This is a lot of fun to write. As a result of this story I now own Cats 2019 and have watched it numerous times. While it still disturbs me greatly I can appreciate the sheer insanity of it. Truly it is a one of a kind experience.
"The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat." Jenny howled as the Rum Tum Tugger began to gyrate in front of her.
Pounce winced at the sight. To be fair it was hard to live up to a cat of Tugger's magnitude. There was just something so unique about him that everyone wanted to emulate, Pounce included, but it was something that couldn't be easily replicated.
Watching Jennyanydots and the Rum Tum Tugger have a bit of a dance off was unexpected. Not entirely welcome, but at least it a distraction from the previous flesh ripping, child faced, horrifying cockroach and mouse routine he had just been subjected to. Although Pounce was having trouble determining if the coat that Tugger was wearing was made out of his own fur, someone else's fur, or something else entirely. After witnessing Jenny peel her own flesh off of her body anything was possible at this point.
"If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse." Tugger stated, hucking the leg of meat he was carrying into the air.
Forlornly Pounce watched it bounce across the kitchen floor. Even in the midst of the most confusing night of his life he couldn't help but be hungry. All around him the cats sang along with Tugger's song, following him in his frantic path around the kitchen.
"Guess in every universe Tugger still commands everybody's attention." Pounce could take a bit of comfort in that. And at least the beat was still catchy.
Somehow Tugger had wound up inside the refrigerator. Pounce was busy puzzling that one out when Tugger set his sights on a new target.
"If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat." The cat slid on his knees across the kitchen floor, picking up a mouse and dangling it by its tail.
"No! No!" The mouse begged for its life, tears streaming down its tiny child face.
"If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse." Tugger flicked his wrist and the mouse went soaring towards Pounce. Quickly Pounce caught it before it smashed into the ground, clutching it to his chest protectively.
"Thanks, Tugger!" The mouse shrieked. Pounce hurriedly set it on the floor and wiped his paws on his fur.
"For he will do as he do do!" All the queens were following Tugger's every move.
Sensing an opportunity to leave this kitchen of horrors behind, Pounce found himself swept up in the action, following everyone up a flight of stairs towards the door. Tugger dove through a flap in the door, only to surge back in with terrifying speed.
"And there's no doing anything about- awow- awow it!" Tugger's face was just centimeters from his own, giving Pounce a up close and personal view of his disconcerting facial features.
"Argh!" Pounce somersaulted backwards down the stairs to avoid kissing those prominent lips. In his haste he took Mistoffelees down with him. The two lay at the bottom of the stairs in a heap as the other cats thundered past them to follow Tugger outside.
"I think I might have sprained something." Pounce complained. "I didn't think he would be that unsettling up close, what happened to his lips? Why does he even have lips?"
"The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore." Misto responded by holding up a hand of cards to his face.
"What? I don't want to play cards right now, get those out of my face!" Pounce batted them away. "Why don't you tell Tugger that he's boring yourself?"
The Mistoffelees he knew certainly wouldn't have wasted time in dancing around the subject. If Misto thought Tugger was boring he absolutely made certain that Tugger knew it. It was more of a game between the two of them and not this weird, misplaced animosity that Pounce didn't even want to begin to figure out.
Misto sniffed indignantly but did not respond.
"And tell me something, why do you all have lips and stuff?" Pounce gestured to his face. "What happened to your noses? Don't lie to me, you've got the same lips that he does. 'S not natural."
"Lips? Noses? How hard did you hit your head?" Misto tried to push down the fur between Pounce's ears to check for injuries. "Maybe we should have Munk take a look-"
"Nevermind, I don't need to know!" It was only a matter of time before they pinned him down and shaved him so he looked like everyone else, he just knew it. They'd never take him alive if they wanted to take his fluffy fur away from him.
Pounce made it to the top of the stairs just in time to run headfirst into Jenny and Munk, who were standing next to the house to watch Tugger's antics. It did not escape his notice that Jenny had put her skin suit back on over her sparkly outfit. The very thought made him shudder.
"Do you think he just got neutered?" Jenny asked, holding on to Munk's arm as Tugger hit a particularly high note. "'cause those notes are like, hiiiiigh!"
"What?" Pounce crouched down, wincing in sympathy as he covered himself with his tail.
Munk laughed, clearly delighted by the thought of Tugger losing his manhood.
Luckily Jenny and Munk's disturbing conversation was interrupted by the reappearance of the cats wearing shoes. If Pounce remembered right one of them was Plato. Now that would have been an interesting sight at the Jellicle Ball back home: Imagine what Victoria would have said if Plato waltzed up to do the pas de deux with her while wearing sneakers. If Pounce ever made it back home he had to make it happen, if only to see the pure confusion on Victoria's face.
As Pounce contemplated just where one could find cat sized shoes he noticed that Jenny and Munk were continuing their previous discussion.
"I can dance how he dances too." Jenny scoffed.
"Let me see." Munk said as both he and Pounce tore their gazes away from Tugger to look at her. She proceeded to do a series of spastic movements that seriously made Pounce wonder if she had incurred some sort of injury during her previous flailing around the kitchen.
"It's easy." She mumbled, clearly knocked off balance by her own gyrations.
"That... that was really something, Jenny." For once in his life Pounce thought before he spoke, if only to avoid inciting her wrath.
There was no reason to hang around after that statement. Pounce darted off towards the rest of the crowd, careful not to let Jenny get a good look at him lest she start gossiping about him behind his back.
"The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast." A group of queens draped themselves all over Tugger.
"At least that's a familiar sight." Pounce muttered.
"My disobliging ways are a matter of habit." Tugger proclaimed, sauntering up to the queen that had interrogated Pounce earlier about his name. Together they started to dance the bit that was usually reserved for Bombalurina, but it was clear to see that this was not the same Jellicle queen.
"Wait a second." Pounce looked around. "Where's Bomba?"
He couldn't believe that he had forgotten about the most beautiful queen of all the Jellicles. Silently he muttered a prayer for forgiveness as he tried to locate her in the increasing crowd of queens. Tugger always flirted around with her during his songs, the banter adding to his whole image, and she definitely gave as much back to him as he gave to her. But so far as Pounce could see there was no sign of Bombalurina anywhere.
"For I only like..." Tugger turned, eyes landing on Pounce. Slowly he approached, mouth parted in anticipation. "What I find for myself. Uh!"
Now, Pounce was more than happy to receive Tugger's attention, but the level of pure lust in Tugger's eyes was more than he bargained for. In a fit of desperation Pounce stuck out a foot to push Tugger away. To his dismay Tugger grabbed his foot and brought it up to his mouth, closing his eyes and sighing a hot breath across his toes in ecstasy. Those fleshy lips were moments away from latching themselves onto his toes.
"Whu- where are you going with this, Tugger." Pounce recoiled, unable to escape from Tugger's vice grip on his foot. "Even for you this is a little much-"
"Stop milking it!" Jenny yelled from across the street.
Tugger threw Pounce's foot aside in favor of gyrating with some of the other cats. Gratefully Pounce took his leave and sidled up to the one cat he was certain wouldn't try to suck his toes. Both he and Misto watched as Tugger shrugged off his coat and abandoned it in the street.
"Hey, Misto." Pounce whispered. "Is Tugger wearing a real fur coat or what? What's it made of?"
The magician wasn't listening. He was too busy hiding his face behind his playing cards, peeking around to stare at Tugger with clear disdain.
"Uh, you know, you can go over there with the others." Pounce said. "You don't have to be all aloof and stuff."
Misto did not respond. Clearly now was not the right time to inspire change.
"Fine." Pounce rolled his eyes. "But you're eventually gonna have to talk to him."
"Why?" Misto asked, shooting him a pained look. "Why would I ever need to talk to him?"
"Because how else is he gonna sing your prais-" Pounce was interrupted by the building before him lighting up in a flash of bright neon lights, illuminating a bar that seemed solely designed to distribute milk.
Pounce's stomach growled. There was no way he was missing this opportunity. The other cats had the same idea, everyone charging for the bar and enthusiastically lapping up as much milk as they could manage. He didn't even care that Tugger was literally dancing around his head with his fan club, his stomach had taken over his brain for the time being.
"Nah, nah, no more milk." Abruptly Tugger ran back outside in a frenzied hurry, only to pause, turn to the sky and scream at the top of his lungs. "MIIIILK! WOOOO!"
Pounce choked in alarm, shooting milk out his nose. "Gah!"
"The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat." Everyone chorused, following Tugger back inside yet again.
"And there isn't any need for me to spout it." Tugger proclaimed, ignoring Pounce's choking and sputtering.
"For he will do as he do do."
"Aaand there's nooooooooo doing anythiiiiiiiiiing aboooooout..." Tugger, seemingly transfixed by his reflection in the big mirror behind the bar, sang each note for what seemed like an hour apiece. "Aboooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut..."
Somehow Pounce found himself up at the bar squeezed between two enthusiastic queens. Hastily he wiped the milk from his nose in case any of them were looking his way. He needn't have worried, for everyone's eyes were glued to Tugger.
"There's no doing anythiiiiiiiiiiiing yeeeeeaaaaaahuh-" Tugger continued. "Aboooooooouuuuuut..."
Pounce was too busy checking out the girls around him to notice the fingers gripping his wrists. What he wasn't too busy to notice was that he was being suddenly lifted into the air.
"Hey!" Pounce shrieked. "This is harassment!"
Tugger looked down. "Wait. You're not a queen."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Dunno what to tell you." Pounce shrugged. "'S been a weird night for all of us, I imagine."
Tugger promptly dropped him on his head and darted outside. Pounce was too busy yelling curses to notice that, once again, all the other cats were disappearing all around him, running off into the dark corners of the buildings up and down the street.
"Tugger, you're a right bast- Oh, hey, uh, lady. Didn't see you there."
A new cat was staggering towards him, inadvertently taking the brunt of his yelling. She was also wearing a fur coat. Once again Pounce wondered if it was a coat of her fur, a coat of someone else's fur, or just a coat. The need to know threatened to consume him.
"Hey, so, are you wearing a real coat or what-"
"Remark, the cat." The new cat sang at him. "Who hesitates towards you."
"Excuse me, but I think out of all of us here I look the most approachable." Pounce gestured to them both. "At least I don't look like I've been shaved recently. And I also happen to actually resemble a cat, thank you very much."
The cat gaped at him for a moment but rallied and continued. "In the light of the door which opens toward her, like a grin."
"Thanks for that imagery, can't wait to sleep on that tonight." Something wasn't right. He had heard these words before. Briefly he remembered Tumble and Plato whispering urgently in his ear, goading him to do something to somebody, but what was it? And why was he remembering this now of all times?
"You see, the border of her coat is torn, and stained with sand-"
"Yeah, that's what I keep asking, is that a coat made out of your fur or what? Inquiring minds need to know!" Pounce stomped his foot. He'd have to remember what Tumble and Plato had told him to do later. Now was time to focus on important stuff.
His mind was so focused on the possibilities of what the coat could be that he was unaware that the singing was continuing without him. Quickly he tuned back in. The two queens that had asked him about his name before were singing to him.
"She haunted many a low resort. Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court." The sleek brown queen from before crooned right in his ear. "She flitted about the no man's land. From the Rising Sun to the Friend at Hand."
"Hey, so this is probably not the right time, but you keep popping up." Pounce whispered to her. "What's your name? You demanded mine but never told me yours."
It wasn't really a surprise when she ignored him. Her friend, a silver and white queen, sang right over the top of his question.
"And the postman sighed as he scratched his head. You'd really have thought she'd ought to be dead."
"Hey, now, that's kinda harsh." Pounce looked at the cat before them. Sure, she was pretty raggedy and definitely needed to wipe her nose, but she was clearly young. Maybe all she needed was a bath and to shed the jacket and she'd be fine.
"And who'd have ever supposed that that was Grizabella the glamour cat." The queens introduced the new cat with as much hostility as they could muster.
"Wait, you're saying that this is-" Pounce didn't get to finish his sentence. Munk clamped a hand on the back of his neck to silence him.
"Who'd have ever supposed that that was Grizabella the glamour cat." Everyone chorused around him.
"That's Grizabella?" Pounce watched her hiss and stagger off on all fours, trailing her mysterious fur coat behind her. "No way. She's not nearly as janky as the Griz I know. What'd she do here to make you all so mad at her? Did she shave one of you guys and use your fur for her coat?"
"She used to be the star of the Windmill." Misto said, as if that explained everything.
"Then she went with Macavity." Munk did absolutely nothing to clarify that statement.
"Now she lives on the wasteland." The brown queen added.
"Oh, thanks, that really clears it up." Pounce shrugged off the warning hand Munk had laid on his shoulder.
At least that explained why he suddenly remembered Tumble and Plato egging him on. During his first Jellicle Ball of the night the two had convinced him to run up and pretend to reach out to Grizabella in friendship, only to turn and scratch her at the last minute when she least expected it. Sure, he was bound to receive some kind of punishment from Munk for that stunt, but it was pretty funny. At least he had thought so in the moment.
A small, minuscule twinge of guilt flickered inside him as he watched this alternate Grizabella crawl away on all fours, shakily breathing and crying to herself. At least all he had done to this one was inadvertently yell at her. She'd be fine. Probably.
Munk and Misto stepped up next to him, intending to herd him to the next unsettling stop on their confusing tour, only to pause as heavy, ominous footsteps echoed down the street. Pounce ducked behind Munk. No matter what universe he was in he would always seek refuge behind the nearest available Munkustrap.
The footsteps grew closer. A huge, looming shadow trailed along the wall.
"Oh what now?" Pounce moaned. "My heart's gonna give out from all this."
"Good evening, all!" A jovial voice greeted them.
"Oh no, look what the cat dragged in." Jenny groaned.
A very rotund tuxedo tomcat waltzed down the street, wearing a black coat, hat and spats. There was something familiar about him but Pounce was too busy looking at the fleshy hands protruding from the sleeves to notice. Seriously, what was going on with their limbs? Where was the fluffy fur?
"Oh my, you look absolutely starving." The newcomer said, breaking Pounce out of his revere.
"I am!" Pounce proclaimed as the cat patted his hollow stomach. Fleshy hands or not, this cat was already a-ok in his book so long as there was food in the near future.
"You can't attend the ball on an empty stomach."
"You really can't, it's truly a crime." Maybe if he agreed with everything this cat said he would get fed. "So, you got food somewhere or what?"
"Yeah. He wants to be reborn as a thin cat so he can get fat all over again." Jenny sidled up next to him and slapped the cat's stomach. "But he's going to lose!"
"How dare you! Don't listen to her." The cat said.
"Don't you listen to him-"
"Hey, I thought you liked Bustopher. Like, a lot" Pounce interrupted, suddenly realizing who this newcomer was. "Thought you had a thing going on between you two. Didn't he give you flowers or something?"
"What? Me, with him? Absolutely not." Jenny scoffed. "Have you seen the state of him?"
"You know, this is gonna be real weird coming from me, but you're kinda being really rude." Even Pounce, who had to be constantly reminded of his manners by his version of Jennyanydots, felt that this incarnation of Jenny was taking it a little too far.
"Me, rude?" Jenny scoffed. "He is a complete and utter bas-"
"I'm Bustopher Jones, I'm not skin and bones." Bustopher looped an arm through Pounce's and waltzed him down the street, the other cats trailing behind. "In fact I'm remarkably fat!"
Pounce couldn't help but grin. Oh, if only the toms back home could see him now. Skimbleshanks, Munk and Alonzo had taken far too much time out of their busy schedules to corral the male kittens and force them how to be, in no uncertain terms, 'respectable' and 'presentable'. Honestly Pounce had spaced out during most of it but he did know that if Bustopher approved of you, you had the chance to join him at the clubs and be privy to a wealth of food and luxury. So whenever the St. James's street cat showed up it was worth at least trying to put in an effort to be noticed.
So far neither he nor Tumble had been impressive enough to catch Bustopher's eye. But look at him now. Arm in arm with Bustopher Jones, wouldn't Tumble be jealous! Delightedly Pounce danced a little jig in time with Bustopher's movements.
"Yeah, you've got it." Bustopher said encouragingly. "Here we go. Ha ha! Ready?"
"You bet I am!" Pounce cheered. Already he could taste all the delicious treats that were undoubtedly waiting for him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jenny hesitate, turning back to talk to a tall, dark cat in the trench coat that suddenly appeared in the street.
If he wasn't about to indulge himself in a smorgasbord of delectable delights Pounce might have gone back to see what the mystery cat had to say to her. But Pounce was a cat of simple wants and what he really wanted was to stuff his face with food. So he turned away and dove through the open door. Jenny would catch up later, he was sure. Maybe.
Inside was the fanciest hall Pounce had ever seen. His eyes widened in wonder. For a brief moment he could forget all the disturbing things he had seen that night and bask in the sheer luxury all around him. Oh, he was definitely bragging to everyone back home about this. Once he ate his body weight in caviar and rice pudding.
"And we're all of us proud to be nodded and bowed to by Bustopher Jones in white spats!" Everyone sang, Pounce included. Yes sir, he was very proud to be one of Bustopher's chosen.
"Alright, I dunno about you, but I am absolutely, one hundred percent ready for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner, dunch, supper, whatever." Excitedly he looked all around the fancy hall for some fancy grub. "Lead the way."
The crowd stepped out the back door into the alley. Bustopher nodded to another black and white cat, who, with incredible precision, reached out and whipped all of Bustopher's clothes off his body in one go. With a happy sigh Bustopher held out his arm for Pounce to take once more.
"Er." Pounce hesitantly took the offered arm. "Why'd you take off your clothes?"
Was Bustopher naked now? He still had fur, but he had been wearing clothes just a second ago that he took off... but no inappropriate bits were showing. And he still kept his spats on. The Bustopher he was used to hadn't shown up at his Jellicle Ball and ripped all his clothes off so Pounce never had to think about it. Still, the fact that Pounce had to wonder if this Bustopher was naked or not was almost enough to put him off his promised dinner.
"My visits are occasional, to the Senior Educational-" Bustopher took a step forward, slipped, and almost brought them both to their knees. "And it is against the rules-"
"Seriously, does everyone here have a balance issue?" Pounce was tempted to pull away but stubbornly held on because, surely, there would be mutton in it for him if he stuck it out.
"For any one cat to belong both to that and the joint superior schools." Bustopher ignored him, gesturing proudly to the area around them.
"Um." Pounce sniffed. They were surrounded by garbage cans. "This is it?"
"Isn't it wonderful?" Bustopher's assistant, the one who could undress a cat in an instant, asked.
"This is garbage. I can get this myself." Sullenly he kicked the side of a trash can. "If I decide to lower my standards."
So this was the big reward for impressing Bustopher? A buffet of garbage? Pounce would have to have some serious words with Munk, Skimble and Alonzo when he got back home. Tumble was going to be so disappointed that all their attempts at being presentable citizens was a huge waste of time. No use trying to impress anyone if the reward was this.
Mournfully he watched Bustopher roll around in the garbage cans, too disappointed to even laugh as Misto and the others tried to keep the fat cat contained. Sure, there were some salvageable scraps spilling out onto the alleyway floor, but Pounce had really been hoping for something grander. At least something served in a dish.
No one else seemed to mind. In fact, they were reveling in it. Everyone gathered around as Bustopher stood at the base of the largest metal can, perched on a makeshift teeter totter. Bustopher's assistant prepared to jump on the other end.
Bustopher struck a pose and sang triumphantly. "And just before noon's, not a moment too soon-"
Everything ground to a halt. The assistant had tried to propel Bustopher in the air but even Pounce knew that it was going to take a lot more to get a cat of his caliber off the ground.
"Right, well that's not going to work, is it? Okay?" Bustopher asked, looking upon the other cat with uncharacteristic disdain. "Look at you, and look at me, and you know, you know that I'm sensitive about my size, okay?"
"Now that's not right. I know for a fact that he's not sorry about his weight." Pounce said to Misto as Bustopher hissed at his cringing assistant. "That's the whole reason we care about his opinion in the first place. He's cool because he's got all this access to food. If he wasn't fat then what would be the point?"
The magic cat shrugged before conjuring a heavy weight from thin air. Out of pity Pounce and Munk helped him carry it up to the top of the teeter totter to prepare to jump and propel Bustopher upwards. Pounce was never going to deny another cat the chance to achieve flight, especially since leaping into the air off of high spaces was one of his favorite past times.
Okay, and yes, he really wanted to see just how high Bustopher could go. Consider it retaliation for lying about eating luxurious foods. A malicious grin spread across his face as he gleefully took up his position next to Misto.
"Let's gather up a few more of the... cats... and we'll try again, shall we?" Bustopher paused in chastising his assistant that had done nothing but help him all night, giving Pounce an uncertain glance.
Pounce did not miss the hesitation in Bustopher's voice and grinned wider. The St. James's Street cat was about to learn not to make empty promises to Pouncival's stomach.
"And... Five, six, seven- and just before noon's not a moment too soon- Hey!" Up, up, up Bustopher went. And down, down, down he fell, landing astride the rim of the can. "Ooh! Gaaaaaah..."
"Oof, he's not going to be able to walk that one off." Pounce cringed. "Hope he was done having kittens."
He needn't have wondered. Bustopher bounced back quickly, proceeding to frolic about the alleyway and stuffing all sorts of refuse in his gaping maw.
"Hey, so, if you're not gonna actually feed me, I think I'm just gonna go." Pounce said as Bustopher danced by.
The St. James's Street cat responded by spitting directly in his face.
"What the hell?" Pounce sputtered. "Why you-"
"Hey, hey, easy does it." Misto just barely held him back.
"Lemme at him, I don't care if you guys like him, he's a- he's a naked, trash eating alley cat!" Pounce took a swipe at Bustopher's back but missed. "Forget it, I'm never gonna try and put on any airs and graces around him anymore. Someone else can be part of his garbage club."
Misto tried to placate him with a wilting piece of asparagus. Pounce slapped it right out of his teeth.
"You all enjoy this- this- I dunno even know what to call it." Gesticulating wildly around him, Pounce stomped off down the alley to get some air. "He's just a monster in spats, that's what he is."
"Spats?" A cat questioned high above him.
Someone screamed something back in the alley but Pounce was too busy grumbling to hear it clearly.
"Puss in Spats. I love it." The cat chuckled.
"Oh, I bet you'd love it if you were promised a real fancy high society dinner and got welcomed by stinking garbage." Pounce grumbled, looking up at his sudden company. "Oh hey, I remember you."
It was the cat in the hat and trench coat again. At least this cat's coat, while fuzzy, resembled more of an actual coat than all the others Pounce had seen so far. Still odd that he was wearing clothes, but not as odd as clothes that were potentially made of other cat's flesh.
"Hungry?" The cat whispered.
"Everlasting Cat, yes!" Pounce groaned. "Everyone keeps asking me that and I keep saying yes but do I get any food? No! This is my worst nightmare!"
"You look like you haven't eaten for days!"
"Well, I'd be lying if I agreed with you, but I- hey!" Pounce looked up just in time to see Bustopher approach the mystery cat. "He's talking to me you loaf!"
"Well come on, Puss in Spats!" The cat egged Bustopher on. "You can do it."
Pounce growled. "I swear if you swipe another meal from me I'm gonna-"
Too late. Bustopher leapt into the garbage can at the other cat's feet.
"Ineffable." The cat gestured with a hand and disappeared into thin air.
Pounce was too outraged at Bustopher stealing his meal to notice and jumped up to the rim of the can to properly berate him. To his surprise and immense disappointment the can was completely empty.
"Hey, uh, does anyone care that Bustopher just straight up vanished into the garbage? No?" Pounce looked around him. "Guys?"
Once again he was left alone. It was becoming very annoying.
"Do you guys want me to stick around and see the Jellicle Ball or what? 'cause if you do, running away from me and leaving me alone at every chance you get is really sending me mixed messages here."
Silence. Guess he was on his own then.
"Better take a look around." With a bit of scrambling he was up on top of the nearest wall.
"Can we help you?" A stranger suddenly asked.
"Gah!" Pounce took a swing but was quickly grabbed by the wrists and hung over the edge of the wall.
"You really shouldn't be out alone." Another voice told him, using her tail to turn his face towards hers. He found himself staring at a pair of calicos, the same calico cats that he had seen earlier in the night.
"I'm not alone, I was with these guys who all just straight up abandoned me after forcing me to stick with them. Talk about rude-"
"Friends?"
"Absolutely not, no friend of mine lies to me about dinner and abandons me in the middle of nowhere."
"Looks like they've run away and left you." The calico tom observed.
"That's what I just said!" Pounce wiggled a bit.
"Don't worry, we'll look after you, won't we?" The calico queen said, exchanging a glance with her partner. "Why don't you come inside?"
"Great, I can't wait." Limply Pounce hung in their grasp. "Might as well get on with it then."
Together the two lifted him back up onto the wall so he could stand on his own feet.
"Hey, weren't you two trying to break through a window with a brick earlier?" Pounce wondered as he rubbed his sore wrists. "Yeah, I remember seeing you guys. Who are you?"
"Mungojerrie." The calico tom introduced himself.
"And Rumpleteazer." The calico queen grinned.
"We're a notorious couple of-"
"I know you guys!" Pounce proclaimed. "Kinda surprised to see you two hanging around. Didn't know you lived near Bustopher. Did you know that he lies about eating in the clubs? It's all garbage, very scandalous really-"
"You know us?" Mungojerrie asked, exchanging another look with Rumpleteazer. "What's your name?"
"My name's Pouncival. Call me Pounce. And yeah, I know you guys. Well, not really you guys. But other versions of you guys." He received twin skeptical looks. "Uh, really long story. But you said something about going inside?"
"Oh, yes. We make our home in Victoria Grove." Mungojerrie said, leading Pounce towards a fancy flat. "This is merely our center of operation for we are incurably given to rove."
"We are very well known in Cornwell Gardens, in Launceston Place and in Kensington Square." Rumpleteazer added as they crouched in front of an open window. "We have-"
"Yeah, sorry, dunno any of those places." Pounce interrupted, ducking inside without waiting for the other two. "Hey, this is a pretty fancy place. You actually live here?"
The bedroom was plush and filled with all sorts of breakable, shiny objects. Light spilled into the room from an open door that undoubtedly led to an equally fancy house. Mungojerrie jumped down next to him, pushing him up against the wall and gesturing for him to stay put. Cautiously the calico crept up to the door, peering down the hall. With a satisfied nod he gave the all clear.
Rumpleteazer appeared at Pounce's side and, seeing the anticipation in his eyes, led him over to the vanity. Together they rifled through the jewelry while Mungojerrie busied himself with flinging clothes out of the massive chest of drawers.
"If the drawers are pulled out from the bedroom chest and you can't find one of your winter vests." Mungojerrie narrated, throwing a pair of underwear onto the floor. "Or after supper one of the girls-"
"Suddenly misses her Woolworth pearls-" Rumpleteazer went to drape a set of pearls around his neck but found that he had already put on a necklace of his own. She shrugged and tossed them aside.
"The family will say 'It's that horrible cat.'." The two chorused, heading off towards the bed.
"It was Mungojerrie." Rumpleteazer proclaimed as Pounce charged past her and bounced onto the mattress.
"Or Rumpleteazer." Mungojerrie jumped up next to him. "And most of the time they leave it at that."
To Pounce's delight Mungojerrie used the mattress as a makeshift trampoline, leaping up onto the headboard and laughing gleefully before flipping back onto the pillows. Now here was something Pounce was good at. He was more than happy to wreak a little havoc after what he had been through tonight.
"You don't have to persuade me to destroy your house with song, I'm all for it." With a well placed jump he perched on top of the headboard, grinning down at the two of them. "I've got a lot of steam to let off."
They barely had time to dive out of the way as he pounced onto the bed, his weight bouncing them across the mattress. The bedspread was slippery and he had to dig in his claws to keep from sliding clear off the bed. With a loud rip the fabric tore, sending bits of thread everywhere.
"Where to next?" Pounce bounced up and down excitedly.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer both gave him a long, calculating look. Something about these two was more... sinister than the Jerrie and Teazer he knew. They seemed smoother, more calculating, less rambunctious. Briefly Pounce wondered just what kinds of crimes these two might have committed.
"Right this way." Rumpleteazer purred, slipping a ring onto his wrist.
"Wow. Your humans got some real big fingers." His comment went unnoticed.
The three of them danced down a flight of stairs, taking great care to scratch up the carpet as they went. Now this was the kind of dancing he could get behind. No need to be careful not to crash into others or watch his step. So what if he accidentally ran into something breakable? Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer encouraged his destructive inclinations and he sure wasn't going to question it.
Before he knew it Pounce found himself in the most important room in the house. His eyes grew wide as he took in the sight of an elaborately set dining room table. Hesitantly he sniffed the air.
"Is that... is that what I think it is?" He breathed.
"When the family assembles for Sunday dinner, their minds made up that they won't get thinner-" Rumpleteazer gestured towards the dinner laid out above them.
Pounce leapt onto the table, scattering the silverware, and immediately latched onto a delicious roast. Nothing else mattered at this point.
"On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens-" Rumpleteazer stepped out of the way as he rolled across the table with his prize.
"Mmmph." Pounce was too busy stuffing his face to listen along. Truly this was going to be the highlight of his night. Forget experiencing the Jellicle Ball twice in one night, forget meeting bizarro versions of the friends he thought he knew, this was what he was going to remember for the rest of his life.
"Uh, Pounce, might want to take it easy." Mungojerrie said as he crashed into a bowl and sent peas flying everywhere. Together the notorious couple of cats tried to pull him away from the roast but he was having none of it. Protectively he crouched over his prize.
"Get yer own." Pounce growled. "I've waited way too long for this."
"Alright, alright." They backed off.
"There won't be a Sunday dinner after he's done with it." Rumpleteazer remarked.
"Forget that, there won't be anything for Monday or Tuesday at this rate." Mungojerrie clutched a roll to his chest. "He's eating us out of house and home."
The two of them watched Pounce consume the roast. If they were disturbed he didn't notice. In a flash he demolished the roast, a shocking amount of potatoes, several rolls, and a smattering of greens. In his haste he managed to wreck every dish around him.
"Alright, that was superb." Pounce belched loudly once he was satisfied. "Way better than whatever Bustopher was trying to sell me back in the garbage."
"Yeah..." Mungojerrie herded Pounce off the table. "That was a sight I soon won't forget. Where does it all go?"
"I dunno. But what's next?" Now that he was full he was buzzing with energy. Time to run some of it off.
"He's going through the house like a hurricane." Rumpleteazer said, ducking as Pounce ricocheted off a chair and headed back towards the stairs.
Up the stairs he ran, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer following close behind. With a complicated tumble he spun around and jumped up onto the railing. Down the banister he went, soaring down the polished wood with incredible speed. It was too late to pump the brakes and he flew off the end of the railing, somersaulting through the air and crashing headfirst into a vase. With a tremendous smash it exploded into a million little pieces.
"Um, I didn't do that." Pounce said, dusting bits of porcelain off of himself. "It was Mungojerrie."
Mungojerrie gave him a sour look from the top of the stairs.
"Oh, did I say Mungojerrie? I meant Rumpleteazer."
Rumpleteazer cleared her throat. She was standing next to Mungojerrie.
"Yeah, er, maybe we should just leave it at that go back upstairs."
Back to the bedroom they went. The three of them frolicked on the bed. Someone snagged a pillow and tore it open in a flurry of stuffing. Gleefully Pounce started to rip the bedspread to shreds, kicking at pillows and sending feathers flying everywhere.
"Hey, Pounce, you might want to dial it back a little." Even Rumpleteazer seemed surprised to hear the words come out of her own mouth. "We certainly like to cause a fuss, but this is also our home."
"You look tired. Why don't you make yourself comfortable?" Mungojerrie suggested, gesturing to the remains of the bed.
"Yes, finally." With a contented trill Pounce sprawled out on the ruined blanket. He was fed, he was comfortable, and no strange, unsettling Jellicles were around to disturb him. Wherever Munk and Misto and the others were didn't matter to him anymore.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer stretched out on either side of him. It was probably to ensure that he didn't get up and wreak more havoc on their home, but he didn't mind. Within seconds he was snoring. If left to his own devices he would happily sleep well into the next day.
Unfortunately the universe had other plans for him. The barking of a dog jolted them out of their relaxation. All three of them bolted off the bed, aiming for the open window. Pounce rolled forward and was immediately halted in his tracks.
"Ack!" The necklace hanging from his neck was caught around the bedpost. "Help! Help me!"
He looked up just in time to see Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer grin and disappear through the window.
"You two get back here you pair of feline f-"
"I'm coming, Pounce!" Misto's voice interrupted Pounce's tirade of swearing.
To his amazement the magical cat had found him and was now coming to his rescue. To less of his amazement Misto fell in through the window, inadvertently wrapping the discarded underwear around his neck, and stumbled into a pair of high heels. Pounce could only watch as Misto staggered across the floor and, like all of the other cats Pounce had met that night, fell flat on his face.
"Don't worry! Stay there!" Misto flailed around on the floor as he tried to untangle himself.
"Jeez, Misto, come on." Pounce muttered, freeing himself from the necklace with a slash of his claws and running to the door. "Just for once try and be capable!"
His words must have stirred something within the magical cat because Misto was suddenly with him at the door, pushing up against it to keep the dog out. With intense concentration Misto pulled a sizable bone out of his hat, giving Pounce an astounded look before chucking it back over his shoulder and out the door.
"Here doggy, fetch!" To both of their relief the dog retreated.
They didn't waste a moment waiting for the dog to return. Together they scrambled out through the window, leaving the devastated bedroom behind them. Hopefully Pounce would be able to return to his own home before he could be blamed for the destruction of Victoria Grove.
"Okay, so, I'm pretty sure I'm dead." Pounce said, sounding much more matter of fact about the whole thing than he felt. "That's the only way to explain it."
"You're not dead." Misto insisted as he led the way down the street. "Just… maybe confused. It can be difficult to take in if you're not used to being around so many Jellicles at once."
"Hey, I know my Jellicles. And you guys are not the Jellicles I know. Although you do have the same names and kinda look like them. I guess."
"In what way?"
"Well, for instance, my Misto, the one I know, is also a tuxedo cat. Oh, and he can also do magic stuff. But he's a lot better at it than you are."
Misto visibly deflated. "Really?"
"Uh, I mean, he can do bigger, flashier stuff." Pounce tried to backpedal but the damage had been done. "But I'm sure you can do that too. Eventually. Maybe."
"No, no, I know I'm not very good yet."
"Look, you're just starting out. Misto back home can pull kittens out of hats, do any trick with cards, shoot lightning bolts, pretty sure he can fly, you know, the usual big flashy stuff. I'm sure that takes practice."
"I suppose- wait, what was that? Did you say lightning bolts?"
"Oh yeah. That seems to be his favorite. Almost blew me up with that one. He says it was an accident but I don't know..." Pounce shuddered. "Tugger sang about him being 'vague and aloof' but even I know that slinging lightning around isn't really subtle."
"Tugger sang about me?" Misto looked at him curiously. "I mean, about him?"
"Yeah. Made up a whole song for Misto even though Misto called him boring. Definitely helped him bring Old Deut back. I mean, when Tugger sings about you, how could you not feel awesome?"
"What happened to Old Deuteronomy?"
"Oh. Uh." Pounce was suddenly aware that he had said quite a bit about things that might not have happened in this version of the Jellicle Ball. Judging by Misto's current facial expression a lot of what Pounce had said had not happened.
"What's this about Old Deuteronomy?" Munk, who always seemed to be around precisely when it was most inconvenient, appeared over Misto's shoulder. "Did something happen to her?"
"No, no, he's fine." Pounce waved him off. "I got mixed up talking to Misto-"
"You said that the other me needed help bringing Old Deuteronomy back." Misto said. "Where did Old Deuteronomy go?"
"Nowhere! Jeez!" Clearly he should have kept his mouth shut. Both toms were staring at him like he was crazy. Which, judging by how the night had been going so far, he might as well have been. "Forget I said anything."
"Where have you been?" Munk suddenly noticed the ring around Pounce's wrist. "Where'd you get that?"
"Oh, er, it's mine." Misto reached for it.
"Excuse me, but I stole this fair and square, get your own!" Pounce hissed.
"You stole it?" Munk asked, voice tight.
"No, no, it's mine." Roughly Misto yanked the ring off of Pounce's wrist. "Yet another trick that went wrong."
"What-" Pounce finally noticed just how murderous Munk looked. "Oh. Er. Yep. Definitely one of Misto's tricks gone wrong. As expected."
"Don't need to be rude." Misto muttered.
"You're just in time to see Old Deuteronomy." Munk told them both, obviously trying to steer everyone back on track.
"Old Deuteronomy?" Pounce asked, suddenly feeling uneasy. Everyone else had been so disconcertingly different from the cats that he knew and loved, and he wasn't ready to see what was different about this version of the wise old Jellicle leader he was familiar with.
There was a sudden shift in the air.
Whether Pounce liked it or not, Old Deuteronomy was coming.
Who's that coming out of the mists? Why, it can only be Old Deuteronomy. Prepare yourselves...