Chapter 4: Snow

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

Previously: Levi gets a haircut. He befriends a dog, naming him Rascal. He breaks into the matron's office and finds records stating him as Levi Ackerman, a citizen of Trost.

It was easy enough to confirm Levi Ackerman was him. His mother's name was in the file so it had to be his file, but he'd wanted to use his full name to be sure, having never had a family name before.

"Levi Ackerman is too big so you only stitch the A, right?" Levi had asked Ms. Biel.

"Yes, that's right."

Next he'd put his full name on all his homework and class assignments and tests and none of the teachers batted an eye.

"I really am Levi Ackerman," he said to Rascal, sitting on a crate as the dog played with a toy Levi had given him. In front of them, Trost's citizens walked through the market, following their daily routines.

There were so many questions Levi had for Kenny. Unfortunately, his mentor wasn't around to answer them. Levi wished he'd been braver and asked when he had the chance.

It still stung to think he had been abandoned. Maybe it was for a better life, but then why hadn't Kenny just told him? Why walk away without a word? Didn't he think he owed him that much? They'd lived together for years. Kenny had taken it upon himself to teach him how to survive and be strong.

Maybe Kenny just got tired of you and wanted to get rid of you without a fuss. Levi winced at the thought.

Rascal jumped up, front paws against the crate. The toy was between his jaws and he was staring expectantly at Levi.

"Doesn't matter," he said loudly, partially to drown out the negative voice in his head about not being good enough for his mentor. "You're all the family I need." He jumped down and began playing tug of war, smiling at how fast Rascal was waging his tail. Playing with his dog for a couple of hours made him forget all his troubles and relax.

Levi stopped playing with the wooden puzzle, giving up temporarily and glancing outside the kitchen window. He was sitting on the counter, keeping his favorite caretaker company. "Do you think it'll snow this year?" Levi asked.

"Maybe," Ms. Biel said, continuing to peel potatoes. "Do you want it to snow?"

Levi shrugged. He very much did though. And after hearing the other kids talk so excitedly about it, his curiosity was piqued even more. The last couple of years the weather became bitter and cold in winter but it hadn't snowed. It was strange to think in just a few days' time, it was going to be two years since he came to live at the orphanage. Has it really been that long? It didn't feel like it.

"You're going to be fifteen at the end of this year, right?"

She knew when his birthday was and exactly how old he would be despite the fact there were dozens of other kids at the orphanage. The previous years when he turned thirteen and fourteen, she had secretly made a little pie both times, just for him. All the birthdays for a month were celebrated together on the 15th of every month. Levi had been delighted that Ms. Biel would secretly make a treat just for him though.

"Yes," he said warily. He knew at once where the conversation was going.

"So you just have one more year."

"I still have a year."

"I know it might sound like a long time but a year is not that long. You should start planning your future."

He hated thinking about it. All it did was bring him anxiety. Funny how two years ago he had wanted nothing more than to leave the orphanage and here he was now, nervous at the thought of having to leave the place that had become his home. A part of him still hated it. But it was an improvement in many ways over the Underground. The people in the Underground had been better to him—they didn't look down on him, and it helped his mentor had a certain reputation—but aboveground there was sunshine and food and at least a chance at having a decent life. And he had Ms. Biel and after getting Rascal, he'd adjusted quickly, becoming fairly content with his life. Things were easy here.

But now in a year's time, his life would be uprooted again and he would be expected to find his own way. At fifteen or sixteen years of age was when apprenticeships started or one could begin applying to the military.

"We had a girl a few years back who found an apprenticeship with a blacksmith. Last I heard she was planning on opening her own shop after finishing her training and getting some experience."

Levi only half paid attention as she talked, knowing what she was going to say. Sure there were the rare instances where professionals weren't able to find an apprentice among their own children or those who came applying, so they would choose an orphan. But those cases weren't very common. Ms. Biel had total faith he would be able to do something like, though. Find an opportunity and make something of his life instead of just finding some job where he could scrape together an existence. Levi almost felt bad for not having the same faith in himself as she had in him.

He looked at his hands. All his hands were good for was killing. And cleaning. But the idea of being some snobby, pretentious rich asshole's servant did not appeal to him. He'd probably get himself fired within days for his bad attitude even if he managed to land such a gig in the first place.

So, as it often did, Levi's mind would turn to the military. It was the most popular career choice for orphans. And many in general. It was open to all. No previous experience or extensive education was required. Plus it was free. Best of all, the military provided you with a basic education, free meals and housing, vaccinations, and you could have a fairly decent life as a soldier. And there was also the societal pressure to join if you didn't have anything else worthwhile you could contribute.

It had also come to him early on that the military was the one place where the lessons Kenny had drilled into him could be of some use. Surely he could climb up a high enough rank in the Garrisons that would help him afford a good life. It had the highest population of soldiers but that also meant more opportunities to move up the ranks. Besides, the Garrisons were only about Wall maintenance and defense so how hard could it be? And ambition, Levi had noticed, was sorely lacking among them. Would it really be that difficult to move up the chain of command there?

But it seems so boring and unappealing. Levi wasn't sure it was something he could do for the rest of his life. And there were some other issues them. First things first, though, he'd have to go into the Training Corps and graduate.

Unlike the majority of the others, he had previous training. Many of them would probably just be there to fulfill societal expectations so they wouldn't have his drive, either. How many of them had known the heartbreaking poverty of the Underground? Such a driving force would propel him to exceed where others would be okay just getting through it.

"...do you think?"

"Hm?"

Ms. Biel sighed at his obvious lack of attention. "Levi, you have to consider and plan for your future. I know it's a scary thing to think about. But trust me, it's scarier going out into the world without a plan."

"I do have a plan. I could just join the military like everybody else."

"Yes, I suppose. But you're only young once. It'll be very hard for you to change career paths later down the road. Once you're much older, learning may not come as easily. So really think about what you want to do for the rest of your life. What you want your life to look like in five years, in ten. Don't end up doing something just because it's what others expect of you."

While she was his favorite person, Levi had to admit Ms. Biel could be too optimistic and naive at times. He could never do the kinds of apprenticeships she was thinking might be an option for him. Find a job that made him happy? No, that was irrelevant. The job just had to be something that provided him with security, which meant one that provided him with money. He didn't have any noble goals or aspirations, and he wasn't passionate about anything aside from his dog and maybe cleaning. Long as he had four walls, a roof over his head, food on the table, and new clothes, that was all he needed. He would take a crappy but well-paying job over anxiety and going to bed hungry any day.

There was one major reason that was making him hesitate in going for the military, though. Oh well, he thought, pushing it aside, there's still time.

Levi woke to shrieks of excitement and was startled to see the thick white snowflakes outside the windows. He couldn't help but get caught up in the atmosphere. After a quick breakfast, making sure to dress warmly, he went to the play area in the back.

The snow came down in a flurry.

With an amazed look, he held out his hand, fascinated by the white fluff. He looked up and caught a few in his mouth. Some stuck to his eyelashes and he had to blink a couple of times and wipe his face to clear them off. Imitating the other kids, he created a snowball. It would have been more fun if he could play with it but they'd probably avoid him or run off if he tried to join them. It was just too uncomfortable at this point, trying to reach out to them. Everyone was happy ignoring him and he was happy ignoring them. For the most part, it worked for him.

Rascal would run after the ball, Levi thought, and get all confused when it turns back into mush when it hits the ground. The thought made Levi smile.

Quickly, he went to find his four-legged friend so they could play. But first, he would need to check Rascal's wooden box—Levi had replaced the cardboard box with a wooden crate long ago since it did a better job of keeping the rain out—and make sure it was well stocked. "Rascal, look! It's snowing!"

A gasp escaped him when he felt the faint trembles running through the dog's body as he came to greet him. Levi opened his coat to hold the dog close to his warmth. For a while there, he just sat, trying to warm up his best friend. If he had known the temperatures would drop so low this early on, he would have added extra padding to the crate. Mentally, he swore to do that before the end of the day.

"C'mon, boy, let's go play," he told Rascal after the dog stopped shaking. "Exercise will keep you warm." He pulled out apple slices and fed them to him.

At an empty area used by the neighborhood kids to play ball games, Levi created several snowballs near the edge by a tree. As expected, Rascal was bouncing around, tail wagging furiously, eager to play. Levi threw the snowball and yelled, "Fetch!"

Rascal shot after it and stopped around where it landed. Confused, he sniffed around, digging through the snow.

"Where did it go? Where is it?" Levi laughed when his dog came bounding over to him, eager for more play. "Wanna go again?" Once again the dog was confused and ran back to him. "Look, here it is," he said, holding the snowball close to Rascal's face.

The dog began biting and licking it.

"Don't eat it, you silly mutt," he said affectionately.

Next, Levi got working to build a snowman under the tree.

A group of other kids came over, asking if they could pet his dog, which he allowed, and some of them began helping with his snowman while the others played fetch using a stick or a snowball. Until Rascal decided the snowman was a threat and charged right into him, obliterating the poor snowman, making them cry out in surprise before it eventually turned into laughter.

Levi stayed in bed, not wanting to get out. A pillow covered his face.

"Levi?" Ms. Biel probed, removing his pillow. "Are you feeling ill?" She placed her hand on his forehead.

"No. I just wanna sleep in."

"Now, now, you can't stay in bed all day. Besides, it's your birthday." She dragged him up. "C'mon, up you go. Go wash up and come to the kitchen. I'll make you breakfast. Everyone else already ate."

Levi wasn't surprised to see a full breakfast of eggs and toast waiting for him. "Why're you watching me? It's weird," he grumbled, taking a bite of his toast. His mother used to do that, too, while he ate. Don't think about her. Quickly, he banished her from his thoughts.

Ms. Biel's smile widened. "I got you something," she said, sliding a package to him.

He shook it slightly to figure out what it was. Opening the package, he pulled out a dark sweater. At the bottom, there were two smaller items, made of the same material. They were also the same bluish-black color as his new sweater. Except the scarf and the cap were far too small for him.

"Those are for your four-legged buddy."

His eyes widened. "What?"

"You didn't think I wouldn't know about your little friend now, did you? I know you've been sneaking out food for your dog for years. And hiding him here at the orphanage during the winter."

"You knew this entire time?"

"How do you think you managed to keep it a secret? I saw the two of you playing and realized why we started missing small scraps of food here and there after you asked me what human food dogs could eat. Then one night I saw you sneaking out of your room to check in on him. You were keeping him in one of the empty storage closets."

"It was way too cold to keep him outside," Levi explained. "I got worried he might not like being locked in such a small space, or that he might make noise. So I checked in on him the first few nights." Fortunately, Rascal had been pretty comfortable with his new home. "I didn't want to tell you and force you to lie to the others."

Most of the other caretakers would have been completely against it. If one person was allowed to have a pet, then others would demand one too and soon it would turn into a circus. And they couldn't afford to feed both the kids and the animals.

"I understand. I think dogs are the greatest and sweetest animals in this world."

"They are," Levi said, smiling fondly, thinking about the pure love on his best friend's face every time he saw him and would come running over. "Thank you for the sweater, and the scarf and the cap, too. I'm gonna go find Rascal."

"Rascal. Is that the name?"

Levi told her how he'd met the dog and named him.

"Go on, then. And don't tell the other kids but I'm going to get you a little cake, and a small treat for your friend, too. Oh, and Levi?"

"Yeah?"

"Rascal's a girl."

In hindsight, the lack of balls should have been his first clue. But he wasn't exactly a dog expert. The only dogs he had seen were in the distance in the Underground or in drawings. Animal anatomy wasn't exactly a subject they taught at the orphanage.

"Hey there, b—girl," he corrected, kneeling to pet his dog. "Bet you must think I'm a dumbass. I thought you a boy," he laughed when Rascal licked his face. "Let's go for a walk." That immediately got her bouncing around in excitement. "First, here. Look what Ms. Biel made you. They'll keep you nice and warm."

He put the scarf and cap on his dog...and snorted at the sight once he was done. He'd probably receive weird looks and maybe get laughed at by the people in the streets, but he didn't care. Rascal didn't seem too bothered by them.

"I think you look great," he said. "Let's go."

Thick white snow had buried most of the town. There was an alien beauty to it that Levi loved, when the snow gave everything a lovely white coat and muffled the sound. Completing the atmosphere was the hot, sweet scent of drinks and good food cooking around him. There was such a peaceful quality to be found here that simply walking through the market brought him a sense of calm and peace.

In his pocket, his fingers ran over the cash. It had come from the little things he'd swiped from shops and sold to other kids for a much cheaper price. Or by swiping wallets from those who looked like they could afford to lose a little money and it wouldn't be of any real bother to them.

Food, shelter, and clothes were provided to him by the orphanage, for the most part, so he had collected the majority of the money to hoard it. It just gave him comfort knowing he had it. He didn't necessarily feel compelled to spend it. Normally he would only spend the money on a new pairs of socks and he had once bought a shirt with it. Levi only bought small stuff that would fly under the caretakers' radar and he always got it secondhand, just to be extra safe. No matter how much he'd like new stuff, it was better to be safe. Rascal's collar had been one of the few things he'd purchased new. He hadn't wanted to buy her anything used.

Unwittingly his feet led him to a large, two-story building. If it weren't for the flag with a rose insignia flying in the wind or the soldiers coming and leaving, he would have ignored it and kept going.

Levi couldn't believe he was at this point in his life already. Soon he needed to make a choice about what he wanted in life. It felt like only yesterday he'd been walking around, taking in Trost, all awed and wide-eyed, experiencing the surface for the first time in his life. Now he was old enough to begin making the big life decisions. Despite trying—halfheartedly—to see if there might be another viable route for him to take other than the military, he'd always known this was where his life would go.

"Stay here," he said to Rascal, tying her leash to the flagpole. "I'll be back soon."

Inside he found a recruiting officer standing behind a long desk, looking down at something.

Levi cleared his throat to grab her attention.

"Come to sign up for the Training Corps, kid?"

"What do I need?"

She slid a sheet of paper across to him. "Do you have your birth certificate and citizenship paper? Medical card would be great if you have that too but it's not necessary. The military will get you free vaccinations after you sign up and create one for you."

Fear paralyzed him momentarily. What if they inspected his birth certificate and citizenship papers and said they were a forgery? Would they jail him? Or throw him back into the Underground? Relax, he told himself. There was no way he'd be sent back there. Aside from Kenny, no one knew who he was and where he came from. His identity could be verified by the orphanage's caretakers who had been raising him for the past two and a half years. Kenny was nothing if not thorough. If he wasn't able to get the real deal then the forgeries had to be of the highest caliber. Just to be safe, though, Levi would make sure to break into the matron's office tonight and compare his papers with some of the other kids' to see if he could spot any discrepancies.

"I don't have those with me," he said to the recruiting officer. Behind him, he heard someone enter.

"That's fine. Take that form with you and fill it out then bring it back with the other documents. Once it's submitted, it'll take about three days for your application to be stamped. Then there's no going back," she warned him.

"Understood. Can I borrow a pen? Thanks." Levi slid off to the side of the long desk, beginning to fill out the form while eavesdropping.

From his spying, he quickly gathered they weren't going to scrutinize the documents as deeply as he had expected. After the girl presented her birth certificate and proof of citizenship, the officer checked it for a few seconds before she went into the back for a minute.

"Your name and address check out with our records," the officer said, handing the papers back to the girl. "You can fill the form out now or come back with it. But then you'll have to bring the documents with you again if you come back."

While the girl opted to finish everything then, Levi quietly took his leave, grabbing his dog and heading back to the orphanage.

"I picked up the form to apply for the military a month ago, on my fifteenth birthday." There. Straight to the point. He didn't want to dawdle. His mind was made.

"I had thought you might. How did it go?" Ms. Biel asked.

He was glad she didn't express disappointment in not going the route she had wished. "I haven't filled it yet. Will I be able to get my birth certificate and citizenship paper? I need it for them to accept my application."

"Of course. I'll speak to the matron. I'm sure you'll do well in the military if you apply yourself to the training."

Again Levi felt relief at her support instead of being told he could have had a better future elsewhere and should have picked something different. "Can I ask you for a big favor?"

"You want someone to watch Rascal while you're gone."

"Since you already know about her, can you look after her? I don't think I'll be able to join the military if it means she'll end up back on the streets."

"Unfortunately, I have too many responsibilities to be able to take care of her. But I can send her to my parents'. I'm sure they'll be happy to watch her for a few years for you."

"I would really appreciate it," he said sincerely. Then, he asked, "Have there been any other kids from here who went to the military?"

"Yes, plenty."

"I just wanna know what exactly the process is. All the steps I need to take."

"I think you just have to bring your documents for them to verify your identity. They'll want you to fill out their form and turn it in. Then they confirm someone of that name lives here. The orphanage provides updated records every month to the government."

Which meant they would have it on file that Levi Ackerman was an orphan at Rose Heart Orphanage so he was all set to proceed with his application without worry. Levi nodded. "Thank you."

Ms. Biel sighed heavily. "I'm going to miss you when you're gone. It won't be the same without you."

"I've still got about six months before I have to leave." Levi paused and said, "Am I the only one joining the military this year or do you know if anyone else is, too?"

"The only ones who are of age to apply now are Darren, Dahlia, and Erika, but none of them are interested. Compared to most orphanages, we actually don't have a lot of kids who end up in the military. We are quite lucky to receive patronage from nobles and Trost's Merchant Association. It's allowed our kids some freedom in making their choices. We're able to help the new children reach out to former kids of ours and use those connections to help them get decent jobs."

Levi was just glad it meant he wouldn't have to see anyone from Rose Heart at the Training Corps. Darren, that little wimp, would never join the military, but still. He and Levi had never gotten along since their first meeting. And Levi could easily imagine the rumors the little fucker would spread if they'd both ended up in the Training Corps.

Although his mind was made, he still took a week to fill out the application. The day after he made up his mind, he felt an iota of anxiety when he handed over the papers to the recruiting officer. Worries about somehow being found out as Underground scum flooded his mind when she disappeared into the back. Stop being so damn paranoid and stupid. Since when had he become such a worry-wart?

His worries were groundless.

"Alright, kid, you're set. Remember, you've got three days before your application gets stamped. Then there's no turning back."

During his three days, he considered and reconsidered his decision to join the military.

Then the cons began to melt away and realizing the positives, he suddenly couldn't wait to get out of the orphanage. While he would miss Rascal and Ms. Biel, it was only temporary. In a few years' time, he would have his own source of income, he would live by his own rules, in a place that was his and filled with his new stuff, and he could go anywhere he wanted to. Freedom. Financial security. Maybe even friends. All those things awaited with just some patience and hard work on his part.

Once he started thinking about that, rather than dreading leaving the orphanage he began to look forward to starting his new future. As was natural, the months began to feel as if they weren't going fast enough.

Until, at last, the day of his departure arrived.

Usually he wasn't one for physical contact from people, but he accepted Ms. Biel's hug easily. It was nice to have someone see him off. Made it a little harder to leave, but he was grateful still. Leaving without anyone seeing him off would have sucked. Made him feel shitty and unwanted so he was glad for her support. It was nice to know someone cared.

Levi dropped to one knee and scratched Rascal. "I'm going to miss you, girl. Try not to miss me too much." He gave the dog a hug, feeling dread at the thought of leaving her. Fuck, he was not going to cry. "Don't forget me," he told her.

"Make sure you have your papers," Ms. Biel said, repeating the same thing she had told him three times already. "And how are you getting there?"

"I spoke to a merchant the other day about it," he said, standing. Many of them knew young men and women would be heading off in that direction soon and had advertised rides if they were would be passing by the Training Corps' grounds. They were giving detours to drop them off for a small fee for anyone interested.

Suddenly, he was reminded of his first time coming to Trost with Kenny. Thinking about his mentor turned his thoughts to the three military branches. The Garrisons had a lot of opportunities when it came to climbing the ranks. It was the biggest division with tens of thousands of soldiers. In any case, though, he wasn't interested in their responsibilities. Besides, the biggest negative of all with the Garrison was that they might assign him to Trost, as was often the case with them stationing soldiers to districts they came from. Aside from Ms. Biel, Levi did not care to see people from the orphanage around town. Unlike the other two branches, the Garrison soldiers also needn't live in barracks if they so chose and had the ease and comfort of living at home. A great thing unless you didn't like the people you lived with or if you didn't have a family. Or both.

"I almost forgot to ask, which branch of the military do you want to join?" Ms. Biel asked and Kenny's hatred and killing spree of a particular branch of the military came to Levi's mind.

He'd always known there was only one division for him, no matter what.

"The Military Police."

As a fuck you to his mentor.

But mostly because it would help him live in comfort. That it was a middle-finger to Kenny, who held a grudge against them and loathed them, was a great extra benefit. The thought of donning the unicorn logo and the look on his mentor's face if Kenny ever saw him in that uniform almost brought a smile to Levi's face.

"That's wonderful to hear! I'll admit, I was hoping you'd say the Garrison so I could see you from time to time, but I'm happy for you. Don't forget us once you make it big and move into Wall Sina."

"I won't." Levi reached out down to pet Rascal one last time before handing her leash to Ms. Biel. He glanced down the street to where parents and family members were hugging and crying, saying farewell to their children. "I should get going now. Don't wanna miss my ride."

"Take care of yourself, Levi. And remember, don't be picky and eat your spinach," she said and he made a face. "Try to get along with your fellow trainees, and get lots of sleep if you want to grow tall. And don't forget to write once in a while."

"I'll try."

Rascal barked, struggling against the leash, almost as if sensing she wouldn't be seeing him for a while.

"Don't worry, might take me some years but I'll come back for you," Levi promised before picking up his trunk and heading to where his ride waited.

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