Ranger and Stephanie still belong to Janet. The inevitable mistakes are mine. Warnings for a little bedroom fun.
Chapter 3
For a split second, I thought we were going to be struck by lightning for being outside when a freak Autumn storm's about to hit, but turns out ... the flashes of light I was seeing were strictly behind my own eyes after I closed them when Ranger's mouth slanted over mine.
He was clear that he wasn't going to add any pressure to anything involving me tonight, but as soon as I pushed my last boundary completely out of our way ... he immediately began stoking a different kind of tension. To add credibility to how completely Ranger alters my senses, I thought him deepening our kiss had me defying gravity and going weightless. Only when I felt heat that was all around us and not just emanating from his big body, did I realize my sensation of flying was due to him standing up from his seat, with me still in his arms and him still kissing me, and taking us back inside the house.
When he did end the kiss so we could make our lungs happy, I did a mental calculation of steps it'd take to get us up to the bedroom from where we are now. That seems like too long a wait to have him, so before he could move us beyond the living room, I spoke up.
"Couch," was all I could get out before going back for more and kissing him this time.
He really is a superhero. While I can barely function whenever his attention is turned on me, he's able to navigate the house with very little light and simultaneously turn my brain and body to warm, squishy mush. He didn't head to the couch like I'm now desperate for him too, he kept going until I felt his body change motion as he took the stairs.
"You just admitted to wanting to sleep with me forever, Babe. That starts tonight and it won't be taking place on a couch. The way I want you right now, I know I won't have enough strength left in me to carry you to bed when we're done."
Gulp.
It drives me absolutely nuts watching my mother unwrap Christmas or birthday presents. She peels each piece of tape off of every friggin' edge of wrapping paper, and she smooths out each crease so thoroughly … by the time the box holding her present is removed from its covering, the sheet of wrapping paper looks almost as perfect as it did coming off the roll.
Every holiday ... I sigh, cluck out an exasperated 'hurry up' sound before resorting to just telling my mom to hurry up already so we wouldn't all be stuck there so long, we'd be able to celebrate the same holiday a year later. I realize now that her goal was to control the celebration and her reaction to anything she could be surprised by. Her taking things so slow, I get now, wasn't because she wanted to enjoy every second of the moment with her family.
No surprise, Ranger's motives are the polar opposite of hers. How gently he set me down in the bedroom and took care of me afterwards showed me in agonizing-slow detail, the difference between controlling and savoring time. He didn't drop me on the bed and peel off my clothes before opening his just to take the edge off what we're both feeling. No … this time together feels like another first. We've been naked together a lot, which were all glorious and very satisfying encounters, but this is the first time we're doing naked things as an actual couple. I thought I'd be the only one seeing this from a new perspective, but clearly Ranger wants this to be soooo good, there will be no going back for either of us ever.
After my feet had hit the carpet, his hands and/or lips never once left me. His head bent to mine and his fingers found their way under the hem of my shirt. Even then, he didn't head straight for my breasts … a favorite of his. He ran his fingertips lightly across my stomach and ribs until I almost leapt back into his arms and begged him to put my hormones out of their misery.
"Easy, Babe," he said into my neck.
"Easy for you to say, you're still able to form actual words."
"You seem to be doing okay on that score. I'll have to do better."
I guess I was able to talk too much until he upped his assault on my pheromones. I was squirming long before he was done teasing my mouth and every inch of the skin under my shirt, and got started removing what's covering it. I inadvertently prolonged his touch-torture by trying to tug his clothing off … or at least out of my way, but he always hit the brakes on whatever he was doing until I stopped.
"This is supposed to be a two-person sport," I whined, as he stepped back yet again when I went after his belt buckle.
"It is, Babe, but if you touch me … it'll be over faster than I think this should be."
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close. "I should get a vote, and mine is that I'm willing to risk it," I said, trying to persuade him over to my way of thinking with a kiss or three.
But he is who he is for a reason. He has willpower, as well as abs and an ass, of steel. He took over my teasing kiss and had my mind not on anything except prolonging it. I did score a minor victory because we were both on the bed before I knew we'd even moved, though I didn't let my diminishing faculties deter me. Once I realized that Ranger's within finger's reach, I decided to go on the offensive and actively work to get him distracted so he'd stop distracting me from our goal. It worked, but only for a few minutes. I wrangled us both out of our shirts, but that just got him zeroing in on my skin again.
"Ranger …" I panted out, as he traced the cups of my bra with his lips without removing it.
He lifted his head and made my heart stop when he grinned down at me. "Yes?"
"I came with you out here, you currently have me in your bed … it really is okay to stop teasing me now. I'm definitely not leaving."
"I'm not teasing you, Steph. I'm loving you," he said with a skimming of his lips into what little cleavage my non-Wonder bra created.
I surrendered at that point. Hey, if he wants to spend hours turning me into a five-course meal, who am I to deny him? Although the 'teasing' continued awhile longer, I didn't object or obstruct. I may have thought I was using the feelings I have for him to help him get through a difficult time, but really Ranger was in complete control of what he wanted me to feel … and he wanted me a whole lotta hot for him. His lips left mine and started moving down my body, inch-by-lip-traced inch, leaving whichever spot he'd stopped at without clothes and fully ready for whatever he chose to do next.
He kept one hand on my breasts, teasing my nipples with his fingers as he used his other hand to somehow work the button free and zipper down on my jeans. Only when those were open did he require two hands again. But he returned to kiss my breasts and then my mouth before taking his shirtless-self down to the foot of the bed. Even then, he didn't just yank my sneakers, socks, pants, and the rest off, like I would've told him to. Noooo, he removed my sneakers and socks, but did a sexy foot massage-thing that curled my toes as much as his mouth on my breasts did.
"Ranger ..." I moaned again, when he carefully placed my left foot back on the mattress only to pick up my right one and start the process all over again.
"I warned you that a couch and a quickie wasn't going to cut it tonight."
Just to prove that, he kissed my stomach and his tongue did a lap around my navel. From there, he kissed a path from my belly button down into my opened jeans until he hit more material.
"We bypassed quickie more than ten minutes ago," I told him. "When do I get to start playing with you?"
"Maybe after orgasm two."
He gave me a mix between his wolf grin and hundred-watt smile, and I was sure that alone caused one of those orgasms to be checked off. I did get free access to trace all the muscles in his arms as he finally began sliding my jeans off. But when I was lying there in just my panties, he decided the entire length of both legs need as much attention as my breasts and feet did. He kissed his way from ankle to inner thigh, pressed his mouth to the fabric still covering what he's saving until last, and did the same thing down my other leg, just starting at my thigh and literally going down me.
When he reached my left ankle bone, he sat back and scanned my body from the ground all the way up. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I did feel that he was loving me with his eyes as he had done with his hands. I held my arms out to him and that finally led to what I wanted. He left the bed for a beat to ditch his boots, socks, and cargos, before rejoining me … and apparently resuming the torture.
My panties were discarded and replaced with his mouth. From what I can remember before my orgasm reached lift off, there's nothing lizard-like about Ranger's tongue. There isn't anything frantic in his pace either. I tried to lasso him with my legs when my brain kicked in again, but he wasn't done with me. He began exploring my body again like he hadn't just kissed, licked, or sucked on, almost every part of me. He must've come to the conclusion that my arms, neck, and sides, didn't get adequate attention the last go-round. Now I understood what he meant. Even though I'd already combusted twice, every time he shifted his focus from one side of my body to the other, I could feel him hard, hot, and heavy, rubbing against my skin ... and I want him inside me, no longer playing hard to get by staying just out of my reach.
Using an abbreviated-version of a triangle chokehold he'd shown me himself on a mat in the gym at Rangeman, I finally got my way with him. "I've got you right where I want you. You're mine, Batman," I said, aiming my words at what I could see of the top of his head. "It's time you accept that."
I may have greatly misjudged who had the advantage here. My hold on him had his head between my legs again, and he didn't ignore that fact or his position. He began a counter move that is not part of any self-defense lesson I've ever been part of. My legs became jelly again and released him to fall uselessly on either side of his shoulders.
"I am yours, Babe. And I accept a whole hell of a lot more than that knowledge. I want everything you have to give."
Those words shouldn't have been flirty, but they were said as he finally slid into me. He's the only person who has touched places inside my body and in my mind that no one had ever reached before. When he began moving, I did my best to keep up. He had a lift off of his own, but before I could congratulate myself for giving as good as I got, I was joining him.
I fell asleep thinking how right we both are, not only for each other, but that I did want to go to sleep like this every night for the rest of my life, and I definitely did come to the right place to ensure that's what I got.
I woke up an hour later shivering, as a breeze blew through the screen from a partially open window. Lying against Ranger's big body had me feeling pretty toasty, but that was only my front. My back, even with the covers doing their job by covering me, I felt goosebumps form with every chilly gust that was funneled inside. After a Ranger/Bulgari combo, nothing smells better than crisp Fall air - day or night - but I never enjoy being woken up, least of all by a drop in the temperature. That window needs closing. Hopefully Ranger won't get too hot because I was too cold.
The problem with making me more comfortable is, I don't want to disturb him. I can never tell when he's awake or asleep, he's a man who leaves a lot of question marks in his wake, and my moving could make him move regardless. As if challenging me, another cold breeze made a beeline straight for me. That settled it. My plan was to slide each body part a half-inch at a time towards the edge of the bed so he wouldn't feel a difference with me here or gone, but the second I peeled my body away from his skin, his arms shot out as if they were attached to springs, and captured me ... effortlessly halting my departure.
With one glance at his face, I saw that his dark eyes are still closed, but that didn't mean anything. His reaction could be a conscious or unconscious one. To cover either case, I spoke barely above a whisper after pressing a reassuring kiss to the bicep closest to my lips.
"Save my spot. I'm just shutting the window. I'll be right back."
He didn't say anything so I'm guessing he's more asleep than awake. I carefully worked myself free and hurried out of the bed, hoping that I can get back to him before he completely woke up. I stayed buck-naked, but I did grab his shirt to cover the parts I don't want anyone but him to see. If by some miracle someone hadn't tripped the security system here and saw me naked and framed in the window, he wouldn't live long after Ranger got his hands on the peeper.
That visual had me shaking my head at the sheer stupidity that is Joe Morelli. He liked to try to piss me off by calling Ranger an unfeeling, unemotional robot … among other things, but that always had me laughing instead, which totally fucks with Joe's head, making him tuck his tail between his legs and disappear not long after. I can't help but laugh because it is funny. Ranger is the most loving, affectionate, and reactive, man I've ever met. He just lets only a personally selected few know that about him.
I was holding his shirt horizontally against me, gripping both the collar and the hem right above boob level, so I didn't have the best grip on the edge of the window and it slid into the sill with a soft thud. I wish I didn't still have the 'reactive Ranger' thought in my head. I swear it conjured up the scene that I caused by being so careless.
I didn't hear anything, but a movement behind me had me spinning towards the bed. Ranger is now standing by his side of it, completely naked and not giving a shit that he is, pointing his Glock at me … or more accurately, at the offending window. He was there, but I can tell part of him isn't. I literally watched him come back into himself and to me.
His eyes closed, he took breaths so deep, I could see the rise and fall of his bare chest from where I was standing across the room from him. And my heart squeezed painfully as he lowered his weapon and sank without making a sound down heavily on the edge of the bed. For the first time, the feeling his naked body caused in me wasn't mind-numbing lust, it was unadulterated pain and more than a little sadness.
In that moment I could feel every ounce of the weight he carries around with him all day, every day, and into every night, from all the people he's lost and those he couldn't personally save. I want to run to him, throw my arms around him, and promise him that I'm here for whatever he needs from me. But even after what we've recently shared … I'm not sure he'd appreciate that.
He knows that it's me here in the bedroom with him - that's why he didn't shoot - but he's such a private person, he may not like me seeing him like this either. I debated for a total of three seconds, which means that's three seconds I wasted, because I can't see him in pain without trying to ease it somehow. I hauled bare ass back to the bed, but hesitated again when I reached it.
"I don't know what to do," I admitted. When it came to our relationship, just saying we don't know how to fix something, actually helps fix it, so I felt less stupid for being at a disadvantage. I crept a little closer on my knees and just kept going. "Do I hug you and hold on tight like I desperately want to? Or am I supposed to leave you alone? I'll warn you now, that one is going to be really hard for me to do, but if that's what you need, I'll try to manage it."
He still didn't say anything so I risked touching him. My hands went cautiously to his shoulders and I began trying to work out some of the tension I can plainly see tightening all the muscles along his back. After a minute of cricket-chirping silence as I continued my massage, his arm snaked out and he took me down to the mattress.
I stopped worrying at that point. He wasn't wrestling me 'to the ground' in order to subdue me, and he wasn't pushing me away. He got us both rolled over to our left sides and he just held onto me as tightly as I'd threatened to do to him. When I felt his heartbeat go from NASCAR fast down to a much slower Stephanie-jog speed against my back, my voice ventured out of the darkness to ask …
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," he answered, without needing to think about it. "I'm sorry I scared you."
To try to distract him from his misery, I went with my usual inappropriate humor. "I believe that's my line to say. I'm sorry I was so fucking clumsy."
I don't know if it's too early in our relationship to talk about what just happened, but I feel like I have to try … trusting he'll tell me to shut up about it if he feels at all uncomfortable.
"You're always awake long before me," I began, "so I haven't had many opportunities to watch you wake up … but is it always like that for you?"
"No. If I'm aware and in control of my surroundings, I can manage and no one can see what's going on inside of me, but …"
"But when you're in a different place, with someone so careless, you wake up on high-alert and expecting to engage in a fight to the death. I'm so sorry I hurt you, even accidentally."
I feel horrible. Because of me, his night wasn't the peaceful one I'd planned for. I thought I was helping him by being here and listening everything he wanted to say, and I just caused him unnecessary pain instead. I couldn't say anything now, because I didn't want to start crying and make things even worse.
"You did not hurt me, Stephanie. Do you know why I reacted the way I did?"
Still wallowing in being the worst girlfriend, only hours after officially becoming one, I nodded … not caring how angry my curls will be from the friction between them and the pillow.
"I don't think you do," he said into my ear. "I'm not used to sleeping or staying asleep. I woke up completely disoriented because this has been the first time in a long time that I've had a sound and dreamless sleep. It took me a moment to leave it and realize that the noise I heard was from a window and not an enemy. I should thank you for that. You had me completely relaxed and finally off-guard."
I had to bite back a sob before I could speak. "But then I ruined it and you had to go to war again in your mind."
He kissed my head. "You didn't ruin anything, Babe. You reminded me that I can still feel normal … if only on occasion."
This time I nodded my head instead of shaking it negatively. I made a mental note to avoid all mirrors if I decide to ever leave the bed again.
"You are normal … if in a superhuman kinda way," I told him. "That's actually what caused this. I wasn't focusing on what I was doing because I was busy marveling in how epically-wrong Morelli is."
His lips trailed along my shoulder, calming me down a little just from the contact. "I can't think of one thing he's been right about yet."
"True, but that isn't the point I was going to make. He likes saying that you don't feel anything, that you're a robot, when I know for a fact that you're actually the most compassionate person I've ever met. I mean, we're here because you really miss a bunch of guys you cared a lot about. I can feel the bond you had with each of them and that got me finally admitting what you mean to me. You're soooo loving, it's freakin' contagious."
"You're always willing to see the best in me," he said when I finally shut up.
"Yeah, because I love the friggin' hell out of you."
"Don't delude yourself, Stephanie. I've cared about a lot of people that I've had to bury, and I've been able to carry on for them. If I lost you, in life or to death, I'm afraid I wouldn't have the will to try. If you'll remember, I tried to warn you that I'm sick, but I only hinted at how messed up I am so I wouldn't completely scare you off."
I owed it to him to completely digest that confession rather than just react to it. When I was done, I realized my final thoughts and my initial words are one in the same.
"You're not sick. You're strong in a way that has nothing to do with your muscles. I never could've admitted something like that, but because you did … I can share that I feel something very similar for you." I turned over in his arms so I could say this directly to him. "I've seen you get shot too many times, and come frighteningly close to dying in a few situations, the only reason I'm sane right now is because you're still here and you've always been right there for me when I needed help to fight my own demons. Do you honestly think I'd see you differently if you tell me you love me because I provide the same kind of peace for you?"
"Yes," was his immediate answer.
"Well mark this night/day as a doubly-historic one then, not only are we together from here on in … for the first time you're actually dead wrong about something. I don't see you any differently for needing me like I rely on you, except that I fell asleep thinking I couldn't love you more than I did when you curled your body around me so I could drift off feeling all kinds of warm. But now I know there's always room for that feeling to grow."
I paused because that sounded like just a jumble of thoughts that didn't really make much sense, but I kept going. I felt like I needed to get all of my vulnerabilities out so he wouldn't feel alone if he had one or two himself.
"Just from this conversation, my eyes flew open to a lot of things I hadn't been aware of before." Again, that sounded stupid, but I continued on anyway … now positive he'll love me regardless. "I know what you've been through has been horrible in ways I'll never fully be able to understand, and the life you've had would be considered scary to most people, but I think you being a Ranger on top of being 'my Ranger' is why I trust you like I've never trusted another person. If anyone is strong enough to survive loving me, it's you. And I've never admitted this to anybody before, and there's a chance I'll deny I said it now, but I've never once felt safe in my pre-Ranger life, but I actually believe nothing can hurt me when I'm with you. If you can secure entire countries, I should be a bit easier to keep safe."
"What are you saying?" He asked.
"That if we didn't have the lives we've each had in the past, we may never have realized we need each other to have any kind of happy future."
I could feel his lips form a smile against my forehead before he kissed it. "So I was right. My confession did change how you see me," he said, like the smartass I know and love.
I had the urge to cry again, but this time from relief, not a painful amount of regret.
"Fine, Batman, you were right yet again. My vision has gone from 20/200 to 20/20 thanks to you … so looks like I'm the one who should be thanking you."
I didn't give him a chance to argue. I slid my body over the length of his until he was on his back and I could straddle his hips. I eased myself down onto the instant reaction he'd had to my nipples hardening into his chest and the moisture he'd felt along his thigh, and then I lowered my mouth to cover his. My plan for the few hours we have left before dawn, is to show him the magic that's hidden in the dark instead of the nightmares that are usually lurking in the corners of it.