17

Amy

I was going to scratch my eyeballs out if I looked at another algebra equation. The chatter and clatters around the cafeteria wasn't helping my concentration on the math textbook in front of me. One of my classmates told me in passing that our math teacher was having a pop quiz today, and I was nowhere near prepared. Sonic and I hadn't left the gym until late last night, and I crashed right after dinner. I'd barely even gotten my homework done! There was no way I was going to pass that stupid quiz.

Sighing, I glanced over at Cat. She was fiddling with her fresh acrylic set, running her long tips along the edges of her cuticles. The plate of french fries, drenched in cheese and ketchup, was barely touched.

Tilting my head, I asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she murmured, keeping her eyes on her nails.

I raised an eyebrow. "Your cheese fries are going to get cold."

She glanced at her food and shrugged her shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," she replied.

"It's not nothing if it's bothering you."

She dropped her hands into her lap, finally raising her brown eyes. " Shadow won't leave me alone. He keeps texting and calling. Last period, he kept passing me notes and trying to get my attention. He keeps apologizing and telling me that he wants to work it out."

"Do you want to work it out?"

She looked away again, turning her eyes back down to her hands. "Honestly, I'm not sure if we'll be able to work it out."

"Why not?"

"Because he's beginning to act like my father," she spat bitterly. "With the smoking and the drug dealing and the obligations to his gang and the fighting and the temper… I thought I could deal with it, but I…I can't - and I'm realizing that I don't have to. My mother may have stuck by my father, but I don't have to stick by Shadow - no matter how much I care about him."

Frowning, I reached out and squeezed her hand. Truth to be told, Cat's father, Mr. Jules, scared the living shit out of me when we were younger. He was handsome, but he was intimidating. He never smiled, and emotion of any kind never passed through his eyes. There were more nights than I could count where Ms. Aleena came over in tears, lamenting over his broken promises, her fears for her children's safety, and her concerns about her own safety. I remember a select few nights where she'd come with all three of her kids in hand, concealing her bruises in the same manner I did with my scars. The morning after he'd walked out on them, she came over to tell my fathers. Despite the tears of pain from the heartbreak, there were hints of relief in her cracked voice.

Sonia was doing the right thing by letting Shadow go. I opened my mouth to tell her so when Noah Smith suddenly appeared behind her.

"Hey, Catalina," he said, offering her a wide smile. Admittedly, Noah was one of the cutest boys in our class. His charming smile full of sparkling white teeth, always freshly cut fade, and rich chocolate skin had almost every girl in the school swooning over him. He had bonus points for being one of the executive members of our school's National Honor Society, the top candidate for becoming student body president next year, and the star of the boy's basketball team. The boy was a rare triple-threat.

Sonia flinched at the sound of his voice, whipping around to face him. At the sight of him, her startled expression vanished, and a soft smile crossed her lips. "Hi, Noah," she replied. "What's up?"

"I wanted to know if you'd prefer it if I picked you up from work tonight and we could drive to the library together. Then, you won't have to walk all that way in the cold."

"Oh, yeah. That'd be great, actually. Thank you."

"Cool. You're done at six, right?"

"Mhmm."

"Alright. I'll see you later then." His gaze lingered on her for a moment before he walked away.

I raised an eyebrow after him. "Is 'library' code for something?"

"God, no. He's been my tutor for math since October. We always meet at the library on Wednesdays."

"Has he ever offered to drive you before?"

"No, because Shadow used to drive me. Noah's just being nice ."

"Wait, did Noah know about your breakup with Shadow before I did?"

"We had a study session literally the day after it happened! I was upset, and he felt bad so he brought me ice cream. We talked for a while, and he let me cry on his shoulder. It wasn't a big deal."

My other brow shot up. "Not a big deal? Buying a girl ice cream and offering their shoulder to cry on is a huge deal!"

She rolled her eyes. "You and Sonic do that shit all the time. I'm not making it a huge deal for y'all."

"We're not talking about Sonic and I right now. Did you see the way Noah smiled at you just now? If you needed to cross a puddle, he'd lay down over it and let you step on him."

She shook her head. "Noah is just being nice," she repeated. "Besides, he's way out of my league."

"Girl, what are you talking about? You're drop-dead gorgeous, hard-working, hilarious, confident, assertive and creative. If anything, you're way out of his league."

A smile graced her glossed lips. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For being my best friend."

My brows came together as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

She lay her chin on my shoulder, leaning her cheek against my neck. "You know I love you, right?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, and I love you too." I tilted my head as she pulled away. "Where is this coming from? Did you talk to Sonic?"

"No, I didn't talk to his big-headed ass. I can read your emotions just as easily as he can. You were my friend first, remember?"

I refrained from rolling my eyes. "I'm okay, Cat. I'm…I'm feeling okay."

"Feeling okay is very different from feeling happy." It was her turn to tilt her head. "Have you made a decision about seeing your biological mother?"

"Not yet. Wyatt's been good about giving me space to think about it." I paused, acknowledging the sting of my scars beneath my clothes. "I just don't know what I'd say to her - or what she'd say to me. The last time we saw each other, she showed me how much she hated me. I don't think those emotions have changed just because she's on her deathbed."

"Is there any chance she may feel remorse now for what she did?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, and honestly, I don't know if I care. An apology won't reverse all the damage she caused."

"Yeah, but it might heal some of it."

Her words sounded so similar to Sonic's. I wished they understood the true extent of the emotions that flowed through my veins at the thought of her. The fear. The shame. The anger. The resentment. The hatred towards my own existence. What could that woman possibly say or do that would heal all of that?

"Maybe," I murmured. Anxious to stop talking about this, I nodded my head towards my math textbook. "Can you go over a few problems with me before this quiz next period?"

She nodded. "Maybe we should say a few prayers while we're at it because you know good and well I suck at this shit too."

I laughed. "We're both about to fail this quiz, aren't we?"

"Not if the Holy Spirit swoops in and saves the day."

Giggling, I threw my arm around her and lay my head on her shoulder. Silently, I thanked her for being my best friend too.