Halo

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A/N-thank you very much for the kind reviews. I am sorry I can't reply personally to your reviews. Once again the site isn't showing them. Thankfully I can still read them in my emails.

Chapter Forty-Five-In the End

The aching in Han's skull ebbed and flowed like a cold tide, yet the pain was always there just like the pain in his heart. He splashed cold water on his face just to feel something refreshing and instantly wished he could wash his brain free of the toxins too. His throat felt like sandpaper, it hurt to swallow. "I'm too old for this shit." He thought to himself as he swayed on his feet. The last time he'd gotten this drunk was the day he found out about Ben defecting to the First Order. His brief thought of Ben seemed to conjure his son up in front of him. The overhead lights snapped on and his eyesight struggled to cope with the sudden brightness. He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt as he muttered oaths under his breath.

"Is Chewie up yet?" He asked Ben gruffly.

"Of course not." Ben answered as he reached out to steady his father when Han swayed on his feet again. "I'm surprised you can't hear his loud snores reverberating around the whole ship."

As soon as Ben mentioned the snoring, that was all Han could hear. "Damn Wookie." He complained as he put his hands over his ears to muffle the deafening sounds. With his brain still struggling to recover from the previous night's abuse he had no option but to sit down again. He groaned as he took his hands away from his ears to nurse his pounding head instead. "Where's the kid?" He asked.

"She's gone back to the base to spend some time with her friend Rose." Ben revealed as he poured some water into a fresh glass and passed it to his father.

Han took it and chugged the water down quickly just like he had done the night before with the whisky. He looked up at his son's face, expecting to see judgement, but to his relief only found concern. "I didn't mean to get so wasted." He admitted guiltily.

"It helps to numb the pain for a while." Ben took the glass back from Han and held out his hand to aid his father to rise. Han gripped it, groaning again when the axe buried in his skull decided to take another bite out of his sore head as Ben pulled him back onto his feet.

"I didn't think you touched alcohol." The room swirled around Han a little before becoming stationary again.

"Not regularly…but sometimes it was a necessary evil." Ben confessed as old remembered pain crossed his handsome face.

Han felt his stomach lurch at the expression on his son's face. "Snoke?" He guessed. "He beat you."

Ben averted his gaze. "His punishments weren't always mental; they were physical too."

A profound sadness dominated Han; fatigue engraved on his careworn face. He reached up and gripped the back of his son's neck, drawing Ben's head down to his level so their foreheads were touching. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." He said hoarsely.

Ben nodded, swallowing a few times as he fought to regain his composure. Han let go of him and he straightened, wiping his eyes quickly with the back of his hand to clear away the moisture. Han did the same and for a while they both just stood there in awkward silence, feeling uncomfortable at their rare display of emotion.

"Shall we?" Han was the first to speak.

"Yeah." Ben mumbled as he led the way out of Han's berth.

Hearing a Wookie snoring could be quite disconcerting, it was like the sound of a gigantic buzzing insect getting sucked backwards into a black hole. Han and Ben looked down at Chewbacca as he lay on his back asleep as still as a brick. Apart from the gaping mouth, the only movement was the rise and fall of his hairy chest.

"He looks peaceful, doesn't he?" Han mused.

"It seems a shame to wake him." Ben agreed as he cradled the pitcher of freezing water in his hands. He watched Chewie's chest rising and falling rhythmically, listened to his slow breathing, his rapid eye movement indicated he was dreaming. It must be a pleasant one by the huge grin on his face as he slept. Another loud, rumbling snore rocked the ship, causing both men to wince. "Do you want me to do it?" Ben offered.

"Nah, allow me." Han said as he took the heavy pitcher from his son and poured the freezing water over the comatose Wookie's face.

Ben helped his father down the Falcon's ramp as they ran away from the irritated Wookie chasing them. Chewbacca growled ferociously, the thick fur on his face dripping with water. Ben and Han collapsed against each other at the foot of the ramp, wheezing with laughter. Chewie threw his long arms up in the air, launching a torrent of expletives at them in Shyriiwook for their childish behaviour.

Han's familiar lopsided grin took over his face as he looked at his son. He couldn't ever remember hearing Ben laughing like this before. His laughter was like ripples in a still pond after a stone has been thrown in. It radiated outwards like a great big wave of hilarity. Han doubled up with laughter himself, his amusement chasing away the shadows of his heartbreak as Chewie continued to rail against them from the top of the ramp. It took a while for their hysterical laughter to die down, by the time it did, Chewie had already gone storming grumpily back inside the ship.

The two of them took a moment to recover their breath, sitting beside each other in quiet contemplation. They looked toward the base, melancholy settling on their shoulders as their thoughts turned toward Leia. Han's mind became clouded with grey as he mulled over his last conversation with his estranged wife. He had failed to change her mind. In doing so he felt he had failed Ben all over again.

"I tried, son." Han confessed. "I really did try." There was that dang moisture in his eyes again. Han rubbed his face angrily with his hands.

"I know you did." Ben kept his gaze focused straight ahead to give Han time to compose himself again. "I never really expected anything to come of it."

Han sighed, his calloused fingers grinding into the dirt by his feet. HIs melancholy was like a cloak he couldn't simply let fall to the floor, and though he held it so tight he couldn't find the warmth he needed, yet it clung. It was the anchor to his feet, the reason he couldn't find the surface or the sunshine, that feeling of soft joy that lives in old memories of the woman he loved.

"How much longer do you think the kid will be? I don't really want to hang around here for longer than we have to." He asked Ben.

"I'm not sure." Ben murmured. His gaze turned inward as he reached out to Rey through the Force. He expected to feel the familiar bridging of their minds as he attempted to communicate with her telepathically.

Nothing.

A flicker of panic rippled through him when his first try ended in failure. He could feel her on the edges of his consciousness but it was like she had deliberately placed an invisible brick wall between them. He couldn't understand why. Fear thoughts began to loop around his mind until there was no room for anything else. "I'm going to look for her." He said to Han as he pushed himself back onto his feet.

Han looked at him in concern. "I don't think that's a good idea. She could be anywhere inside the base."

"I'll find her." Ben said with certainty.

Han stood up, swaying slightly as the aftereffects of his hangover continued to plague him. "What if you run into your mother? Are you prepared for that? We can wait."

Ben shook his head as his apprehension increased. His breath got caught in his chest and he knew his fear was gaining on him. He breathed shallowly to find a way to release the tension as he moved away from his father. He couldn't understand why Rey had cut him off unless she was trying to shield him from something. Instinct told him it was something to do with his mother. He hardly heard Han calling after him as he walked at a fast pace toward the Resistance base.

"You claim to love Ben, but still you put the needs of the Resistance above his emotional wellbeing and push him away. I don't understand you. I can't believe you even contemplated asking this of me. It would be the ultimate betrayal in his eyes. I said no to Luke when he asked me and I'm saying the same to you, General Organa. You need to find someone else to be your poster girl."

The words had barely left Rey's mouth when she felt Ben's commanding presence coming toward her through the Force. By the ashen look on Leia's face, she could see that his mother felt it too.

Ben stepped out of the shadows and strode over to Rey, reaching for her hand. She looked anxiously at his face, which was devoid of all emotion. "We have to go." He said to her.

"Ben." Leia stepped forward. She was apprehensive, but unafraid. Ben's abrupt appearance was the jolt she needed to know she was walking into a storm, but not so much that her steps would be hindered. If anything, it gave her the courage she needed to make them, knowing that few good things in this life came without a cost to the self. "Ben." She said his name again, raising her voice an octave as his eyes flicked to hers. "Its time."

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.