15

Amy

"Stay still," Sonia commanded. "This is the last section."

I clenched my jaw as the heat from the hair straightener came close to my scalp again.

Cautiously, Sonia captured a small chunk of my curls between the straightener and ran it down the length of my strands.

From the corner of my eye, I watched my now-straight locks fall over my shoulder.

This morning, Sonia caught me in Sonic's room. We'd stayed out late last night, and I really didn't want to sleep alone. He agreed to let me stay over, but he didn't wake me up when he'd left to go to the doctor. While I was happy he held up on his promise to get his ribs checked out, I didn't appreciate waking up to an empty bed - or my best friend's suspicious brow. But, I guess it worked out. Sonia and I needed to spend some time together, anyway.

Somehow, she coerced me into letting her experiment hairstyles for junior prom. I allowed her to wash and blow dry my hair. Now, I sat between her legs on the floor while she straightened my hair. Reruns of Grey's Anatomy played on the television, filling Cat's sporadic bouts of quiet concentration.

"Your hair is so long," Sonia commented as she ran a comb through my bone-straight locks. My pink hair fell down below my shoulders and over the small of my back. "Would you want to wear it up or down for prom?"

"I don't even know if I'm going to prom," I admitted.

"Why not? Just because Jet is an asshole doesn't mean someone else won't ask you."

"None of the other boys seem interested in me."

"Sonic seems interested," she said coyly.

I rolled my eyes. "We're just friends."

"Friends who sleep in the same bed."

"You and I sleep in the same bed!"

"Okay, but you and I haven't kissed. You and Sonic on the other hand…"

"That was one time during a game of truth or dare. It didn't mean anything!"

"Yeah, yeah; I hear you."

As if on cue, Sonic's voice echoed through the house. He and Silver were downstairs playing video games on the big screen in the living room. Every so often, we'd hear them yelling profanities at each other or exploding in laughter. I don't know what game they were playing, but it must've been entertaining.

Huffing, Sonia got up from her seat on her bed and opened her room door. "Hey dumb and dumber, shut the fuck up!" She yelled down the hallway.

"Make us!" Sonic yelled back.

"Don't make me come down there and wax your eyebrows off!"

"You aren't gonna do shit!"

Sonia growled. "Wait until I'm done with Amy's hair! We're gonna fuck both of you up!"

"I didn't even do anything!" Silver exclaimed. "Y'all better jump his ass and leave me out of it!" A loud thump followed his comment.

Sonia shook her head as the thuds of the boys wrestling on the floor rumbled through the house. "Your boyfriend better stop testing me before I break his other rib."

"He's not my boyfriend," I reminded her.

"Right, sorry. I meant your sneaky link." She grabbed her curling wand from off of the dresser. Gently, she wrapped one of my locs around the hot wand.

"Whatever. Have you and Shadow decided on the colors you're going to wear?"

Her hand slowed as she pulled the wand out of my lock, leaving behind a spiral curl. "Oh, Shadow and I broke up."

Completely forgetting about the steaming hot tool in Cat's hand, I whipped around to look at her. "What? When?"

"A few days ago," she said with a shrug.

"Why? What happened? You've been together for two years!"

A frown spread against her glossed lips. "He's with the Crips now," she said simply. "I thought I could tolerate it, but…" She looked down. "My dad's not even around, so him being with a Crip doesn't matter as much. But, he's just changed into a completely different person. He used to be so sweet. So kind." Her voice quivered at the last two words. She closed her eyes and shook her head, preventing the tears brewing in her eyes from falling.

I tilted my head. "Are you sure you're alright?"

She nodded, opening her eyes to show her water-free eyes. "Yeah. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Now, turn around. I still need to craft your curls."

Reluctantly, I obeyed her commands and turned to face the television again.

She took her time curling my hair, mindful of the heat on my natural locks. By the time she was finished, my hair was filled with bouncy ringlets. She ran her fingers through the ringlets, separating a few of the curls to add more volume.

We were discussing whether she should put it up or leave it down when Sonic barged into her room. His eyebrow rose at the sight of my new hairstyle. "Who are you supposed to be? Shirly Temple? Halloween was a few months ago," he said.

"Shut up, Sonic," Sonia and I yelled in unison.

He rolled his eyes. "Silver and I ordered some pizza and hot wings for dinner. Do y'all want some?"

"Sure," Sonia answered for the both of us.

We followed Sonic downstairs into the living room. The food was spread out around the coffee table in front of the TV. After fixing ourselves a plate, Sonia took over the love seat and I sat next to Sonic on the sectional sofa. Silver stayed in the Lay-Z-Boy, the chair extended so he could stretch out his legs. We all watched a few horror movies for a few hours in a peaceful silence.

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until I was rudely awakened. My body jolted awake when I felt my pillow shifting upwards. My eyes creaked open, and I realized my head hadn't been laying on a pillow - I'd been laying on Sonic. Through narrowed, I glanced around the dark room for a clock. "What time is it?" I asked. "Where are you going?"

He moved out from underneath me and sat up. "I need to pee, and then I'm gonna smoke."

My eyes finally found the digital clock under the television. "It's like three in the morning. Pee and then go back to sleep."

"Don't tell me what to do." He playfully smacked my cheek. "You can come if you want."

I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders as I reluctantly got up. I followed him upstairs and waited in his room for a few minutes while he used the bathroom. When he returned, he gathered his stash of cannabis and smoking materials. We stepped outside into the cool air and sat down on the fire escape with our legs dangling over the edge. I watched Sonic roll a blunt and light it.

He took a long drag before speaking. "So," Sonic said. The smoke floated from his lips. "Are you ready to tell me what's bothering you?"

I looked down at the ground below us. "My biological mother is dying, and Wyatt says she wants to see me."

"Do you think he's lying?"

"I don't think he's telling me the whole truth," I admitted. "She never showed remorse for what she did. She tried to justify her actions in front of a jury, and she refused to acknowledge the pain she caused me. Am I supposed to believe that she wants to make amends just because she's dying?"

"Maybe she's just trying to avoid going to Hell."

I scoffed. "I doubt a verbal apology is going to save her."

He chuckled, bringing the blunt to his lips again. "Are you thinking about hearing her out?"

"I don't know. Maybe." I rubbed my arms, faintly tracing some of the scars on my skin. "I just wonder what she has to say that's supposed to erase all the damage she's done to me."

"It won't erase it, Amy, but maybe it'll help close some of those wounds you keep nursing. You can't hide behind them forever."

I nudged him. "Look who's talking."

He rolled his eyes. "This isn't about me, short stack. But, if it was, I'd heal those wounds for my own benefit." He nudged me back. "Maybe you should think of it that way too."

"I guess," I murmured. "It's hard, though, Sonic. She…she made me believe a lot of awful things about myself; one of those things being that I can't be loved - that I don't deserve it."

"Hey," he said softly. His fingers gently grabbed my chin and tilted my head up to look at him. His brown eyes were narrow and bloodshot from the cannabis, but his irises were warm, swirling pools of hot chocolate. They burned into my soul with a fire I hadn't seen in months. "You deserve all of the love this world has to offer. Don't ever let yourself believe any different, understand?"

I wanted to nod and smile and pretend I could.I wanted his words to be enough. But I couldn't lie to him. Even if I tried, he'd see straight through it. "I guess," I repeated.

His fingers drifted up my cheek to the curls flowing around my ear. He twirled them around his fingertips before tucking them firmly behind my ear. "Listen, Amy, a lot of people around here love you. Your fathers, my mother, Cat…" He hesitated before saying his next words. "I love you."

I giggled. "You're high," I countered. "I know you're trying to make me feel better, but you don't have to say that."

"I'm serious, Amy," he said firmly. He scooted closer to me, dipping his head just enough that his lips were inches away from mine. The flames in his eyes licked at the butterflies in my stomach, driving them into a frenzy. "I love you," he whispered. "I've always loved you."

"No," I whispered. "Don't say that. You don't mean it." I pushed away from him and stood up. "You're just high. You don't know what you're saying."

He threw the blunt over the edge of the fire escape and grabbed the railing. Gracefully, he pulled himself to stand. "I'm not high enough to confuse my feelings for you," he snapped. "I'm in love with you - I have been for a while now."

I shook my head. "Stop! Don't…don't say that!"

He stepped closer, cradling my cheeks between his hands. The fire raging in his eyes burned every inch of my being, filling me with a warmth that scared me to my core. "I fucking love you, Amy. I'm not going to let you run away from me this time."

Memories of last summer flashed behind my eyes. Us sitting on this fire escape. The same words leaving his lips. Me running down the fire escape in fear of losing the friendship we'd built. The sadness when I realized we'd already broken it.

I didn't want to experience that again. Not when my feelings mirrored his. As much as I wished I could ignore it, I loved him too. None of the other boys I'd dated could ever compare to the feelings of security and warmth that he gave me. But, he evoked fear too. Despite how crazy he acted sometimes, I wasn't afraid of him. More than anything, I was afraid of losing him. Above all else, he was one of my best friends, and he meant the world to me.

His thumb caught the tear trickling down my cheek. "Don't cry," he whispered. He pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He squeezed so tightly, I nearly lost my breath. "All I want is to show you all the love you deserve, and I promise I won't ever take it away." He lowered his lips down to the crown of my head, his lips brushing against my hair. "Will you do that, Amy? Will you let me love you?"

I listened to the quick beat of his heart for a few moments, resisting the urge to break out of his embrace. Every inch of my traumatized brain wanted to yell in his face, run away, and hide under my covers until I thought he'd forgotten about this conversation. But my poor, aching, bleeding heart thought maybe his love wouldn't feel so bad - that loving him could be a good thing. I dismissed his past confession almost a year ago because I knew I wasn't in the correct space to give him what he needed. I was already planning to break everyone's heart, but I didn't intend to demolish whatever was left of his. But now, being in a better head space, I thought maybe we could be good together. Wrapping my arms around him, I squeezed his ribs and silently answered his question.