Halo

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly left reviews on the last chapter.

Chapter Sixty-Two-Reaching Out

Ben had never felt such rage in a long time. Over the intervening months since Rey had come into his life, he had learned to harness it in a better way, but right now he had no control over it at all. He felt utterly betrayed by his mother and his uncle. Leia and Luke's machinations had created nothing but misery for those forced to endure the fallout from their selfish decisions. The rage coursing through him wasn't hot, it was cold-a frozen fury that burned with an icy intensity. For he could only be that way with those who no longer held a place in his heart. His mother's betrayal had killed the last vestiges of his attachment to her.

Rey, quietly battling her own internal anger toward Leia, gave the Resistance General no warning when Ben burst into the room to confront his mother. Leia's hand flew to her throat in astonishment at her son's dramatic entrance. He was visibly fuming, his eyes dark, tormented, and shining with a bitter edge that took her breath away. Leia rarely ever cried, but that was because she cried in a different way. Her tears became her actions, her problem solving. All her life she had hidden behind the mask of self-deception, but her real self was showing. Like Rey was battling to contain her anger, she was battling to maintain her composure. Her face was suddenly wiped clean, she looked utterly emotionless as she stared at her son, when in reality she was at her most emotional. It was a sort of overload reaction-there was too much emotion to process and so her brain chose to edit it out, the same way her brain edited out fear when it had no purpose.

"Ben, what are you doing here? Rey and I still have a lot to discuss- "

"What more is there to discuss, General Organa?" Ben cut in icily. "I know everything."

Confusion clouded Leia's vision as she drew in a sharp breath. Her mind was a surging perplexity as she tried to work out how he could possibly know what she had confessed to Rey, unless he had been listening in at the door. But that couldn't be true, she would have sensed him. So, what could he mean by that statement? Was he lying in order to drag more of the truth from her, or had he planted a listening device in the room without her knowledge? Or maybe it was Rey who had done so while she was unravelling in front of her. Anger bolstered Leia's emotions, turning them to ones of resentment as she tore her eyes away from her furious son and stared imperiously at the young scavenger girl. "You deceived me!" She accused. "This was supposed to be a private conversation."

Rey met Leia's severe gaze with her own. "We never agreed to that. You just assumed it was."

Leia was livid. "Where did you plant the listening device?" She demanded. "I thought you would be above such deceit. It appears I was wrong. Ben Kenobi would be ashamed of you."

Little BB-8, who had faithfully followed Ben Solo into the room, began to get distressed as he saw the smouldering anger overtake him. Rey seemed just as infuriated. The young couple wore matching angry expressions as they glared confrontationally at Leia. The clever little astromech worried that Ben Solo would lose control of himself and would deeply regret it later. He included Rey in that, too. She rarely showed her anger, but Organa's insult had set off the tinder box of Rey's fury as she flung a retaliatory comment back at the older woman. BB-8's dome head swung back and forth between them all as he tried to work out what to do for the best before things spiralled even further.

"Don't you dare address me in such a manner again, young lady." Leia countered brusquely.

"You deserved it after insulting Rey like that." Ben retorted before Rey had a chance to herself. He was seething at his mother's audacity. He was furious that she had reverted to her default settings in order to protect herself.

"Ben…"

"No, General Organa, you listen to me for once in your life!" Ben demanded. "You know, without my rage, you always treated me like something you could walk over. Like I was trouble best ignored, left alone until I showed signs of submissiveness. Whenever I demanded acknowledgement of my pain all I got in return was your counter-rage-the scorn of last resort to put me back into my box. Whenever I failed in your eyes, all I got was the long drawn out 'big freeze' in which you demonstrated just how little you cared about me, that I was nothing but an irritant in your life. All I ever wanted was for you to give a damn about how I feel, to kriffing demonstrate that you actually care. But now I see that's its beyond you. You are incapable of love. You are cold, ruthless and calculating. You hide behind this moralistic façade in order to judge others, without having the responsibility of judging yourself."

Leia quailed under the ferocity of his rant as Ben unleashed years of pent up fury on her all at once. She was breathing but the air just wouldn't go in, like her lungs were surrounded by metal bands. Next came the rising panic, the dizzy feeling. She reached out to the counter to steady herself. Rey put aside her own anger when she noticed Leia was struggling. She intervened, doing her best to talk him down. BB-8 knocked against his leg, desperate to take his attention off the wilting Resistance General. He chirped Ben Solo over and over again in his binary language, but Ben seemed incapable of hearing. The desperate little droid decided that Rey needed help in order to pull the warring mother and son apart. He quickly rolled out of the room and fled the base in order to fetch Han Solo.

Rey reached for Ben's face and pulled his head around so they made eye-contact. His were still smouldering with the anger that was directed at his mother. She stared at him, seeing in his eyes his humanity, the person he was really was. The hurt and bitterness was peeled away as she made him concentrate his gaze solely on her. Rey opened up their telepathic link and projected messages of love and hope at him. And soon she saw the love he had for her burning bright in the precious orbs of his eyes, the sort that goes on for an eternity. She saw his spirit, like a fire giving just the right amount of warmth. In the past she had seen it die, the flames almost extinguished, when he was under the gun of guilt, shame and fear. Rey knew that wasn't him, not the real version, the person she loved with every fibre of her being. She wouldn't let Organa crush that spirit by making him do something he was surely going to regret. Ben carried enough residual guilt on his shoulders without being forced to carry more.

"You're okay." Rey said, breathing life into him. "We're okay."

Ben moved closer to her with those eyes that looked so deeply into her own. His breathing slowed down, the tension on his face moulding into something much softer. The muscles in his body relaxed as he felt the heat of their Force bond wrap around him like a comforting blanket. They were so wrapped up, consumed with each other, that it wasn't until they heard the soft thud of Leia's body hitting the floor, that they realised she had collapsed behind them. As they turned toward her, Han chose that precise moment to appear, summoned by BB-8 to break up the argument that was tearing his son apart.

Major Harter Kalonia looked at an ashen-faced Han in sympathy. "It's called Pulmonary Congestion." She informed him gently. "Its something Leia has been suffering with for a long time."

"I don't know what that is." Han floundered. Dread owned him, pushing against him like an invisible gale, attempting to reverse his steps back to the Falcon, his safe space.

Harter sighed softly. She was breaking Leia's confidence by even sharing this with Han. She had spent many nights arguing with the stubborn Resistance General, pleading with her to rest and to hand the burden of leadership onto the much younger shoulders that made up most of the Resistance. As far as Harter was concerned, Poe Dameron was more than ready now to take on the extra responsibility. Leia had practically been moulding him in her image. He was more than capable of continuing the fight in her name. But despite Harter's advice, Leia continued to resist her pleas.

"Pulmonary edema is often caused by congestive heart failure. When the heart is not able to pump efficiently, blood can back up into the veins that take blood through the lungs. As the pressure in these blood vessels increases, fluid is pushed into the air spaces-alveoli-in the lungs." Harter explained carefully.

"But its treatable, right?" Han questioned gruffly. An icy chill rippled down his spine, numbing his brain.

Harter Kalonia was a competent physician and she was a genius at adapting whatever medical supplies she had in her disposal to most situations. But in more complex cases like Leia's, they were just not sufficient. She didn't have the right equipment to treat her adequately and limited medication that could help manage the symptoms. "At first the odds were good…" She began, then fell silent as she was overcome with her own grief. She revered Organa just like everyone else did on the base. And more than that, they were close friends.

Han saw Harter's eyes turn to liquid gold as she dropped her professional mask for a minute and tried to compose herself. Just her reaction alone confirmed to him that his wife's condition was more serious than he wanted to believe. "What do you need? Just tell me. Whatever medication she needs, whatever medical equipment you can utilise to treat this pulmonary thing, I swear I'll get hold of it somehow." He promised fervently.

"Han." Harter reached out and laid a steady hand on his shoulder when she realised, he didn't understand the full import of what she was trying to tell him. "There's nothing that can be done. It's a case of managing the worst of Leia's symptoms and making her as comfortable as possible."

"Are you telling me that my wife is dying? That there is no hope at all." Han clarified in despair.

Harter nodded as she strengthened her grip on his shoulder. He lowered his head to hide his devastation, he had never experienced grief this bad before. It sneaked up on him quietly and took him under its arms in an instant. Every memory of Leia played like a song in his head, repeating itself for what seemed like forever. He felt lost. Alone. She was such a huge part of him. No matter how many times he had vowed to walk away from her for the last time, no matter how many times he had told her goodbye, deep down inside he knew that he could never abandon her completely if ever she needed him. He loved her. She was the great love of his life. Time and distance would never change that.

"What can I do?" Han begged Harter.

"You need to prepare your son. There is a reason Leia reached out to him now. Time is running out. I know she hasn't gone about it in the best way." Harter sighed again as she met Han's stricken gaze. "You've not been around these last few years; you haven't seen her in her lowest moments. She is full of regret, though she refuses to show it. She's stubborn like that. It's like she's afraid to show weakness. Even now." She squeezed his shoulder gently before letting go. "I'm sorry, Han. I really am."

Leia shivered in the humid room as she slowly opened her sluggish eyelids. Waves of heat coursed through her blood, a cold sweat glistened on her gaunt features. Her eyes were sunken and skin sallow, everything ached, everything hurt. A glass of water appeared in her line of sight and she stared at the shining liquid in confusion before her bewildered gaze met those of the man who wielded it. "Ben?" She murmured in astonishment.

"You should try and drink some." Ben answered huskily as he held the cool glass to her lips so she could take a sip. "Harter will be in soon to check up on you." He continued when she indicated she'd had enough to drink.

"Harter told you." Leia said flatly. "She always threatened she would."

"You didn't give her any choice." Ben put the half full glass of water down on the small cabinet by the hospital bed. "Like you didn't give me any choice."

"Are you only here to rehash old hurts again?" Leia tried to sit up but every breath was a struggle, her phlegm filled lungs were desperate for oxygen, but her body would not cooperate. A string of harsh coughs shook her pale and fragile form, leaving her feeling weaker than she had thought possible. The breaths she took were entirely too fast and shallow to be normal. Leia gripped a handful of the white bed sheets and pleaded for the agonizing pain in her chest to stop.

"Will you stop living in denial!" Ben demanded, his gentle movements in assisting his mother to rise contrasting oddly with the harshness in his tone.

"I am not living in denial. I am well aware of my prognosis, Ben. I never asked for your pity!" Leia retorted bitterly.

"I don't pity you." Ben was already tiring of the back and forth. Even severely weakened his mother was refusing to drop her guard. "At this point I just feel sorry for you. Or do you still think I'm a monster and incapable of feeling anything at all."

"Isn't that how you see me? I remember you saying something along those lines before I collapsed." Leia sucked in a pained breath as her chest tightened.

Anger, pain, sadness – his emotions were so intertwined that he was incapable of unravelling them. Ben was tired of fighting with his mother. The undeniable fear he'd felt course through him when he saw Leia fall after his verbal attack had panicked him more than he cared to admit. Despite his best efforts to deny his familial attachment to the frail woman lying in the hospital bed, the residual feelings of love he held for her were still there. "I don't want to fight with you anymore, mother. It's exhausting."

Mother!

He had called her mother!

Leia looked up at him, the shock on her pale face visible. "I don't want to fight anymore, either." She admitted haltingly. Her eyes glimmered with watery tears and she felt as if her whole world was about to crumble.

"Then can we please make a pact with each other to stop." Ben suggested-a tired smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he attempted to reach out to her.

Leia felt the sadness drain through her rather than skating over her skin. It travelled through every cell to reach the ground. She filtered it yet strangely enough, what was left behind were feelings of remorse and deep regret. "I like that idea." She agreed as she tried to muster a smile of her own in response to his.

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Harter. She greeted Ben with a warm smile before she began to check on her patient. Leia was forced to deal with her friend's tender ministrations as Harter moved her stethoscope over her back. There were pronounced crackles in the right and left lower lungs, Leia's oxygen sats were barely keeping above ninety percent and this made Harter's brow furrow. "Your lung function is deteriorating more than I expected. I'm worried you're developing pneumonia. I need to run more tests. I warned you that you were pushing yourself too hard."

"We're fighting a war, Harter." Leia remarked sharply. "This was just an episode. I'll get over it just like I have all the others."

"And I'm fighting a war to keep you alive." Harter countered just as harshly. The two women locked eyes for a minute, Harter was the first to break contact as she looped her stethoscope around her neck. "You've been drinking too much Caf' again." She guessed, the irritation in her tone clear. "With your condition anything high in caffeine is not good for you. Stop being stubborn and actually take my advice for once, woman."

A small smile warmed Leia's brown eyes as she regarded Harter with dark amusement. "I've already made steps in that direction. Ben and I have made a pact to stop fighting each other. We're going to work with each other instead of against each other."

"I don't remember agreeing to the last part." Ben cut in irritably.

"Ah, but its what you meant." Leia replied with certainty.

A/N-thanks for reading!