Halo

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A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter.

Welcome aboard the angst train….

Chapter Forty-Two-The Final Goodbye

Ben could drink in Rey's words like a fine Alderaanian wine and enjoy feeling tipsy. He watched her like she had the stars in her hands and soft petals at her feet. All she was doing was talking to Chewie, animatedly describing some of the better parts she had salvaged on Jakku, but to him everything she did was magical. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go. He wanted to…. a slow blush bloomed on Rey's cheeks and Ben realised he must have been shouting his thoughts at her again. He felt his own face heat up in response and he ducked his head in embarrassment. He didn't think he could go in like this for much longer before he spontaneously combusted.

Rey wasn't faring much better, though she was managing to conceal her thoughts, unlike Ben. Her skin tingled whenever he gave her that special look, the one that sent her heart beating so erratically in her chest that she was surprised the whole galaxy couldn't hear its thunderous beat. She was completely infatuated by the sound of his voice, his serious lips and shoulder muscles. It was all her brain could dwell on. She liked him. A lot. And she wanted to be with him. But Chewie…

"Hates anything romantic." Ben's voice suddenly popping up in her head made Rey jump. Chewie looked at her oddly, but Rey just shrugged, smiling weakly as she went back to sorting through the parts.

"What are you talking about?" Rey was completely bewildered. Why was Ben telling her he hated anything romantic? That was disappointing. She had quite enjoyed those corny lines he had fed her when they were trapped in Snoke's throne room waiting to escape.

"Chewie."

"Huh?"

Ben let out an exasperated sigh. "All Wookies hate romance. It's a well-known fact."

"It is? Does Chewie know?"

"Of course, he knows! He's a Wo…Oh, very funny. You were being sarcastic."

"Maybe." Rey smiled, earning another odd glance from the Wookie himself. "You never know, Chewie might be the exception."

"He's not. I remember all the disgusted expressions he used to pull when I was little, when my parents used to…you know…get all mushy with one another in front of him." Ben revealed.

"Like the one you're pulling now." Rey answered with a sly smile in his direction.

"You're enjoying this." Ben complained as they continued their telepathic conversation while Chewbacca remained oblivious.

"I can't help it." Rey snickered and quickly put her hand over her mouth to stifle it. If she carried on like this much longer, poor Chewie would think she was going crazy. She took a deep breath to compose herself. "As fascinating as all these facts about a Wookie's love-life are, where exactly are you going with this?"

Ben shifted awkwardly as the tips of his ears turned an adorable shade of red. Luckily, they were hidden beneath his thick black hair. "I was thinking about those corny romantic phrases I said to you…."

"If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy." Rey remembered with a shy smile. "I like corny."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"My dad wasn't impressed."

"Well lucky for Han you're not quoting love sonnets for him."

"You want a love sonnet?" Ben asked in alarm.

Rey rolled her eyes. "No, the corny one liner will do."

"Good! Because that's all I've got." Ben said, relaxing again. "I'm sure if I say enough of them it'll annoy Chewie so much that he can't wait to get away from us."

"You are very devious, Ben Solo."

"I try." Ben quipped. He suddenly saw Chewie looking suspiciously in his direction and he felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He heard Rey laugh quietly and he shot her an irritated glance. She smiled, giving him two thumbs up behind Chewie's back. "You're not helping, Rey."

"Sorry." Rey apologised, even though she was not sorry at all. She was having way too much fun.

Growing up in the early days of the rebellion, Leia had become skilled at keeping secrets, a trait beneficial to the greater good but detrimental to those around her. To those closest to her she came across as an enigmatic individual, never revealing more than was necessary to her allies in order to ensure their protection. She was so used to keeping those secrets, that even after marrying Han, she had failed to break the habit of a lifetime. She only shared with him things she thought he needed to know or could handle.

"Whenever things got hard your first instinct was always to run." Leia pointed out bitterly as she reached for a napkin and dabbed it delicately over the tears still running down her cheeks. "I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it if I told you. So, I dealt with it alone. Just like I've had to do all my life." She sat down heavily in a vacant chair, seemed almost to fall into it with weariness. "You were finding fatherhood so challenging. I felt like I couldn't talk to you about it."

Han hated hearing her damming assessment of him. His jaw flexed and he raised his forefinger at her. "That's not fair." He said gruffly. "I always came back. And you were always pushing me away. Your causes and your political career came before everything."

"That's not true!" Leia denied hotly as her own fiery temper came to the fore. "I am not going to rehash old arguments with you, Han. We both made mistakes when it came to Ben. The past is the past. I refuse to go over old ground."

"Hell no, sweetheart. You are not going to wriggle out of it this time." Han argued. "I told you I want answers and you are going to give them to me."

"What else do you want to know?" Leia sat primly in her seat, legs crossed and fingers intertwined over one knee as she matched Han's fiery glare.

"Did you know about Snoke?" Han demanded.

His question extinguished the anger in Leia's eyes. She averted her gaze from him, her eyes skimming the floor. When she spoke, her voice was quieter, with a meekness that wasn't usually part of her speech pattern. "I knew it from the beginning."

"What?" Han exploded. "You knew that bastard was trying to groom our son and said nothing to me!" He was beyond livid. He began to pace restlessly as he tried to calm himself down.

"I decided to keep it a secret from you because I hoped I was wrong and that it wasn't true." Leia admitted in the same meek tone. She touched her aching forehead again and bowed her head. "When I was carrying Ben, I could sense his presence through the Force. He was like a pulsing living band of light." She closed her eyes as old memories weighed heavily on her. "Sometimes that light dimmed, and other times it was thrust through a vein of darkness. It concerned me."

Han stopped pacing as he stared down at her bowed head. This was the first time Leia had ever gone into such depth with him about this part of her pregnancy. It made him inexplicably sad and angry at the same time.

"I was certain Ben could sense my emotions, too. Whenever I was going through a particularly stressful time during my pregnancy, I would feel him twist and turn inside me, troubled by something I could not feel or understand." Leia raised her head and opened her eyes again as she stared sightlessly ahead. "I think Snoke was affecting him even then, but I didn't make the connection until much later."

"Did Luke know about this? I remember him visiting soon after Ben was born, then leaving very abruptly to go on some secret mission. There were a lot of people who were suspicious about his sudden departure. Did he leave because you confided in him about your worries about Ben?" Han asked.

Leia's gaze shifted to his guiltily before darting away again. "Yes, I confided my fears to Luke. He had always told me to trust in my instincts. He had felt a disturbance in the Force himself. We could both feel that Ben would be strong with the Force-that he was born with equal potential for good or evil. Luke went to investigate…"

"So, you cut me out again? You and that damn brother of yours!" Han cussed. "I'm Ben's father. I should have been the first person you told. It was my place to protect our son, not Luke Skywalker! But you robbed me of that chance because you didn't trust me."

"I didn't know Snoke was always watching Ben from the shadows and didn't realise immediately what was really happening. I hoped I could sway Ben, turn him away from the dark side without having to involve you… You have wonderful qualities, Han, but patience and understanding were never among them. I was afraid your reactions would only drive him farther to the dark side. I thought I could shield him from Snoke's influence, and you from what was happening. It's clear now that I was wrong." Leia pleaded. "I just never should have sent him away. That's when I lost him. That's when I lost you both."

Something vital tying him to Leia broke inside Han. It was only when he looked at the tears streaming down his wife's face that he realised it was his heart. "You were afraid my reactions would drive our son further to the dark side? I can't believe you thought that. I never realised your opinion of me as a husband and as a father was really that low."

"Han." Leia whispered in anguish. "I- "

Han raised his forefinger to quieten her. "Don't! Just don't say anymore! It just makes me wonder why you ever married me in the first place? It turned out I was just as much of a disappointment to you as our son."

"That's not true!" Leia sobbed. "Han, don't twist my words."

"Ben and I never really stood a chance, did we?" Han continued bitterly. "Not with Saint Luke around. I mean look how that turned out. And for the record, sweetheart, you lost me a long time ago." Han turned and began to leave, motioning for BB-8 to follow him.

"Han!" Leia cried to his retreating back. "Come back! Please…."

Han stopped, turning slightly to glance over his shoulder at her one last time. "Goodbye, Leia." He said with a simple finality before walking away.

"Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you." Ben quipped as he reached across Chewie to make a grab for Rey's hand. The Wookie pushed his arm out of the way in annoyance. Ben smirked, pleased that his first lame attempt was already getting on Chewbacca's nerves. He decided to up the ante. "See my friend here?" He leaned over the bristling Wookie to speak to Rey. "He wants to know if you think I'm cute."

Rey was having trouble holding her laughter in. She emitted a very unladylike snort that startled poor Chewie. He eyed her critically, clearly worried she was having some kind of fit.

"Guess what I'm wearing?" Ben beamed at Rey. "The smile you gave me."

Chewie growled as he turned his laser like stare onto Ben.

"You must be the speed of light, because time stops when I look at you." Ben looked deep into Rey's twinkling eyes and sighed dreamily. "I wanna go swimming but I'm drowning in your eyes."

"STOP!" Chewie whined in Shyriiwook as he put his hands over his ears.

"Something wrong?" Ben had to press his lips together to stop himself from laughing. Rey was barely holding on.

Chewie took his hands away from his ears and looked at Ben in disgust. "I have never heard such terrible pick up lines. You're worse than Han. How could you make Rey's ears bleed with such corny one-liners?" He gave Rey a sympathetic glance before returning his attention to Ben. "It's lucky for you that us Wookie's happen to be the most romantic species in the galaxy…"

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.