I do not own Dxd, Only the oc and any 'new' sacred gear I have created.
"Speech"
'Thought'
"Powerful Entities Talking" (Such as dragons and angry gods who are shouting)
[Boost]: Ddraig
{Divide} Albion
"So!" I call out to my sprinting ally. "Is this what you have been doing all game?"
"Y-Yeah!" He pants out as we both turn a corner, a massive explosion smashing into the wall we were facing moments before.
"Alright, then, we should probably stop her if I am going to be hones-" a bat flies through the air, past my head and smashes into the Queen's nose causing her to get launched backwards and into a wall which she is imbedded into.
I stare dead ahead at the busty raven-haired girl in a red sweater who draws back her hand, causing Kohaku and myself to dive out of the way as her bat returns to her via a long piece of chain.
"…"
I glance over to Kohaku, glance back ahead, Pauline now noticeably closer.
I glance away and back and she is even closer.
I put a folded sheet over my hand and then pull it off to reveal a boombox.
*Click*
"I've heard there was, a secret cord, that David played and it pleased the lord-"
She clutches her ears and screams.
"SHOOT HER! SHOOT HER NOW!" I scream at Kohaku
"With Holy W-"
"But you don't really care for music do you?"
"YOU FUCKING BETTER!" I shout.
The janitor pops the cap off a milk jug filled with water, then points his hand forwards and unleashes a torrent of holy water that launches the bat wielding psychopath down the hallway.
"…" he slowly blinks.
"It goes like this, the Fourth, the Fifth, the Minor Fall, the Major Lift! The baffled king composing Halleluja!"
I grab his wrist and leap out of the window.
Just as a giant explosion rips its way down the hallway, blowing out all nearby windows as it does so, like a wave of fire that spits out the new holes like hot gas from a muzzle break
"Halleluja!"
As we fall to the grass below Kohaku launches a beam of water upwards that crashes against a barrier around the purple clad figure of Riser's Queen, she lept out of a window after us, eyes full of rage focuses precisely at my limited-edition hello kitty boombox, she also has some blood on the front of her dress, but she doesn't appear to be bleeding at all? Where did the blood come from then?
"Halleluja!"
I let go of him and flick my hand downwards revealing a single shot grenade launcher that I point at the queen after a quick roll, Kohaku's downward momentum stopped as his stand- *Cough* 'spirit familiar' *Cough*- creates a sphere of water that he crashes through.
"Halleluja!"
*THOMP- BOOOM*
The grenade explodes against her shield and sends her flying higher.
I tug the boombox out of the way of a lightning bolt and fling the empty launcher in the direction it came from, smacking Akeno right in the face, and she is ALSO staring at me, slightly enraged.
"Your faith was strong, but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you."
"FUCK YOU! SHREK WAS A GOOD MOVIE!" I roar as I pull out a canister-like grenade and pull the pin with my teeth, then fling it behind me and up into the air.
I cover one of my ears with my now free hand and shadows from my hair cover the other.
"She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne, she cut your hair,"
A loud ringing explosion and a flash echoes out from behind me.
"NO IT WASN'T!" Riser's queen roars as a massive explosion radiates from her body.
*Record Scratch*
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" I ask as I slowly turn around, Hallelujas completely stopped.
A tendril of shadow snakes out from the ground and smashes into a bolt of lightning that was heading for my back.
"…"
"Kohaku... leave... I have some teaching to do." I deadpan in a slightly emotionless tone.
Kohaku slowly raises his hands and backs away slowly... only for the tip of a bat to pierce the ground next to him.
He follows the chain to the wielder who is stood up on the second floor of the school, soggy, with one eye shut and the other slightly teary and red, her skin appears to also be red, blistered and she appears to be smoking below her shirt.
She lights herself of fire with demonic power, drying off- and slightly toasting- her clothes, but not healing the damage.
Kohaku pales and sprints through the open door behind him, leading him back into the school building.
Pauline leaps off the second floor through a massive hole in the wall from prior explosions, then chases after Kohaku, bat being torn from the earth and dragged behind her by a chain.
"Now, would you care to repeat what you just said?"
"Shrek is an ungodsly annoying and disgusting movie" the woman growls. "I don't understand how anyone could enjoy something ladened with so much unsanitary humor and why people like the main character even though he is a filthy monster."
I smile brightly. "I don't know if you actually believe that, or you are just trying to piss me off, but its working you uncivilized c*nt."
The boombox takes this time to activate and make a loud beep to censor my foul language.
"JESUS!" Akeno exclaims, ignoring the pain that word grants her easily enough. "Are you really getting so worked up over a movie?!"
"ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THE FIRST AND ONLY MOVIE WE HAD AT THE ORPHANAGE WAS SHREK AND EVERYBODY, EVEN THE DRUGGIES AND PSYCHOPATHS KNEW NOT TO FUCK WITH THE SACRED ENTERTAINMENT THAT IS SHREK!"
"I would have accepted, 'oh yeah, Shrek just isn't my cup of tea considering the gospel song in it is like sticking two miniature blenders in my ears, being a devil sucks dick and all that' but you had the GALL to insult one of my all-time favorite movies?! You- and you by extension, Akeno, please forgive me- are about to feel wrath that is equivalent to my disgust against Gay, feet based, furry, scat, my little pony, vore, fanfictions."
"W-"
"And just to warn you. That disgust is large."
"…"
"…"
"Who hurt you?" Akeno whispers.
"Mittelt got really pissed at me one day so she pulled up the worst fanfiction she could find and started reading it aloud... forcing me to listen and suffer as she even started bleeding from her eyes at the included DeviantArt page..."
"…"
"I'm going to force you both to retire now."
Meanwhile, in the gym:
"WHY CAN'T I HIT YOU?!"
[BOOST!]
Issei once more strikes open air and stumbles slightly as he comes under the effect of my sacred gear's normal ability... 'Serpent's Eyes' is a powerful Illusion based sacred gear, stronger combatants resist the illusions and vertigo somewhat, like that one four winged angel... who I forget the name of at the moment.
Issei strikes open air as I step forwards and land a kick to the back of his knee, dropping him to a kneeling position, then I bring up my fist and strike him in the back of the head, stepping back as he swats his gauntleted hand in my general direction.
Sadly, Issei is not one of these combatants.
I go for a roundhouse kick.
"Duck!"
My foot strikes his temple, knocking his entire body to the side where he rolls to a halt... that kick didn't have as much force as I wanted, purely because I was caught off guard... but that voice made me ask myself a vitally important question...
'Who the fuck just said that?!'
Issei shakily gets to his feet.
"I see... his sacred gear revolves around putting someone into an illusion..." He murmurs under his breath. "But... he can't effect you because you are an item... and they appear to be sight based..."
He points his gauntlet in front of him, eyes shut. "LET'S DO THIS DDRAIG!"
[BOOST!]
"A little to the left..."
I widen my eyes as the green orb lights up with each word, his arm swiveling about five inches to the left so it is pointed right at me.
[DRAGON SHOT!]
I roll to the side as an orb of energy fires from the tips of the gauntlet's fingers, creating a hole the size of a yoga ball in the wall behind me.
"A... sentient sacred gear?" I whisper.
"Right. Three inches diagonally down."
[DRAGON SHOT!]
[BOOST!]
I leap backwards and watch as another orb strikes into the waxed floorboards and explodes, creating another large hole.
"An inch upwards."
[DRAGON SHOT!]
I turn my body past the attack and run forwards.
"He's rapidly approaching from the left."
I leap to the right just as he says that, Issei's hand trailing after me. 'fuck! He predicted that I woul-'
[DRAGON SHOT!]
I cross my arms and wince as the blast chars my skin slightly and sends me flying backwards where I crash into a couple boxes of sporting equipment.
"Direct hit! Good job, partner."
'it seems like I can't hold back anymore...'
I burst out of the box and dash forwards.
"He's rapidly approaching again!"
[DRAGON SHOT!]
[DRAGON SHOT!]
[DRAGON SHOT!]
I duck past the first and hop over the second, then I throw a baseball into the third causing it to explode prematurely, then I simply hold out a hand to his shoulder.
"HE'S RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU!"
*Pinch*
He drops like a puppet with its strings cut, or, it would have if I hadn't punched him right in the stomach as he fell, launching him backwards and causing him to flip head over heels as he slowly rolls to a stop.
"One of Lord Riser's Pawns has been Retired."
The flashing and shattering of one of the sleeping lolis in the corner of the room breaks the silence.
I walk over to Issei, crouch and punch his prone form in the face. "That's for all women everywhere." I deadpan.
I punch him again. "That was for Mittelt, the absolute bitch that she is, but, she's taken, and Lucas told me that one of the first things you did when you saw her, was get a lecherous grin on your face."
I land another punch. "That was for having the audacity to perv on other women while Asia does everything but flat out tell you to bang her. I'm not salted about not having a girlfriend, you are."
I raise my fist again, pause briefly and punch him in the face again. "That one was just because I felt like it."
"Mphfff" Issei hisses through his busted lips. "bou hve isuess"
"My issue is that I'm horribly lonely. And the fact that my bastard of a best friend somehow managed to get a girlfriend before me." I punch him again. "That was for the back-sass."
I land in between the two queens and cross my arms in front of my chest, vines of shadow extending from my sleeves and wrapping around their necks as I pull them both towards me, allowing both to collide as I take a step back, only to immediately take another step forwards and hit both of them with a haymaker that clotheslines them.
I hold up a single finger. "Eat this! My special attack!"
I abruptly spin around and dive back into the school building via a ground floor window.
*Cl-Clink*
They both widen their eyes and look down to see that I just pulled a pin to a set of grenades that are attached to their dresses.
They each immediately slap the bombs away, only to widen their eyes as it pulls the pins of nine to ten grenades stuck to the back of their dresses.
In the distance I hear an 'OH MY GOOOOSH! HE DID THE THING!'
Then they both disappear in a massive ball of fire, there is a small twinkle from inside the fire, then landing in my hand is a small glass... thing?
"Lady Rias' Queen has been retired."
"Lord Riser's Queen has been retired."
"Oh man... I hope I didn't kill them..." I murmur.
"Rias Gremory has decided to retire, her remaining rooks, bishop, and pawn have been removed as a result."
"…"
"Faster than expected" I shrug as I look down at the new object that found its way to my hand.
It contains some sort of reddish pink liquid, the cap just a simple red cone, making it look like one of those tear-drop food coloring containers, the bottom half of it however has some gold around the top, bottom and around it as if mimicking jail cell bars, allowing me to see the contents through six glass openings.
"Neat." I hum as drill girl lands next to me, dispelling her wings made of ACTUAL FIRE.
'damn... that's pretty cool... not gonna lie.'
She looks up and widens her eyes. "W-WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!"
"From the explosion." I yawn.
"Y-You shouldn't have that!"
"Well, I do, what are you going to do about it miss pacifism?"
Her shoulders slump. "N-Nothing."
I wave my hand and an old timey rotary telephone made of shadow appears in my hand, I pick up the receiver, then let go of its base, causing it to float there, I quickly spin the finger wheel around a couple of times, then put the receiver up to my ear.
It rings a couple of times then I hear a an audible *Click* as it connects.
"Yo! It's Lucas, just wanted to let you all know we are going with plan three... k thanx bye."
I put the receiver back on the base then pick it up and dial another number as Devil girl watches on in slight confusion.
"What are you-"
*Click*
"Heeey fucker, just wanted to let you know that your peerage got FUCKED UP, like, were they supposed to be a challenge or something?"
I'm silent for a moment, Ravel paling as she realized I'm calling her elder brother.
"Let me guess, you just said something like 'WHERE ARE YOU?!' Correct? Well, one, this is a one way communication, and two, I could literally be anywhere within this plane of existence and still call you, soooo, I'm just going to sit here and annoy you till you decide to surrender."
I'm going to KILL that fucking human.
'Honestly, you are pretty pathetic, I mean, really, a group of four HUMANS beat your entire group of superpowered lolis and your herds upon herds of fucking milk cows.'
I scan through the security cameras once more, but most of them appear to be on the fritz from my queen exploding at that jan- my queen... 'how did they even beat Yunabella?! That should be impossible for any human without some sort of longinus! What the hell is that bullshit?!'
'Heeey, just wanted to let you know that this entire time I could have been spouting prayer or something about Big G. just to give you a MASSIVE aneurism... but that's BOOORING! I want to break you like this! Breaking you without abusing the fact that you are a race that can be crippled by a word- a single THREE LETTER word, I mean, it would be fine if it was something ridiculously long and complex like 'Osteoporosis' or 'Kummerspeck' which, if you didn't know, is German for 'Grief Bacon' and well, I thought that was pretty funny and it would be sort of amusing to have it as a crippling weakness, I mean, it's kind of hard to say as well, so that would be a plus~ Cummurspe- Kemmerspoc- Kummerseck- Kummerspeck. Ah there we go.'
"MAKE IT STOP!"
'buuuut, you all just get weakened by God and not any fun stuff- and oh... I said the word, didn't I? Ah well, you see, where I grew up, we tended to use his name in vain a lot, so it is sort of a character tic that I have a hard time getting rid of, because, you see, Uratama is literally hell on earth, the place 'Big G' abandoned... everyone is already superhuman- or at least the high ranking members in the top ten gangs- I actually saw a yakuza literally twist some guy like a wet towel once... his blood and organs going everywhere and his bone snapping like fucking twigs... yeah that was pretty fucked up, and the guy he was squeezing managed to cut a rocket from an Rpg in half, then of course he stabbed me in the chest with a katana, but hey, I'm Joseph motherfucking Joestar and I have his ability to cheat death, and well, it went in between my lungs and narrowly avoided my heart and out my back, spraying my blood into the eyes of a gunman who had a gun to my head, talk about lucky~ just a millimeter to the right and I would have been a walking Isekai protagonist~ 'I'm not a bad slime' and all that~ well, actually would have probably been neat, but ah well the gunman missfired, and- as missfired implies, missed my head, shot the wall in front of me, causing the bullet to ricochet off up into the ceiling where it hits a screw ever so perfectly it causes it to pop out entirely, theeeen a brick and a metal panel fell on his two friends, making them as dead as grass- which isn't that good of a saying as plants are living creatures technically, but it's a bit of an inside joke and, I could understand saying 'turns them into vegetables' and all that and well...'
'what was I talking about again?'
I clutch the sides of my head. "Please... god make it stop."
I accept the pain in hope that he might put an end to my suffering.
Bgm: Roundabout (2008 Remastered Version)
'Ah right! I was talking about the time I found a drug cartel smuggling cocaine out of the city though wheels of cheese! Yeah, that was a bad time... they had an armored car... and that was before I found out what my sacred gear did. Wes managed to plug its exhaust port with a rock and then by pure chance, it exploded!'
I take a couple of deep breaths, my hands spasming and twitching as I look around, desperately searching for something to expel my rage on.
'This should be enough time right?'
*Tap Tap Tap*
'w-wait... where is that music coming from?!'
I desperately look around as the clacking of shoes echoes out in the hallway.
'Well, then I should probably tell you that basically all of this conversation has been a recording~ I hope you have fun with whatever nine hells future me has planned~'
'Wh-What?!'
I leap over the desk and fling my hands forwards and blow out the entire front wall and door with a massive wall of fire.
The principal's chair squeaks as it turns around, revealing the cocky white-haired bastard, fingers steepled in front of his face. "You're a poisoner, Dio Brando."
／＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ _ _
〈 To BE CONTINUED…|/|/
＼￣￣￣￣￣￣~ ~ ￣￣￣
I'll be the round-a-bout~ the words will make you out 'n' out I spend the day your waaaay!
Anyways I don't know if that to be continued copypasta will transfer over to fanfiction-dot-net, so, I might quickly edit the chapter after looking over it, sorry to the first viewers who may or may not get !$*$*!($(%!^ or the like, and sorry to future viewers if I have to do something like To Be Continued- or [To Be Continued]
Also tbh, my aesthetic is calming or depressing music being played while intense shit is going on in the background... like Goku vs Frieza while 'Hello Darkness my old friend' is playing in the background.
PS: posting this on Saturday because I was bored... and nobody I follow has updated their fanfictions while i slumbered, soooo i said, 'Fine... ILL DO IT MYSELF!' also i would probably forget to check the 'to be continued' thing if i waited until when i was SUPPOSED to post this in like 3 weeks.