The Longing of the Heart

by otherrealmwriter

Set in the early 1900s, Alfred F Jones is a coworker of Ivan Braginsky in a firm in the New York City area who has just married his little sister Natalya. But how deep is their love and who does everyone really love? AmeBel and slight unrequited RusAme Told as a series of journal entries over the years of 1914-1919

74. Ivan's Journal 16

I don't own Hetalia okay? I have a goal of wrapping this story up by November 11th (Armistice day huh?) so you'll see a lot more on updates. Anyway, enough of this A/N, on with the fic!

September 15th 1918.

(from the diary of Ivan Braginsky)

This may be my last chance to write anything down. Between the fever, body aches and pains, and all the morphine they give me, I am barely aware I am in the world. I can hardly keep myself conscious and any time I do fall asleep or pass out I keep seeing a bright light, Mama and Papa even though they died years ago. It is the worst pain I could ever imagine just trying to write this. I cannot feel anything below my waist because of where the injury happened and I cannot move my legs but it is a weird feeling that that part of me doesn't hurt because it is disconnected in a way. I am aware it is there but not functional. The nurses won't let me even wheel myself outside as they think the fresh air would help. Let me have some dignity.

I must get this down quickly as a feel my mind drifting away again. I am proud of what Natalya and Katyusha have done with themselves. Natalya is the most protective mother I had ever seen and Katyusha, despite her misfortune with men has become more confident since she took the nurse training and did that year in England. I love my niece and nephews. While I may never get to see little Anya and Ivan in person, they will know my story and just how much I loved them. Nikolai seems to be becoming a strong big brother figure and while he is only 3, he shows a lot of promise. I think I will miss Fredka most of all. While I will never be able to ever express how deep I have loved him, in a way that I never thought possible, he was always on my mind. I do not wish them pain if the reaper does take me, but I have been growing weaker as the days go by and do not know how much longer I can go on. I am in intense pain and just moving my hand to make the pen strokes is excruciating. My shoulder is also growing stiff as well. I'm going to stop now and try to rest. I'll finish it later.

So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? Let me know in a review. I don't have much else to say here so remember to read (well you just did) and to review. Ciao for now,

otherrealmwriter

aka

Realm