All of the men of the 501st and the 212th were granted long term leave after the battle to recover. Many had been killed or wounded, and numbers had to be recovered as much as minds and morale. Rex took his own version of leave, however, and agreed to temporarily train some of the fresh cadets on Kamino with Akira, Anakin, and a few of the men from the 212th. Akira and Anakin were meeting with Shaak Ti, discussing some revisions to the training of the adolescent cadets. Rex was with them for a part of the meeting, until Tup was brought in by guards.

"General Skywalker, Captain Rex. This trooper was caught trying to leave the planet."

Anakin nodded to Rex for him to handle it, and he tipped his head in understanding. He took Tup's elbow from the guards' and led him out across the hall to Akira's temporary space, knowing the door was unlocked.

"What are you doing? Trying to leave?"

Tup sat on the sofa, his fingers intertwined behind his neck. "I don't know, sir, I'm sorry."

"Why were you trying to leave?"

"No reason, sir-"

"Why were you trying to leave?" Rex shouted.

"I wanted to leave! For good! I don't want to do this anymore!" Tup shouted, his eyes wide. Tears hung in his gaze, and Rex sat on the table across from him, taking his hands. Sometimes he forgot how young Tup was compared to the rest of them.

"What happened?" Rex asked. "What's making you feel this way?"

"Umbara, the firing squad, the men I killed…" he cried, tears falling onto his knees, "I can't do this anymore. I killed my friends-"

"We all did, Tup. We all killed our friends that day. We all almost shot Fives and Jesse. We're all haunted by it. But defecting is giving up on your brothers. The ones that are alive, and fighting every day. You're a good soldier, and a good person. We need you here with us. We want you here."

"It doesn't change what I did."

"You didn't do anything wrong. It was a mistake, we were set up. Some of our men were shot too, and those men of the 212th have to live with it. Everyone there that day… is suffering with you. But you don't have to be alone, come and talk to me, to Cody, to Fives… we're here for you. Don't get yourself killed trying to defect."

"I'm sorry, Captain. I just, I don't think I can live with myself."

"Live with yourself knowing that you didn't do it on purpose. That your guilt is good, it makes you a human. If you didn't feel bad, you'd be a crazy murderer or something."

Rex smirked, nudging him gently. "I mean it. You are not alone."

Tup threw his arms around Rex's neck, and Rex returned the embrace. The door opened, and Rex looked back at Akira.

"Sorry, Rex-"

"No, its ok," he said, and stood. "Tup and I were discussing Umbara."

Akira nodded, and Tup wiped his face. "I know you're in pain. Every one of your brothers that survived that day is in pain. But keeping it to yourself is what's going to be your undoing."

"Yes, Sir."

Akira smiled, "tomorrow, I could really use an assistant teaching those cadets at target practice. Are you game?"

Tup smiled, "yes, sir."

"Good, I've never been great at child wrangling."

Rex got up early the next day and prepared for his assignment. He was to simply supervise and instruct the cadets while they sparred, practicing their fighting and martial arts skills. The Sergeant from the 212th, Silver, was standing next to Rex, watching the Cadets. Cody was with them, helping a few of the younger cadets with their form.

"I'm glad you made it through Umbara alright, Captain. Congrats on your achievements." Silver said, his perfect smile flashed.

Rex felt like he'd been the one to lose the most of all those involved, but nodded, "I don't feel very lucky, but thank you."

"You did great, it was Anakin and Akira that dropped the ball, leaving the 501st to fend for themselves with crazy Krell."

Rex looked over at him, "Anakin was ordered to leave by the council, and Akira was working on the blockade… Krell was the only criminal."

"Sure they, were… but one of them should've stayed. Well, Anakin should've stayed. Akira doesn't know anything about battle."

"Akira was a captain of the Temple guard. He's just new to the General aspect of it, that's all."

"That's an understatement. I've been on patrol in Coruscant and I'll tell you, He's taken enough people to bed in the last few weeks than I've seen all the other Jedi combined. His mind is definitely elsewhere."

"What's that have to do with anything?" Rex asked, his stomach turning. Was that true? He'd seen the woman in the alley but…

"Rex, just admit you want to bed the General and get on with it."

Rex stiffened, "What did you say to me?"

"Come on, you're always looking at him, you were snuggled up in his arms on Umbara."

"I suggest you watch your mouth, Sergeant," Rex commanded, and Silver crossed his arms. "Or I'll move you to sanitation, with the rest of the trash."

"I don't know what you see in a jedi that killed his own master and got moved to the guard so the council wouldn't have to look at him. That's the kind of person I'd definitely want to sleep with."

Rex turned toward the Sergeant, his finger in his face. "Starting rumors will bring you nothing but trouble, Silver. I suggest you keep your head on straight and watch who you're talking to."

"You're right. He'd never go for you, anyway. He wouldn't break protocol for a man with a hundred thousand look alikes bopping around. If it's a piece of ass you want, you're better off going for the shinies, help them get up the ranks."

Rex's fist was into the Sergeant's nose before he'd even finished processing his words. His taunting sneer, the knowing look in his eyes… He straddled the Sergeant, slamming his fist into his face again and again, a guttural, primal scream tearing from his throat. His words were right- he was just a clone. Krell had said it perfectly, he was a creature made in a lab. There were thousands others that looked exactly like him. They were all disposable, property. What Jedi would risk getting expelled from the order for a test tube clone? He was one of a million, literally.

"Rex, stop!" Cody shouted, trying to pull him off of the Sergeant. He ignored him, continuing his beating, shoving Cody off. Akira ran in with a few guards, putting Rex in a headlock and pulling his arm around his back. Rex's face was mashed into the floor, Akira kneeling on his back.

"Stop it, Rex!" He shouted, and the other clones ran over to the Sergeant, moaning on the ground.

"Stop!" Rex was shaking, every muscle in his body twitching for more. He took a deep breath, Akira's cologne flooding him, and he began to come down, the horror of what he'd done taking hold of him. Of Akira restraining him like an animal. He tried to stand, but Akira held him firmly in place.

"You need to breathe for a moment." Akira said quietly, his arm tight across his chest, the other arm holding Rex's behind him. "Calm down."

"Sir I-"

"Shh."

Rex breathed, Cody standing over him with a worried expression. Kix ran in with a med kit, looking at Rex with his eyes wide.

"He tried to kill me! Crazy loon," Silver moaned, lying in a pool of his blood.

"Sir," the temple guard said, "we will take Captain Rex-"

"No," he said and stood, Rex's arm still twisted behind his back. "I'll handle it from here, thank you."

He nodded for Cody to continue the lesson, and he did, getting the rest of the cadets in line again. Once in the hallway, Akira released Rex's arm. He lead him back to his temporary quarters, where he held the door for him. Rex's head was hung, but straightened as the General entered.

Akira sat on his desk, Rex at parade rest.

"What was that about?" Akira asked, his deeper tone curling around the question. He was in dark maroon robes, the jedi emblem on his shoulder. His dark hair was mussed and swept back his blue eyes searching Rex's. What did Silver mean he'd killed his own master? Why did Akira go into the guard only to return?

"Nothing. I lost my temper, Sir. I will not allow it to happen again, sir."

Akira's eyebrow rose. "Rex. I thought we were better friends than this."

Rex swallowed, looking out the window beyond the general. "Talk to me. I don't sense any anger in you, just… fear."

Rex sighed, "I'm, I'm simply going through something personal, sir. I won't let it affect my work again."

"I don't care about the work. If there's something you're going through, I want to talk about it, I want to help you work through it."

Rex met Akira's eyes, and his heart pound, "Sir, I don't think you can."

Akira nodded, standing. "Take the next few days off, Rex, clear your head. I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

"That's not-"

"Rex. Its an order."

Rex bobbed his head, "yes sir. Thank you."

Rex spent his few days off in the Med Wing. He'd told them he had thought he'd hit his head, and requested scans. They let him sleep and gave him fluids, and he spent the time he was awake reading the book Akira had given him. All of his scans had come back fine, and they allowed him to stay and rest until he was to return to duty. What was wrong with him? He couldn't put his finger on why he was acting the way he was. Why was Akira such a sore subject? Why did he make his heart pound and his palms sweaty? Why was he jealous of people who got to spend time with him?

He could be in love with him. He was a clone but he wasn't that clueless. He was infatuated with the man. The way he walked, the way he talked, his laugh, even the smell of his clothes when he stood near him were intoxicating. He thought about him almost constantly, to the point where he'd begin walking around just to try to get a glimpse of him. What he couldn't understand was why couldn't he make it stop? He had free will, seemingly. He didn't want these feelings. They were inconvenient, they were against protocol, and they were painful. Why couldn't he will himself to let Akira go? If he acted on them, he'd be rejected, and then probably reconditioned. Why couldn't his brain get that? There were to be no relationships between the clones and anyone else, and there were to be no attachments between Jedi and another… why couldn't he see?

Akira was just so… kind. Yes, the jedi were generally kind but Akira was genuine. He meant it when he said something. He wasn't out to confuse people or make them feel inferior… he was just another person trying to get through this garbage war. He was so approachable and pleasant...

Rex growled and slammed his hands on the bed, putting his hands over his ears.

"I can't take this anymore!"

"Then let someone in."

Rex flinched, knocking the book on the floor. Cody shut the door behind him, his helmet under his arm.

"Cody-"

"You know I've been looking for you for days, right?"

Rex sighed, looking at the floor.

"The last time I saw you, you were being dragged off by General Kutae for beating Silver in front of fifty Cadets. Just after a battle where you and your battalion killed friendlys, some nearly in a firing squad. And just before that, you weren't sleeping, you were getting drunk… I thought you'd finally lost your mind and got tossed or reconditioned."

Rex sighed. "I'm sorry, Cody."

"With the way you're acting, its going to happen. You're destroying yourself."

"I know that!" Rex shouted. "You think I don't know that? You think I want this?"

"Then get it together!"

"I can't!" Rex shouted, standing. "I'm trying, Cody, I'm trying to fix whatever has gone loose in my head but I can't seem to! And I'm scared!"

"Then tell me what's wrong so I can help you! I want to help you, Rex, you're my brother!"

Rex's chest was heaving, "Cody, I can't… Its bad."

Cody's jaw was set. "I don't care."

"You don't understand, its… very bad." Rex said, his heart pounding. Would Cody tell Obi Wan or something? Out him?

"You can tell me anything, and we can figure it out together." Cody promised, setting his helmet down.

"No," he breathed, "No not this, this is, personal."

Cody stepped forward, putting his hands on Rex's shoulders.

"Rex'ika, I'm worried about you. Whatever this is, its eating you alive. You are my brother, and I love you. I need you to talk to me."

Rex broke, tears spilling into his eyes. Hearing his pet name from when they were in training brought down the last of his walls. He needed someone, he needed to reach out, to be heard. "I'm… I've lost it, Cody. If they find out, they'll terminate me. Its not normal."

"Tell me, Rex." Cody pressed.

"Its the General, Akira, I… I… want him." He whispered, a sob escaping him. His teeth chattered.

"You think you want the General like that?" Cody whispered, and Rex sobbed.

"Cody, Cody please… please don't leave me, don't abandon me."

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured him. "Are you sure you're not mistaken, its not that you simply like him-"

"I tried to convince myself of that, but, its more than that. I know its unnatural- that its a hiccup in my programming or something but- I don't want to be court martialed or terminated-"

"That's not going to happen. There are other clones and even Jedi who have relationships with one another, you've heard it. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. The Jedi, they care about us."

Rex sobbed, the release of keeping such a secret for so long too much to hold back. Cody embraced him, rubbing his back. "Don't be upset, you're alright."

"I can't get rid of it."

"You have to talk to him."

Rex stood, his heart fumbling in his chest. "I could never. He'll just tell me how disgusting I am."

"No. Akira wouldn't do that and you know it. He helped Tup, he saved you from being arrested for beating Silver… just talk to him. No matter what he says, you'll have closure. You can move on with closure, and leave this behind you. Akira will be kind, and you can stop dwelling on the 'what ifs.'"

Rex bobbed his head, his jaw set. He was right. He just had to get it over with.

"Ok."

Thanks so much for reading, Rex is headed down the path... :)