I do not own Dxd, Only the oc and any 'new' sacred gear I have created.

"Speech"

'Thought'

"Powerful Entities Talking" (Such as dragons and angry gods who are shouting)

[Boost]: Ddraig

{Divide} Albion

It was a little difficult to sneak into the room while he was in here, but hey, I'd say it was worth it.

He spins around and launches a massive wave of fire at me. "RAAAAAGH!"

"OH SHIT-"

*Explosion*

I stand with my arms crossed in front of Riser on the roof of the new school building, his attack blew a hole In the wall as I created a flame retardant shadow sphere around myself, then I simply climbed out, using my fake 'Hermit Purple' to pull myself up.

"Well. This is a good of a time as any." I shrug.

He seems to have calmed down, if only slightly, at least he isn't bathing the arena in fire and screaming.

Drill girl floats in the distance watching.

"Well, I suppose before we begin, I have a question to ask you." I hum. "I sort of want to know if you are like all those protagonists in those shitty harem animes Milly makes me watch..."

"So, are you actually such a beta bitch that you are still a virgin after having fourteen girls with assorted slutty clothing hanging around you for god knows how long?"

"of course not!" He growls, only to suddenly smile evilly. "You wish you could have a harem, don't you? Hell, you are still a virgin, aren't you?"

"God, God, God, God, God." I frown as I pocket an object, then clap my hands together in front of myself and rub the palms against each other, then when I pull them apart, I reveal two sets of metal clackers attached to rings wrapped around my middle fingers.

"Well, I'd say that it is time to bid you adeu~" I grin as I start waving my hands.

*CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-*

"OH MY GOSH IS HE GOING TO-"

I flick my hands upwards so they are raised in mock surrender, to Riser's and Ravel's point of view, the balls disappear entirely as they fold behind my hands, trail down the top of my forearm, bend around my elbow and connect in between my shoulder blades, the four balls wrapping around each other as my shoulder blades locks them in place.

"OH, MY GODS HE DID IT!"

"So?" I ask with a smug grin as I take a step forwards and tilt my head slightly, making sure to keep my hands the way they are so the clackers stay in place. "Where are the clackers?"

Riser leans forwards slightly with narrowed eyes. "I will say that your ability to bullshit is quite impressive, and I thank you for giving me this time to decide how exactly I am going to torture you to death."

"No idea, hm?" I hum. "WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A CLOSER LOOK!"

The clackers are released and flung forwards as I sling my arms downwards, sending both sets of clackers right at Riser's head as the rings slip off my fingers.

He nonchalantly ducks it with a small frown, the clackers crashing into a bit of masonry behind him.

He glares at me as if to say, 'Really? That was your grand scheme?'

"Your next line is 'You lost your strange weapons... I'm not going to give you a change to retrieve them'! To you!"

"You lost your strange weapons... I'm not going to give you a chance to- *Inhale*"

I hold up a hand to my ear. "Oh? What's that? I must be getting hard of hearing."

Riser snarls and begins to take a step forward.

"Because why would I need to retrieve my weapon if it is going to come right back to me?"

He freezes and quickly turns to look over his shoulder, only to get impaled through the back of the chest by one of the balls.

"Guk-"

The second clacker had connected to the first and was spinning on it as half was stuck in the stonework, it eventually untangled itself and launched itself at Riser, putting him in his current situation.

"NOW TAKE THIS!" I roar as I slide to a halt in front of him and swing my fist towards his face, only to stop an inch from his face, causing him to flinch.

With my other hand I stab him in the chest with a syringe and inject the clear liquid into him. "Honestly I'm getting a little bored, I used all of my jojokes so I just decided to end this now."

I hop back as he sends a wave of fire at me and raises his hands to launch another, but he just freezes.

He doubles over in pain and writhes on the ground, his skin flickering in between fire, and a dark purple splotch.

"Plan one was for Wes to impale you with an ice based holy sword, then just chain you up somewhere and wait for your powers to drain. Plan two was to trap you under a steamroller I would make out of shadows, then have kohaku punch it a lot... then detonate it using my sacred gear..."

"Just surrender already." i sigh as he tries to get up, only to fall back to the floor.

"This is plan three... I just injected you with holy water mixed with hydra venom... even with your kick ass regeneration you will probably die unless you get some sort of medical attention."

"AAAAGH-"

"Now, you would think that holy water would counter-act or at least weaken the venom, and you would be right, that's why I was able to give you so much of it!"

He disappears with a bright flash and an announcement echoes throughout the nearly empty landscape.

"Riser Phenex has been retired, his remaining bishop has been recalled as a result... Thus, the human team is the victor... Congratulations."

"Huh... Neat." I hum.

With a flash I am suddenly standing next to Wes, Zen, and Kohaku again.

"That was quite impressive." A man states.

I glance up to see a man with long red hair, he has some sort of silver and golden armor that has ridiculous looking shoulder pads and wears some sort of blue robe underneath. "I s-"

"I'm going to stop you right there and cut to the chase, I told my girlfriend I was going on a walk with my friends, so I maybe only have ten minutes before she starts wondering where I am, women are scary and all that, so I am going to quickly summarize this as quickly as possible so you can teleport me back in time for me to walk home and not deal with a pissed off girl for the rest of the weekend..."

"You assumed I was going to use the wish to break the wedding between your sister and Riser out of the 'goodness of my heart' but the exact words I used when requesting this to be set up that I would break the engagement between Riser and Rias... I never explicitly stated I would be using the wish to do so."

I pull out a hand held tape recorder like police use in movies.

"So, are you actually such a beta bitch that you are still a virgin after having fourteen girls with assorted slutty clothing hanging around you for god knows how long?"

"of course not!"

My voice and Riser's echo out of the small box as I hand it over to Sirzechs

"The engagement was based around their virginities, that is why Rias attempted to break said agreement by sleeping with Issei, don't ask how I have come into this information, but it may or may not have been me overhearing Issei murmuring to himself about how Rias tried to sleep with him one night then piecing the rest together... so the agreement was already null and void, but Riser just simply refused to announce it until I got him so mad he admitted it just to try and get one over on me... frankly, this entire game went out according to my massive overarching scheme."

"I give the wish to Kohaku because he was deathly serious about using it for something, I told him he could have it, and I keep my word, so you two work out whatever the hell said wish is, please send me back before I have to deal with mildly miffed Milly."

"I expected Riser had already broken the agreement, but it would look bad if I asked him about it without any proof so I have refrained." Sirzechs sagely nods. "and I respect a man who bends over backwards to avoid incurring the wrath of their significant other... you may go."

A red magic circle appears under me and I am shunted back into the human world.

I slowly blink off my teleportation sickness, then let out a long yawn.

"Quite impressive, Lucas."

"Mn?" I hum to see the president of the student council standing there with her arms crossed.

"Sure, it was sort of cool..." I shrug.

"I was unaware you were this powerful." She states.

"what can I say? I do my taxes one leg at a time..." I shrug as I walk past the group. "Now, I need to-"

The door to the O.R.C. Clubroom is kicked open revealing a short blond with twin-tails who looks *PISSED*

"O-Oh, hey Milly~ what are you doing here? Why do you look so angr- *Guak*" I am cut off as she blurs forwards and gut punches me, causing me to double over her fist.

I cover my mouth as briefly feel the need to throw up, but once it passes...

"YOU PSYCHO BITCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

"WE BOTH KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT THAT WAS FOR! WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IN THAT RATING GAME, LU?!"

"I WAS FUCKING BORED, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'WHY WAS I IN THAT RATING GAME?!' THE FUCKER WOULD HAVE COME AFTER ME EVENTUALLY, SO WHY NOT STOP HIM AS SOON A POSSIBLE?!"

Mittelt inhales deeply and rubs the bridge of her nose as the student council stares on in silence.

Her hand suddenly snakes out and grabs my shirt by the collar and tugs me down to her level.

"Meep-"

She presses her lips into my own causing most of the council to widen her eyes and for Tsubaki to nudge Sona with her elbow and wiggle her eyebrows at her.

Mittelt pulls back.

"B-Buah?"

"We're going home you dumbass."

"Buah?"

She grabs my wrist and basically drags me after her.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" Mittelt growls from her spot on the couch next to me. "Now every single devil in the underworld probably wants to add 'the jojoker who beat a phoenix' into their peerage... I wouldn't even be surprised if the Leviathan tries to find you, seeing as she constantly cosplays as a magical girl."

"Y-You kissed me..."

"Yeah. I did... what are you going to do about it?" The blond smugly asks.

"Why?"

"Weeeell... seeing you pull off such bullshit as you did, I figured you needed a little reward... and well, after about ten minutes into the rating game, and when I got over my feral rage, I thought it was pretty amusing that you and your friends, just simple humans managed to beat a devil peerage which is probably in the top five peerages of young devils... also you should probably watch out for your friends... devil's will probably want them on their peerage as well, but mainly you, the one who not only faught two queens at once and won, but faught riser in a one-on-one and instantly took him down." She hums.

"What can I say?" I ask. "I'm a total badass~"

"Yeah, a fucking grounded badass." The girl growls.

"What?! You're not my fucking mom! You can't do that!"

"I just did." she lays her legs across my lap. "You are trapped here with me- or elsewhere with me- until I say so... if you go on any more wild adventures with your friends, you are going to have to take me with you."

"Fair enough... I just thought you wouldn't want anything to do with a rating game and it would just make you unnecessarily mad." I murmur as I slowly look over to her.

"Oh, blindingly so, but you aren't hurt, and I supoooose you did a good thing... I have heard of Riser, and even though I really don't like or dislike Rias, I know for a fact no woman should ever be subjected to that douchebag." She slowly frowns, only to suddenly smile and get a slightly devious look in her eye. "By the way... Lucas... that was my first ever kiss earlier, so, you better take responsibility, okay?"

"It was mine too, bitch, you aren't special." I smile.

She lightly punches my arm and glances over to the Tv. "You're such an asshole sometimes, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do." I slowly nod. "Oh yeah, Riser's little sister looks exactly like you by the way."

"WH- NO SHE DOESN'T!"

"YES, SHE DOES!" I grin. "If you just wore pink and swirled your twin-tails a bit, I literally couldn't tell you two apart."

"There are TONS of differences between us, Lu, don't even joke!"

"Really?" I ask. "You are both blond, have blue eyes, are pretty pale, sort of girly- but you are more of a goth- really like Jojo's... apparently... you are both pretty short-"

"No! I refuse!"

"Oh... I just realized... there is an actual difference between you..." I slowly say, mentally preparing myself for what comes next.

"Aha! I knew it! So, what is it?" She asks.

"She has larger tits than you." I shrug, closing my eyes and waiting for the coming punch.

She swats the back of my head fairly hard. "You pervert!"

She crosses her arms over her chest and turns her upper body away from me. "Hmph!"

I roll my eyes. "You are such a tsundere, you know that?"

"That's it!" She growls as she turns back around and leans forwards slightly, pointing a finger at the tip of my nose. "You, mister, are going to take me on a date!"

"A date?"

"Yes, a date." She nods. "You have been really mean to me today, so you are going to make up for it with a date!"

"O...kay?" I shrug. "That doesn't sound all that bad?"

"Good! You better be ready in ten minutes or ill kick your ass!"

I watch as she stands up and skips out of the room, humming a merry tune.

'…'

'and she is one of the more powerful members of the Grigori? Seriously?'

Posting this before Wednesday because I got bored... here you go.