Halo

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter.

Chapter Forty-One-Anger

Ben tried to concentrate on the Jedi text in front of him, but the delicate scripture kept swimming in front of his eyes. His focus was scattered, so filled with nervous anticipation was he, so excited, even giddy. His thoughts danced in infinite directions as he looked at the object of his affections sitting a few feet away from him, another one of the ancient Jedi text's balanced on her lap as she studied the complicated diagrams drawn on the brittle pages within. Rey felt him looking and raised her eyes to meet his, giving him a shy smile before quickly glancing away again. A tingling feeling spread throughout his entire body and he felt the corners of his own mouth lifting in response. He was going to kiss her again. He'd been wanting to do it again for ages, but they were never alone, and it hadn't felt appropriate, not while he was still recovering. He was feeling much better now. There was no credible reason to wait. Ben glanced in Rey's direction to find her doing the same. An adorable blush coated her cheeks as she felt his intentions through their Force bond.

Rey's breathing quickened in expectation of what was coming next as she put the book to one side. Ben did the same. He kept his eyes trained on her the whole time. Rey took in his cheekbones, full lips and pale skin. She just wanted to eat him up. There was something so sexy in that vulnerable look of his. His voice was warm and rich when he spoke her name. Rey's heart rate sped up before slowing when he said her name again in the same seductive tone. Words failed her in that moment and she stayed silent-Ben was waiting for a response but she wasn't focusing on his words. She blushed again and his look of bafflement changed into the sweetest smile she had ever seen…

Then Chewie lumbered into the room.

Ashen faced, Leia sank into one of the vacant chairs. Her hands were shaking as she reached for the pot of Caf.' "Do you want some?" She asked as a way to prolong the inevitable.

Han shook his head impatiently as he remained standing. "All I want is some damn answers. Leia, look at me." He demanded.

Smart, fierce, and headstrong, Leia had always been able to accomplish whatever task she imposed on herself, putting duty before her personal needs time and again in order to succeed. She always gave as good as she got which was one of the many things Han had always admired about her. In spite of her self-discipline, Leia also had a fiery temper which she often struggled to control and was eager to prove herself, to be recognized for what she could do instead of for her title of nobility. Others who didn't know her very well often thought she had a perceived coldness about her. Leia hadn't been immune to the gossip among some members of the Rebel Alliance in her youth, who had nicknamed her the ice princess. None of them had ever understood the great burden she faced in service to the Alliance and she often felt that Han never had either.

Despite her commitment to Alderaan's values of pacifism, Leia believed in self-defence and in fiercely fighting for the galaxy's freedom. She never cared much for being royalty, for her priority was to help those who needed her, and not wealth nor recognition. Always a woman of action as a result of her upbringing, eager to get things done and making positive differences in the galaxy, Leia was also impatient- a trait she shared with her brother, Luke. She was a strong woman, though in more private moments she admitted to herself that some of that strength was fuelled by desperation and even hatred at times.

Leia immensely regretted that her actions on the first Death Star indirectly led to the destruction of her homeworld. She was conscious of the fact that she alienated many people because of that. Constantly questioning whether or not she did the right thing, she came to the realization that she would willingly sacrifice those innocent lives again if it meant stopping the Empire. In her eyes, the cause was greater than any one person, even those closest to her.

"It wasn't a decision I made willingly, Han." Leia said carefully as she concentrated her gaze on the cup of hot Caf' in her hands. "We suffered huge casualties- "

"Because of Dameron." Han cut in angrily.

"Han." Leia cautioned him. "Placing individual blame isn't getting us anywhere."

"I'll place the blame where its deserved and so should you." Han retorted.

"I can assure you Poe is already punishing himself enough. He's drowning in guilt."

"I don't see it. He still comes across as the same cocky ass I met on D'Qar." Han said bitingly. "You are always defending him. In your eyes he can do no wrong. Why can't you do the same for Ben?"

"Those two things are completely different." Leia argued. She sighed, closing her eyes briefly as she rubbed her aching temples. "Can you please sit down so we can talk about this reasonably."

"You don't get a say in what I do anymore, sweetheart."

"Like you ever listened to me in the past." Leia offered up a small smile but Han wasn't buying it. He gave her a warning look and her smile slowly faded with it. "We were losing fuel, Han. We were never going to reach Crait if I didn't cut a deal."

"You should never have made the deal in the first place." Han was so filled with frustration he could hardly keep still. He began to pace. "I don't care what dire straits the damn Resistance was is in. You should never have offered up our son as a sacrifice."

Hurt flashed in Leia's brown eyes. "I knew that you were all with Luke and he would protect you. I trusted that with Luke's help things would work out in our favour. I never envisioned this outcome…." Renewed grief for her brother overwhelmed her and she bowed her head to stem the tide of her tears.

"You put your faith in the coward who exiled himself after he tried to murder our son!" Han was incredulous. "What kind of twisted logic is that?"

"Will you stop saying that!" Leia cried as her control slipped. "Luke would- "

A low whistle coming from BB-8 interrupted what she was about to say. The little astromech had become increasingly distressed the longer he listened to Han and Leia arguing. He couldn't take anymore. Ben Solo was innocent. He had been right there when Ben had encountered his uncle on Ahch-to and he had recorded everything. BB-8's dome head swivelled backwards as he projected a holographic image of Luke and Ben's confrontation on that wild stormy night on Ahch-to right in front of a startled Leia.

"I never expected to find you sleeping." Luke's holographic image flickered slightly, but the reflection of the tears in his eyes was still clear. "I used the opportunity to look inside…." He paused, the edges of his lips turning white from the pressure. "I saw it, Ben. And it was beyond anything that I had ever imagined. Snoke had already turned your heart- I saw the all the pain, death, destruction, and the end to everything that I loved because of what you would become. And for one brief moment of instinct, I thought I could stop it. The feeling passed so quickly and I was left with shame at the thought of what I had contemplated doing. Then you woke up…"

Leia's world shattered.

Chewbacca wedged himself between the frustrated young lovers as he tipped up a bag of salvaged parts from the Falcon and urged them to help him sort them into two piles-one pile for those that could be recycled, the other for those that couldn't be used again. "You should be an expert at this." He said to Rey in Shyriiwook, a low rumbling growl followed this statement which she took to be his version of laughter.

A flash of annoyance lit up Rey's eyes which she hid behind a fixed smile. "Yeah." She muttered. "The scavenger knows what she's doing. Watch me go!"

Chewie caught her irritated tone and he growled again with laughter. "I was teasing." He said.

Rey's eyes softened and her smile turned more genuine. "I know."

"You know more than any of us. I saw that quick fix you did on the hyperdrive. Very impressive." Chewie continued, completely oblivious to the lingering glances of frustration that Ben and Rey were exchanging behind his back. "We could turn this into a game. Whoever salvages the most parts will get a bigger portion of the rations tonight."

"Sounds fun." Ben responded through gritted teeth.

Chewie grinned at him, showing all his teeth. He put one hairy arm around Ben and pulled him closer, using his other to muss up the inky black strands of his hair just like he used to do when Ben was a toddler. Rey put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter at the sight of Ben's disgruntled expression as he glared at his surrogate uncle in annoyance. "Not cool." He complained loudly.

The amused Wookie released him and gestured for him to start sorting through the parts. "Han made me promise to keep you out of trouble." He laughed. "And I always keep my promises."

Leia clasped her shaking hands together. Han, still fighting the urge to comfort his distraught wife, distracted himself by pouring them both some Caf.' He passed a cup to Leia; she took it gratefully and took a small sip.

Han finally sat down and faced her. "You've heard the truth from Luke's own mouth. You can't stay in denial anymore. Ben never did any of it, sweetheart. He wasn't responsible for burning down the temple. He never killed those students. In fact, he tried to save them."

It took a while for Leia to answer him. Her face was drained of all colour. Instead she gulped down some more Caf.' "When Luke died, I sensed it through the Force. He was contented and at peace."

Han withdrew from her, angered that she was talking about Luke again. "Well how convenient for him!" He thundered. "What about Ben?"

Leia visibly flinched at the sound of his loud voice. It was rare that Han got so worked up that he actually yelled. She stared at him for a minute before slowly rising to her feet in order to put some space between them. "You need to give me a little time to process everything."

"What is there to process?" Han demanded. He was beginning to wonder if she was in shock. He made sure to lower his voice when he next spoke to her. "I have more questions."

"Not more, Han." Leia turned her back on him and rubbed her forehead as a headache began to form over her eyes.

Han ignored her entreaty. "That distress signal you sent out. Were you ever trapped?"

Leia's back remained rigid. "It was a ruse sent to fool the First Order. We deliberately caused the rockfall. We concluded that if they thought we were trapped inside the old base, then they would withdraw, thinking we were as good as dead anyway. It worked. They left and we were able to escape."

"They didn't leave." Han revealed bitterly. "We picked up that distress call. And like a fool I came to rescue you. And for my sake Ben and the others decided to come with me."

"What?" Leia whirled around to face him. She was definitely in shock now. "You're here now. You weren't captured. You're all okay."

"I am here. We were captured. And not all of us are okay." Han levelled his gaze with hers, his eyes stormy.

Leia's hand flew to her throat as she remained rooted to the spot a few feet away from him. "Ben?" She whispered.

"Killed Snoke." Han said pointedly as he slowly rose to his feet. "So, you see, sweetheart, our son not only risked his life to destroy Starkiller base-he risked it to save the kid, he risked it to come and save you and the Resistance, he risked it again to save me, after Snoke spent days starving him of food and water, and torturing him both physically and mentally. He even risked it to save the droid."

BB-8 let out a series of urgent beeps in his binary language as he retold Ben's epic save when he was damaged on Ach-to. "He came back for me." He said stoutly.

"Our son is a hero and still you won't acknowledge him." Han snapped. "Instead you've replaced him with that hotshot pilot. What's going on, Leia? I look at you and I don't see the woman I fell in love with."

Han's taunt found its target. Leia visibly shook as if he had slapped her. "I have not replaced him with Poe. You've been absent for most of Ben's life. Don't come here and start acting like father of the year. You have no idea about anything."

"You're right. I don't. And I admit I wasn't there for Ben when he needed me the most. It's my biggest regret." Han admitted as he took a few steps toward his wife, his frown deepening. "I've been thinking a lot about the past these last few weeks and there's a lot that just doesn't add up." He stopped in front of Leia, his hands finding their way to his hips. "Everything changed after you cut short your Jedi training with Luke. You were different. Not just with me. But with Ben. Don't try and deny it. What the hell happened, Leia? What changed?"

The walls that held Leia up, which made her strong just... collapsed. She finally showed some emotion at last as she fell against Han. He caught her just in time, her hands clutched at his jacket as her tears soaked his shirt. Han didn't embrace her, just listened quietly as she spoke through her tears. "On the last night of my training with Luke, while we were sparring, I had a vision and sensed the death of our son if I were to complete my Jedi path. Even though Luke hoped I would resume my training later on, I gave him my lightsaber to convince him otherwise, asking him to pass it on to a promising student someday."

Leia suddenly found herself being pushed away by Han. She stared up at him with glassy eyes filled with tears. He looked upset and angry and it was all directed at her. "Han?" She questioned uncertainly.

"And you kept this all to yourself!" Han exploded. "You sensed the death of our son and you never said one fucking word to me about it. What else have you been keeping from me, Leia? Tell me right now."

A/N-thanks for reading. Please review. There was too much angst in one chapter. I had to separate it.