"Fathers!" Kylo complained to BB-8 as he began to pick apart all of Rey and Chewie's hard work in fixing the huge crack in the little droid's dome head just so he had something to focus on.

BB-8 remained motionless in front of him as Kylo continued with his litany of complaints about Han Solo. It was only when Kylo picked up the soldering torch that the little astromech began to get nervous. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" He beeped anxiously in his binary language.

"Of course, I do." Kylo scoffed as he switched it on, startling poor BB-8. "I've done this plenty of times. I was always fixing the family's droids when I was younger, and I only set fire to the kitchen once." He boasted proudly.

BB-8 let out an alarmed high-pitched whistle as he quickly scooted away from the soldering torch's white and orange flame. Kylo glared at him impatiently as he called out to the little droid to come back. BB-8 wasn't having any of it. He hastily rolled away, forcing Kylo to abandon the soldering torch so he could chase after him.

Chewbacca let out a pleased whine when he finally got the comm's system working again. It was temperamental at the best of times but had gotten damaged in the ensuing running battle with the First Order when they escaped Ahch-to. With some skilled piloting by Han and Rey at the helm, and with Chewie and Kylo in control of the Falcon's laser canon's, they had managed to outmanoeuvre the enemy fleet and jump to light speed. Now they drifted in space while they did necessary repairs to the ship. Chewie flipped some switches and whined again anxiously when a radio signal coming from the Resistance immediately tried to contact them. He pondered for a while whether to answer it or go and fetch Han. He wasn't sure his friend was ready to talk to his estranged wife just yet. He knew Kylo was in no mood to speak to Leia. Chewie loved the princess dearly, he always had, but even he was feeling ambivalent about her recent actions. He had tried to understand them, but lingering feelings of betrayal stopped him answering her hail.

"Can you put a stop to that noise?" Han complained as he climbed into the cockpit and settled in the co-pilots seat next to the tall Wookie.

Chewie growled at Han, gesturing impatiently toward the console. "Its your wife. You deal with it." He snapped in Shyriiwook as he left Han alone.

Leia was certainly being persistent. Han glared at the offending console as he did his best to ignore the Resistance's constant hails. He was still so angry with her, he expected it was guilt that was driving her to contact them so desperately. Han knew she must have sensed Luke's passing through the Force. She must also sense that their son was still alive. She would be devastated by the loss of her brother, Han fought against the familiar urge to reach out and offer her comfort. Was it possible to still love someone so much, but dislike them intensely at the same time?

Han tried not to let his negative emotions swallow him and pour acid into his soul. Instead he fought for the good memories, the reasons to be kind. He fought to keep himself empathetic even as every terrible thing he had predicted had come true. For Han, Leia's betrayal, her lack of willingness to fight for their family, and placing the Resistance time and time again above their son, counted as one of the worst things that had happened to him. And so, even as his heart still held only sweetness for the memories of who they once were, it also ached with a deep sadness that he would never see his princess in the same way again.

Han was disturbed whilst in the middle of his internal debate by Kylo's arrival. He watched as his son settled into the pilot's seat next to him. Kylo's expression was inscrutable, Han couldn't tell what he was thinking. "I haven't answered her."

"But you want to." Kylo kept his tone neutral as he answered.

"I don't know what I want." Han admitted. He rubbed his stubbled chin tiredly.

"You can acknowledge we're still alive and that her machinations didn't kill us if you want." Kylo replied succinctly.

Han frowned heavily. "Ben, this isn't easy for me."

Kylo ran his fingers through the inky black strands of his hair. "I know. I'm sorry." He apologised, his tone softening. "You need to do what's right for you."

"No, I need to do what's right for you." Han countered.

Their eyes met briefly before turning away from each other again. Kylo concentrated his gaze on the blinking lights on the console. "Luke wanted me to forgive her." He admitted slowly.

"He said that?" Han's frown deepened.

Kylo nodded. "He said that I assumed forgiveness was weakness, but it's absolutely not; it takes a very strong person to forgive."

Han scowled. "Same old Luke. Guilt tripping us all to the very end."

"That's what I thought." Kylo murmured.

"And that's what you were brooding about earlier?"

"Partly."

Han's lips thinned as his jaw tightened. "I can disable the comm." He suggested.

"You'll only be putting off the inevitable." Kylo said quietly. He couldn't bear to see his father looking so tortured, instead deciding to take the decision out of Han's hands. He leaned forward in his seat and flicked the switch on the console to connect them to the Resistance base and Leia.

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.