Seteth really hated his job sometimes. He'd thought that being the Archbishop's personal assistant would be simple- he'd do some scribing, some hiring, some bookkeeping. Normal administrative things. He'd found out after barely a month that it also meant being the monastery's disciplinarian. Usually, that just meant meting out detentions and being unpopular with the student body, and the latter had been something he'd expected would happen anyway. But today was not a usual day.

"Byleth, so good of you to come see me so promptly," he said to the new professor. He'd had reservations about them from the very beginning, and those reservations had only been confirmed by the reports he'd received this day.

Byleth nodded and took the seat in front of his desk. "I didn't want to delay you by dawdling," they said.

"Now..." Seteth leaned forward, steepling his fingers. "Do you know why I called you in?"

Byleth barely even blinked. "I went off-topic in class."

Seteth made a mental note to look into what they were supposed to have been teaching, and to find out what they had apparently been doing instead. "No."

Byleth seemed to think about it, though it was hard to tell what exactly was lying behind that blank stare. "I already apologized for Felix fainting in the sauna. I didn't realize he would take it as an endurance competition."

"Also no." Seteth sighed. "I've received multiple anonymous complaints about your conduct in class today." He had a fair guess as to the identity of one of the students; Lorenz had a very distinct writing style and the paper smelled like roses. That wasn't for Byleth to know. It also wasn't for him to know. He made another mental note, this one to subtly inform the student in question that if he wanted to be anonymous, then perfuming his letters was not the way to go.

Byleth tilted their head to the side and stared at an invisible point somewhere behind Seteth. "Everyone seemed interested in learning about my work in the Jeralt Company," they said after a moment.

Were they dense? "Not about that. I've received multiple reports that you chirped at your students."

Any reasonable person would have immediately become ashamed- mating chirps were a grievous breach of propriety even among two people on equal footing, unless done in private and ideally between those already bonded. For a teacherto sound one to their students -and not even one, but the entire class at once- went far past sexual harassment and into the realm of absurdity.

Byleth gave him a confused look. "Yes? Is that a problem?"

Seteth resisted the urge to grind his teeth in frustration. It wasn't good for him, and if he did it every time someone made a point of irritating him he'd have no teeth left at all. "Is that a- yes, it's a problem! What could have possibly possessed you to do that?"

"They weren't paying attention in class. I needed to get their attention. My father did that all the time when his company was distracted."

What?

"What?"

Byleth took that as a cue to continue. "It's a noise that everyone, even Betas, takes notice of, and it draws the ear faster than anything else. It doesn't mean anything outside of mating season, so what's the problem with using it?"

Seteth groaned. Mercenaries had no morals at all, apparently, as opposed to the minimal morals he'd originally thought. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted Byleth as a teacher in the first place. He would have thought that Jeralt would have been a better example for them, but apparently it wasn't the case. He made a mental note to talk to the man to make sure he didn't do something similar at Garreg Mach. "It's extremely improper to make others think you're propositioning them for sex, even outside of mating season, especially when those others are your students. Even if you didn't intend it that way."

"It shouldn't-"

"Shoulds do not matter. What does matter is that it is, and what it is is a very severe offense. By all rights I should have you fired for this. I've done it before." Even if Byleth had meant it in a benign manner, the results had been anything but; the complaints had detailed exactly how uncomfortable their actions had made them. Probably-Lorenz had been mostly concerned about the professor's lapse in conduct and general lack of propriety, but the others had been downright horrified. "But the Archbishop seems to think you can be reformed. Do you?"

Slow blink. "Yes."

Seteth wasn't sure how much of that was sincere and how much of it was the result of there being only one correct answer, but he forged ahead anyway. "I will be taking over your classes for the rest of the week. You will spend your newfound free time composing a heartfelt apology, which I will review before I allow you to read it to the class. If your class accepts it, you will be allowed to return to teaching. If not, I will be having another discussion with the Archbishop about whether you should be on campus at all."

Another slow blink. "I understand."

He hoped they really did. The teacher he'd fired had said all the right words, but it had eventually become clear that he'd only done so in order to quickly end the conversation. "And if anything like this happens again, or you attempt to coerce your class into accepting your apology, I will have you out of here no matter what she says. I take the well-being of the student body very seriously." He gestured to the door. "You are dismissed."

After Byleth left, Seteth gave into temptation and gently-but-firmly thunked his forehead on the desk. Mercenaries.