Chapter 2: The Orphanage

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

Previously: After training him for a few years, Kenny takes Levi to the surface and abandons him at an orphanage in Trost.

Something nagged at Levi the entire day. Even as he spent the day exploring the market, filching an apple once out of habit, he felt it at the back of his head that something was off.

Ms. Biel had told him to return by seven for dinner. The blonde-haired woman had shown him to his bed and promised to stitch his name into his clothes to ensure none of his roommates would steal anything. His personal effects were limited to three pairs of pants, one of which he was wearing, four shirts, two jackets, and several pairs of socks plus one pair of shoes. The only objects he possessed he carried with him: a lock-picking kit and his switchblade, the latter which Kenny gave him almost three weeks after his twelfth birthday. A late present but a present nonetheless.

It was an enjoyable day. He hoped whatever business Kenny was dealing with would take a while. Levi wanted to stay aboveground for as long as possible. He loved the air there. It smelled so good and sweet and clean. And the sun felt wonderfully warm on his skin. It was almost like a gentle hug. Crowds he wasn't that fond of, but it wasn't too bad. The people here are so lucky to be able to live and breathe up here for free, he thought. And the streets and buildings were so well maintained. Not as clean as he would have liked, but a massive improvement over the rundown and filthy Underground City.

Still, as wonderful as the surface was, something bothered him.

Levi twisted and turned in his bed that night.

Pushing all thoughts out of his head, he settled down, ignoring the breathing of the other boys in the room. He couldn't pinpoint the source of his anxiety. Only that he knew something wasn't right and he hadn't figured out what it was.

Levi's eyes opened with a start, heart-thumping anxiously as the realization came to him. Kenny always kept his word and came back when he said he would.

But this time...this time he had skipped out without telling Levi how long he would be gone.

The boy wracked his brain but he couldn't his mentor mentioning anything about how long he'd be gone and when he would return. I must have forgotten, he decided. Kenny must have mentioned it but he had been too busy gawking at his new surroundings and missed it.

Levi didn't really believe it even as he told himself that.

The Underground did not have orphanages. Parentless children lived and died on the streets, ignored and invisible. There was no institution to protect them and take care of them. Unless they were strong enough to pull themselves up or if they were recruited in a gang, orphans died on the streets. Very few were lucky as Levi had been to have someone step in.

So it had not come to Levi until morning that Kenny had dumped him at Rose Heart Orphanage, stupidly assuming Kenny only left him at this place to stay while he did whatever it was he did on his trips.

Levi sat by himself at a table in the corner of the mess hall, light pouring through the big windows. The other children sat with their friends, talking and eating, not noticing his quiet presence. Levi had grabbed dinner quickly the previous night, leaving the place again to explore the market and coming back for bedtime, thus managing to avoid being forced to interact with the other children. In the morning, he had woken before the five other boys he shared a room with and come to the mess hall for breakfast.

Levi was never one to refuse food, but he couldn't bring himself to pick up the spoon and take a bite of the oatmeal. It was easy to once he realized what little he knew about food security considering his new situation.

Because Kenny was gone.

Had abandoned him in this place without so much as a goodbye or a warning. And the worry about his next meal returned, not full force, but just enough to ensure he didn't miss a meal.

Thoughts of his mentor made him brood as he ate the oatmeal, barely tasting it. Where did Kenny go? Why had he left him? Was he ever coming back? Had Levi done something to displease him?

His brooding was interrupted by a round-faced boy with curly brown hair. "Who're you? Are you new?"

Levi froze, not wanting to answer. Then he realized he wasn't going anywhere. The orphanage was his home now. He knew Kenny wasn't coming back for him. A vulnerable part of him still held hope he would. Levi would almost rather live in the Underground with Kenny than aboveground by himself.

As much as he loved the environment, it was unfamiliar, and he was alone. It scared him. Never had he thought he would ever miss the Underground if he managed to find a way to escape it. But as dangerous and hideous and hopeless as the place had been, at least he hadn't been by himself there. He knew his neighbors, the shopkeepers, the tavern owners. He knew the streets and the unspoken rules. He knew how to live well there. It was familiar and Kenny had taught him how to survive it.

"I'm Darren," the boy continued, oblivious to Levi's silence.

Darren kept chattering but Levi ignored him.

The boy took a while to notice Levi wasn't paying attention. "Hey," he said a little more loudly, finally catching his attention. "Where are you from?"

"The Underground," Levi answered without thinking.

Darren's eyes widened. "I've heard of that place! My mom used to say it was a bad place full of criminals and bad people."

Levi's shoulders went up defensively, taking it as a personal attack. "If you're here then your mother must be dead," he retorted cruelly, feeling both gleeful and awful at the pain on Darren's face, his lips wobbling. "Or maybe she just hated you and left you here."

The boy quickly ran off.

Levi shoved the rest of the oatmeal into his mouth and left.

He let his feet lead him through the market, with no destination in mind. Gray eyes constantly followed parents walking around holding their children's hands or buying them toys and treats. Jealously and longing flared in his chest. The more time he spent there, seeing what he could never have, the more miserable he felt.

Head down, he trudged back to the orphanage. Not paying attention to where he was going, he bumped into a girl on his way back to his room.

"I'm—"

"Watch it," Levi snapped at her, causing her to recoil. If someone bumped you in the Underground, it was a sign of disrespect. It meant the asshole was looking for trouble. Or trying to con you, claiming injury and demanding restitution.

The girl flinched away from him. Two other kids who were in the hallway quickly moved out of his way as he passed by, shooting him nervous looks.

"Hello, Levi. What're you doing here?"

Lying on his side, Levi turned his head to see Ms. Biel enter the room, holding his folded clothes. He sat up.

"It's such a lovely day. Why don't you go play outside? Meet the other children and make friends?" Ms. Biel suggested.

Levi shrugged. "Don't feel like it," he mumbled. There was an area behind the orphanage for the kids to play in. Through the windows in the room, he spotted them playing ball and tag and other games he didn't know the names and rules to. There were even some swings. Levi wanted to be by himself. There was a little fear in his heart that if he accepted this place and grew comfortable there, then his stay would be permeant and it meant Kenny wouldn't ever come back. He knew it was dumb but he couldn't help it.

"I've got your clothes here." She pulled out a small chest from under his bed and stored his clothes there.

As she stood to leave, Levi stopped her with a question. "Did he say anything? The man who came with me. Kenny."

"I don't believe so. He only dropped you off. I wouldn't know, though. He talked to the matron while I showed you to the room."

That dashed Levi's hope maybe his mentor had told the caretakers when he would be back, just forgetting to inform him. So when Kenny came to pick him up, Levi would have called him a forgetful old man, causing them to start bickering as they went back home. Everything would have been okay.

Laughter and shouts of fun and excitement continued to come from outside. Levi wished they would shut up. He lay back down, shoving the pillow over his head. What did they have to be so happy about? Their parents were dead or had dumped them at the orphanage, either unable or unwilling to take care of them any longer. They shouldn't be laughing and having fun.

Sometimes he wished they would invite him to join their fun and games. Other times he couldn't stand them and glared at anyone who came too close.

How to make friends was not on the list of things Kenny had taught him.

Levi had no idea how to befriend people. Especially those his own age. It didn't help he had no idea how to relate to them. Even if they all shared one thing in common, that they were all orphans, it wasn't enough to overcome the other differences. Having been born and raised aboveground, they all knew the way it worked up there and how to get along with each other. Levi didn't know how to do that and often spent more time watching them than interacting with them.

Over a week passed and Kenny did not return.

Despite knowing it wouldn't happen, Levi's hopes were dashed every day, waiting for his mentor's lanky frame to fill the doorway, making him feel dumb for thinking Kenny had abandoned him there. Every time he was out in the market and saw a tall man in a hat his hopes would rise, only to fall in disappointment when it turned out to be some stranger.

As he continued to still latch on to the hope of Kenny's return—the longest Kenny had ever been away at a time was just over three weeks so Levi was anchored to that number—his reputation among the other children at the orphanage fell. Many of them interpreted his social ineptitude for hostility. That he never smiled and had a grim countenance didn't help matters one bit. Neither was the fact that his first few interactions with the children was making Darren cry and scaring those three in the hallway by barking and glaring at them.

The other kids were too scared to invite him to play and he was too intimidated to approach them himself. The ball incident that happened two days later sealed Levi's fate as an outcast.

Nearly two weeks after coming to the orphanage and still avoiding the other kids, he finally went to the playground in the back. It was more as a dare to himself, annoyed that he was being such a chicken.

No one really noticed him at first, too busy in their own games. He felt out of place and stupid and wanted to run back inside. He stayed rooted in his spot, though, caught between his nervousness at feeling out of place and his stubbornness not to look like a scaredy-cat even to himself.

That was when the brown ball rolled over to him, bumping and stopping by his foot. Some of them watched him carefully to see what he would do while the others, caught up in the thrill of the game, yelled to kick it back. From his observation, he knew the goal was to kick the ball into the net with the kid there trying to block it.

"Throw it over here!"

"Kick it as hard as you can!"

Wanting to impress them and eager to prove himself—not that he would admit it—Levi decided to take the shot. If he scored, maybe they'd invite him to play. Didn't mean he would accept, of course. But he might.

The ball caught the boy right in the chest.

Levi's stomach fell at the cracking sound when the boy was sent flying back, taking the net down with him.

Everything went still around him for a heart-stopping second.

Then the screams began. They rushed toward the net, many shooting him terrified looks as they passed him by. Instincts screamed at him to run, to not stay around and get caught. Levi bolted.

Fear made his breathing quicken and the world blurred around him as he ran without seeing where he was going.

He stopped abruptly, realizing he had nowhere to run to. He considered trying to find his way back to the Underground City. But he did not want to return to that miserable existence alone, especially after having grown used to the sunshine and the air and the general happy atmosphere. And a scared, childish part of him was still hopeful Kenny would return. What if Kenny couldn't find him because he had run away?

With his head hanging low, Levi returned to the orphanage with leaden feet. The place was in a flurry. One of the adults noticed him and dragged him to the matron's office.

The elderly woman was saying something but he barely heard her. She didn't yell at him and let him go minutes later so he thought he probably wasn't in too much trouble.

No one spoke to him or approached him after that. From what he'd picked up from eavesdropping on them, the other children either feared him or resented him. Most just preferred to pretend he didn't exist.

Unable to hang around them all day after that incident, he started exploring the town instead, familiarizing himself with the layout. The stall owners here weren't as alert as the ones in the Underground. They were soft. Didn't keep an eye out for street rats looking to filch their products like the Underground ones did. So they never saw him take a piece of candy here and a toy there. He was always smart to eat the stolen goods far away and smuggled the toys under his clothes, stashing them at the bottom of his trunk.

When four weeks passed and Kenny did not appear, Levi let go of his hopes, stubbornly refusing to cry himself to sleep that night, though he came very close a few times.

"Thank you, Levi. You didn't have to do this. You could be out having fun."

Levi wanted to tell her this was fun for him. Ms. Biel was the only person he liked at the orphanage. She was nice and didn't judge him like the other adults. Absolutely none of the kids liked him and the adults assumed it was due to his bad attitude. Otherwise he would have at least one friend, he'd heard one of them say. His use of crude language they also disapproved of and Levi had quickly learned to emulate their way of speaking. Darren's reaction was etched into his memory. The little crybaby had spread the word about his background and Levi did everything possible to distance himself from that image. He was stuck at the orphanage now until he was either adopted—impossible—or old enough to leave, and he did not want to be seen as Underground trash until that day came.

"It's okay. I like cleaning," he said to Ms. Biel, mopping the floor.

"You are such a good, helpful boy."

After he helped her store the mops and bucket away, he turned to leave, mentally picking which candy shop he wanted to visit today. He was always careful to hit different ones and only take a piece or two so it wouldn't be noticed. He had also made a mental note not to return to that shop for a while, lest he be recognized and the owner becomes suspicious of a kid coming in but never buying any candy.

"Hold on, Levi." Ms. Biel stopped him. "Are you going to meet your friends now?"

He didn't have the heart to tell her that she was wrong. That he was a friendless loser. He wasn't off playing with the neighborhood kids he'd met in the market like she thought, but wandering around stealing from people. The thought of her disapproval at that made him feel guilty. "I want to go explore," he said truthfully.

"Maybe later. Go to the mess hall first. Don't you remember? The doctors are coming today. You're the most behind on vaccines. Since we don't have any medical records for you at all it's especially important you're there."

Four stations had been set up in the mess hall. Two women and two men were checking the children. They also cleaned the children's shoulders before injecting them. Levi cringed. Being poked and prodded wasn't a comfortable thought for him. A few of the kids cried when they were given an injection. Even if he didn't like it, Levi thought, he wouldn't be a wimp like them.

When his turn came, he sat on the stool and did what the man said. It wasn't too bad. Everything was going fine. His heart and breathing and eyes and ears and all that were checked. Then came the needle. Or needles.

"Looks like you need to be caught up," the doctor said, filling his medical card.

Levi tensed his shoulders, then forced himself to relax. Kenny didn't teach him to be a chicken about injections.

"Luckily for you, we came prepared."

Real lucky me, he thought sourly. Levi braced himself. It wasn't so bad when the needle went in. Those other kids were so weak-willed. He almost yelped at the pain that came next, more so out of surprise than actually being bothered by it. One more vaccine was then injected into his left shoulder.

"You are such a brave boy."

Levi rolled his eyes but the doctor missed it, preparing the third needle.

"Maybe you'll grow up to become a soldier," the doctor went on, smiling. "How about that?" Levi made a noncommittal noise. "It's important to get your shots in now. The military requires it. They do give them for free to any new trainees who want to join if they don't have all their shots yet. Course it hurts more then so best to get them out of the way now when you're young."

Two injections went into his right shoulder as the man talked. Levi wondered if the excessive chatting was supposed to help distract him from the pain. Not that he needed it. He was brave enough to take it.

"Your arms might hurt. It's worth not catching a disease, though. But if the pain is too much, we've told the caretakers to give you something for it so just ask one of them."

Levi nodded mutely, not quite listening, thinking instead about his mother's corpse. Disease had taken her, slowing eating away at her until she was nothing but a lifeless husk.

He left the stool and wandered off once the doctor was finished with him. It wasn't often that he thought about her. Sometimes when he thought about his mother's face, he questioned himself. Whether it really was her face or if he was remembering it wrong. Sadness began to seep in as it always did when he thought about her. No matter how much he tried to shake it off, he couldn't. This was why he refused to think about her. With Kenny, at least he felt resentment and anger along with loneliness. Those he could deal with. The dull ache his mother's absence caused was unbearable.

Something then came along that successfully distracted him. Or rather, someone.

The boy across from him froze.

Levi quickly averted his gaze and walked past Finn. They had been avoiding each other since he incident when he broke Finn's ribs. He had tried to apologize once. But Finn became scared and tried to flee. Levi attempted to stop him to explain it was an accident. That he hadn't meant to hurt him. Only thing Finn's friends saw, though, was him bullying the poor, sobbing boy and complained about him to the matron, getting him in trouble. Since then he'd thought it best to just pretend the other boy didn't exist.

There was no privacy at the orphanage, so Levi had found little nooks and crannies and other spots around town he could enjoy being alone whenever he wanted privacy. He went to his bed to grab a coat from his trunk, needing a quiet walk around the market. That always seemed to make him feel better. The weather was turning cold as winter approached. The coat was second-hand, a donation item. He longed to own something new but he would take what he could get. Ms. Biel had stitched the same thing into its collar she had into his other clothes: "Levi A."

At first, he had wondered what the A stood for. Then he figured it was because he had no last name. If another Levi came to the orphanage, his clothes would probably have "Levi B." stitched into them so they could tell the difference.

Outside, the air was frigid. He hoped it would snow. Levi had heard about the pretty white fluff but never seen it himself. As he started down the street, his thoughts turned to the ball incident, leading him to remember something his mentor had mentioned once to him.

"You're a scrawny little brat, but yer strong now," Kenny said, watching him closely. "Somethin' happen while I was gone? Tell me, ye ever felt a rush of power? And suddenly, it was like ya knew exactly what ta do?"

Levi nodded.

"It had happened to me once, too."

Secretly he had felt proud at that moment. He had followed his mentor's teachings and become strong, experiencing something the older man also had. Inadvertently thinking about that nowadays turned his thoughts to Finn. He winced. Kenny had taught him not to be afraid of a fight. If some dumbass came looking to brawl, Levi wouldn't hesitate to put him in his place. But he didn't enjoy needlessly hurting innocent people that had done him no wrong. It twisted up his gut uncomfortably.

With a shake of his head, he tried to put all thoughts of his mentor and Finn and his mother out of his head. As he wandered around the market, the doctor's words about the military came back to him. Not many paths were open to an orphan like him. Much as he didn't like thinking about it, he couldn't stay at the orphanage forever. The lucky kids either got adopted or found a trade they could excel at, becoming apprentices. Some found other jobs but many of the kids joined the military. It was the popular route in general. His only other option was to become a criminal. That held no security to him and frankly, it didn't appeal to him.

The military, huh? Levi stopped to watch a group of Garrison soldiers walking by. Well, he still had years to come to a final decision.

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